Chapter five
Giles opened his front door to find Buffy standing outside, leaning on the porch. She looked tired; dark tones under her eyes were visible even in the fading light of day, and the shadows the other apartments lent drove home the point.
"You wanted to see me," she stated as though it was an inconvenience.
"Yes. Yes I did, come in." He stood back to let his student enter. Buffy walked over to the hatchway to his kitchen and leant her back on it for support. She rubbed her eyes with a thumb and forefinger and focused her attention on Giles, affording him an affectionate smile that he was relieved to see.
"I haven't seen you for….four days? Are you OK?" He asked, standing with his back to the closed front door.
"Tired. Bone numbingly tired, but otherwise peachy. I'm sorry I haven't been round, but I was going to visit today…..or tomorrow at least."
"Tired? You…you must be careful not to overdo it….must take a break occasionally…"
"I have been, for the last four days and it's…." she looked down at her hands, which were shaking. "…..I feel like I've come down from a high….without the high part, which sucks."
"Right….err that's an interesting development…" Giles walked over to his bureau, taking care to edge round Buffy. He stood facing her now from the other side of the room. "….but, never the less I think it is a good idea that you not hunt…..I mean patrol…..not patrol so much."
"Giles, I'm a slayer. How can you, a Watcher, suggest that….oh shit, Whistler came to you as well, didn't he?"
"Who?….Whistler? No, he….Did he come to you?"
"Yes, four days ago. He said…never mind. What did you want to see me for?"
"I…I found an obscure Watcher diary…..it wasn't with the other volumes; it was hidden in a Council history book….." He picked up an ancient leather bound book from the bureau and held it out to her. Buffy backed away almost fearful.
"I don't like reading about other slayers, Giles. Their Watchers write them as heroines." She wrapped her arms round herself and looked at the floor in front of her. "They were people, flesh and blood. On paper they've been mythologised; all humanity stripped away from them."
"A Watcher's devotion for his slayer runs deep…..to them they are heroines."
Buffy looked up at her teacher, hers eyes locking on his. "But, there's nothing about their personality…did they laugh at jokes, dance or…..have love affairs with…." She made to approach closer. Giles backed away on impulse. "Why do you always do that?" she demanded, desperation adding an edge to her voice.
"You know why."
"Yeah, right. So, what does this diary say? Although, I can guess…..'My brave and dutiful slayer finally came of age and dropped dead on cue. Her replacement arrives next week'," she quoted bitterly; quickly wiping a tear as though hoping it wouldn't be noticed.
"If you take it easy….patrol only when threats crop up."
"I've been trying that the last four days, but Giles it's hard. This self-destructive urge to hunt is strong. I'm starting to think that abstention is designed to make a slayer go mad where hunting fails to take. Giles, I haven't slept in days!"
Giles wanted to bridge the gap and hold the petite blond girl before him. But, she was just a girl so he maintained his distance as usual; the four feet that separated them seeming like miles. "The diary mentions the withdrawal. Apparently she went through the same symptoms but, Buffy, she started to recover…..and she still performed her duty."
"What happened to her?" Buffy asked desperately, clinging to a hope that she didn't think existed seconds before.
"She…..she was killed…..but, Buffy….."
"That's OK, Giles. I've accepted for years now that my fate is to die violently. Death is always a possibility whether I hunt nightly or occasionally. I've always known that, but to know that that I won't just collapse into a useless heap out of exhaustion…...if I'm careful….oh Giles." She ran to him and flung her arms around the stunned man. "You don't know how scared I've felt the last weeks. I love you." She kissed him on the lips, a look of joy in her eyes for the first time in ages. Giles stepped back, holding her arms length. "What's up?" She asked smiling. "You've tried the older model already...…"
"Buffy!" Giles relinquished his hold, part stepping back part pushing her away. "That was uncalled for. You know very well it was the damn magic candy that caused your mother and me to…well….."
"I know…..Giles, I'm sorry…..I meant it as a joke, a poor one admittedly," she said looking contrite. "But, Giles I….don't you feel anything between us…...I mean, you must. I get butterflies thinking about us, and can't eat when I do and…."
"Buffy, stop it….."
"I've grown up. I'm not the sixteen-year-old girl that came looking for a book. I've..….we've shared so much the last five years. You can't have stayed so close and not felt something, and if you quote father/daughter, I'll get angry."
"It's a valid point."
"I've got a father! If I want some paternal advice I'll get up early and call Spain! I'm a woman who needs someone who loves her. I want someone to come home to. Not even Riley was that."
"You're still young…"
"And you're an old man, yet you'll probably out live me."
"Is that supposed to be an incentive?" Giles asked trying to inject some humour. Buffy misread it as something else.
"I see; you're looking for something that will last. Something that will go the distance, last a lifetime. Well guess what, so am I!" She took a couple of deep breaths and smiled weakly at the man she faced. "I guess my mood swings are a bit of a put off too, huh?"
"They can wear a man down, yes." Giles returned her smile.
"Just you make sure you mention them in your diary. Oh, Giles what will you do when I die?"
"The way you make me worry, who's to say I won't die first?"
"I can probably get a bookie who'll give you good odds."
"I do love you, you know that don't you?" Giles asked.