The next morning, I am too tired to function. I walk around my room like I am lifeless and I can't seem to keep my eyes open.
I put on an outfit that was set out for me, probably chosen by Terra or Cass. It is the most simple outfit I've received since I arrived at the Capitol. It is a thin and loose fitting blue t-shirt with tight black cotton pants.
I go out to the dining room for breakfast although I have no appetite. I take a piece of some kind of pie and when I bite into it, I welcome the rich taste of what is obviously apple.
Cass walks in and she seems to stare at me as if in any moment, I could explode. "We have a couple of things to discuss," she says as Phelan sits down, running his hands through his messy black hair.
"First on our list, we're going to talk about behavior," she says, glancing at me. "Stop being so grumpy, you two. Stop picking fights and stop it with the attitude. You two should be honored to-"
"Honored?" Phelan yells, standing up. "Honored? Why on earth should we be honored? I'm going to die, and it's all for your entertainment."
"You're not going to die Phelan," I say, trying to calm him down. "You have a chance."
"Now you're okay with this? Now of all times?" Phelan says, glaring at me. He is right, I shouldn't be okay with this, but I've got to be the voice of reason.
"Phelan, Cass is trying to help us. Yeah, maybe you're going to die, but if you don't, it would partially be her fault. I'm angry too but being angry isn't going to get me anywhere. Following her instructions will," I explain. He sits back down but he still looks angry. For such a small kid, he sure has a lot of fire in him. I turn towards Cass, "Go on."
"No more attitudes," she says. "Second thing we need to cover is training. Today, you two are going to have the opportunity to learn new skills and refine old ones that may help you in the arena. This will also help you learn what your up against. You'll have three whole days to do this, then you present your skills to the game makers."
"So what?" I ask. "We go down there, we do the stations and keep and eye out for all of our opponents?"
"Exactly," Cass tells me.
After we get the numberof our district pinned onto us, Phelan and I head over to the main level of the training center, the place where we'll actually be training.
"Do you really think it's a good idea to practice what we're good at in front of the rest of them?" Phelan asks me.
"But then they'll think we're weak and an easy target," I say. "And shouldn't we practice it?"
"Yeah, but maybe we should try new things. We can learn and we won't give away our strengths. We'll save that for when we're in front of the game makers," Phelan explains.
"Are you trying to sabotage me?" I joke and he rolls his eyes.
"Just stay away from knives," Phelan says and I nod.
I go to the camouflage station, following Phelan's advice. I start trying to paint my hand into the mud, but failing miserably, because my hand keeps moving. Suddenly, I can feel someone behind me I turn around to see who it is, but when I see his smirk, I scowl and turn back around.
"You know, you're generally supposed to blend in when you do camouflage," Asriel tells me and my scowl deepens.
"And I'm sure you're just the expert at camouflage," I say, sarcasm embedded in my words.
"If you want, you could practice on me," he offers and I'd be fool not to take it.
He lays his hand on the mud and I start spreading dirt on his hand with the paint brush.
"I doubt they'll have a paint brush in the arena for you," he says. "Maybe you should try doing it with just your hands.
I follow his advice but I say, "I can just ask my sponsors to send one down for me."
"That would most likely be the biggest waste of a gift. Unless, that is, you learn how to kill a person with a paint brush," he smiles as he says it, and it's probably the first genuine smile I've seen from him.
"I'll work on that," I say as I add the last layer of mud over his hand. "There, all done."
He looks at his hand and starts laughing. "That is absolutely horrible," he tells me. "I hope that, for your sake, you don't have to hide from anything, or you're dead."
I scowl and cross my arms.
"Maybe we should try something new," he says."I want to test out some of these weapons."
We head over to them and he starts taking each of them out, and I can tell that this is where he's comfortable, behind a weapon. He takes out a sword for himself and hands me a knife. "Let's test out each of these," he says.
As he gives me the knife, my fingers instinctively wrap around its handle. I wonder whether I should use it or not. I would really love to send one of these flying into the target to show off my skills but I think of what Phelan said. I shouldn't want him to know my strengths and weaknesses. I put down the knife. "I think I want to try out a spear, or even a javelin," I say, trying to cover it up.
"Knives," Asriel says as he takes the knife from my hand and sends in straight through the dummy. "That's your strength."
I pretend to look confused. "I've never really been good with knives," I fib.
"Don't bother lying. I saw the way you hand wrapped around that knife. You held it like it was part of your hand. You've obviously been trained," he says. "I was guessing you were good with axes, being from District Seven, but it seems I was wrong."
Suddenly, I understand why he's been so friendly with me. He still considers me as a threat and he was just trying to figure out what I'm good at. "Wow, you really are good at this, aren't you? Tricking me into showing you my strengths and weaknesses. And to think I almost thought you were just being nice. You really are just a pawn in their games. You've already sold your soul, just to win," I say.
"You can't win the games and still be a good person. You've got to choose between two things: a conscience or your life," he said.
"I'd rather be dead and a good person than alive and as rotten as you are." I walk away from him an head over to the knot tying station, where Phelan is. I had hoped that when we got into the arena, we wouldn't fight each other, that we would try to make a stand against the Capitol by not fighting, by not playing by their rules. That conversation with Asriel proved all my hopes wrong. There was no more humanity left in us, just survival instincts.
As I stand by Phelan, I watch as he tries to make a reef knot, and fails. My father taught me how to do this when I was younger so I help Phelan. "You're actually making it more complicated than it actually is," I say and I show him the correct way to do it and he copies me. The instructor smiles at me, as he sees the knot I made.
"I saw you talking to Asriel Rivendell again," Phelan says.
"Yes, he was helping me with the camouflage station, or so I thought," I explain. It's time for lunch, so we walk over to the tables and seat ourselves.
"I overheard Wade and Terra talking when they thought I couldn't hear," Phelan says. Wade is Phelan's stylist. "Wade said that he thought that Asriel was going to win these games. Apparently, everyone's been betting quite heavily on his win. Wade said that Asriel's stylist told him that Asriel spends every free second he has training. Apparently, he's like a robot. But I was talking to Swann, the girl from his district, and she says that he has been like that since he was a kid."
"Like what?" I ask, curious.
"Emotionless. He thinks that emotions are a disadvantage," Phelan explained.
"Well I already know that," I say, rolling my eyes as I thought of our conversations. "He said that the minute that he thinks of us as people, is the minute he is weakened. He said that you have to choose between your conscience and your life. You don't actually think he's right, do you?"
"I don't think he's far off. Do you remember my dad?" he asked me.
Phelan's dad was a rebel leader during the rebellion who was in District Thirteen when they destroyed it. "Yeah, I do."
"He once told me that when you kill another human, you lose a part of you. I was really young at the time, but I remember it, clear as day." Phelan looked sad as he told this to me.
As I think back to my conversation with Asriel, I remember telling him that I would rather be dead than like him. As I think of all the people back home that I miss, I realize that I would give up anything to see them again, to go back home and live my life, probably even my morals.
I turn around to look at where Asriel is sitting and my gaze meets his honey colored eyes. He was right, if I want to win, I've got to play the game.