Steve rolled over in bed and felt around for his ringing cell phone, cursing dispatch for such a late call, assuming it was a new case.

He focused on his phone in the dark and was surprised to see Sarah's name appear.

"Hello?" he said still a little sleepy and confused, wondering if maybe she had dialed him by mistake.

"Steve, its Sarah."

"Yeah, what's up?" he sat up, leaning back against the headboard.

"I'm at the hospital. Jacob's Mother brought him in early this afternoon."

He was instantly awake, startled over that news. "Is he all right?" He reached over turning the lamp on.

"No," her voice barely audible. She looked up trying to stop the tears that were teetering on the brim of her eyes. "It won't be long now." The sadness in her voice and the meaning were unmistakable.

"What?!" He felt a sharp pain like someone had stuck something in his chest. "I just saw him last week and he was fine." He suddenly recalled him being more lethargic than usual, but didn't consider it a threat.

"He got a fever and," she paused trying not to cry, "it just happened so fast and they can't do anymore for him."

"Oh Jacob," he whispered, fearing for his friend.

"I just wanted to let you know incase you wanted to come and say goodbye to him." She couldn't contain the tears and let them fall, using the back of her hand to wipe her face off. "I know how difficult this is, so it's okay if you can't do it, but I just wanted to give you the option."

He swung the covers off and sat up on the side of the bed. "Are you at Queen's?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"Sixth floor pediatric ICU," she directed him, knowing he'd come.

"I'm on my way." He hung up and went straight for his dresser, pulling out a pair of sweats and slipping them on. He opened the next drawer and grabbed the first shirt on top of the pile, but as he pulled it over his head he was suddenly overcome with memories of Jacob and the heartbreaking task he still had to do. He couldn't believe what was happening. He seemed fine when they all went to the ball game and now he was going to the hospital to say his last goodbyes. He rubbed his thumb and index finger over his eyes, trying to stifle the hundreds of different emotions that were surfacing. "Hold it together," he told himself. "He doesn't need you showing up there bawling."

He went downstairs slipping on a pair of flip flops that were sitting by the front door and grabbed his keys off the small table, swinging the door shut behind him as he ran towards his truck.

He stopped at a light at the end of his street and looked in both directions, getting angry that it was red but there was no other traffic coming. He became suddenly afraid he wouldn't get there in time and the need to see Jacob was overwhelming. He'd never had the privilege to say goodbye to someone he loved before and he had grown to love that little guy.

He flipped on his police lights, running the red light. He raced through the streets that were mostly deserted that time of night but using the lights on his truck still cut his drive time to the hospital in half.

Sarah stood up as she saw him get off the elevator.

He scanned his surroundings and then saw her, making his way down the hall toward her. She had never been so happy to see anyone in her entire life. He was the only one in the world who could relate to what she was feeling.

She'd never seen him unshaven and looking so disheveled. As he got close they made eye contact and they both felt in their hearts what the other showed in their eyes.

The sadness all over her face was hard to see and it just made him all the more anxious over the task he still had to do. For some reason he thought she would be the strong one, but he knew that was unfair to assume. She loved Jacob just as much as he did.

They didn't speak but just hugged each other tightly. It felt warm and safe in his arms. She didn't want to let go but knew what he still had to do. She was scared for him, knowing what he was facing. It had been the most painful few moments of her life, but she was still glad she had got to do it and knew he would be too.

"Is he still…" he couldn't even bring himself to say it.

"Yes," she nodded, "he's medicated to make him comfortable but he's awake." She pointed, "He's in room 612."

Steve looked in that direction and then back at Sarah. She could see the worry and pain in his eyes, almost as if he were second guessing his decision to go in. "It's ok Steve," she said gently, "it's just Jacob."

He needed that. He needed to be reminded that this was a privilege and if he didn't go through with it he'd regret it for the rest of his life. He brushed his hand over fresh tears that fell down her cheek, giving her a small but thankful smile.

The room was partially dimmed and Jacob's Mother stood up from next to his bed. She looked tired and the sadness in her eyes was unmistakable but she smiled when she saw him. "Jacob," she said in the most upbeat voice, looking down at her son, "look who's here."

Steve couldn't even fathom what his mother must be going through. He was struggling to hold it together and was going to stay that way through this visit, yet she was losing her child and still had the strength to keep a smile for him. She was amazing, he thought.

He stood next to his bed and leaned down on the bars, taking his small hand that had an IV going into the back of it to keep him medicated and comfortable. He was surprised at how warm it was. "Hey Buddy."

"Stevo," he said between breaths. His lips smiled but his sunken eyes and the pasty color of his skin showed the weariness of the months battling this horrible disease. He looked so much worse than the last time he saw him. Steve could see the fight was almost over.

"Any cases?" Jacob asked, his voice weak, gone was the vibrant six-year old he knew so well.

Steve swallowed trying to wet his dry throat that had closed up. He was determined to hold it together for him. Jacob saw him as a strong father type and he wasn't going to let him down now and cry in front of him, which might only scare him. "Yes we do." They had been working on a murder case but he didn't want to discuss something so morbid, so he made one up. "We have someone breaking into grocery stores and stealing all the bananas."

"Bananas?" Jacob chuckled.

"I know it's crazy. The Governor called and needs us to solve this quick. The island is running out." He leaned in and whispered to him, "But I think he just likes bananas on his cereal and hasn't had any and it's making him grumpy."

Jacob giggled, "Who would," he paused catching his breath, "steal bananas?"

Steve shrugged, "We're taking a trip out to the zoo tomorrow to take some prints from the gorillas and monkeys."

Jacob started laughing as well as his mother.

"Its not funny," Steve said seriously, but with a smile. "I'm concerned. What do you think we should do?"

Jacob took in a deep breath. His eyes came to life over that question, getting to participate in his favorite subject. "It's probably…a monkey," he suggested, "they're small and could get out...of the cage." He started to close his eyes and Steve inadvertently squeezed his hand, frightened that this was it, but he looked back up at him, catching his breath. "Monkeys are super smart." He stared at him as if this conversation was the most important one of the day. "Check for banana peels too."

Steve's face lit up as if that was a great suggestion. "Good thinking. That's why I like having you around."

He heard the door behind him open and looked over his shoulder at Jacob's grandmother. She had the same haunted look as the rest of them. Steve knew his time was coming to an end. He looked back down at him as the little boy squeezed his hand. His expression showed that he knew their time was limited too.

"I can't help you…on anymore cases," he said.

Steve only nodded not sure he could even speak. He was doing everything he could not to show the pain that was soaring through him. He was really going to miss him.

"Mom says I'm going to go be with Jesus." He took in another deep breath and let it out slowly. "She said that…he must have a special job for me…since he wants me in heaven so fast."

Steve gently rubbed his hand over his head, "I bet he needs your police skills."

Jacob smiled over that idea but was getting too tired to talk anymore. His eyes opened and closed slowly.

Steve heard another dose of medication a few seconds earlier being disbursed. "Will you put in a good word for me so when I get there he knows who I am?"

Jacob chuckled, "Ok."

"I have to go. Your Grandma is here and she wants to talk to you."

"Ok," Jacob smiled up at him. "I'll probably see you again sometime."

"I'm counting on it. Until then," he bumped his fist against his. "I love you Buddy."

Jacob smiled over that, not expecting it. He had been the only male in his life that he had looked up too. He hit his fist with his small one. "I love you too Stevo."

He backed away from the bed and glanced over at his mother who had her hands over her heart. She didn't have to say it but the look in her eyes was thanking him for profusely for making Jacob laugh and for just being there.

He came out of the room and leaned back against the wall by the door for support. Once out of view of Jacob the pain hit him like a sledgehammer to his chest. He didn't know how he had held it together in there but it was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. He looked over at Sarah and quickly turned away not wanting her to see him cry, walking in the opposite direction.

"Steve," she said, seeing the devastation all over his face, knowing how he felt. She chased after him, grabbing him by the arm. "Please," she pleaded with him, "don't go away. Don't leave me here alone." He kept his back to her but she knew by the way his shoulders slouched and gently shook that he was feeling the loss just as much as she was. She didn't force him to turn so she just put her arms around him from behind, laying her head on the back of his shoulder and hugged him, crying with him over the loss of their friend.

The halls were quiet and it was just the two of them. He put one hand over hers that were clasped together around his chest and the other he used to wipe over his face, still unsure why he felt like he had to hide it from her, but he did. He took in a couple of deep breaths feeling it settle inside of him. He shifted his body and wrapped an arm around her shoulder so he could hug her now. "I won't leave you," he whispered, pulling her close.

They held each other in silence for a long time. He didn't pull away like he always did in the past; instead he guided her back to her things and reached down still clutching her around the body as her head rested on him. He picked up her purse with his free hand and walked down the hall with her to the elevators.

Steve unlocked Sarah's apartment door for her and let her enter first. She walked silently past him and into the kitchen standing at the counter and just starred off into space as if she forgot what she had gone in there for.

He came up behind her feeling that same dreaded displacement. It wasn't fair that that sweet innocent little boy had to suffer so much and then miss out on a life that they took for granted everyday. He reached up in the cupboard and took out a glass, filling it with water. "You okay?" he asked handing it to her.

Sarah shrugged, taking a small drink hearing her cell phone in her purse go off, alerting her of a new message and at the same time Steve's buzzed as well. He took his out of his pocket and read the message.

Sarah saw the tears well in his eyes, knowing the inevitable had arrived.

He hung his head down feeling his chest tighten. He knew it was coming, they both did but somehow they had been hanging on to just a thread of hope that by some miracle that perfect little boy would be given a second chance. But it wouldn't come to be. The hurt from that was worse than either one had prepared themselves for.

Sarah leaned into him for support and he held her close, needing it from her too. He set his phone on the counter and used both hands to pull her in, having that natural instinct to protect and comfort, but when her arms went around him in the same way it was as if she were giving him permission to lean on her.

She felt his hand go up into her hair and pull her head against his shoulder, while his was bent and rested against hers. The night had been horrible and didn't seem to be getting any easier for either of them. She could feel his heartbreak and was pleased that he trusted her enough to show it rather than hold it in like she knew he did most things. He was a complicated man but she also knew him well enough to know that this was beyond his control. He had grown to love Jacob just as much as she had.

He felt her tears on his skin, which only made him feel the sorrow even more. Hearing her cry was just as painful to him, wishing he could say or do something that would make her feel better and wishing she could do the same for him. He'd lost friends over the years but he couldn't recall one that had given him so much grief as this one did, maybe it was because it wasn't sudden like the others. He'd been able to say goodbye, which he was grateful for, but now that it was done he wasn't sure the closure had helped, because what he felt inside was horrific. He knew she was feeling it too and maybe more, again, wanting to comfort her so she wouldn't feel it, but he had no words that would satisfy either of them.

It was late and they were exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Steve held her around the shoulder and led her down the short hallway to her room. He still had a fifteen-minute drive from her house to his and wanted to make sure she was all right before he left. Although having to go home to an empty house with only Jacob to think about was not sitting well with him either.

Sarah stood in her room and knew she had to pull it together. He still had to drive home and they both had to work in the morning. She wiped her fingers over her face and under her eyes, looking up at him. She didn't know why but she was surprised to see his eyes just as bloodshot with fresh tears. "He's in a better place now," she whispered, knowing it was what everyone always said at a time like this, but it suddenly seemed so foolish.

"I know," Steve said, feeling another wave of grief wash over him, "but I'm feeling a little selfish. I wish he were still here."

Sarah nodded, gulping for air. "I just wasn't prepared like I thought I would be."

He put a hand on her face, catching new tears as they tumbled from her eyes. "Me too." He swallowed down the dryness in his throat that began to close up again.

She could hear it in his voice without having to see it. She closed her eyes and cupped the back of his neck, putting her cheek against his. "I'm glad you're here with me." She meant it in the most sincere possible way, needing that friendship that he was always so generous with.

He hadn't thought about it until just then, but he felt the same way about her. He wouldn't have allowed himself this freedom with anyone else. He was safe with Sarah. He told her so by kissing her cheek and hugging her just a little tighter.

She massaged the back of his neck, knowing he was tired but had taken her home because he was concerned about her, not because he needed her. She pulled back just enough so they were facing each other. "You don't have to stay any longer," she said.

He rested his forehead against hers feeling the night catch up with him. "Are you going to be ok?"

She nodded, reaching up and kissing him for that, knowing that if she said no, he would have sat next to her bed all night if he had too.

He thought nothing of the kiss; it was just Sarah saying thank you.

The first one was innocent in every sense of the word, but the feeling that overcame her from it was anything but. It was calming in a way that melted away the pain of Jacob, replacing it with a euphoric rush that she had never anticipated in a million years at that moment. It was so soothing in fact that she wanted to feel it again, so she indulged herself, hoping to find that same peace brought on from the first one. The second one was even better. The third one she didn't hesitate, overcome with the sensation that lifted her up as if she were floating.

Again, he thought nothing of the first one, but the second one caught him off guard even though he didn't react shocked. It was the third one though that had taken on a new life. It wasn't an innocent kiss like the other two; it was mysterious only because it was coming from Sarah. Why was she kissing him like that? And where did she learn to kiss like that! He was caught between wanting her to stop because of their situation and because it was Sarah, and not wanting her to stop because as crazy as it was, it felt damn good and after the night they had any kind of pleasure was welcomed.

He was about to pull away when she tilted her head and pulled him closer. He gave in to her and opened his mouth, giving her free access to what he could only describe as exotic and unbelievably enjoyable. In that split second she had gone from this person whom he saw as sweet and naïve to a woman who had him lost in his own thoughts. Then all at once it him again, this was Sarah! 'What are you doing?' he scolded himself. 'You can't do this to her,' knowing of her feelings toward him. He'd always had an idea but never dreamt it would come to this. But it was the emotions she had over Jacob that he was most concerned with. 'She's confused…' he argued with himself but quickly lost that argument when her hands slid up his chest and around his shoulders as her lips closed and brushed his, giving him that chance to back away and stop this madness from pursuing any further.

He didn't pull away like she thought he would. She couldn't believe she had kissed him like that and that he had actually returned it. She felt almost guilty for taking advantage of his vulnerability like she was, but it felt so good compared to just a few minutes earlier when she had felt so horribly bad. She wasn't thinking of the outcome, only that it felt good for now and that he wasn't objecting and pushing her away as if she had lost her mind, she wanted more. She just didn't want those awful feelings to return and he was the solution to that.

'Stop her!' he scolded himself, but took too long contemplating how he was going to get out of this mess. She kissed him again. 'Christ Sarah!' he thought as her tongue began to do that thing again. 'I can't do this with her,' he told himself, but felt the kiss seep into his veins and move through him to every part of his body. He didn't want it to continue but he didn't have the will to stop it either. 'Goddamn Sarah,' he moaned going along for the ride for just a couple more minutes, unable to deny that it took away from the earlier pain of Jacob and telling himself it was what she needed and he had wanted to do something, anything to heal her grief. This seemed to be working. 'Just a few more minutes,' he caved as they both lay back on the bed, not sure who had instigated that move or if it was simultaneous.

'Oh God,' Sarah thought, 'please don't stop now Steve, please.' She wasn't sure if she had gone too far. If he pulled away now she was sure the humiliation would be beyond anything she could ever recover from. But going forward was going to change everything else, yet she couldn't stop the forward motion as her hands moved over him and touched him in places she had only fantasized about, even so, the outcome of this would be easier to deal with than if he rejected her, or so she thought. 'It's ok,' she told herself over and over. 'We can do this and it'll still be ok.' He felt so good she would have said anything to convince herself that it was right.

'Shit!' he wanted to scream at her. 'What are you doing to me Sarah?' He was in too deep now to turn back. He couldn't get up and walk away; it would kill their friendship and be humiliating to her and what excuse would he give. 'Shit! Shit!' he thought as she kissed him again and pulled down on his sweats. 'Just do it,' he said almost in a state of panic, never being caught up in something so turbulent. Just then a frightening thought crossed his mind, 'What if I can't do it?' A whole new set of fear kicked in. That would be humiliating for him. This was Sarah after all, and he'd never seen or thought of her in that way.

'Please, just this one time,' she silently begged him. Her emotions turning to that place that she kept hidden from everyone else and only harbored for him. She had only been with two other men in her life, and the last one was two years before. She was lonely for this interaction and he was the perfect cure. She didn't want to think about the future, being in this moment was too captivating. She decided to just jump in and take the initiative, praying that he'd participate in this liaison, 'besides,' she thought, 'he's a gentleman at heart, maybe he's waiting for me to give him permission.'

"It's all right," she whispered to him almost breathless, "if we want this, I'm on the pill. I'm covered." She kissed him again before he could respond, taking both of her hands and moving up under his shirt, caressing his back and pulling down on his hips as he lay on top of her.

'Oh God, I'm in this now,' he thought, feeling her hands move over his back as his mind followed suit. 'That feels pretty good,' he moaned as the tips of her fingers slid over his bare skin and her hands came to rest on his hips, pushing up into him and deepening the kiss at the same time. 'These kisses…' he began and lost his train of thought as he succumbed to another one. It didn't take long for the red-blooded male inside of him to take advantage of this situation. He slid a hand inside her shirt, letting it glide over her body surprised at how soft her skin felt against his rough hands.

'Oh God Steve, I love you so much,' she shuttered over his willingness, getting the idea that kissing him was like an aphrodisiac because every time she did it his reaction was positive and more forthcoming. 'He likes it.' She wanted to cry she was so moved over that thought. 'He wants me too.' She couldn't take the waiting any longer and reached down undoing her shorts, pulling them down.

Steve looked down at her as she broke from the kiss. His eyes moved down as her hands began to fumble between their bodies. He realized she was taking her clothes off. He looked back up, still not sure how this was going to work when they locked eyes. Hers were still slightly puffy from crying but the look in them had changed to something new. He'd never seen her look at him like that before. He'd never seen anyone look at him like that before. It was more powerful than the kiss. He didn't see sweet, innocent Sarah anymore. That gaze was about the sexiest thing he'd ever witnessed. Her hair was fanned out on the pillow and her face was flushed. He'd never seen her look more beautiful and something came over him in that second that moved him into the next level. He wanted her.

She saw something in his eyes, hesitation perhaps; wonderment, shock, or maybe it was regret? She couldn't get a fix on it and felt the panic begin to sweep through her, wondering if she had gone too far and he wanted a way out. She was about to give it to him when she saw his eyes close and then he kissed her this time. She literally felt her body melt into the bed as his one hand pushed his body up while the other took over the duty of her shorts, all the while he never broke from the rhythmic motion of his tongue that caressed her in the most pleasing way. He had taken control and she was now under his mercy. She couldn't help but think that he'd done this before many times, because his skills were off the chart.

He ran his hand up her naked thigh amazed again at how soft and silky her skin felt. His heart was pounding in anticipation of his next move, gliding his fingers down between her thighs. The reaction of her body when he touched her along with the heat and the amount of wetness coming from her showed how badly she wanted him. That alone was a turn on. He didn't feel that performance anxiety that had worried him a few minutes earlier. He'd never seen Sarah as a sex object before, not even in her bathing suit, but the woman lying under him was not the Sarah he knew and loved, she was someone who had kept herself hidden from him. The idea of this stranger behind the girl was as erotic as any fantasy he could have dreamt up. Her hands worked like magic on his body as he slid an arm under her waist and lifted her up to him, taking his time with her, knowing she hadn't had a boyfriend for as long as he'd known her and also knowing that she wasn't promiscuous by any means. He didn't want to hurt her, letting nature take its course. He'd been with his share of women and knew what to expect, but what happened in the next few minutes left him dazed and wondering if all this time he'd been delusional about sex, because making love to Sarah was unlike anything he had ever encountered. He wasn't prepared for what she did to him.

She was with Steve in this moment that she could only describe as thrilling. She savored every second of it, not sure how he was able to control the slow meticulous movement below and at the same time ravish her with kisses that only heightened her senses. After all this time she couldn't believe he wanted her like this, but she wasn't about to dwell on the miracle of that, but instead focused on his body and hands that was driving her mad. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do, when his arm slid under her and lifted her off the bed, feeling him slowly and gently push his way into her. She clutched on to his shoulders, wrapping her legs around his waist as he controlled the timing. She held her breath until she felt the pressure of him inside her, letting out a gasp that only encouraged him as he began to move on her. She couldn't hold back the desperate cries that sprang from her throat as she praised his efforts that just kept coming and coming as her body welcomed the pleasure. The others she'd been with were awkward compared to this. She was a virgin when it came to the feelings that rippled through her, hitting new heights with every stroke of his hips, but it was the sounds coming from him that she considered the most enjoyable.

'Oh my God Sarah!' The voice in his head shouted out over the storm that was blowing through him. She felt unbelievably good as her body wrapped around him, matching him stroke for stroke, making his head swirl. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. She wasn't supposed to feel like this. He heard his name in the most erotic tone which only encouraged him as he pulled her closer wanting to ravish her body in every position he could imagine but knew the timing wasn't right. It didn't matter though, because what he was experiencing at the moment was heaven. He slid a hand under her shirt, feeling her stomach, moving up and over her bra, wishing now she were completely naked, wanting to see what she had always kept hidden under those baggy clothes. He was about to remove the obstacle when he heard her cries and his name being served up over and over, knowing she was climaxing. He disregarded the clothes and focused on the pace, enjoying her gratification more than he ever had with anyone before. 'You feel so good,' he thought as her body began to pull him in to where she had just left off.

She felt his muscles tighten as hers calmed. His breathing was in quick short gasps and she knew he was close. 'Say my name Steve,' she silently begged him, holding him close as he lifted his body up, hovering over hers but still rested his head on her shoulder, keeping a steady motion. She could feel his sweat build on his back as he squeezed her tighter and then all at once his body shuttered and he moaned, turning his face away from her. 'Say my name Steve,' she silently begged him, 'just this one time to show me that you really know it's me.'

'Oh God Sarah!' his mind screamed out her name over and over as he came inside her. It was unbelievable to the point that he had to turn his head just to catch his breath; feeling like he might suffocate from the rush that was coursing through is body. She held on to him tightly, which only prolonged the moment sending little electric shocks up and down his body. He began to sweat from it. He couldn't ever remember sweating after; it was all so unexpected and new.

It was over just as quickly as it had started, but the outcome for each of them was anything but disappointing. He lay still in her arms and she did the same, both trying to catch their breaths and not sure what they were supposed to do or say.

She still couldn't believe what had just happened between them. 'Say something,' she thought, feeling this precious moment she had only dreamt of slowly becoming awkward. 'Is he going to say anything?'

'Damn,' he thought, torn over the fact that he'd just had sex with Sarah and the other fact that it was possibly the best orgasm of his life. 'Say something to her, anything, just say something.' For the life of him he couldn't think of one thing that would make this moment any easier for either of them. 'Jesus Steve,' he scolded himself, 'say something!' He rose up on his elbows and looked down at her as she smiled ever so slightly. "I can't believe what we just did." But the tone and the meaning both came out wrong. 'You idiot!' He wanted to suck the words back in but that was impossible, it was already out there and she responded in the only way he knew she could.

"I can't either. That was crazy." She wanted to die, feeling the gigantic mistake she had just made, only because she knew that's what he was thinking.

'Crazy good,' he thought but didn't say it, instead he tried to clean up his previous slip. "I didn't mean it like it was bad, Sarah." but it seemed like no matter what he said it was wrong. It was as if he were on a patch of ice, sliding down a steep slope unable to stop and the final impact looked like it was going to hurt.

She smiled but it was forced, moving her legs so he could get off of her, which he did, rolling over on his side.

"I know you have to get up early and so do I," she said, looking over at him as he lay there. "It's ok Steve," she assured him, hating that look of pity and regret on his face. "I think we both just felt the need for the pain over Jacob to stop."

She turned her face away wanting to cry, feeling that pain return, but she couldn't deny her tears were over Steve as well. She had gone from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs and back down again.

"Sarah." He went to reach for her and she rolled over with her back to him.

"It's ok, you should just go."

He didn't know what to do. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her, but he was beginning to get the idea that his presence was only making it worse.

He sat up on the edge of the bed reaching for his sweats. He stood up as he slipped them back on, looking down at her. She had covered herself with the blanket as if she were embarrassed or ashamed. He felt neither of those but was beginning to feel guilty for making her feel that way.

He should have put a stop to it after the second kiss, but he couldn't, and even more than that, it got to a point that he didn't want to, still, if he knew it was going to end with her like this then he would have.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled on her shoulder, forcing her to look at him. He ran his hand over her hair. "I don't want to leave you like this." He didn't plan on leaving at all, at least not this soon, not until she had suggested it, or did she simply want him to leave. He didn't know and didn't want to make another mistake.

She looked up at him, seeing him still a little flushed and sweaty. His eyes were misty and his lips were still slightly swollen from kissing her. She didn't think she had ever seen him look so handsome. He was beautiful and yet he was still so out of her reach. She wanted to beg him to stay but knew she had already taken so much from him that she should just count her blessings and be happy, but she was anything but. She reached up and touched his hand that rested on her shoulder. "It's ok, really." She rolled away again, not able to look at him for another second or she might humiliate herself again. "Just lock the bottom lock on your way out."

There were about a hundred questions flying around his head that he wanted to ask her, but the most critical one was whether this was going to hurt their friendship, but even as he sat there he knew it was inevitable. It already had.

She felt his hand gently slide down her arm as if saying goodbye and then he got up. She listened to him pick up his keys off the counter in the kitchen, lock the bottom lock on the door and close it, double checking to make sure it really was locked because he worried about her, but yet he couldn't see her beyond what she was even after what they just shared. She was plain ole' Sarah. She buried her face in her pillow and cried like she hadn't cried in years.

Steve walked down the steps from her apartment feeling every ounce of energy he had left being sucked out of him. He held on to the railing as he sat down on the bottom step. He cupped the back of his neck with both hands, coming to full term with what had just happened up in that apartment. Not only did he feel the painful blow of losing Jacob that night, but he was almost positive he was going to lose Sarah too, and that was almost more than he could take.