Chapter three

Another victory another dead…..horned thing. Buffy didn't know what she had killed. She didn't feel bad about that; it had after all been stalking a young couple returning home from a night out. Still, it would be nice to put a name to it.

She felt the adrenaline seep from her muscles, and the clarity of thought return. The order of sensations was by now becoming standard and she spent minutes every night waiting for each one, as though she were ticking them off a list. She wasn't prepared, however, for the agony that followed the clarity: Buffy fell to her knees, an act in itself that caused bruising. She ignored that, however and concentrated on the burning pain that seemed to course through her veins. She felt like clawing her skin to gouge out some unseen invader beneath. She was prevented from doing so, though, by needle like pulses of agony trying to break out through her fingertips. Eventually, the pain stopped; a wave of cool relief rose from her toes to her head as the sweat raised by her torment shed her body heat. Buffy was too out of breath to stand straight away, so she remained kneeling in the middle of a playing field, as though praying to some unseen deity.

Buffy resisted the urge to hunt the following night, but the one after that she found herself sitting in an armchair at home, drained of energy. She registered the second knock on the front door and went to answer it. Willow was on time for their weekly girl's night: they had come up with the idea when Buffy discovered that her mother and sister went to their book club once a week.

"So, did you hunt this evening?" Willow asked eventually when all the chocolate and potato products had been arranged neatly on the coffee table. Buffy had revealed her concern about the hunting to the rest of the gang: deciding that secrets did not belong within the gang. Spike's revelation that her survival as a slayer was due in a large part to her friends had made her want to include them in everything.

"Yes," Buffy replied. "It started out as a patrol, but morphed into a blood lust again."

"Giles is looking into it," her friend reassured. "Are you OK?" Willow asked when she saw Buffy wince when sitting up in her chair.

"Fine, just aching. Probably strained something. Have you heard from Tara?" She asked to change the subject. She smiled inwardly at her friend's reaction to hearing the name.

"Yes! We had a lovely long conversation. She'll be home in a couple of weeks, which is two weeks too long for me, but…"

"They'll fly by, don't worry."

The two young women chatted carelessly through the night. Willow sat cross-legged on the sofa leaning forward: voice and mannerisms her usual mixture of excitement and enthusiasm. Buffy relaxed back in her chair smiling at her friend's remarks and adding her own. She loved the golden haired witch like a sister. The world wasn't such a bad place and was worth the trouble of saving if only to keep Willow smiling. And to realise Xander's potential, she thought. And to give Giles the chance to learn to live for himself.

"Willow," she said eventually after a period of silence. The Wicca was caught reaching for another chocolate and glanced over impishly as she popped it into her mouth.

"Huh huh?" She responded, her mouth melting the sweet and forbidding speech.

"I was wondering….your relationship is sort of unconventional…I was…"

"Is that what you think of Tara and me? We don't think of it like that."

"Oh, Willow, I didn't mean….what I meant…..I mean…you're smiling at me."

"You're squirming. That's so cool!" Willow laughed suddenly and then immediately adopted an expression of mock guilt and humour combined. "I mean…..I'm the side-kick and side-kicks don't normally get the chance to laugh at the heroes."

"Ha ha, I'm sure," Buffy smiled in return. "What I meant was…..oh dear,"

"Squirm squirm."

"Alright then," she paused. "What do you think of Giles?"

"Giles? He's a lovely man and….oh…..oh! You mean, what do I think of Giles…Are you saying…?"

"Squirm squirm," Buffy rejoiced.

"Touché. Buffy, are you saying that you have feelings for Giles?"

"I think so. I mean I've always loved him as Giles; Giles the Watcher, Giles the stammering, awkwardly British librarian, but…..Willow, I…." She trailed off.

"How long have your feelings been…..different?"

"I think I sensed it after that time Ethan transformed him into a demon; when I looked into his eyes and realised it was him. Giles looked back at me then, pleading with me not to kill him. I felt such a bond, and afterwards when the real thing stood before me…..looking down at me with such …..Willow I could have sworn then that he wanted to say something, but I brushed it off as absurd."

"What changed you mind?"

"Last week, when he was cleaning a wound I had received on the hunt…..he gave the same look and I found myself giving the same back."

"That would probably make me think."

"Yeah, that and Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones getting married."

They both laughed.

"Willow….what should I do?" Buffy went serious and begged for some advice.

"Well, as a person who is already in an 'unconventional relationship', I'd say go for it."

"But?"

"But, oh Buffy it's doomed to fail. You haven't been too lucky with long term relationships….and I know that's a cruel thing to say, but how long would it last?"

"I know…you're right. The last thing I need to do is immerse myself in something that will only bring me heartache further down the line."

"It was a nice thought though."

"Yucky, you mean."

"No! Weird maybe, but not yucky. It is Giles we're talking about not Spike!"

"Don't go there, Willow."

They both laughed again.

"What about Riley?" Willow asked after a short pause.

"We broke up yesterday."

"What!…I mean, oh. That must have been traumatic," the young witch ventured.

"A bit tense, yea. Although, the lengthy metaphors tended to get in the way." Buffy smiled at her friend's curious expression. "He said he was fed up with being surprised at every turning, and not knowing who we were from one day to the next."

"What's he going to do?"

"Go back to Iowa for a while 'where the land is flat and I can see what's coming for miles' "

"Wow, I see what you mean by metaphors."

"That's not all of them. I have to look up a couple more to see if they were veiled insults or complimentary."

There followed another silence.

"So," Willow said off handily, "how long have you been feeling the pain?" She asked cryptically.

"What do you mean?" Buffy immediately went on the defensive.

"Don't what me, young lady. You've been unsuccessfully masking agony all evening. I've been waiting for you to open up about it."

The slayer changed her posture to that of resignation; she slouched in the chair as though trying to hide from her punishment. "It's gone now," she attempted to brush it off, but saw in her friends' face that she wasn't going to be allowed to end it there. "It comes after a hunt, but goes eventually…..it lasts a little longer each time, and is sometimes worse than it was tonight."

"Where do you feel it?"

"It varies. Sometimes I swear I'm having a heart attack, whilst it can also take the form of a killer migraine."

"And always after a hunt?"

"Yes…look, Willow I've explained this to Giles and he is looking into it, at the same time as everything else he is looking into."

"You should have told me," Willow admonished.

"I know. I'm sorry, but I didn't want you to worry."

"Hey! You do the danger risk your life stuff, let me share the worry thing."