May 12th
The police knew.
Being interrogated by the detective was scarier than anything she'd ever done for the Hood; the officer knew who she was, where she worked, and had a pile of evidence linking her to the vigilante. The fact that neither Oliver nor Diggle was with her made her feel even more vulnerable.
She had no idea how she was going to answer Detective Lance. He'd sat there staring at her, knowing he had the vigilante's accomplice in custody. Felicity had gaped at him like a fish, searching for words. But the interrogation was cut short.
"Saved by the bell," The detective had answered his phone; it was the Hood, and he had terrible news. Suddenly she wasn't such a priority any more. Still, he warned her not to leave town.
Now Felicity was leaning against the sink in the ladies' room at Verdant, trying not to cry too hard. Her hopes were crumbling, just like the Glades might be soon. There had never been any connection before; no one would've guessed she knew the vigilante (except Ronnie, but that was different). After everything, after she'd done her part to help the Hood, she'd planned to run off and have her baby. No one would need to know. She was going to call it a much-needed vacation, and who would stop her? Oliver and Diggle knew what she'd gone through for the team, and they were really the only ones that mattered. She had quite a few vacation days she hadn't used, and she thought she could plead with Mrs. Queen for a secret maternity leave.
It couldn't happen now. Lance wasn't going to let her leave the city, and after the Undertaking was dealt with, he was going to use her to get to the Hood. And all the while her belly would grow… And she'd be done for. God forbid if anyone figured out who the father was.
Also, Oliver's best friend's dad was going to level the Glades with a device they couldn't seem to find. Felicity was still struggling with the decision to stay and help, despite her Torchwood pep talk. What if they failed, and she didn't make it out? What if it didn't matter, because the stress of this work was threatening to make her miscarry anyway? The worrying, the late nights, the near-death experiences… She was doing what she could, but there was no guarantee.
But there was a ray of hope: she was now fourteen weeks pregnant, officially into her second trimester. The most perilous trimester was over, and she and Baby Hood had made it through.
But what if it was about to end soon? She sniffled at the thought and put her hand over her mouth; she was alone in the bathroom, but she still didn't want to risk Diggle hearing her cry.
Felicity was giving up so much for her baby. If she ended up losing it… Sacrificing the safety of thousands for the sake of her baby was horrible, but the reverse felt just as bad. She was a mom now; moms protect their children. What if she couldn't protect her baby? What if she miscarried, and if was all her fault?
A sob escaped her throat, and she sank to the hard tiled floor. Baby Hood, I'm so sorry… I love you, I promise I love you, but those people are in danger and I can't… There's no one else. If there was someone who could take my place, I'd leave. I'd keep you safe. I want to keep you safe, baby. Mommy loves you so much… Tears began to flow, and she squeezed her eyes shut in hopes of stopping them. When she opened her eyes, her vision was blurry. She hugged her legs as she began to shake. As the fear seeped in and gripped her tightly, her thoughts turned to someone else, someone she hadn't spoken to since she was a little girl. Adonai, not my baby, please… Please don't take my baby… Kill me if you want, just keep my baby safe, please… please…
"Felicity?" Diggle said, knocking on the door. She had seemed pretty shaken after coming back from the police station, and Diggle knew she'd gone into the bathroom to cry. She'd been cornered by the police, all alone, and their amount of evidence was a problem. So he had given her some time alone, but it had been a while and now he was worried. She needed to compose herself so they could find the device.
"I'm fine," she answered with a trembling voice.
"Do we need to talk?"
A few seconds later, she opened the door and trotted out purposefully, avoiding eye contact as she headed downstairs. "The device is obviously underground, but I still don't get how the plan is even plausible." Diggle trailed after her, concerned. "Starling City doesn't get earthquakes, so how is it even a good plan? Merlyn can't be that dumb. He knows something we don't."
"Are you okay?"
She gave him a quick glance before seating herself in front of her monitors. "I said I was fine. Earthquakes happen along fault lines. So I was thinking he'd need to put it on one of those to make it look real. But that's crazy, right? He'd need to find just the right spot, so it hit all of the Glades and no other part of the city. So at first I thought he wasn't using a fault line, but now I'm thinking that his knowledge of the right spot was what led him to his plan. I'll pull up geological surveys of Starling City and work from there."
"Felicity," he said gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I know you're trying to be strong, but I want you to tell me when something's bothering you."
She kept typing. "I don't see what good it would do."
"No one would blame you for being scared."
She only pursed her lips in response, choosing to focus on the geological survey she just found.
"Maybe you should leave once you've figured out where it is. Take your tortoise and head to your parents' house."
Felicity closed her eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath. "And which of you will understand how to disarm it? And can either of you even read the blueprints?"
"Neither of us wants you in harm's way. We've put you through enough."
"It makes no difference." She turned to look at him. "I still need to be here. Do you think I want to be here? Do you think I want to risk getting buried under tons of rubble? It doesn't matter what I want, and it doesn't matter want you two want, either. There are thousands of people relying on us and it's our job to save them." Her voice had grown thick on the last sentence, and tears were running down her cheeks before she could stop them. Diggle pulled her into a hug.
"It'll be okay, Felicity," he said consolingly. "We'll stop Merlyn."
"A part of me wants to run away," she admits, her head on his chest.
"Good; that means you're sane."
She laughed in a way that sounded more like a sob.
"Oliver's going to want you out of here." He held her at arm's length to look her in the eye. "As soon as he thinks he can convince you you've done enough. If you want to stay, you have to show him you can handle this."
Felicity rubbed the tears off her face with the sleeves of her cardigan. "Don't let him see me cry?"
"Exactly,"
She gave him a smile to show him her confidence was somewhat renewed. "Thanks, Dig,"
Breathe…
Her heart was racing, and she fought to calm it down. She wasn't going to die. Not yet, anyway.
But for a minute she thought she was. Lance had disabled the device. The day was saved, the evil plot thwarted. But Merlyn was too smart; he had a backup plan, a second device.
The basement had shaken, dust had fallen from cracks in the ceiling, wires had torn loose and sparked. In that brief, brutal moment, she thought she was going to die. But the building hadn't collapsed; the second device was not in as a good a location. She was going to live. Her baby was going to live.
Not everyone was so lucky. Those on the East Side were losing their homes, their jobs, their friends, their families, their lives. Their worlds were crashing down around them, their neighborhoods were turning into hell, and Felicity was safe in the basement.
She thanked HaShem for his protection (whether he was actually real or not) and then the survivor's guilt began to gnaw at her. It didn't seem fair, all those people…
Breathe…
They hadn't saved everyone, but half the Glades was still standing. They had made a difference, she told herself over and over. No need to feel guilty for surviving. You risked your life you save these people. And it isn't just you who's been spared.
She absentmindedly patted her stomach as she took another calming breath. Yes, it wasn't just her.
Felicity jumped at the sound of the door opening. Oliver and Diggle came shuffling through the back door, and she rushed over to help.
"You haven't talked to me in almost two hours!" she said as she reached them. Diggle had a stab wound in his thigh and his chest, and Oliver gestured for her to take him. Oliver looked like his soul had been drained out of him.
"How's Laurel?" Felicity asked quietly as she helped Diggle to her chair.
"Safe," Oliver answered, his voice hoarse.
Diggle exhaled as he sank into the chair, thankful to be off his feet. "Oliver has a hole through his shoulder. Patch him up first."
Felicity drew closer to her wounded green archer, expecting him to tell her no, but he was zombified and unresisting. He sat on a stool and allowed her to take off his jacket and t-shirt. It was a sad, strange reminder of their time together a few months ago.
"Did Merlyn put an arrow through you?" she said as she carefully cleaned the wound in his shoulder.
"He did it to himself," Diggle answered. "He stabbed Merlyn by stabbing himself first."
"My brave idiot," she muttered with a ghost of a smile as she stitched his wound.
Oliver placed his hand over hers. "I'm not the one who was underground in the Glades tonight."
Felicity froze, surprised by his tone. He wasn't angry, he was…sad. She didn't know he could be just sad. There was always a little anger mixed in. "I'm okay," she replied quietly.
He dropped his hand and allowed her to continue. When she was half-way through stitching the wound on his back, he spoke again.
"I failed."
Felicity glanced at Diggle, and they shared a look of empathy.
"You still saved some people." Felicity offered.
"But not everyone," Oliver's voice broke, and the sound made Felicity want to cry.
"We did what we could." Diggle said.
"And it wasn't enough," Oliver fixed Diggle with a challenging gaze, and Felicity wondered what else he meant.
Oliver insisted on taking her back to her apartment, and neither Diggle nor Felicity dared argue with him. They piled in her car and braved the streets, which were relatively clear by the time they left. Sirens sounded everywhere and shop windows were smashed, but people were now holding up in their houses and other buildings, fearing the pandemonium past Wall Street. They were thankful the route to her house didn't go through the East Side.
The Hood waltzed right into her apartment building, supporting his injured friend. The three of them would've been a strange sight, if there was anyone to see them.
Stepping into her apartment felt surreal. For a moment, everything felt normal. But reality still raged outside.
"Diggle will spend the night here," Oliver said as he walked Diggle to the couch. Felicity had no problem with that—he could hardly walk—but she did object to the Hood going back out into that madness. She followed Oliver into her room, knowing he planned to use her fire escape.
"Don't," she begged, grabbing for his arm. "You're hurt."
The Hood turned and gently removed her hand. "There's more for me to do."
"You're going to pop your stitches—"
Oliver leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "Please be careful," he whispered in her ear as he hugged her.
That manipulative bastard. Her eyes watered at the memory his act provoked, the reminiscence bittersweet in the current situation. "You be careful," she responded, embracing him tightly.
She hugged herself as she watched him climb out the window and disappear into the night.
It was 10:38 when her parents called.
"Sweetie, are you okay?" her mother fretted as Felicity tended to Paperweight. "Your father said you didn't live too close to the Glades, and anyway people were warned and the police could handle it—Oh, sweetie, we saw the footage on the news! All those buildings went down! Are you safe? Oh, I knew you shouldn't have moved to Starling City! You should've stayed in Mapleville with us. Nothing ever happens in Mapleville. Though I suppose there was that one time way back—"
"Mom—"
"I bet you wouldn't have been in Starling City tonight if you were still dating Ed. And don't get me started on that! I still don't understand why—He's in Pittsburgh right now, all the way in Pittsburgh! That sweet dear is looking after his grandma. Poor thing's in the hospital with pneumonia! Betty told me. She'd make a great mother-in-law, just saying."
"Mom—"
"Ronnie's with him, too. Didn't you get along with him? You could've been with them in Pittsburgh tonight, far away from that whole mess—Goodness, dear, I'm just so worried. I knew you shouldn't have moved there, I knew—Asher! Asher, come talk some sense into our baby girl. I need to sit down before I have a heart attack."
The phone changed hands, and her father greeted her. "Hello, Flick,"
His voice was calm and soothing, exactly what she needed. "Hey, Dad,"
"Are you safe there?"
"I'm not that close to the Glades."
"That's good to hear. Your mother and I would like you to come stay with us for a while, if you can do that. Whenever you're able to leave the city. Bad people take advantage of chaos, sweetheart. It'll be dangerous until they sort that whole mess out."
"That'd be great. I'll leave when I can." she fibbed, knowing Detective Lance probably wouldn't allow it in spite of everything.
"Love you, Flick."
"Love you, Dad."
As she walked back into the living room to sit next to Diggle, something occurred to her. "Have you talked to Carly?"
Diggle threw his good arm over her shoulder as she sat down. "While I was waiting for Oliver to come get me at Merlyn Global."
She rested her head on his chest, ready to pass out. "Shouldn't you be with her instead?"
"Carly left after seeing Mrs. Queen on the news. She and my nephew are at her aunt's house in Seattle."
"Good," she mumbled, already drifting off.
The pain from his injuries woke Diggle at 11:43, a dull ache threatening to grow into throbbing agony. He carefully let Felicity's head fall to the couch cushion before limping to her bathroom in search of aspirin. On the way, he saw the body pillow on her bed and decided she needed it, as much as the effort hurt. Barely conscious, Felicity sighed as she curled up with the pillow, wrapping her limbs around it as she adjusted it under her head.
Diggle was happy to see she could sleep; she'd had none the night before, and he'd expected her to waste the night wringing her hands and crying.
He let out a sigh of relief as he opened the medicine cabinet and immediately spotted the ibuprofen. As he swallowed two pills, his eyes scanned the contents of the cabinet, wondering if he'd get lucky and spot something else useful.
What was folic acid again? It sounded familiar. He was pretty sure it was a vitamin. Next to that was a bottle with its label turned away from him. As he spun it around, his eyes grew wide.
He knew it. He fucking knew it! And she knew, too! And she hadn't told him! All this time, and she's kept it to herself. That sneaky girl. That sneaky pregnant girl with her prenatal vitamins—
She should've left the city. Actually she shouldn't have, because she needed to disarm the device, but she should've left. If Diggle had known, he would've forced her to leave. And if Oliver knew… No wonder she didn't tell them. They would've sent her to Canada. Maybe they should. Maybe they should send her to safe, snowy Canada with its moose and maple syrup—
And maybe Diggle shouldn't be dealing with this while half-conscious and fuzzy with pain. He couldn't focus or think clearly, and he could be dreaming, anyway. Yeah, it's just a dream. She can't really be pregnant.
Diggle dragged himself out of the bathroom, his body aching and begging for more sleep. He collapsed on her bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
The next morning Diggle woke, sharp and in need of more pain killers. He shuffled across the floor to the bathroom, remembering his supposed dream. After quickly peeking into the living room to check that Felicity was still asleep, he opened the cabinet.
"Aw, dammit." he mumbled, seeing the very real bottle of prenatal vitamins. He continued to stare at it as he downed another dose of ibuprofen. She's been pregnant this whole time. Last night, he couldn't blame her for keeping it a secret, but now…
Bleary-eyed, Felicity reached for her glasses on the coffee table. When she put them on, she blinked a few times and Diggle came into focus.
He didn't look happy.
"Hey, Dig," she said reluctantly, rubbing her eye. "Could you turn on the news, please?"
He sat on the coffee table, fidgeting with something in his massive hands. Whatever it was gave a muffled rattle, like pills in a bottle.
"Can you not open the ibuprofen?"
His jaw tensing, he placed the bottle in front of her. Her heart jumped into her throat as she read the label.
"Oh, crap."
"There something you want to tell me?" he asked.
"Not really."
"When have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"
They heard a knock on her door before she could answer. With one last apologetic glance at Diggle, she went to see who it was.
Oliver. Of course it was Oliver. "Just a minute," she called before looking at Diggle, silently begging him not to tell. He rolled his eyes and shoved the bottle under the couch.
He looked as lifeless as he had last night as he entered the apartment. "I should get Diggle out of here," Oliver looked at her as he said it. "Are you going to be okay here by yourself?"
She nodded, and Oliver planted a tender kiss on her forehead. "Lock up after we leave."
Diggle hobbled over to her on his way out. "Don't do anything stupid." he said as he hugged her. "I'll talk to you later." She swallowed nervously at that, knowing she had a lot of explaining to do.
"Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley