Sarah held the needle out to him and with a heavy hand he took it from her. He stuck her in the same spot as he did everyday but this time it was more painful for him. He hated doing it, but worse than that he hated having to pretend like everything was good, it was the same as lying and he hated liars. He dealt with them everyday and now he was doing it to her. He felt no better than the scum that would sit in the interrogation chair.
"Did you get any ideas about Gracie's birthday present from Danny?" she asked, tying the string on her shorts.
He shook his head. "Not really. We could just get her a gift card."
"I wanted her to open something," Sarah said. "The parties in a couple of days, we need to decide."
"She'll be happy with anything I think." She went to walk by him when he grabbed her hand. "Sarah."
She smiled down at him, "What?"
He went to say it, trying to take Danny's advice by just ripping the Band-Aid off but it was more difficult than that. He changed plans at the last second, hoping that maybe if they were both someplace on neutral ground that it might be easier to talk to her. "Let's go over to Queen's Beach and get some ice cream."
She raised an eyebrow over that suggestion. They really hadn't done anything fun or spontaneous like that in a long time. "Okay, that sounds good."
His guilt just tripled in size. The pleasure on her face over that simple little suggestion was heart wrenching. Here he was taking her out for ice cream and then he was going to tell her he wanted to put off having a baby with her. Now he really felt like a scumbag.
They sat down on a bench together overlooking the ocean. Sarah held her spoon full of chocolate mint ice cream out to him. "Want some?"
He took a taste and then dipped his spoon inside his cup giving her a bite of his.
"Mmm," she moaned. "I'll have to try that combo next time. It's good."
He stirred his ice cream around in the cup trying to decide the best way to bring up the subject when she scooted closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder.
"This was such a great idea. You're a genius." She looked up at him and smiled. "Just think Steve, in a couple of years we can bring our kids here for ice cream too."
He knew at that second that it wasn't going to happen, not now. He just couldn't do it. She was happy. It had been so long since he'd seen that look in her eyes that there wasn't anything more important at the moment than keeping it there. It gave him a renewed strength and he decided right then to give it another shot. Maybe he was being too impatient. God knows he was famous for that. Instead he put his arm around her and smiled back, giving her a kiss. "Someday."
He looked back out toward the water, glad he hadn't done it. Her gesture was what he needed at the moment to sustain him through the ordeal. He loved her so much. He glanced down as she ate her ice cream, remembering the first time he knew he was in love with her. It was a good feeling. It brought back all those same emotions that he'd lost track of in the shuffle of trying to conceive a child. He wished he could lay her down on the bench right there and just make out like they did that night of their wedding on the shower floor. Too him, that was the most romantic thing that had ever happened to him.
Steve dropped their empty ice cream cups in the trash by the bench and stood up, holding his hand out to her. Sarah took it as he playfully pulled her up and into his arms. Three people walking by on the sidewalk had to move out of their way but he didn't care. He held her close staring into her eyes, recalling the first time she had kissed him in her kitchen almost two years before. "Kiss me Sarah?" he asked, needing that desire and affection from her. They both seemed to be lacking it lately and he wanted it back.
She felt her heart race just over the tone of the request, reaching up and cupping the back of his neck. She rose up on her toes and gave him exactly what he wanted, no holds bar. His lips were cool to the touch from the ice cream but they quickly heated up as the friction between them intensified. She felt his hand slide around her hips, telling her not to break away just yet as the kiss shifted.
When they finally did, he held her close with both arms, resting his forehead against hers. "I never thought I was the type of guy that was affectionate, or needed it in return. But I don't want moments like this to become uncommon between us. I need them."
She wrapped both arms around his neck and hugged him. "Me too."
Steve came out of the bathroom as Sarah reached over and turned the light off on the nightstand by her side of the bed.
He slipped in next to her and instantly rolled over nestling close to her. His hand caressed her stomach over her shirt as his lips kissed her exposed shoulder from the tank top she had on. He made his way up to her neck as his hand made its way under the material. He hadn't wanted her this bad in a long time. The night had started out stressful which had become par for their lives recently, but it ended with the two of them falling back into that familiar place that he missed so much over the last couple of months. He just wanted to feel that closeness and bond with her again.
He moved from her shoulder to her lips as he lifted his body, hovering over her. He felt her hands on his chest but as he leaned down to kiss her, she pushed him away.
"Steve we can't."
"Yes we can," he smiled, anticipating how good she was going to feel, leaning down once again, but she turned her head away applying more pressure to his chest.
"Steve. Seriously, we can't," her voice stressing her concern.
He leaned back, looking down at her, realizing she was actually serious. "What? Why not?"
"Because we have to wait for a whole day between and we just had sex yesterday."
He smiled at her, "I don't think one day will make a difference sweetie." He leaned down again but she scooted over away from him.
"Yes it will. We've been doing so well and besides I just took my temperature a few minutes ago and I'm not ovulating yet. So it would be like a wasted attempt."
He stared at her in the dark, completely dumfounded over that. He wasn't even sure she was hearing what she was saying to him. Every bit of desire he had for her flew right out the window. He rolled over on his back, staring up at the ceiling, digesting her comments. 'A waste of time,' he thought bitterly. 'I'm just a waste of time if my dick isn't producing.'
She leaned over, putting a hand on his stomach. "You understand right? How important it is for us to stay on track?"
"Sure," he replied coolly, but what he wanted to say was, 'didn't she understand how important it was for them to actually have a relationship to have a baby?' This wasn't a mutual relationship anymore. She had become so obsessed with getting pregnant that she abandoned everything else that was important. He felt like nothing he had accomplished that night mattered. He was right back in that same place, wanting a break from the baby issues. This rejection from her was the final straw. It couldn't get any worse than that, or so he thought.
She laid her head on his shoulder, glad that he understood. She felt slightly guilty rejecting him like that, but she was doing the right thing in her mind. They were so close to conceiving, she could feel it. They had to stay on track no matter what. She closed her eyes, not even realizing the arms that usually held her close were still above his head.
Steve stood at the toaster staring at the piece of bread inside as the heat singed it around the edges; his mind consumed with the night before. His anger had subsided some trying to see it from her perspective, but when it came down to it, it didn't really matter because they were on different paths. He was sure now that he wanted a break from it. He wasn't going to take the medication anymore, and he wasn't going to give Sarah her shots anymore either. He'd take the day to sort out his thoughts and then he'd tell her that night. Their anniversary was only three days away and he hoped that this wasn't going to ruin it, but he just couldn't pretend anymore.
The toast popped up in the toaster at the same time he heard his name being called from upstairs. He pulled it out, setting it on the counter turning his head slightly toward the stairs. "What?" he yelled back to her, reaching for the jar of peanut butter.
"Come here," Sarah shouted, slipping out of the skirt she had just put on and kneeling down on the bed. "Hurry!" she shouted again not hearing him approaching.
He sighed and set the knife down, going toward the stairs.
He stood at the bedroom door, seeing her on the bed. "What?"
"Come here," she reached her hand out.
He went toward her but instead of taking his hand she took a hold of his belt once he was close enough.
"I just took my temperature and it's high," she began to undo it as she spoke, "so I took the test and I'm ovulating right now."
"Sarah stop," he said unimpressed by that. "I have to get going." He stepped back away from her and slipped his belt back together.
"Just a couple of minutes," she said eagerly, reaching out and slipping her fingers in the top of his pants and pulling him closer again.
"Sarah quit," he said not feeling in the mood whatsoever.
"We can make it quick. You don't even have to get undressed or even work up a sweat." She unzipped his pants when he pushed her hands away.
"I said stop!" he said angrily. "Jesus Sarah!" he zipped his pants up again. "Are you even hearing yourself?"
"What?" she stared up at him, surprised over his outburst.
"What about last night when I wanted you?" he said bitterly. "I wasn't good enough then, but today I'm to your liking?"
"I wasn't ovulating last night?" she explained. "We had to wait a day for you to build up."
"So in other words, unless my dick is producing I'm not worthy of you!" his anger building as he vented his frustration. "Why don't I just whack off in a cup and hand it to you, at least then I'll get to fantasize about how it used to be!" He took a step toward her, pointing at his chest angrily. "This isn't how I ever imagined making a family," his expression disgusted over her suggestion. "by falling down on top of you, getting it done and over with quick and then zipping my pants back up! I mean, what the fuck Sarah!" He felt his temper was getting away from him and was really afraid he would say something he'd regret so he left the room, going back downstairs.
She sat back on her knees, trying to get her mind wrapped around what had just happened. She'd never seen him that angry before. It was startling and worse yet, she felt it was built up anger. She replayed her words feeling the guilt consume her. He was right, she thought. She shouldn't have rejected him the night before either, that was a mistake. She cringed over her words earlier too. She heard him slam something downstairs and slid off the bed, going down to apologize to him.
He stood in front of the counter and pulled the toaster back over to make another and then slammed it angrily back against the wall, still pissed. He turned around and leaned back, gripping the edges with both hands. 'Calm down,' he told himself. 'Get control,' He looked up and saw her standing there in only the long blouse she had on upstairs; her expression full of regret. He knew she was sorry, but it had gone too far this time. He looked her right in the eye, his voice calmer and in control when he spoke.
"I can't do it anymore Sarah. I don't want to take the fertility drugs anymore. I…" he paused and took a breath before revealing it, "I want to stop trying."
She stared at him as he stared right back at her, telling her he was serious. It was beyond what she thought an apology could fix. Her body was numb. "For…" she bit her bottom lip trying not to cry, "for how long? Forever?" she asked, fearing his answer was going to be 'yes'.
"No," he quickly assured her. "I don't know, a while I guess. I don't know. I do know that I can't go on like this anymore." His heart ached as the first tear slipped out of her eye. "I don't want to hurt you, but what we're doing…it's just not working for me."
She nodded, "I know. It's my fault," more tears fell as her voice became small. "I shouldn't have pushed you." She shook her head regretfully. "I know better than that. You can't be pushed and I just kept on and on..."
"Sarah," he stopped her from blaming herself, moving closer to her. "It's not you. It's just that everything got out of control and…I should have told you sooner. I shouldn't have held it in. That's my fault. I just didn't want to hurt you." He put his hand on her face, wiping his thumb under her eye, "and I did anyway, only worse now I think." He pulled her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"It's ok," she whimpered. "I'm sorry too."
"I didn't want to hurt you," he repeated again. "I'm sorry I lost my temper up there."
She believed him, knowing by the tone of his voice, and by just knowing him. He'd been harboring it for a long time, she could tell. She understood his decision, but the disappointment was still there that it would be at least a year, maybe two before they would have children now. She pulled away from him, her eyes downcast not wanting him to see how hurt she really was over this. "Please don't feel bad about this. I think you're right," she said, wiping her face. "It's the right thing to do for now. I think we should just get back on track with our lives and put the whole baby thing to rest for a while." But even saying it made her heart ache.
"I don't want to put it to rest," he assured her. "I just want to take a step back and…" he sighed, not sure what he really wanted, but he did know that he didn't want to make this decision permanent by any means.
"Let's not talk about it now," she said barely above a whisper, not knowing what to say anyway. It seemed like there was nothing left to say. It was officially over for now. "I have to get ready for work."
She finally looked up at him, seeing the remorse in his expression that was weighing heavy on him, all because he felt he'd wounded her. She didn't want him leaving the house and going to a job that took every bit of concentration just to stay alive sometimes. She would never forgive herself if anything happened to him because he was thinking about her, because of this. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "It's going to be fine. I love you."
He felt a little relieved over that, but it was still painful knowing it was he who had brought this on. It was too late now to take it back. That would have been even worse, because she would know he was faking it. He buried himself in the small of her neck, hoping she really meant what she said. He needed to feel that what he had done was going to be ok with her. If he found out later that he had even slightly damaged their relationship, he'd never forgive himself. "I love you too Sarah." He gave her an extra squeeze. "More than anything."
She believed that too.
Sarah wandered down the mall, looking in the windows of the shops carrying Gracie's birthday present in a bag for that evening. She had decided on a pair of boots that were popular that year, knowing Danny would probably disapprove, but that's what Aunt's were for, to buy the good stuff.
She stopped at a store that had a display of baby clothes and little mannequins about school age that were dressed in the latest fashions. She stared at one that was a boy with dark hair and blue eyes wearing a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. She couldn't help but think of Steve, wondering what their little boy would look like if they had one. Would he look like his father? Or if they had a girl, would she look like her? That awful pain of emptiness returned that she just couldn't get settled anywhere inside of her. She knew it was going to take time. The subject of children had been such a huge part of their everyday life for almost an entire year, it was hard to just stop overnight and move on. She was trying, but it was hard. Being at home didn't help either. She and Steve were amicable to each other but it seemed to be going too far at times, both feeling guilty over what they had done to the other and the presence of trying to accommodate that guilt was just causing more tension. They couldn't have been nicer to each other, so nice that sometimes she wanted to reach out and punch him in the arm, just to break the ice. Instead she found herself wandering down the mall looking in windows rather than being at home.
She was about to keep moving when she heard a familiar voice behind her.
"Wow, seeing you here is almost as weird as seeing me here."
Sarah turned around to Danny smiling at her. "Hi, Danny!"
She smiled but he instantly saw the same turmoil that he'd been witnessing the last couple of days at work on her husband. "Hi to you too. What are you doing here?"
She lifted up the bag for Gracie. "Birthday shopping."
He peeked inside at the contents. "Shoes?" he glanced up at her with a friendly scowl. "I'm not going to like them am I?"
"No, but Gracie will."
He smiled over that, but it turned to concern seeing that sad look in her eyes that she was trying desperately to hide. "So what are you still doing here? You got what you came for."
She shrugged, "Just looking around."
Danny tilted his head, giving her a 'don't bullshit me' look.
"C'mon Sarah. I've known you for a long time and I think you are the only woman I know who hates the mall as much as I do. You come here knowing exactly what you need, get it and get out. So why are you wandering around here on a Saturday afternoon when you could be home enjoying your Saturday with Steve?"
He had caught her. She couldn't deny one single thing he said because he was right. She also knew that he was well aware of why she wasn't at home with Steve on this Saturday afternoon. She had run into the one person that she didn't even have to explain herself too, he knew the turmoil that was racing through her. "Oh Danny," she started to say and then covered her mouth, embarrassed that she was in the middle of a crowded mall and on the verge of tears.
"Hey, hey, c'mon now," he said passively, guiding her over to a bench in the middle of the mall, not caring what it looked like to other shoppers. She obviously needed his attention right now and she had it 100%. "Sit down," he ordered her.
She sat down as he took the bag from her hand and moved it next to him. He put his arm around her, gently caressing her as he bent his head to speak to her. "It's ok."
She sniffed, getting a hold of herself, trying to wipe the away moisture with the back of her hand. "I seem to be crying a lot lately."
Danny glanced over, looking for her purse for some tissue but knew she often just carried her credit card in her pocket to avoid dragging a purse around. He had nothing to offer her. 'Crap," he thought, rolling his eyes as he reached inside the bag he had been carrying and took out the new shirt he had just bought for Gracie's birthday party after being informed by her that he needed one. He squeezed her tighter with one hand and used the shirt in the other to wipe off her face as she laid her head against this shoulder.
"It's just so awful Danny."
"Is it?" he asked. "Is it really that awful Sarah, or have you and Steve just forgotten how to be a couple?"
She sat up, shocked over that. "Why would you say that?"
"Because what I'm seeing here is exactly what I'm seeing at work from him. Maybe not the tears, but that depressed, staring off into space look as if his mind is constantly somewhere else." He smiled knowingly, "and that somewhere he's thinking is sitting right beside me. I think you two got so wrapped up in the baby business that you put aside the most important job and that was staying on track with each other."
She sniffed, "You know about everything? Did he tell you?"
Danny chuckled, "He didn't have to tell me details of what was going on anymore than you did a few minutes ago. Of the two people I know about as well as myself in this world besides my daughter, are you and Steve. I've been around you long enough to figure stuff like that out. Plus, I'm not a bad detective."
She chuckled over that. "I didn't know he was being like that at work. At home he's just always trying to be so accommodating and nice it's on the verge of nauseating."
"Steve being overly sweet, geez," Danny groaned, "that would be nauseating."
"He just feels so guilty about not wanting a baby and I feel so guilty for pushing him that this whole thing has just got crazy."
"Whoa, hold up for a minute there," he said a little taken back by her choice of words. "He wants kids. He wants kids just as much as you do. He didn't want to stop trying because it was a kid issue. He wanted to stop because it was a relationship issue. He felt like the two of you were going in different directions, and to be quite honest I think it scared him."
She stared at him, dumfounded by that revelation. "I thought it was because he didn't like the drugs and that I was pushing him too hard."
"No," Danny shook his head. "I think this is the first time he's ever been in love and he got frustrated when it started to become mechanical. He didn't like that. He'd been on that train of lovey, dovey and everything is happy and wonderful and then all of a sudden it stopped. He just wanted to get back on. There's nothing wrong with that. He's was actually pretty smart to realize it before it was too late. A lot of guys wouldn't do that. They'd just ride it out."
She stared straight ahead, digesting that information. "So he was just missing me?"
Danny shrugged. "Well…yes."
She understood the over pleasantness that he'd been displaying. He wasn't necessarily feeling the guilt of stopping, he was just trying to get them back on track. She sighed heavily, "God, I'm so stupid."
"No you're not. You two just need to get away from everyday shit and let nature take its course. You guys have your anniversary coming up, right? Tomorrow? Maybe you should take advantage of that?"
Sarah nodded, "Maybe I should plan something nice, something spontaneous?"
He nodded his approval. "I think he'd really like that, but you're going to make it to Gracie's party tonight aren't you," he quickly added.
"Of course. We wouldn't miss that for the world."
"Good. It's at my house but Grace and Rachel kind of took over everything. My only job was to get a new shirt." He glanced down at the wadded up material in his hand.
"Oh my God!" Sarah laughed. "Is that what you wiped my face and nose with?" she laughed. "Danny! Let me go buy you a new one."
"It's fine." He threw it back in the bag. "I'll toss it in the washer when I get home. I wash them anyway. Do you ever see some of the strange people who try on clothes."
She looked over at him, thankful she had run into him.
"You're a good friend Danny."
He put his arm back around her, "And you're a good wife Sarah. He's lucky to have you, and don't think for one second that he doesn't know that too."
"The feelings are mutual."
He stood up holding his fist out to her. "I gotta run. Now go plan something spontaneous that will knock his socks off, and I'll see you tonight."
She bumped her fist with his. "Go wash your shirt."
He waved over his shoulder as he walked off.
Steve stood next to Sarah along with a group of about five others that they both knew in Danny's backyard. It was loud and chaotic but everyone seemed to be having a good time. Music blasted from the stereo and there was a mixture of about sixteen boys and girls as well as parents, relatives and friends of both Danny and Rachel, all of which had some sort of connection with Grace.
"Do you want another beer?" Steve asked her. "Or a plate of something?"
She smiled over at him, recognizing that sweetness that had been driving her mad over the last couple of days, but after her talk with Danny earlier, she found it endearing now. "No, but thank you." She moved a little closer to him, tucking her hand around his arm. She liked the way he looked down at the grip, as if saying it felt good.
He couldn't believe how such a small gesture could make him feel, but his body came alive with that touch. He went to lean over and kiss her when he felt a tug on the back of his shirt.
"Hey Steve," little DJ Higashi said standing behind him. "Want to arm wrestle?"
Steve looked behind him seeing him as well as two other boys that he knew. All three were around six years old and kids from fellow officers. "I don't know," he replied, "last time you beat me pretty good." He rubbed his bicep, my arm is still a little sore.
"Chicken," one yelled out as they laughed, jumping back as he went to poke him in the chest.
"Chicken?!" he replied as if offended. "You just bought yourself a challenge." He flexed his bicep. "I've been working out and I'm going to win this time."
"No you're not!" They all three said in unison as one grabbed him around the thigh, the other his hand and the other jumped up and wrapped his hands around his bicep as he held him off the ground with it, dragging all three over to a vacant spot in the grass.
"I've got three losers hanging on me right now."
"You're the loser," DJ laughed, yelling out. "We're going to beat you real bad!"
"Let's get on with it then." He laid down in the grass on his stomach and braced his elbow on the ground with his fist up and open. "Who's first to get their butt kicked?"
They all three imitated his position at the same time, making room for each other across from him. "You have to beat all of us," one said, reaching up and taking his hand as the others all followed, grabbing a hold of it and his wrist.
"No problem," he said. "Ready, set…" he stopped having to bend his head and laugh over the determined looks on their faces as they prepared. "One more time," he chuckled. "Ready, set…go!" He barely flinched as they all three pulled with one hand, trying to get his to budge just an inch. He smiled as they squirmed on the ground, pulling with one hand until DJ reached up with his other one and grabbed his fist, moving up to his knees to get more leverage. The other two let go and did the same, grabbing his fist with both hands, pulling and grunting as he held firm.
A crowd began to gather, cheering the kids on.
"Getting tired yet," he grinned, pulling against them now as he started to win.
"No!" DJ laughed, "Pull harder!" he exclaimed to his teammates.
Steve gave in and let his hand begin to move in the opposite direction, pretending that he was getting tired. "I…can't…hold on…anymore," he groaned.
Sarah smiled down at the display as she stood with three other women, all of whom had a conversation going complaining about their husbands. They were either too busy at work or too messy or too lazy or too something that was beyond repair; each one fueling the fire that would evolve into another gripe.
Sarah however stood quietly, watching her husband play on the ground with their children. She had nothing to contribute to the conversation. She just smiled proudly like a little girl at party who had shown up with the prettiest dress and she knew it without a doubt.
The arm wrestling turned into a physical wrestle as they climbed on his back trying to pin him down. He did a push up with two of them laying across him and grabbed the other around the waist as he stood up. They hung on for dear life around his neck and waist as they laughed uncontrollably, slowly slipping down him. He glanced over and caught Sarah's eye, winking at her. He knew what she was thinking, someday this would be their kid's he was playing with. He knew it because he was thinking the same thing.
He eventually made his way back over to her brushing the grass off his shirt. The boys heard the word 'cake and ice cream' and quickly made an exit in that direction, but not before fist bumping him on a good match.
He stood next to her and she reached up removing a piece of grass from his shoulder. "Was that fun?" she grinned, knowing he had just as much as the boys did.
"Annoying little brats," he smiled, taking the beer from her hand for a drink.
She put her arm around his waist. "You're a good guy." She took the beer back as he gave her a quick kiss, tasting the cool beverage on his lips. "I was thinking that we could leave here and get started on our anniversary," she said.
Steve's expression turned confused, almost frightened. "Tomorrows our anniversary, right?"
"Yes, but I have a little surprise for you tonight."
His smiled returned. "Damn, don't do that. You scared me for a second there. I knew it was tomorrow." After putting the initial fright to rest he focused on what she said. "What do you mean surprise for tonight?" He liked the sound of that.
"Are you ready to go?" she grinned mischievously.
"Sure. Are you going to tell me where we're going?"
She shook her head and leaned over whispering in his ear. "You'll see." She took his arm leading him over toward Danny and Grace. "Let's say goodbye."
He was getting more and more intrigued by her mysteriousness. This little game she had going was not only fun but it was also a turn on. He had no idea what it was she had planned for them, the spontaneity alone was the best part, so far.
As they walked toward his truck she held her hands out for the keys. "I'll drive."
He smiled reaching in his pocket. "Ok."
Once inside she dug through her purse, pulling out a black bandana. She shifted in her seat, holding it up. "Turn your head."
"You're going to blindfold me?" he laughed.
"Yep. I told you it's a surprise."
He did as he was told, closing his eyes as she wrapped it around his head, tying it in the back.
"This is kind of sexy. Can we make out now," he said, reaching over for her leg.
She giggled, moving his hand away. "Behave while I'm driving." She then leaned over close to him. "You'll have plenty of time to touch later."
He let out a low growl over not only the choice of words but also the way they were delivered. "Damn that was hot." He was enjoying this immensely, not just the secretiveness, but also the attention that he'd been craving from her. He didn't care where they were going. She could have parked in their driveway at this point he would have been perfectly happy with that. He thought about the anniversary present he had bought for, glad he had done it now. He was pretty sure she'd be just as surprised as he was at the moment. At first he'd planned on getting her a diamond necklace, but two days before he'd sat down at the computer after she had got up to finish some laundry and saw the website that was left open. She had cancelled an order of baby furniture that she had picked out and saved earlier when the plans were still in motion.
He wanted her to know he was still with her on that so he ended up buying it and had it delivered to Chin's house. The room was already set up. As soon as she left the house that morning to go shopping, he and Chin went into action.
Sarah pulled out of Danny's driveway glancing over at him in the bandana with the grin on his face. She thought about the other women at the party who were complaining about their husbands and even the others who eyed him like he was a piece of candy. She had grown used to that, recalling how it used to make her self conscious about herself, but now she found it pleasing, knowing they wanted him, but he only wanted her. She'd been with him for over two years and not one time had she ever witnessed him looking at another woman in that way. She loved that about him and she loved it even more that he was in love with her and only her. She couldn't wait to get to their destination and let him take advantage of the touching.
She held his arm as they got off the elevator.
"Where are we?" he chuckled, letting her guide him. He tried to decipher by sounds once they arrived, but she stuck headphones in his ears and played music from his phone until they got in the elevator, which made him laugh, but he loved this game.
"Almost there." She led him down the hallway and stopped in front of a door. "Ok."
She reached up and undid the blindfold.
He opened his eyes seeing the numbers on the door. 'P1203'. He looked over at her and smiled brightly knowing exactly where they were. He held his hand out, palm up and she put the room card in it. He swiped it through as the green light appeared and Sarah swung the door open.
"Surprise! Happy anniversary," she said, pleased with his expression.
It was the same room they had stayed in the night of their wedding a year before.
"What was it you said last year?" she reminded him. "Two days of nothing but sex, food and sleep. No work talk and no baby talk. Just you and me."
She went to walk by to go inside and he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back. He leaned over and scooped her up in his arms, looking at her before he went inside. "This is perfect," he said to her. "Thank you." He kissed her and went inside slamming the door closed with his foot and heading straight for the bedroom.
Sarah laughed as he tossed her on top of the plush down comforter and then pulled his shirt over his head and slipped out of his shoes as she did the same.
He knelt down on the bed and crawled up until he was at her lips, kissing her. She wrapped her arms and legs around him reciprocating it until they both became fully engaged in a heat of passion that took over as they began to frantically remove each other's clothes. They hadn't had this type of hunger in their love making for a while, both missing it.
Once naked, Sarah tightened the grip around his waist as he felt her body welcome him, becoming eager and demanding with every stroke. He slid his arm under her back, lifting her off the bed and unto his lap as he sat up in one swift motion. She held tightly around his neck, letting him know just how much she enjoyed that. "Oh god," she moaned, "you feel so good," tilting her head back as he pulled down on her hips and up with his, enjoying the reaction his wife was displaying over his technique. They were so good together in so many ways, but when they were in synch physically and sexually, the bond between them felt unbreakable.
He laid her back on the bed, moving down her body, taking pleasure in every inch of her as she encouraged him by guiding his hands over the places that gave her the greatest pleasure. They were good together.
Steve sat in one of the two matching sofa chairs next to the bed watching Sarah as she lay sleeping. The sheet was wrapped around her bare waist while she slept on her stomach, void of a pillow, looking relaxed after their last encounter. The lights from Waikiki beach at nighttime coming in from the lanai was just enough to show off her beautiful soft skin that was sun kissed to a golden brown. Her long auburn hair was fanned out behind her and her lips were curved at one end as if she were sleeping happily.
He was in heaven, pure heaven. Not only was he feeling some of the most incredible sensation bursts throughout his body but he was madly in love with the woman giving them to him, which only heightened his pleasure. He never thought in his entire life he would need another person as much as he needed her. She was apart of him. A part than ran so deep that even the slightest distance that had come been between them left him dazed and confused until the gap was closed and he was back in this place again. He couldn't have been happier any place on earth right then as he was sitting right there content, watching his wife as she slept.
Sarah opened her eyes as if sensing his presence. She focused on him in the chair as he sat gazing at her, his line of vision not distracted even after she awoke. She raised her head slightly, smiling at him, "What are you doing?" she asked quietly.
"Looking at you," he replied without hesitation.
She laid her head back down returning the gesture. It was one of those moments that she almost had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming, because what he looked like sitting there was something she could only imagine because he was that physically perfect. His broad shoulders and firm arms sheltered so much strength and power, while his hands were always so gentle and soft to the touch when they were on her. She remembered the first time she had a conversation with him and those blue eyes looking back at her in combination with the rest of his flawless features that made her giddy wondering why this gorgeous man was talking to her. She smiled over the memory, and now here he was sitting across from her in a penthouse suite as her husband. Those same blue eyes looking upon her in a way that made her heart soar.
She couldn't take the distance between them anymore and stretched her hand out to him. "Come here."
As expected he didn't hesitate, going to her as she rolled over on her back.
What passed between them needed no words, they knew what the other was thinking. He slid his arms under her, not once breaking from the intense gaze that showered him with so much love. He felt it all the way down to the core of his soul.
They had laid in this very spot a year before when she had asked him to give her a baby. He felt that moment was a turning point in their relationship, focusing back on the pleasure he got from doing just that. He realized then that they didn't need drugs. They didn't need doctors. They didn't need a clock to tell them when the right time was to ensure accuracy. All they needed was this right here. His hand slid down her soft body, empowering him to produce everything she needed to conceive. This was how you made a family, he thought confidently.
He rose slightly above her as her hands caressed his face, his neck, down his chest and back up again, only boosting the potency.
"I love you Sarah."
He spoke with so much certainty that it literally took her breath away.
"I love you," she cried, reaching up with her lips to him, knowing at that second that if a baby never happened for them she could still be happy. He gave her enough love and happiness to sustain her for three lifetimes.
Steve leaned against the frame of the bathroom door in their bedroom, not feeling the anxiety he had over the past year in this same position. He felt this test was unnecessary. He already knew she was pregnant. He'd known for about four days. He didn't need the test to inform him, he could just tell. She looked different. It was the same glow she had from the time before.
"This is waste of time," he said to her through the door.
"Talking," she blurted out. "What are the rules," she reminded him.
"Ok," he agreed. "But it's still a waste of time," he mumbled.
"I heard that," she scolded him.
He smiled, checking the messages on his phone as the toilet flushed. He stepped back away from the door as she came out, grinning at her.
"Stop looking like the cat that just ate the cannery," she chuckled.
"Ok then," he walked over to the bed, "I going to sit right over here and just wait, because I don't even have to look at it."
She held it in her hand watching the little window, already telling herself that if it weren't positive she would be ok with that. They had already decided in the next month to start trying again with fertility drugs, only this time it would be by their rules and no one else's.
She looked up at him as he sat back on his hands, looking smug. She rolled her eyes at his arrogance and then glanced down at the window seeing the pink plus sign appear. She gasped.
Steve came off the bed and was at her side in a matter of seconds. He took a hold of her wrist and viewed the window.
"I knew it!" he said happily. "I told you!"
She slowly looked up at him, still in shock. "Oh my god. I'm pregnant." She looked back down just to make sure. "It's pink right? Pink is positive?"
"Yes! Get excited baby," he shook her, "because we're having one."
She felt his enthusiasm begin to rub off. She looked up at him as her eyes got big. "Oh my GOD!" she screamed out, jumping into his arms. "We did it! We did it!" He held her tight as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek over and over. "You are such a stud! Who needs all that medical stuff when you have a husband like mine!" she cheered.
Steve laughed, "I don't know about that, but I'll tell you one thing," he set her down and wrapped an arm around her neck, as she smiled up at him. "Every time we want a kid, we're getting that same room at the Hilton."
Sarah hugged him, "You bet your ass we are."
They held each other, both lost in their own thoughts as the moment calmed. Neither could forget the past though and that tiny bit of fear that history might repeat itself.
She pulled back from him. "I'm going to see if I can get in to to see Dr. Webster today or tomorrow."
He put a hand on her face, nodding his approval. "I think that's a good idea, but please don't worry about a miscarriage. We're going to have a happy, healthy baby."
She smiled, "I won't. I think you're right." She reached up and kissed him. "I love you."
His excitement turned emotional, seeing that look in her eyes that gave him so much pleasure. She was happy.
"What do you want for lunch?" he asked her, lifting both her feet and sticking a pillow under them. He set them back down gently.
"Thank you," she smiled over his sweet gesture that she didn't ask for. She sat at the kitchen table eating an orange with her feet propped up on a chair, setting the peels on her overly engorged belly. "How about…" she contemplated that thought, having several things in mind but one stuck out more than the others. "Do you know what I really want?"
He looked over his shoulder at her from the fridge grinning, "You can have me after lunch, but you should eat first."
She giggled over that, "That sounds scrumptious but if you are going to make me eat first, then I want Loco Moco."
He closed the fridge and turned to her. "Loco Moco? You know how hard it is for me to watch you eat that?"
"I have been so good this last month, heck the last eight months. I'm going to be giving birth to your baby any day now and I think I deserve some Loco Moco. I'll be trying to get rid of baby fat afterward so I won't get any for a long time," she whined. "Please!"
Steve rolled his eyes knowing it was a lost battle. "Put your shoes on."
Sarah kicked the chair out of the way with her feet, giving a little yelp of pleasure. "I'm getting Loco Moco," she sang out happily.
Steve stood before her, taking her hand and helping her out of the chair. "I've never seen anyone get so excited over a hamburger patty, rice and gravy."
"Don't forget the fried egg," Sarah said, taking his hand. She stood up and kissed him. "Thank you for taking me."
"Yeah, yeah," he smacked her on the butt as she waddled by him. "Only because I can't refuse you and you know it."
"I know," she stated proudly, slipping her flip-flops on. "That's what I love most about you."
"You know what you love most about me," he joked, "don't be embarrassed to say it."
Sarah stopped at the door. "Ok, ok, I admit it. I can not wait to have sex with you again without this basketball between us."
Sarah sat in the truck as Steve stood in line at Rainbow Drive-In, world famous for their Loco Moco. She was more than willing to stand with him but knew he wouldn't have it. The line was too long. So instead she sat and waited for him, impatiently. She was starving. She switched stations on the radio and glanced over at him as he played with his phone. She smiled at the two young women behind him, admiring him. It was a common occurrence, but the thing that amused her the most was that he was completely oblivious to it. Even after one of them purposely dropped her keys on the ground in front of him and then smiled ever so sweetly, thanking him as he handed them back to her.
"You gotta love him," Sarah chuckled. She shifted in the seat wishing she could stretch out. Her back hurt. She opened the door and slid out leaning back against the truck, stretching her arms over her head. She felt moisture running down her leg and for just a split second she was reminded of the bathroom that horrible night of her miscarriage. She quickly glanced down but it wasn't red it was clear, forming a small puddle at her feet.
"Oh my God," she muttered. "My water just broke." She looked over at him, seeing that he was next in line. She actually contemplated waiting until he got the food. She was that hungry. "Steve," she called out.
He looked over and held up five fingers, indicating to her that it would only be about five more minutes.
She chuckled over that, wondering the same thing about giving birth. "Umm, honey," she yelled out to him as her stomach began to feel tight. "Forget about…Ouch!" she gasped, grabbing a hold of the mirror feeling her legs shake as a contraction snuck up on her. "Oh shit! That hurts!"
She looked up as he came sprinting across the parking lot.
"What's wrong?" he caught her around the waist.
"My water broke!"
"What?!" He looked down at the puddle under his feet. "Holy shit!"
"I know," she panted, "and I just had a contraction too. I don't know if was my first or not. My backs been kind of hurting."
He bent over and scooped her up, setting her down in the truck. "Please wait until we get to the hospital," he pleaded, closing the door and running around to the other side. As he got in he could clearly see her getting another one. He reached over taking her hand as she squeezed it.
"Oh geez," she panted.
"That's like less than two minutes," he practically yelled, starting the truck.
Sarah laid her head back, closing her eyes, concentrating through the pain. "It's ok, I don't feel that sensation to push yet. Just hurry."
Steve flipped the lights on as well as the siren in his truck as he came out of Rainbow parking lot. Queen's Hospital was less than ten minutes away down Ala Wai Boulevard as long as there was no traffic. He glanced over at her every few seconds. "You doing all right?" It was difficult to hide both the anxiety and excitement in his voice.
She breathed heavily but smiled for him. "Yes. It's an impatient little baby. Isn't it?"
"It must be a boy, taking after his old man." He could see beads of sweat begin to form on her brow, knowing she was in pain. He slowed down before entering the intersection of a red light as traffic moved out of his way. He glanced in both directions making sure everyone saw and heard him before gunning it again.
Sarah chuckled. "There are times like this …" she took a breath, "when your impatients is a blessing." She barely got the words out when she felt his arm come across her chest as her body lurched forward. She instantly reached out, bracing her hands on the dashboard as the truck came to a screeching halt, but not before it smashed into the delivery truck.
Steve laid both feet on the brakes, feeling the truck lock up and skid across the intersection. He grabbed Sarah knowing it was inevitable to stop. Seconds before collision he turned the wheel of the truck, shielding her side from most of the impact. He could see the driver through the sliding passenger door look in his direction, knowing what was coming, but what Steve was focused on was the cell phone in his hand. In that spilt second he wanted reach through the windshield and break his arm off.
The two vehicles hit almost side by side; the front driver's side of Steve's truck taking the most damage. The air bags imploded and he felt the material shove him backward into his seat, but his concern was for Sarah.
He could feel her air bag on his arm, as the loud commotion left ringing in his ears. The back of the truck came slightly off the ground and then landed hard, bouncing on the shocks before everything came to a dead stop.
"Sarah!" he screamed out, fighting the air bag to get to her, looking over in that direction and only seeing the back of her head.
"I'm ok," she reassured him, hearing that horribly, and frightening panic in his voice. "Steve, I'm all right." She pushed back on the air bag, looking out the window and seeing a man standing there, trying to open her door. At the same time another contraction hit her. She bent her head and breathed through the pain feeling Steve come up behind her, bracing a hand on her door.
"Sarah," he shuttered almost in tears, seeing the pain on her face, corresponding it to the accident and not the baby.
She looked up at him, seeing a cut on his forehead. Her pain turned to panic as well. "Your head! Your bleeding!"
"Are you ok?" he ignored the statement, looking her over for any signs of blood or trauma. "The baby," he gasped practically out of breath, putting his hand on her stomach, feeling the rock hard surface.
She put her hand over top of his, "It's fine, but…contractions," she gritted her teeth, feeling another. "You have to got to get me out of here."
He could see a gathering of people outside the door and the man through the window yelling at him to unlock the door. He could also hear sirens in the background. He reached down flipping the switch and pushing it open, holding on to Sarah incase she might fall out.
"Are you two ok?" the man asked as another one stood behind him with the same concerned look on his face. Steve glanced beyond them at the first patrol car that pulled up, seeing Frank Higashi, little DJ Higashi's father get out.
"Frank!" he yelled out getting his attention.
He recognized the truck first and then Steve in the front seat, leaning over Sarah. He ran up to them, moving the two men out of the way. "Steve! You two ok?"
"Yes, but Sarah's in labor!"
She looked up from her concentration and breathing exercises, forcing a smile, "Hi Frank," her voice stressing her pain.
"Hey Sarah," he said climbing in and giving her the once over. "You trying to get on the evening news or something with this birth?"
"No," she chuckled, "I just want to get to the hospital, please."
Frank looked up at Steve. "We're about five minutes away. My car?"
Steve motioned with his head for him to get out. "Let's go." He assisted Frank by getting Sarah out and then followed behind her out the same way. They walked next to her over to his patrol car, each with an arm under an elbow as if guiding her. Steve concentrated on her as Frank explained to the other officers what was happening; a couple of them knowing Steve and Sarah, wishing them good luck.
He got in the back seat with her, holding her up with his arm as she lay back, breathing through the contractions.
"We'll be there in a minute sweetie," he promised, caressing her belly.
"I can't believe this is happening," she panted.
"Well look at it this way," he said not able to believe it himself, "this kid came into existence with a big bang, why not enter the world in the same way?" he looked down at her and grinned.
Sarah started to laugh at his choice of words. "You're crazy." She had to laugh with him because under the circumstance there was nothing else to do except cry and she wasn't about to do that.
"Just try to relax, close your eyes and breath. I'm right here. We'll be there before you know it."
She did just that as they pulled up to the entrance of the hospital.
Sarah opened her eyes and looked over at Steve sitting in the rocking chair, holding their daughter, Lily. He glided back and forth, whispering to her about how long they had been waiting for her to arrive and how happy they were that she was finally here. She watched him take the tiny hand up to his lips and kiss her fingers. She was positive it was a vision that she would look back on fondly for the rest of her life.
"Hi you two," she sighed.
He smiled brightly. "She's just staring at me Sarah. It's the cutest thing I've seen. She's perfect," he boasted proudly. He got up slowly as if he were holding a delicate item that might shatter at the slightest movement.
Sarah scooted over in the bed as he slid in next to her, holding Lily between them.
"Look at that black hair," Sarah said, rubbing her fingers over it. "She looks just like you. I think her eyes are going to stay blue."
"You think so?" He couldn't hide his pleasure over that.
"Yes." She'd never seen him look so happy before. It made her all the more grateful for what she had next her. "And she's going to love you so much Steve. So much. You're going to be the one man in this world that she will always look up to. You're going to be her hero."
He glanced up at her not able to hide his emotions over that and not necessarily wanting too either. He leaned over and kissed her. "I love you Sarah."
"I love you too," she sighed, snuggling in closer to them. "This is the happiest day of my life."
He rested his head against hers over that statement. Her happiness is what he strived for everyday and to hear it put in that way was incredibly rewarding. "Me too," he said without a doubt. It was the beginning of what he felt confidently was going to be a very rewarding life. He had everything he needed right there with him.
Not only did he reside in paradise, but he was living it.
The End