As many times as Kevin had insisted on giving him a ride, Sam had elected to walk back to the motel. After watching Captain America, Kevin had convinced Sam that he had to watch more Marvel movies and lent him some of his favourites, like the Iron Man movies and Thor. It was pretty chilly with the sun down, but it didn't take long to walk anywhere in this town.
It was past midnight when Sam got back to the room. He knew that he should go to bed so he wouldn't be exhausted at school the next morning, but he really needed to talk to Dean, who was at work until one, so Sam returned to flipping through the channels on the tv. He had just started to doze off when his older brother walked in. "Hey, Sammy, thought you'd be asleep," Dean said as he kicked off his shoes.
"No, I was waiting for you to get back. I have something I need to talk to you about," Sam replied timidly. Dean nodded for him to continue. "How do you know that you're straight?" he asked. "Like, how can you be sure?"
"Why, did you meet a girl? Or did you meet a guy?" Sam could tell that Dean was mocking him.
"C'mon, Dean, this is serious," Sam whined. "Never mind, I shouldn't have asked." He crawled under the covers and turned to face away from his brother. He should have known that Dean would just make fun of him.
"Sammy, I was kidding! I'll be serious now, what's going on?" When Sam didn't respond, Dean went and sat on the edge of his bed. "I'm sorry, talk to me about it."
Sam sat up and faced Dean. "Well… it's one of my new classmates… he's so sure about who he is and he doesn't hide it because the other kids make fun of him. He's the only kid in this town who is openly gay, and I just don't understand how he can be so sure that he's gay. So how do you know? You're so sure that you like girls, but how? How do you know? And… I… I don't know. Sexuality is weird… because I want to be intimate with someone and date and everything, but I'm not interested in having sex with anyone. I know sex is an important part of a relationship, but I just don't want it."
"Woah, woah, slow down. You don't have to have everything figured out," Dean responded. "And there's more than just gay and straight…"
"Yeah, I know there's bisexuality, too," Sam interrupted. "But…"
"There are more than just three sexualities, Sam. There's asexuality, pansexuality, and people everywhere along the spectrum. There aren't any boxes, you don't have to force yourself into one of them… You know that right?"Dean said gently.
"Wait, there are other people who don't have an interest in sex? Asexuality is a thing?" Sam asked, seemingly surprised.
"Yeah, definitely. And just because someone is asexual, that doesn't mean they can't be in romantic relationships… and you can have preferences with romantic relationships, just like sexual relationships…" Dean explained. "There are people who are aromantic but not asexual, and there are people who are asexual who do have romantic orientations and desires…"
"How do you know about all this? And what was it that you said before, pansexual?" Sam was still a little bit confused. He'd always thought that sexuality was black and white, you were either gay or you weren't.
"Well, when I was your age I was curious, too," Dean answered. "When someone is pansexual or panromantic, it basically means that someone doesn't care about gender or whatever, if they fall in love with the person, they fall in love with them. I actually, I have something to admit to you, Sammy. I'm not straight… I know that I talk about girls all the time and it may seem like I am, but a few years ago, I realized that I identify as bisexual..."
"And you talk about girls so Dad won't suspect anything?" Sam had always thought of his brother as this straight stud, and learning that he wasn't came as a shock to him. "Dean, I think I'm asexual… and maybe panromantic?"
"Yeah… Dad would kill me if I told him, so I try to hide it, especially if he's around. I should have told you earlier, Sammy. I'm sorry. And don't worry about trying to figure out all the labels, just take it one day at a time. If things happen, they happen," Dean smiled. "So what's his name? This classmate of yours?"
"Uh… Kevin," Sam blushed. "We, uh, we actually hung out this evening. I went to McDonald's for supper and he was working there and we went to his house afterwards."
"That's great! Just don't let him pressure you, and if you do end up fooling around, make sure you're safe," Dean gently slapped Sam's leg and stood up.
"Nothing happened, Dean. He doesn't even like me like that. Just because he's gay and I probably have a crush on him, that doesn't mean he likes me back," Sam mumbled.
"Well, he'd be crazy not to. But you'd better get to sleep, you have school in the morning," Dean crawled into bed. "Goodnight, Sammy," he said before he turned off the lights.
Before Sam knew it, the alarm on his phone went off. Reluctantly, he rolled out of bed and dragged himself into the bathroom to shower before school. He couldn't stop thinking about the conversation he'd had with Dean last night. It felt good to be open about stuff with his brother, and he was happy that Dean had opened up to him. Now maybe Dean wouldn't talk about girls all the time, maybe they'd be able to talk about other things.
On the way to school, Sam stopped at a grocery store and bought a banana for breakfast. Today, he didn't want to be late for first period. He would have been on time yesterday too, if it hadn't been for the secretary that didn't know how to work a computer. When he got onto the school yard, he saw Kevin getting out of his car. "Hey! Kevin!" He called and waved. Kevin smiled and waved back.
"Hey, Sam," Kevin grinned as they got closer. "How are you?"
"Tired," Sam sighed. "I just hope that classes are more interesting today."
Kevin laughed, "Yeah, the first day of class is always pretty boring. The second isn't much better. I have class upstairs, I'll see you in math!"
"Okay, see you," Sam replied as he watched Kevin run up the stairs. The bell was going to ring soon, so he hurried to his English classroom. He sat down and took out his notebook, hoping they would actually do something today. The class seemed to drag on and on, the teacher spent the entire time introducing the first unit. Based on this class, Sam knew that Kevin was right: the second day would be almost as boring as the first.
The next class went by almost as slowly as the first. Gym and health were alternating, so they had to go through all of the rules that every other class went through the day before. When the class was finally over, Sam rushed to the math classroom. He took his seat and when Kevin walked in, he motioned for him to sit next to him.
The rest of the day was enjoyable, mostly because Kevin was in all of his classes. With every moment they spent together, Sam was sure that what he was feeling for Kevin was more than just friendly. After a few weeks had gone by, he knew that he had to tell Kevin, even if he wasn't going to be in this town much longer. He was tired of hiding it, and it felt like he was lying to Kevin by not telling him. He wasn't sure that the smaller boy would reciprocate the feelings, but he had to tell him anyway.
"Hey, Kevin," Sam started as they were driving home from watching a movie in a nearby town, "I have something to say, and you have to promise not to say anything until I'm done, okay?"
"Okay… what is it?" Kevin asked, glancing at Sam while still trying to pay attention to the road.
Sam let out a deep breath before beginning, "I don't want to make things weird between us, but I need to tell you this… Before I met you, I never really thought about sexuality. It never really mattered to me, and seeing you be so unapologetic about who you are, even though people made fun of you… it was really inspiring to me. It made me think about myself. I've always felt like I was… different than most people, but I didn't know what it was exactly… I spent so much time feeling weird, or like I was broken because I don't want to have sex with anyone but I do want to be in a romantic relationship… you know, with cuddling and all that kind of stuff, and I can see myself in that kind of relationship with a guy or a girl…" He paused to look at Kevin's face.
"Sam… if you…" was all Kevin got out before Sam interrupted him.
"Wait, I'm not finished." Kevin nodded and Sam continued, "I know it's probably pointless to tell you this, I probably won't be in this town much longer, but I really like you. As more than just a friend. I know you don't feel the same way, but I really needed to tell you because I can't hide it anymore. If this makes you want to stop hanging out with me, I understand."
Kevin was quiet for a moment, making sure that Sam was actually finished this time. "Sam, if you really think I would want to stop being around you because you like me, you must be crazy. I've had a crush on you from the moment I saw you sitting in the corner of our first math class… I just assumed you were straight and I didn't want you to be uncomfortable…" He paused. "And if you're willing, I'd like nothing more than to be in a romantic relationship with you."
"I… I can't. You mean too much to me, and I don't want to hurt you. My dad will come back from his business trip in a few weeks and we'll have to move again and I can't put you through that," Sam said, looking down at his hands. He would love to have the chance to be with Kevin, but it would only be for a few weeks, and the thought of that hurt him too much. If he let himself be more than friends with Kevin, leaving would be too hard. It was already going to be hard enough.
"Sam, I don't care how long or how short we get to be together, as long as we do. I just want to be with you. As more than just friends. And now that I know the truth, that I could possibly be with you like that, I… I won't be able to think about anything but being close to you. We'll find a way to make it work, even after you leave," Kevin replied. "It's worth a try, you never know what will happen, or what will come of it."
"I just really don't want to hurt you…" was all Sam had to say. He wanted to be in a relationship with Kevin, he wanted to be close with him. He was scared of what his dad would do and what his dad would say when he found out. Sam was tired of his dad controlling his life.
"It's going to hurt both of us either way, so we might as well get the most out of it," Kevin responded. "And I have an idea for one of our future dates… Next Friday there's a concert nearby, well, I say nearby but it's only about 45 minutes away, so nearby for this town, and I have two tickets… would you be interested in going? As more than friends, I mean. Maybe for our first date we could go to dinner and go bowling or to a movie or something. I'm free this Friday."
Sam hesitated, "Yeah, yeah… I'd like that. Both the concert and the first date." he smiled and Kevin grinned back at him. Kevin reached out and squeezed the larger boy's hand as he pulled up to the motel that Sam and Dean were staying at. "Okay… I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow," Sam nervously leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on Kevin's cheek before getting out of the car.
When Sam walked into the hotel room, Dean was sitting on his bed watching one of the many crime dramas on the static-y screen of the hotel's tv. "Hey, Sammy. What's with the goofy smile?" Dean asked when he looked up. "Movie that good?"
"Wha… oh, uh, no…" Sam stuttered. "I… I told Kevin that have a crush on him and he likes me back…" he was still getting used to talking to his brother about this kind of stuff.
"See? I told you he'd be crazy not to like you," Dean beamed. "So… are you… dating now, or...?"
"Uh… yeah. We are… our first date is going to be on Friday. We're going to dinner," Sam blushed. "And next week we're going to a concert."
"Awe, my baby brother Sammy is in his first real relationship… So cute," Dean teased, pinching Sam's cheek on his way to the bathroom.
"I've been in relationships before, remember Dana, and Emily," Sam protested.
"Maybe so, but you like Kevin a lot more than anyone else you've had a crush on, and don't even try to deny it," Dean replied before he shut the bathroom door.
Dean was right. Sam couldn't deny that he had never liked someone as much as he liked Kevin, and he felt the connection between the two of them instantly. Now, knowing that Kevin felt the same way he did, Sam really didn't want to leave. He wished that his dad would let them settle down. It had been years since their mom died, and they were no closer to finding the thing that killed her. For now, Sam was going to focus on the positives, and hope that he had more than just a few weeks with Kevin. Sam got ready to go to sleep and crawled into his bed. When Dean was finished in the bathroom, he lay down and turned off the lights, "G'night, Dean," Sam mumbled before he fell asleep.
The next day at school, Sam and Kevin were a bit shy around each other. When their hands accidentally brushed in math class, Sam started to apologize, stumbling over his words in embarrassment. Kevin giggled and squeezed Sam's hand, just like he had in the car the night before, and it immediately put Sam at ease.
Classes on Thursday and Friday went by quicker than Sam expected. The closer it got to their date, the more nervous Sam felt. Kevin was coming to pick him up at 5:30, and they were driving to the next town over to go to a restaurant that had food that wasn't fried. Sam jumped to answer the door when Kevin knocked.
On the drive to the restaurant, they turned on the car radio. The only station that worked properly played mostly pop music, but they sang along at the top of their lungs, usually off key, bursting out into laughter whenever one of them managed to make a weird squeaky sound. It was usually Sam who laughed first, when he heard himself get off key, he would intentionally make himself sound bad so Kevin wouldn't know how awful he actually was at singing.
They got to the restaurant and the hostess lead them to a booth. "I don't know what to order," Sam told Kevin after the waitress had left. He was used to going to small burger joints with his brother, not restaurants with different varieties of food.
Kevin laughed. "Well, what are you in the mood for?" He asked.
"I don't know," Sam answered. "Uh… maybe just a salad."
"Okay, well, what kind of salad? There's more than just one," Kevin smirked.
Sam looked over the salad section of the menu, "uh… the Thai Chicken Salad sounds good. What are you ordering?"
"The Mushroom and Swiss burger… my mom doesn't like burgers or fries, so we never have it at my house," Kevin explained.
The waitress came to the table to take their order. "Hi, what can I get for you?" She chirped, a fake smile plastered on her face.
Kevin ordered for both of them and handed the waitress the menus. He grinned at Sam across the table and Sam smiled back shyly. "I'm so glad we're doing this," Kevin murmured as he reached out and gently grabbed Sam's hand.
"Me too," Sam beamed. "But I'm afraid we won't get to be together. My dad will probably…"
"Shh…" Kevin interrupted. "Don't focus on that. Let's focus on the positive, let's focus on us, right now."
"I know, but…"
"No buts, Sam. If we only have a few weeks, I don't want to spend them thinking about when you leave. I'd rather spend them listening to your laugh and memorizing the crinkles around your eyes when you smile. I want the colour of your eyes to be permanently engrained in my memory. I want to remember what it feels like to be close to you and feel your warmth so I can look back on cold nights when I'm alone and remember what it was like to have you there. I want to make you happy," Kevin blushed.
"Okay," Sam mumbled, a bashful smile on his face. "I'd like that."
"Good… good," Kevin responded.
Their conversation was interrupted when the waitress came back with their order. Both boys started on their food right away, making small talk while they ate. "Do you want to order dessert?" Kevin asked once they had both finished their meals.
"I'm actually kind of full right now," Sam answered.
"I'm full too, I just thought I'd offer," Kevin responded. "So, should we get out of here?" Sam nodded, so when their waitress came back to clear the dishes he asked to get the check. Kevin insisted that he was going to pay for the entire meal, no matter how many times Sam offered to pay for his half.
"I've only gone bowling once before," Sam admitted when they got to the bowling alley. "So if you beat me, that's why."
"Oh, sure," Kevin joked. "You're just scared I'm going to beat you… which I totally am."
"Alright, Shorty. It's on," Sam smirked. "There's no way I'm letting you win."
"Don't kid yourself, Gigantor," Kevin laughed and poked Sam in the arm. "I'm gonna kick your butt."
Sam wasn't as bad as he thought he would be, but he wasn't as good as Kevin. He threw a lot of gutter balls in the first game and Kevin made fun of him, saying that they should put the bumpers up so he couldn't throw it into the gutter. "I'm just getting warmed up," Sam retorted. He only totalled 54 points the whole game, which was less than half of Kevin's 115.
"Okay, well now that you're warmed up, let's see how you do in the second round," Kevin teased.
"Be prepared to be crushed," Sam laughed.
Sam did much better in the second round, he quickly pulled ahead of Kevin. Kevin snickered as he crept up behind Sam. Kevin poked Sam in the side right as he was about to throw the ball. "Hey, that's not fair!" Sam shouted as his ball rolled down the gutter. "You can't do that! I could've gotten a strike!"
"Oh, you weren't going to get a strike," Kevin smirked and poked Sam's side again.
"You've gotta stop that," Sam giggled. Kevin tried to poke Sam again, but Sam grabbed his hand before he could. "Not this time!"
Kevin chuckled and tried to poke Sam's side with his free hand. Sam laughed as he intercepted Kevin's other hand. "No!" Sam cried, pulling the smaller boy closer to his chest. He looked down at Kevin's smiling face, his dark eyes sparkling in the dim lighting. Sam leaned down towards Kevin and pressed their lips together in a gentle kiss. "I think it's your turn to bowl," Sam mumbled while their foreheads were resting against each other.
"Yeah, yeah, I think it is," Kevin whispered before going up on his tiptoes to give Sam another kiss. He smiled as he pulled away and turned to pick up his ball. Right before Kevin threw the ball, Sam returned the favour and tickled Kevin's side.
"Now it's fair," Sam chimed. The final score of the game was a lot closer than the other, 99-105 for Kevin. He was adamant about paying for the bowling as well, and no matter how much Sam offered, Kevin refused.
"It's still pretty early… and I don't feel like ending this now… so do you want to catch a movie?" Kevin suggested.
"Sure, but only if you let me pay," Sam responded.
"Oh, I guess," Kevin said.
They chose to watch a comedy that Kevin's cousin had thought was funny. When they took their seats, Sam instinctively rested his arm on the back of Kevin's chair. "Putting the moves on me early, I see," Kevin teased and Sam blushed.
"It's a habit," Sam protested. Kevin just laughed and raised his eyebrows. Sam started to move his arm when Kevin stopped him.
"I never said I didn't like it," Kevin smiled.
About halfway through the movie, Sam felt Kevin's head on his shoulder. He looked down at the smaller boy, trying not to move his shoulder. He spent more time watching Kevin drift off to sleep than watching the movie. Sam grinned to himself as he let his arm fall off the back of the chair and rested his hand on Kevin's side. He could feel Kevin's side moving as he breathed and Sam found himself breathing in the same rhythm.
Sam didn't want the movie to end, but when it did, he was happy that they had chosen seats in the middle of the row so no one would try to shuffle past them to get out. He didn't wake Kevin until after the credits had finished rolling. Kevin sat up and rubbed his eyes, blinking to adjust to the dimly lit room.
"Do you want dessert now?" Kevin yawned. "I could go for some ice cream."
Sam agreed, so they went to the nearest restaurant that had ice cream. Kevin got double fudge cookie dough, while Sam opted for strawberry cheesecake. Sam didn't know what he had been so nervous about before the date. He knew that Kevin liked him, and they had hung out before, so he felt a bit silly thinking about how anxious he had been.
Sam smiled as he watched Kevin eating his ice cream. While he had agreed not to talk about the short amount of time they had, Sam couldn't stop thinking about it. He wanted more time, but since he knew he wouldn't get very long, he wanted to remember everything, like the way Kevin always flipped his spoon upside down when he ate ice cream and the way that his laugh filled a room.
They finished their ice cream and drove home. They talked about the movie they'd watched and wondered why Kevin's cousin had recommended it. They talked about the Marvel movies Sam had watched and which superhero they'd want to be. Kevin wanted to be Spiderman and be able to shoot webs. Sam had never really thought about it, but he said he'd like to be Captain America. Kevin asked why, and he had to think about it for a while. "I think," he replied, "That the feature I'd want most would be Steve's sense of morality. He does what's right because it's right, and he's willing to sacrifice himself to save people's lives and I think that's how we should all aspire to be."
"I can see you as Captain America," Kevin responded. "Red, white, and blue spandex."
"Spiderman's suit is so much tighter than Steve's," Sam retorted. "And you'd have to suffocate under that mask."
"Yeah, maybe I wouldn't want the costume, but it sure would be fun to swing from buildings. It'd be faster than walking, that's for sure," Kevin explained.
When they got to the hotel, Kevin walked Sam to his door. They stood there awkwardly until Sam leaned down to give Kevin a kiss. When they pulled away, their eyes met for a moment before Kevin wrapped his arm around Sam's neck and pulled him into a more passionate kiss, entangling his fingers in the taller boy's hair.
"Okay, goodnight," Kevin mumbled when they pulled away again.
"Yeah, 'night," Sam smiled. He pressed a quick, chaste kiss on Kevin's lips and went inside, practically running into Dean as he did.
"Uhh… Hiya Sammy," Dean grinned sheepishly. "I see the date went well."
"You were spying on us?" Sam felt like his privacy had been violated.
"No, I was… supervising… Kevin's cute though, I can see why you like him," Dean nudged his little brother with his elbow. "But you're probably exhausted from your make-out session and don't want to talk about it right now."
"All I'm telling you is that it was a really great first date," Sam responded as he got ready for bed. "If you're nice, I might tell you more tomorrow. 'Night Dean."
"Goodnight, Sammy," Dean mumbled after turning the light off. "Have fun dreaming about Kevin."
Sam just ignored Dean and closed his eyes. He knew that he would dream about Kevin. He'd dream of the sweet taste that the ice cream had left on Kevin's lips and the way it felt to hold him. It had been a good night.