The Decade
Disclaimer: I own not one thing.
Amelie chews on the inside of her cheek as she listens to Enjolras' voice telling her that he still loves her, that he loves Sebastian. This is the sixth time she's listening to this horrible voicemail but for some reason she can't stop tapping the number that will replay the message.
She's glad that she refused to listen to it last night, that she was too mad to pick up the phone when he called, because, though his message may be awkward, it's also sincere and she's not too sure how she would have responded to him last night when her temper was still burning hot.
No, she knows how she would have responded; angrily, she would have said words she didn't mean and words she would regret.
She listens to it once more, allows herself to indulge in her weakness, then resolves not to think about it until later.
Yes she loves 'Ras, yes she wants to forgive him, but can she really be that girl?
The girl who is always waiting for her man?
Is being with Enjolras really the good thing for her?
For Sebastian?
Is being with Enjolras what she wants?
Is being with her what he wants?
Does he love her or Eponine?
She doesn't know the answers to these questions (although she's fairly certain he loves Eponine; maybe in a different way than the way he loves her, but it's a deeper, more meaningful way) and for the first time in almost five years, she wishes that she was a little girl again, wishes her mother would rub her back and tell her everything is going to be okay, that things will work out the way they're supposed to.
Dear Enjolras,
Gavroche is so much like you, so serious and passionate when there's something he wants to fight for.
You've influenced him so much.
For that, I thank you.
Who knows? He could have turned into a mini version of Combeferre or, God forbid, Courfeyrac. I shudder just thinking about it.
Eponine groans and starts stretching out, only to realize that she's lying on the sofa about a millisecond too late and ends up sprawled on the floor. This time she simply rolls over and pulls herself into sitting position.
Blearily, she looks around her small living room and notices that she's got dishes to do. Stretching out on her belly, she reaches for the remote that fell under the coffee table and turns off the television which is still showing the title screen to the movie she was watching last night. Another quick scan of her surroundings brings her attention to the light shining through her window, which is much brighter than when she usually gets up.
Rubbing her eyes and cursing, Eponine stumbles to her bedroom, praying she isn't too late. A glance at the clock tells her that she needs to be out the door in less than twenty minutes. As she gets ready, she hopes that the rest of the day won't be like this morning.
Luckily, it only takes her fifteen minutes to get ready, so she's able to check her phone for messages and make sure she doesn't forget to lock the door again.
There are no missed calls from Gabe. No texts. Not a word.
He could always still be sleeping, her inner self reasons, but she knows that Amelie's probably spoken to him about her and now he's avoiding her. Maybe to appease Amelie, maybe because he doesn't want to face her. This hurts her more than she'd care to admit. They've only just reconnected and it surprises her how close she's allowed herself to get to him, besides Amelie doesn't seem like that kind of person.
A darker part of her whispers, he has realized that they were better off when all contact was lost between them, that he was, and always has been, better off without her. That thought hurts even more and she shoves it away, sure that Gabe must have some other reason as to why he hasn't contacted her.
Maybe his phone died, or he lost it, maybe he hasn't checked it yet. There are an infinite number of possibilities, after all, she loses her phone all the time. The last contact was made by her last night, telling him that they needed to talk. The ball is in his court now. All she can do is wait, there's no use in wondering about things that she can't control, she reasons.
Somewhat satisfied with the way things are turning out (she's not going to completely give up on Gabe, she believes in him), Eponine rushes to the parking lot where she sees that her car's got a flat tire.
In her anger she kicks her beaten down vehicle and releases a string of curses so grand that even her deadbeat father would be proud to hear them escaping from her mouth.
It seems like she's going to be late today.
Dear Enjolras,
Have you ever just had "One of those days?"
It seems like those days are my norm.
Eponine chomps on her bottom lip as she walks towards her next class. It's the one where she sits next to R; and once upon a time, she'd be ecstatic for this class, it would be one of her favorites.
However, things haven't been the same lately. Not since that night with Gabe, the night where nothing happened and yet everything did.
It's been months. Months. Yet he hasn't truly forgiven her. He says that he understands, that he doesn't care, but he does. If things were really back to normal he would come back to their ramshackle "home" but he hasn't come back and she's had to forge answers to Gavroche and Azelma's questions about where he is.
Answers that they can see right through to questions that come less often.
Questions that she wishes would stop, yet dreads the time where that very thing will happen.
Gabe rolls his eyes as he joins her, "Calm down 'Ponine, Grantaire doesn't bite."
"Shut up, it's not you that he's mad at. I just don't understand! What did I do?" She cries, throwing her hands up in the air, looking defeated. It's not like I'm dating you or anything, she thinks, not betraying R's confidence even now.
Gabe just gives her a half-hug, "It'll all work out, Eponine, don't you worry."
"Easy for you to say," She grumbles, pulling the strap of her one shoulder bag higher onto her shoulder.
He simply grins and nudges her, "I thought Thenardiers were tough? Besides it's not like he's trying to kill you or something."
Eponine merely shoves him out of her way and hesitates before stepping into the entrance of the room. He doesn't understand that this, the way R treats her now, is way worse. It's like she's not even worth his noticing.
It's only after Gabe starts walking backwards and making "shooing" motions that she actually enters the classroom.
Dear Gabe,
Today can get worse, apparently.
Please stop avoiding me.
We really need to talk.
Be the bright spot to my day just like you used to?
Enjolras looks at his phone, hoping for a text, a missed call, a voicemail, anything from Amelie. He can't help but wonder if he's blown thing with them, if they're through and over because of him and his stupid mistakes.
How did he get into this mess again?
Oh, right, he is a chicken, a stupid chicken.
Without a thought his eyes flick over to Eponine's name and he knows he should call her, talk to her because she's waiting for him just like he's waiting for Amelie. He knows how she's feeling right now. She has been waiting and he knows it does not feel good to be neglected, ignored, so why is it he's putting this girl that he's always cared for through this?
He'll call her, he decides.
Besides, she's probably at work (so he won't have to actually talk to her).
He hits the call button before he can think this decision through and listens to the phone ring.
"You've reached Eponine, sorry I wasn't able to answer, leave a message and I'll get back to you!" Enjolras breathes out in relief, and he's ashamed to admit that. He's got nothing to be afraid of, Eponine just wants to talk, she's not going to kill him.
"Hey, 'Ponine, just wanted to know when you wanted to have that talk. Okay, well have a good day. Bye." As he hangs up, he curses himself for this stupid voicemail, he really has to get better at leaving messages.
Why is he so awkward at this?
Dear Enjolras,
I'm in so much trouble. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Oh, God, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Eponine needs to stop being late. Sooner or later the school will fire her for this or something, she's pretty sure it can happen. Groaning, she decides she'll think about it later, when her mind is cleared of morning gloom.
She's not sure how, but she makes it through the day in one piece, and the part of the day she's been dreading has crept up on her.
Pick up time.
This means she has to see Amelie, talk to her. What is she going to do?
Amelie is actually the last parent to arrive (probably on purpose, Eponine notes) and it's clear that she's planning on talking to Eponine. The girl just sighs and goes over to the blonde, trying not to look too depressed or put out about the situation.
"Have you spoken to him? Has he called you?" Amelie doesn't waste any time in trying to figure this out, anxiously, she just jumps right in. She wants to know how much he cares about Eponine.
The brunette looks surprised, she did not expect that question, so she merely shrugs, "I haven't looked at my phone since this morning." Quickly striding over to her purse, she pulls her phone out. Her heart skips a beat when she notices his call.
Instead of listening to it, she simply looks up at Amelie, who is poking her son's cheek and laughing as he swats her hand away and pouts adorably.
She has already decided not to keep Gabe away from Amelie. She wants them to be happy together, so she goes up to Amelie and tells her the truth, that he has called her. She lets the blonde listen to the voicemail that he's left on her phone, before Eponine's even had a chance to.
Amelie just shakes her head and hands the phone back to the other woman, "Will you tell me what he says when you talk to him? His reasons? I don't think I can talk to him right now but I want to know, if that's okay."
Eponine merely nods, "Of course."
"Thank you," Amelie says, as Sebastian begins to tug on his mother's pants.
"Let's go Mommy! I have something to show you."
Eponine smiles at this, glad for the change in subject, "He worked really hard on it!"
"Oh right! Your project! When will you show it to me?" She asks, as she leaves the classroom, with a wave to Eponine.
The brunette wonders if Amelie will be able to mend things with Gabe, and she hopes so. They deserve to be happy.
"Oh! Wait! Amelie!" She calls as she rushes into the hallway after the woman most people in her position would probably hate.
The blonde turns around, "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's just that," She bites her bottom lip, unsure if she should continue with this, but decides it would be best if she did, despite the lack of hard evidence to back up her theory, "It's just, if Courfeyrac and Combeferre start interfering into your life and telling you weird or bad things, or any of Gabe's other friends for that matter, just ignore them okay? I think they're up to something."
"What do you mean?"
"I think," Eponine starts gnawing on her upper lip, abandoning her bottom one, "I think they might be trying to 'fix' something they believe to be broken, or something," She tries to explain, tripping over her words, "Long story short, they might try pushing me and Gabe together, and that might include lying to you. So be careful, okay?"
Amelie smiles, "Thank you for telling me, I'll keep that in mind."
She leaves planning to call Enjolras and talk to him about this, about Eponine, about his friends. She doesn't doubt Eponine's intuition but wonders why the girl is so open.
Why doesn't she just snatch Enjolras away?
Why is she being helpful?
What is her endgame?
Dear Gabe,
Do you ever wonder what would have happened had we never parted?
I do.
"Can I show you my project now?" Sebastian asks his mother as she buckles him into his seat.
"Of course! I'm really excited to see it!"
Sebastian, seemingly oblivious to all the turmoil going on around him, pulls his backpack over and yanks out a framed picture of herself, him and Enjolras.
Her eyes widen, "Where did you get this picture?" It's a redundant question, because she knows where he got it. Since she didn't give it to him, it only means Enjolras did.
The picture was taken on her last birthday and they're all smiling happily at a restaurant while a waiter takes their picture. They look like the perfect family in this picture and she's got a copy of it on her nightstand. This one has been framed with thick cardstock and Sebastian's drawings are all around the edges. It's perfect.
For a moment she allows herself to forget reality.
She doesn't realize her son has been talking until he's about half way done with his sentence, "-asked him not to tell you so it would be special!"
She hugs her son, "It's amazing. Why did you make these?"
"My teacher says presents are fun so we made some."
Amelie smiles and pinches his cheek, "Well as far as gifts go, this one is my absolute favorite."
Sebastian lights up like a Christmas tree, "Really?"
"Really."
Dear Enjolras,
Some days I can't help but think about dying, and these thoughts scare me more than anything else.
I don't want to give up.
I want to keep trying.
I want to live.
But sometimes...
Eponine closes her eyes and evens out her breathing, pretending she's asleep. If he thinks she's asleep then the chance of him doing something to her is not that high.
She hopes.
As he walks in, she starts praying to God that he won't do anything, praying that tonight was a good night for him but God hasn't listened to her in a long time, if he ever has, and she doesn't think He'll start now.
Why would He? He abandoned her a long time ago.
Keep calm, she tells herself, keep calm.
He can't know that she's awake.
When Montparnasse bangs the door to their bedroom open, Eponine can't help it, she flinches, just a little.
He doesn't notice, he's too drunk.
Instead, slurring his words, he stumbles over to bed, "'Ponine, hey 'Ponine, we're going to have so much fun tonight."
She ignores his whispers and focuses on her breathing. In, out.
"Come on girl, I know you aren't sleeping."
In, out.
"A lot of girls would love to be in your place right now."
In.
Out.
"Eponine!"
In.
He's getting angry.
"Answer me girl!"
She pictures a different Montparnasse in her mind, ignoring the one now lying next to her, not answering him.
She knows he's going to hit her, but this little rebellion, it's all she has left. It's all she has and she will clutch at it until he pries it out of her cold, dead hands.
It isn't until he grabs her and harshly yanks her underneath him that she opens her eyes.
His grin slices his face in half, "Finally."
She lets him do things to her, things that she hates, things that break her on the inside, but on the outside she is strong. She is passive, she will let him do what he wants to her. She will not show him any emotion.
She will live.
Slowly she will fight.
She is not dead inside, not yet.
Soon she will be able to escape the lion's den.
Instead of focusing on him, she thinks of a boy with a bright smile and the idea that he would escape the streets, that he would be better than the thugs who ruined their lives.
She thinks about the boy she worshiped and how he fell from that glory.
How her father ruined him.
He flips over, done with her for the night.
Out.
Dear Enjolras,
Sometimes bad things are really good things in disguise.
Or so I've been told.
I don't really believe this theory.
Courfeyrac shoves Combeferre, "So what time is everyone showing up today?"
"Five, hopefully."
"So nine-ish then?"
"Pretty much."
"Today is the day! I'll break out the beer."
'Ferre shoves his roommate and best friend back, "You're not going to get drunk yet! We've got plans to follow through on! We've got to be the role models!"
Courfeyrac groans, "You're not fun when you're serious."
Combeferre simply shrugs, "You love me either way."
'Fey just rolls his eyes, "Love is a strong word."
"So is hate," 'Ferre points out.
"Touché."
Dear Enjolras,
Am I considered weak if I don't fight back?
Am I considered weak if I just take it?
Or am I strong for not breaking?
I'm not dead, contrary to popular belief. I've just been drowning in work. Urgh, college. But here's the next chapter so yay! (You all can thank my roommate for this, because she's awesome and making me work on this.) I swear I planned to update like a month ago. I just...didn't.
By the by, I did figure out why so many people started following this-it's because some epic person made a fanart for The Decade on tumblr and it's pretty awesome so yeah.
Thanks to all that review/follow/fave!
I'm sorry I suck at updating.