DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

The sound of Vash's boots stomping as he paced was driving Wolfwood crazy. Bad enough he had lost Wolfwood two hundred double-dollars, now Vash was making it impossible to nap.

"How could I have been so stupid?" the Humanoid Typhoon ranted as he paced. "I went over there completely on a whim, totally unprepared. How could I take her out to dinner? I have nothing to wear! What if it's too expensive? What if I can't recognize anything on the menu? Damn it, how could I have been so stupid!"

"Spikey, will you please shut up?" Wolfwood demanded. "You're acting pretty stupid right now!"

Vash sat on the bed next to Wolfwood, forcing him to sit up. "I don't have any good dinner clothes. What am I supposed to do?"

Wolfwood sighed and lit a smoke. Shook his head. "Listen and learn at the feet of the master, Spikey."

Ears perked up. Wolfwood had a different girl in every town; he seemed very skilled at getting dates. Vash was sure he knew what he was talking about when it came to women.

"Your first mistake was in asking Meryl out."

Head cocked. "But if I didn't ask her, how would she ever know I wanted to ask her?"

Wolfwood sighed. "You've got a lot to learn about women. Nobody wants some simpering wuss who's going to come crawling on hands and knees, begging for a date. She's not going to respect some sissy who makes himself available whenever she can squeeze him in."

"But –"

"No buts! Women don't want what's theirs for the taking. The nature of a woman is to want what she can't have. You have to make yourself unavailable. Make it clear she's lucky to get the time of day from you. It's happened a million times before. The nice guy gets left in the dust, the cocky guy gets the girl. If you want Meryl to like you, you have to be that guy!"

"That doesn't make any sense." Vash scratched his head in confusion.

Wolfwood's smoke formed itself into a ring. "And yet, there it is."

"So what am I supposed to do, then?"

The priest grabbed a full pack of cigarettes and got ready to deliver his sermon.