DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.
Wolfwood had instructed Vash in how to attract a woman without trying to attract her.
Had messed up Vash's hair. Wadded up the red duster and stuffed it under a mattress and rolled around on it. Taken Vash's boots and returned them muddied up. Went so far as to dab whiskey on him.
"Are you sure this is how this goes?" Vash asked.
"Spikey! You don't tame a thomas by chasing after it, begging. The first step is to get it to come to you, and you do that by acting like you don't give a damn about it. You have to get it to come to you. It's the same with women. You want a shot, you have to play hard to get."
"If you say so."
His instincts told him he should look nice for Meryl; however, given that his previous attempts at pursuing women had not worked out, it was clear he could not trust his instincts. The smart move was to trust Wolfwood's advice. After all, who could you trust if not a priest?
All right, this was Meryl's door. Deep breath – here we go.
Banged on the door. According to Wolfwood, knocking was for nice guys, who finished last. Cocky guys got the girl, and cocky guys didn't act nice.
Meryl did not look any different than she usually did, but there was something in her eyes that he liked – and it dimmed as she looked him over.
Well, that was a good thing, according to Wolfwood, even if it didn't make Vash feel good.
Stay in character, buddy. It'll work out in the end.
"Ready?" he grunted.
"Yes, I am." She smiled, and he had to fight not to smile back. "I presume you have my twenty double-dollars?"
Wolfwood had been very clear on this. Don't bring any money. No money on the first date. Vash had tried to explain that this was not a date, but Wolfwood still insisted. Money was for subsequent encounters, never the first.
"No. Let's go." He marched off down the hall, setting the pace. Cocky guys led, and women followed. Thus spoke the master.
Led the way down to the lobby, trusting his hearing to tell him that she was following. The rain had not let up. What if she got drenched?
They went outside. The wind had picked up, blowing rain onto the walkway. It was time to put the cocky on pause, because no way was he going to let Meryl walk in the rain. Took a position on the outer edge of the walkway, sheltering her from the soak. By the time they got to the restaurant, half of his duster was soaked through.
"May I take your coat, sir?"
He felt miserable in this now-wet thing, but cocky guys did not act uncomfortable. Cocky guys were unfazed no matter what the situation, Wolfwood said.
"No. Just give us a table."
"Don't acknowledge her. Women expect to be acknowledged. If you don't acknowledge them, you stand out from the crowd. By not trying to get her attention, you'll get her attention."
In accordance with this advice, Vash let Meryl get her own chair. Stayed quiet. Women were not attracted to chatterboxes.
Their waiter came. Meryl opened her mouth to say something, but Vash placed the order. "Two steaks, rare. Two beers on tap. Donuts for dessert." Women respected a man who took charge.
"I beg your pardon, sir, but we do not carry donuts."
"Everyplace carries donuts," Vash insisted. Cocky guys were never uncertain.
The waiter bowed. "I will check with the chef, sir."
"I could have ordered for myself," Meryl told him.
"Saved you the trouble." That seemed like something a cocky guy would say.
"Hmph!" She buried herself back in the menu.
So far, she seemed nonplussed rather than intrigued. Was he doing something wrong?
On the other hand, open pursuit had never gotten him anyplace. He would stick with the cocky guy thing. Women were attracted to Wolfwood; the guy must know what he was talking about. He had even seen Milly sneak a few shy glances the priest's way.
Their food came. Vash made a point out of not paying attention to Meryl, even though he could see she looked more and more like she was not enjoying herself. Shouldn't she be taken by his cockiness at this point?
At least they turned out to have donuts available. He hoped that would fix things, except Meryl didn't seem to enjoy those, either. Was contemplating ditching the adopted persona and trying to cheer her up when the bill came.
Ah, this should work. Women liked the empowerment of being able to pay the bill. More wisdom from the master. Proving she could pay her own way should make Meryl feel better.
"Pay it." He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.
"What!" Meryl exclaimed.
"I don't have any money on me. Pay the bill."
The force of her standing up knocked over her chair, and he immediately could tell he had done something wrong.
She stood like she was going to chew him out for a minute, then just threw money on the table. The next thing he felt was the forceful sting of her slap. Sat there stunned as she stormed away.
This was not what was supposed to happen!