The Decade

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Dear Gabe,

People do what they have to in order to stay alive.

I do what I can to live. Please don't judge me.

If you do, though, I won't blame you.

I judge me too.

Sometimes.

Eponine opens her notebook to a blank sheet of paper and unceremoniously rips it out. The noise of the paper tearing brings an odd sense of relief to her. She feels like a junky who just got her fix.

It's only recently that she's started doing this, writing letters to a boy who will never know of them, never receive them, and it's pathetic, she knows. Yet...for some reason, she can't stop. It's like an outside force compels her to keep going, one more and then another, and all of a sudden she's got twenty letters that she will never mail to a boy she will most likely never see again. A boy who has probably forgotten about her.

She supposes it's her way of coping with the loss of all of her friends, at least, that's what the shrinks will probably say. She really doesn't care what they think. She likes writing these letters to Gabe, they're nice and peaceful.

They help her; they allow her to escape from her world, even if it is for just a little while.

Dear Gabe,

I wonder what you're doing right now.

Are you thinking about me? Looking for me?

Do you care that I'm gone?

I wonder what

The letter is ripped out of her hands before she even realizes that someone else is in the room with her. Eponine's mouth opens, her eyes widen, and she falls back, instantly ready to defend herself. She should have heard the other person come in, why didn't she hear them? Is she getting careless?

Or was she just that trapped in her own little world?

"What is this crap?" Montparnasse asks as his eyes don't even bother to skim over the letter she was writing, instead, they focus on glaring at her.

"It's nothing," She says, trying to brush it off as insignificant, "Why don't we have some fun, 'Parnasse?" She asks, trying to change the subject by tugging on his pant leg and looking seductive, "How was your day? Are you hungry?" Anything to keep him from reading it, to keep him from reacting to it because there is a very high chance he will react badly.

From her vantage point, he seems huge and she's worried that he had a bad day. If he's had a bad day...she doesn't want to think about what it will mean for her. He can easily do so many things to her and she's helpless to stop any of it. She's not strong enough, and even if she was, she needs a place to stay. A place to hide from her family (the part she hates along with the part she loves) as well as her former friends.

This is the last place anyone would look for her and as long as Montparnasse gets what he wants (sex and someone to take his anger out on), he'll keep her hidden. He enjoys having this power over her.

"I don't think it's nothing, 'Ponine. You wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it if it were nothing."

Eponine rolls her eyes, playing it cool; or trying to, at least, "'Parnasse, if I didn't want you to see it, I would have hidden it away before you even got in the room."

He glares at her, trying to figure out if she's telling the truth, "I don't think you heard me come in, girly, if that look of surprise and desperation I saw in your face earlier has anything to say about that."

"I was only surprised you came home early, I didn't get a chance to make you anything," She purrs these words out, trying to hide the fact that they feel like poison on her tongue, "I only want to please you," Eponine bats her eyes at him and wraps her body around his.

She can feel the distraction working. Forget about it, she prays, forget the paper. She grabs it from his hand and crumples it up while leaning in to kiss him, but that's what breaks the mood and all of a sudden his attention is once again focused on that stupid paper.

Instead of kissing her, his eyes zero in on the paper ball as she tosses it away, instead of kissing her, he reaches for it once again.

"'Parnasse," She moans his name and he's frozen once more, his eyes shifting from her to the paper ball, mentally weighing what's more important and she sees the decision in his eyes even before he tackles her onto the bed.

As Montparnasse kisses her, she's thankful that he didn't press the issue of what she was writing any more than he actually did. If he had seen it, seen who she was writing to, she'd be in big trouble, even if she explained that she'd never actually send it.

Montparnasse is definitely not a Gabe fan.

Making a mental note to pick the letter up later, she lets Montparnasse have his way with her.

Dear Enjolras,

I've decided that this is it.

Today is the day I get away from Montparnasse for good. Today is the day that he no longer has his hold over me. I'm not going to be his slave any longer.

It's all because of Zel and Gav, you see.

I saw them with that swine. My father.

And I decided that they didn't deserve that life of poverty.

I'm going to find an apartment.

I'm going to get a job.

I know it's not going to be easy with being a full time student, but I'll do it.

I'm going to rescue them.

It's time to grow up and stop being selfish.

Enjolras is waiting in front of her door when she finally gets home.

Her eyes narrow, but she doesn't say anything because Sebastian immediately lights up and throws himself at her not-quite ex-boyfriend.

Enjolras immediately picks up her son and swings him around, "Hey buddy," He coos as Amelie opens the door.

"I missed you," His little voice manages to squeak out as Enjolras swings him about, "Where have you been?" He demands, trying to seem tough and Amelie's heart breaks for her son.

This is why she and 'Ras need to talk. She can't have Sebastian depend on someone who might not be there for him in the future.

"I missed you too, I know I've been gone, but it's because of work. I'm sorry, bud." The white lie slips over her son's head but she notices it. He's been avoiding the place because of her, because of their little fight.

"It's okay," The boy forgives him easily and the chatter between the two continues without stopping for a moment as they enter the apartment, "I showed Mommy the picture! She really liked it."

"Really?"

She doesn't need to turn around to know that Enjolras' face is the picture of happiness, smugness and pride.

She turns around anyway.

His face is questioning, there's a timid happiness, a little play of light sparkling in his eyes.

It throws her off for a second but she rolls her eyes at him, choosing to answer as if nothing's wrong between them, as if there isn't a great chasm of metaphorical space separating them, "Of course I loved it, my little baby made it for me!" She pretends to get all teary eyed and sniffles a little for dramatic effect.

"Mom, I'm not a baby! I'm a big boy!"

"Yeah," 'Ras chimes in, "He's a big boy!"

"Don't you two start with me!" She play-chides.

For a moment everything is normal and they're all laughing in the living room but then her eyes catch Enjolras' and all of the normal drains away and they're both serious again.

"Hey, sweetie why don't you go play in your room?"

Sebastian doesn't even question her, "Okay!" Without even batting an eye, he skips off.

As soon as he's safely out of hearing range, she turns to Enjolras and sighs.

"I'm sorry," He states, immediately.

"I know," She replies, "But it's not just about sorry."

"I know," He says, "But I had to try," And then there's that rueful smile that she loves so much flashing on his face again, just like it always used to.

"I thought you were going to talk to Eponine?"

He looks surprised that she knew this information but doesn't question her. Instead, he shrugs and says, "I had to talk to you first. I'm supposed to meet her in a little while."

Amelie nods, "You shouldn't keep her waiting."

"I know, but I had to talk to you. I'm sorry, I know it's like I'm harassing you. I swear, I'm not going to stalk you." That statement earns a small giggle from her and he looks more encouraged to go on, "I love you, Amelie."

At this she smiles softly and takes hold of his hands, "I know you do," She says gently as he waits for the inevitable 'but' and she doesn't plan on disappointing him on this front, "But, I think you love Eponine too."

He looks confused so she continues on, "I don't know what happened between the two of you back in the good ol' days, but her coming back into your life all of a sudden has awakened this emotion in you, this love that you used to have for her," She pauses because he's shaking his head now so she holds it still between her hands, dropping his, "Yes, you do love her. I'm a woman. I know these things."

These words that she's saying to him are being ripped out of her throat, these words hurt her, but he needs to hear them as much as she needs to say them.

"I don't know if you love her more than me, but you love us in different ways and you need to figure out who you love more and who you'll be happy with."

These are things that she's not just spouting out of nowhere, these are things she's thought about and analyzed while she wasn't answering his calls.

She chokes over her emotions as she continues, fighting tears, "If you love me, like, love-love me, then you can come back. I'll welcome you with open arms. You can be here and I'll never question you about her ever again; but if you don't, if you choose her, that's okay too."

He's silent for a few moments and then he takes her hands off of the sides of his head and holds them in his, just like what she was doing earlier with his, "I love you. I know that," He says, his blue orbs pleading with her, and now their roles are reversed because she's the one shaking her head. "You don't? You don't know that?"

He's angry now, but she simply keeps shaking her head, "I believe you but you need time, please, please think about it. For my sanity. Please. For Sebastian, I can't have you changing your mind. He needs someone steady, and if that person can't be you-"

He cuts her off, "Amelie-"

"No! You need to hear this! If you can't be there for him, I have to find someone who can be. Someone who will be there, who wants to be there for him and for me, too."

He chokes, tears threatening to escape, "What if," He has to stop and clear his throat, "What if I choose her? Am I not allowed to see either of you anymore?"

This is what she was talking about earlier. This is how she knows he loves Eponine. If he didn't, this question would have never come up.

She shakes her head, "No, you can come by whenever, we'll always love you. I just want you to be happy, and if you're happy with me, then that'll be wonderful; but if you're happier with her than you are with me, then that's okay too. I'm not going to penalize you for your feelings, 'Ras. Besides, she's known you longer. She knew you first. She's got dibbs." She tries to lighten the mood and she offers him a fragile smile to show she's really okay with him thinking things over.

"Amelie-"

"You're too afraid to lose her again, 'Ras, that's why you're clinging to me. You may love me, but I'm sure it's not like you love her."

"Please-"

"I see the way you look at her, 'Ras. I know. Will you please trust me?" This gets him to stop protesting, he simply stares at her, "Just go, 'Ras, please. Take some time, and please, don't come back until you're one-hundred percent sure, okay? Even if I'm not the one you want to be with. Just, come back one last time."

The last part is purely selfish, she needs him to come back to her so she can say a proper goodbye. So she can pretend one last time that everything's perfect.

He nods, looking pained. She knows that he'll eventually realize that this is what's for the best.

She doesn't cry even after he leaves.

She holds it in and goes to play with her son, but there will be tears staining her pillow tonight.

Dear Enjolras,

Sometimes life is hard.

Enjolras leaves Amelie's apartment full of anger, sadness and some emotion that he can't quite put his finger on.

It's hard to think and that's okay because he doesn't want to.

He feels like he's about to burst.

It isn't until he gets into his car that he lets out the yell that releases everything he's feeling.

It's then that he realizes that he's supposed to have his meeting with Eponine. It was actually supposed to be five minutes ago, but his head is swimming and it's heavy. How is he supposed to talk to her like this?

He can't cancel on her, though, she deserves better than that.

Sighing, he texts her that he's going to be a little late and heads over there, silently building up his courage and locking up everything Amelie said to go over at a later time.

But first, Eponine.

Dear Enjolras,

I've managed to kidnap my siblings.

They're better off with me than they ever were with that old man.

I love them, and here they'll be happy.

Eponine kicks her legs under the table, waiting for Gabe to show up.

Of course he would show up late on the one day she needed him to be on time.

She groans and slams her forehead onto the table. She's been waiting for twenty minutes now, his text saying he would be late came in about ten minutes ago, before that she'd thought he'd forgotten about her.

She's just being impatient. He's probably making up with Amelie. That's a good thing.

Right?

Calm down, 'Ponine, she tells herself. Stop analyzing things

"Waiting for someone 'Ponine?" A deep voice comes from behind her, and she doesn't even have to think for a moment to know who it is.

She's frozen.

He's supposed to be in jail.

He can't be here.

Damn it Gabe.

Where are you?

Dear Enjolras,

Do you know that feeling you get when you first wake up from a nightmare?

The one where you're falling, falling, falling and then you're not. You're actually sitting up in your bed and your heart is beating so fast you're afraid it's going to beat out of your chest, so you place your hand over it and close your eyes and take deep breaths as you try not to freak out.

Well, today I got that feeling except I wasn't in bed, asleep, it wasn't a nightmare and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't not freak out.

I wasn't really falling, it was more like the feeling that I was falling.

That feeling coupled with the one you get when you've spun around and around and around and you try to sit down but you can't because you'll fall over.

Like you can't think, but you really need a plan.

I was scared. Really, truly, scared.

I still am.

I saw my father, you see, that rat-bastard (I'm sorry, I know you hate it when I swear), actually showed his face in the daylight.

I saw him on my way back to my new (old) apartment. He was with Montparnasse, probably looking for me.

It's only pure luck that I managed to get away unseen.

Another update! And you all thought I'd die again. This chapter was cut in half because I wanted it to be (I still need to unpack guys) and it would be like sixteen pages if I didn't cut it off here. Who wants to aim a guess at who that was at the end?

Thank you to all how reviewed/favorite/follow this fic.

Special thanks to all of you who've followed me from the beginning and those who didn't give up on me after almost two months of me not updating.

I'm so sorry, but I promise, it won't happen again (hopefully).