A/N: Um, not entirely sure where this came from…. But hey, it seemed to fit in this whole thing. I mean, it's kind of notes, right?
Coulson lives!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers.
Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division Reprimand Report for the Avengers:
Handler: Susan Laughlin
Avenger: Tony Stark
Incident: Allowed a robot T-Rex to rampage through New York because he did not have sufficient foresight to contain it.
Response: "Seriously? How am I supposed to contain a T-Rex? What, you're writing me up for that? Boo."
Further action requested: Make Stark get approval from the appropriate authorities before ridiculous experiments with dinosaurs.
Result: Ms. Potts was asked to keep a closer eye on Stark.
Handler: Susan Laughlin
Avenger: Bruce Banner
Incident: Turned into the Hulk when he was surprised by Thor tackling him from behind.
Response: "I had just spent the day between Tony and Captain Rogers. I think that one should be excused."
Further action requested: Put Dr. Banner in a more controlled environment.
Result: Sat Thor down and informed him of Midgardian customs such as proper greetings.
Handler: Susan Laughlin
Avenger: Clint Barton
Incident: Dropped out of the air vents in the middle of his handler's office to ask about her sexual preferences.
Response: "Coulson could always take a joke."
Further action requested: Put padlocks on the air vents. And put Barton in a sexual harassment seminar.
Result: Agent Laughlin was transferred to a different post because of trauma via prolonged exposure to the Avengers.
Handler: Melissa Jones
Avenger: Steve Rogers
Incident: Insulted Agent Jones by implying that as a female she could not do her job as well as a man.
Response: "I didn't mean to be insulting!"
Further action requested: Have Captain Rogers train with the Black Widow for a few hours.
Result: Captain Rogers is now being taught in 21st century concepts.
Handler: Melissa Jones
Avenger: Tony Stark
Incident: Would not be quiet over the comms, persisted in telling jokes, most of them lewd.
Response: "It was a boring stakeout! What was I supposed to do?"
Further action requested: Cut out his tongue.
Result: Agent Jones has been transferred to a different post. Stark has been instructed to contain himself.
Handler: George Sitwell
Avenger: Clint Barton
Incident: Continued to sing "Another One Bites the Dust" while fighting. Not only did he forget words, but it was off-key.
Response: "Hey, it fit the occasion! Aw, another write-up?"
Further action requested: Please instruct Agent Barton not to sing during missions. Or ever.
Result: No more singing.
Handler: George Sitwell
Avenger: Thor Odinson
Incident: Summoned Mjolnir in the middle of SHIELD headquarters and took out at least four walls.
Response: "I apologize, mortal, but I forgot where I put it!"
Further action requested: Instruct Mr. Odinson not to summon Mjolnir inside a building.
Result: Sat Thor down and explained that Midgardian buildings were fragile.
Handler: George Sitwell
Avenger: ALL OF THEM
Incident: They took a road trip and failed to inform their handler.
Response: "We have to get permission for that? Oh well, we'll send you a postcard!"
Further action requested: Put them all in cells and never let them out.
Result: Agent Sitwell has been transferred to a separate division.
Coulson,
Consider this a get well soon card.
-Fury