The Decade

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Dear Enjolras,

Today is a special day, we met again, today.

This time you saw me as well. The feeling was wonderful. I had forgotten what the exact shade of blonde your hair was, the sparkle in your eyes when you smiled. You've got some wrinkles now and I can't believe how much you've aged (you're probably thinking the same of me and that's okay because it's true, we have aged, we've grown up).

There is something so familiar about being near you. It is so comforting yet at the same time you are different, new, alien.

And I don't know what to make of this new you.

You want to try being best friends again. Honestly, I do too. But I'm scared. What if we've both changed so much that we are no longer compatible? What if we are too different? In my mind you have always been the same boy from ten years ago, but now you stand before me as a man and I don't know how to react.

When we were in the park my hands itched to grab a pen and paper and write a letter to you but how stupid would that be? You were sitting right there next to me. I could have spoken to you but instead I yearned to write it down.

Why is that?

Why can I no longer speak freely to you?

I missed you.

I miss you now, even though you are here and I can call you right at this very moment if I so wished it. I can hear your voice say my name and that is something I've craved so badly that it hurt. And yet, although I have this power, I do not wield it. I am too cowardly.

I miss being strong.

I miss us.

The first thing Eponine does when she wakes up the next morning is call Enjolras. Sure it's eight-thirty on a Sunday morning and he's either going to be asleep or at work and therefore will most likely not answer, but a voicemail is better than nothing and she needs this. She needs to hear his voice to be sure that he is really real. That yesterday happened.

She is so convinced in her theory that he won't answer that when he does she is momentarily mute because she did not plan for this scenario, "Oh, hey, En-Gabe," she has been calling him Enjolras in her mind for too long. Distancing herself for too long. She should change that. They are going to be friends again, after all. Best friends.

Gabe-Gabe-Gabe. His name is Gabe.

"Hey 'Ponine. Are you okay? Do you need something?" He sounds completely awake and briefly, she wonders what time he woke up.

"No," Eponine pauses for a second. Should she tell the truth or go for a believable lie? She opts for the truth, "I'm fine. I just need to make sure that last night, yesterday really, actually happened and was not just some dream."

"Oh," He sounds surprised, he hadn't been expecting that answer, "Well, it wasn't."

She grins, "Apparently not."

"Is this a good thing or a bad thing?" He questions, once again sounding unsure of himself.

"Definitely a good thing." She's quick to reassure him.

"Well have you had breakfast yet? I haven't and I know this little place we can go to."

He lets the question in his words hang in the air. Eponine chews on her lips before deciding that they are friends and she is hungry and this is what normal friends do, "Sure where is it? You have to give me precise directions, otherwise I will get lost, trust me."

"That's the best part, I know you've been there before."

"Oh?" Now she is intrigued, "And where, pray tell, is his mystery place?"

"It's the Musain, of course."

Eponine laughs. Of course it is. Breakfast for him is coffee (which is gross) whereas breakfast for her is a nice chocolate chip muffin, nothing that the Musain can't handle.

"I'll be there in ten."

"See you then."

Is this what her life is going to be like now, she wonders as she grabs her bag and heads out the door.

Dear Enjolras,

It seems as if I have lost wh-

"You tell him," Combeferre whispers.

"No. You tell him," Courfeyrac protests.

"Why me?"

"Because this was your brilliant idea."

They have been standing outside of Gavroche's door for thirteen minutes now, and they are as close to knocking on it as they were when they were a block away.

"Look at what he did to my nose!"

"Yeah, I see it. Relax, it's a free nose job. Now why don't you just man up and-"

The door opens before Courfeyrac can finish his statement, revealing a confused Gavroche who had heard voices and gone to investigate. That confusion, however, quickly turns to anger when he comes face to face with Courfeyrac and Combeferre.

"What are you doing here?" He demands, "Come to get your nose fixed too Courf?"

"I-I-" He stammers, unable to form a complete sentence. He is not supposed to be afraid of a kid, a kid who is like a brother to him.

Then again, this kid is looking murderous and he did break his best friend's nose, and therefore he has a valid reason to be afraid.

"We need to talk to you." 'Ferre steps in.

"Well I don't want to talk to you," Gavroche is about to slam the door in their faces when 'Ferre jams his foot between the door and the wall, "You will like what we have to say, trust me."

Gav looks at them unsurely but finally nods and opens the door, "Five minutes."

Just as they walk in, Amelie and Sebastian walk past Gav's door, "Hey Gavroche," She peers at the others and recognition lights up her features, "Hi Courf, 'Ferre! I didn't know you all knew each other! What a coincidence! Sebastian, say hi!" She waves enthusiastically, giving them a huge smile, before walking down the hall and disappearing from sight.

The two boys turn to Gav in shock. He simply closes the door, "I didn't know you knew Amelie." He's curious, despite his anger.

"We didn't know you knew Enjolras' girlfriend either." Combeferre responds. He doesn't mean to sound biting and rude, but that is what his tone gives off and he can't help that. Besides his nose really hurts and he's not the best with pain.

"Wait, that's his girlfriend?" It's now Gav's turn to be shocked. Things just got complicated.

The two boys just nod in response.

"Well shit."

Dear Enjolras,

What am I going to do with this huge box of letters for you? Burn them? Throw them out? Recycle them perhaps?

I can't keep them forever, now can I?

Eponine scans the Musain, looking for Enjolras the moment she enters. Some part of her instinctively knows that he is going to already be there, waiting for her. He has always loved being early. To everything.

When she spots his blonde head, she grins. It's nice to know that some things never change.

Quickly, she orders her muffin before heading over to the man she knows is waiting for her, unexpected butterflies are having a field day in her belly.

"Hey, you," She says softly as she sits down across from him, painting a smile across her face. Despite her nerves, she is glad to see him and quickly, she drinks in his features.

He offers her a smile, but his eyes are already traveling across her face, as if recommitting it to memory, afraid that this will be the last time he will see her. Afraid that if he blinks, she will be gone once more.

"Hey. Look who didn't get lost!"

Eponine rolls her eyes, "It's kind of impossible to get lost going to the local Musain, isn't it?" En-Gabe just grins at her in return, offering no comment but his silence speaks louder than his words. She knows that he is thinking that it is possible and that she has done it before, "Shut up, that was a different Musain and it was five in the morning! I was tired and hangover."

Gabe's grin only widens, "I didn't say anything."

For someone who growing up on the streets, knowing every street corner, every alley is essential. It is needed for survival. Eponine has always known what street lay where, yet she has had a horrible time of recalling the map imprinted onto her brain when she feels safe and secure, when she is tired and especially when she is drunk or hung over.

This, she argues, does not make her weak. As soon as she senses danger, her mind becomes a roadmap.

It is not her fault that she tries not to remember the disease-ridden streets where she has seen children laying out in the cold, dead. Where she has seen whole families starve.

Seen her own family starve.

In a moment she is back there, seeing her little Gavroche sitting in a corner, begging for food, money, anything because he cannot get up and pickpocket. He is too ill. His lips are turning blue and she can do nothing about it. It is winter. She cannot control the weather. Her father will not let them in unless they reach his quota, but it is almost impossible to reach his quota on a warm summer's eve.

There are barely any people out in this season, it is the coldest day of the year so far. How is she supposed to reach his stupid quota?

Desperately, she gathers money. Ready to do whatever it takes to get enough.

She is only ten but she is ready to do anything for her little brother's survival even if it means she freezes instead of him.

She glances up and sees a little boy, her age, blonde hair, blue eyes. She knows him from school.

He places something in her hand as he walks by and she nearly melts when she sees the amount of money he has left her. It is enough for both Gavroche and Azelma, her little sister who is two streets over trying to help raise enough money for their little brother despite the fact that she is eight and needs warmth as well.

Eponine is proud, even at the tender age of ten, but she is also desperate and she will not turn him down because her siblings need this.

She is going to thank that little boy for this. Somehow, she will do what she can to repay him.

She looks up and sees Gabe take a sip of tea.

In an instant she's back to the present.

She narrows her eyes, "Are you drinking tea?"

He glances down at the cup in his hand, "Maybe."

"Wh-Aren't you a coffee person?" Her eyebrows furrow, her fingers start tapping on the table as if this will help in trying to piece this mystery together.

"Yes," He says with a slow smile, "But you are not."

"You remember." Eponine is in shock.

"Of course, how could I forget? You practically tackled anyone who drank the stuff. We had to do it when you weren't around."

"You say that like you were doing some illegal drugs or something."

"Face it 'Ponine, you consider coffee to be an illegal drug or something," His tone is serious but his eyes are sparkling and Eponine cannot help but laugh.

"Alright, that's true. I'll give you that. But, seriously, drink it if you want to."

He shakes his head, "I'm fine with the tea."

"At least eat something!" She waves her chocolate chip muffin in his face, "We can split it," She offers, knowing that he will decline, which he does.

"You know I hate sweets." He states matter-of-factly but she gets the feeling like there's more to this.

"That is a lie and we both know it!" Eponine points at him accusingly, "You used to eat my blueberry scones like there was no tomorrow!"

"That's because if I saved any Feuilly would eat them! Or Grantaire! Hell, everyone loved your baking. I had to eat them while I still had the chance!"

"I'm not hearing a denial here," Her voice is sing-song, triumphant.

He just mutters in agreement.

"I'm sure there's blueberry scones on the menu."

"They're not the same as yours," He protests, shaking his head, "Besides," He adds sheepishly, "I may have eaten some pancakes earlier."

"You told me you hadn't had breakfast yet!"

"That wasn't breakfast," He insists, "That was my pre-breakfast. This," He says, raising his tea, "This is my breakfast."

Eponine tilts her head and looks at him, surprised at how quickly they have gone back to their old ways, "Are you doing anything today?" The question slips from her lips before she has even fully thought it out.

He looks taken aback for a moment at the sudden topic change but then shakes his head in the negative, "Nope, I'm completely free."

"Good." Might as well dive in head-first now that she has already started, "Let's go," She stands up, grabs the rest of her muffin and then pulls him up as well when he only sits there and stares up at her.

"Where are we going?"

"My apartment, silly. We are going to be making blueberry scones."

Dearest Gabriel,

Happy Monday.

Is that not what you always said to me?

Did you know that according to statistics, Monday is the day most people commit suicide?

Today is a Monday, if you hadn't noticed.

Where are you today, Gabriel, where are you on this particular Monday?

Would someone tell you if I were gone?

Would you care?

Would anyone?

"So. How exactly do you know Amelie?" Courfeyrac questions, sprawling himself out on Gavroche's sofa, making himself completely at home.

Combeferre simply sits on the floor while Gav remains standing, arms crossed over his chest, "She's my neighbor. I just met her yesterday."

"If she's your neighbor, how did you just meet her?" 'Ferre asks this time.

Gav shrugs, "We've never crossed paths before. It's not that weird. I don't know most of my neighbors. Amelie probably moved into the apartment at the end of the hall. An old lady used to live there. She died a few months ago."

"Well this is kind of awesome. We now have an inside man," 'Ferre exclaims.

Gav narrows his eyes, "What do you mean an inside man?"

Quickly, the two explain about how they plan to get Enjolras and Eponine together again, "We are Team Eponine. With you knowing Amelie and living close to her, well, you're the perfect person to feed us information."

"I don't think I want to be Team Eponine," Gavroche states slowly.

"What?" Courf sits up, alarmed, "She's your sister! How could you not be on her team? You punched in 'Ferre's nose for Eponine!"

"Don't get me wrong," Gav explains, still speaking slowly, reasoning things out in his mind before stating them, "I'm always going to be on my sister's team. I want her to have the best of the best. No matter what. Maybe I would have been 'Team Eponine' if I hadn't met Amelie, but I did. She's nice guys, like, goes-out-of-her-way-to-help-random-strangers nice and I don't want her to be hurt. She's human too."

"So you don't want Enjolras and Eponine to get together. You don't want them to be happy!" Combeferre is standing too now, throwing accusations at Gavroche so forcefully that the other boy takes half a step back.

"No. I want them to be happy. I want her to be happy. I always have, I always will. But this isn't the way. Meddling got you into this mess in the first place. I want you to leave it be. They're friends now. If they're going to be together, they will be. They don't need anyone's help. Just leave them alone, 'Ferre."

"No," He says before dragging Courfeyrac up and pulling him out the door, "Don't tell them, Gavroche. Don't tell Amelie or Eponine or Enjolras. This is a good idea, you'll see."

Dear Enjolras,

Some days I just bake and bake and bake. It calms me down and helps me remember who I am when it all becomes fuzzy. When I give up on trying.

It centers me.

Eponine places the scones into the oven and sets the timer for twenty minutes.

"Now what?" Gabe asks, taking a seat on one of the chairs in her kitchen, exhausted even though it's not even noon yet.

Eponine grins, "Now we clean up."

"No! I don't want to!" He protests waving his hand around and vehemently shaking his head, "Please 'Ponine, don't make me!"

"Stop being such a baby," She teases and throws him the dishrag, "Come, help clean the mess you have created."

"This was your idea." He groans as he reluctantly shuffles over to help her.

"Yes, but if you'd sat on the counter, not touching anything, like a good boy while I baked, we wouldn't have this much stuff to clean up."

Gabe just grumbles some more, "I was just trying to be helpful," While helping Eponine tidy up. In the end, they have three minutes to spare.

"See, that wasn't too bad, now was it?"

"Yeah, yeah," He glances between her and the oven a few times, bouncing on the tips of his toes while anxiously waiting for his treat and she can't help but giggle. He looks like a helpless puppy.

"Hold still for a second," She says, before stepping closer. He turns to face her and in that moment they're mere centimeters apart.

Eponine freezes for a second, her eyes flicker to his lips before resting on his cheek once more. Quickly, before she has time to do anything she regrets, she swipes the dough on his face with her rag and moves back.

They both let out a breath and take a small step away from each other in the suddenly tiny kitchen.

"All clean," She whispers and Gabe nods.

He clears his throat and is about to say something when the timer on the oven dings.

All Eponine can think is that she is somehow always saved by the bell and without giving him a chance to speak she starts buzzing around, pulling the scones out and then setting them on a plate to cool, "Alright, we've made quite a few. I'm surprised these came out so well. I haven't made blueberry scones in ages."

"When was the last time you made them?" Gabe questions, leaning back against the counter, feigning complete nonchalance.

The tension has melted but they've both suddenly become hyper-aware of the other person and the awkwardness practically vibrates in the air around them.

"Hmm," She thinks back. When was the last time she made them? It takes her a moment and she chews on her lips, wondering if she should speak the truth. She decides against it. Instead, she goes for a vague answer, "A while."

Gabe straightens and eyes her, she is hiding something and he knows it. She knows that he knows it too, and that is why she's looking away from him, out the window, rather than at his face.

"And how long is a while?" He pushes, clearly not about to give up until he receives an answer.

"The day after," She pauses, takes a deep breath and then starts again, "The day after the accident. I made a batch. I had moved into Montparnasse's house and he had given me free run of the place. He was busy that day, out with my father I guess," Eponine stops again and quickly glances at Gabe out of the corner of her eye before continuing, "I made them and I was going to bring them to you. I knew it wouldn't make up for what I'd done but you loved them and I wanted you to have something to know that I didn't totally abandon you. I made it all the way to the lobby before seeing Grantaire and that was that. I turned around and left before he could see me. I couldn't face him again."

She bites her bottom lip so hard that she draws blood.

Gabe steps closer to her, he doesn't make a comment on Grantaire or the hospital or the scones or even the accident although this would be the perfect opportunity to do so. She is putty in his hands at the moment, she will tell him anything.

He knows this, he can see it in her eyes but he still does not ask. Instead, he walk closer to her, ever so slowly. It's like he's afraid she will bolt if he makes a sudden movement. Carefully, he lifts his hands and cradles her face. Tears have started leaking out and he brushes them away with the pads of his thumbs, before drawing her into a hug.

Her face is pressed against his shirt and she tries to pull back because she'll ruin it with blood and tears but he doesn't let her. She has ruined many shirts with her blood, with her tears, what is one more? He just wants her to be happy again.

Then he speaks, so quietly that she can barely hear him even though she's pressed against him, "So that's where you were hiding. I drove by there a couple of times. I beat him up once too. He never told."

This is news to her, "Really?"

"'Course. I missed you 'Ponine."

He inhales and smells her familiar scent. She has always smelled like this to him.

Like a bakery.

He is once again reminded of the smell in Sebastian's classroom, but he doesn't dwell on it for long, it is merely a fleeting thought, a passing moment.

He will reflect on it later if he remembers.

Eponine is the one who pulls away first. She offers him a half-smile and gestures towards the scones, "Let's eat. I'll even let you take the extras home. You don't have to worry about anyone coming by and taking them away from you."

He gives her a giant smile in return, "Yes!"

"Oh, hey," She says over her shoulder, "Will you remind me, before you leave, to call Cosette. I promised to call her today and I'm afraid I'm going to forget."

"Sure," He replies, a scone already in his mouth, "What are best friends for?"

Eponine simply rolls her eyes at him, "Dearest Gabriel, stop talking with your mouth full or I will have to smack you with my spatula."

"Never!" He protests and runs out of the room with three more scones in hand.

"Gabriel Enjolras, you get your butt back in this kitchen and accept my punishment! You do not want me to come find you!" Eponine yells into her apartment.

"No!" He shouts back and just like that things are normal between them again.

It's like she's been transported back into her teen years where this was a daily occurrence, where this was expected.

Where this happened all the time.

Dear Enjolras,

I find myself writing these excuses for letters to you at odd times of the day. For example, it is currently three twenty-four in the morning. I don't know why I'm awake at this God-forsaken hour (you, of all people should know how much I love my sleep) but, unfortunately, I am and instead of making hot milk or something to help me sleep, here I am, sitting in the dark using my phone as a flashlight while I write to you.

You who will never even see this letter. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous how often I find myself writing to you. You who doesn't even know these letters exist.

All of these aren't even letters. Some of these are just notes.

'Dear Enjolras,

'Remind me to write that essay. It's due next week and I have yet to start it.'

I mean really, many of these are just written on scraps of paper, tissues, whatever I can get my hand on at that moment my fingers have the urge to write to you.

No one knows of these letters, no one besides me. I think Gav suspects something but I have never told him and he has never asked.

I suppose writing to you is like therapy for me. I now know why Cosette keeps a journal for her inner-most thoughts. There is something about writing everything down that makes it more real.

Of course, I could never write in a journal. Writing to myself is just preposterous. I already know what's going on in my life and writing it down for me is not going to help at all. but writing to you will because it helps me fantasize what you would respond and that helps me make the right decisions.

I'm sorry I took so long to update. I'm lazy and there's no excuse for that.

I've been writing at like two in the morning (because I can't sleep) so four out of the twelve pages were written on my phone which means that I had to go through and reread this like eight times to make sure everything made sense because when I write on my phone I skip around.

Thanks to all of those who reviewed/favorited/followed this story! I never imagined it would be this popular but we broke 100 reviews last chapter so I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.

I'm sorry for any mistakes, It's almost midnight and I'm falling asleep.