Here's the next chapter! I hope you like it - I'm having fun writing it and planning the plot. Please feel free to review and give me some tips if you think I need it! I know it's short but I plan on lengthening the chapters once I finish the childhood parts.

Coming to Terms –

For some strange reason I couldn't make out anything that anyone was saying, but the incomprehensible noise that my new mom made gave me the same sense of ease that I felt in the womb. I was with her for most of my time in the hospital. She would coo and whisper to me whenever I was awake. Even though I was nearly eighteen years old, I was a baby too. I felt unconditional love toward the soft warm person who was my new mother.

Whenever she held me in her arms I could feel and hear the steady beat of her heart. It comforted me and reminded me of my time in the darkness. Funnily enough, now that I was out I could appreciate the peace and security I felt in the womb, though I certainly didn't want to go back. Memories of my birth were a different story – the screaming and the fear made me suppress the entire ordeal until it was just a vague recollection at the back of my mind.

I wanted to mourn the loss of my mother, the other one, but I couldn't. My baby self had only two settings – happy and upset. I could only feel upset if I were hungry, lonely, or needed to be changed. When I tried to remember my old mom I would feel the faintest stirrings of unease and regret, but they quickly faded when my baby mind was distracted by my surroundings.

I wanted to wail and scream at my loss. I was betraying my mom, the old one, by getting over her loss so swiftly. Though technically it was my loss, I did die.

Death was the only thing that made sense to me. In my previous life I had heard of reincarnation and I was sure that was what happened to me. I could think of no other reason why I would suddenly be a baby.

At the thought I wondered if I would see my old mother and friends again, but I dismissed it. First of all, I didn't know how long it had taken me to reincarnate. Secondly, I was sure the adults around me weren't speaking English – if I was in a different country how would I contact her? Perhaps the scariest reason would be the fact that I didn't even know what I looked like, if I didn't look the same as before than how would she recognize and believe me?

Frankly I just didn't know what to do. On some level I wondered if everyone was aware for their birth and just forgot about it later. I wanted that, maybe then my thoughts wouldn't be so confused and I would feel less guilty about loving my new mom.

Simultaneously I felt like forgetting would betray her memory and my own. I wouldn't just lose memories of my mother; I would lose my old self. In fact, I could already tell the experience had changed me. I was more baby and less 17 year old girl.

I heaved a sigh and opened my eyes. It had been a few days since my birth and I was lying in a little bed next to a few other newborns. I wished I could talk and ask them if they were going through the same thing I was but I had figured out pretty quickly that all I could do was gurgle or wail. Even if I could I had no guarantee that they'd understand my language or were self-aware at all.

Moving was even more of a challenge. I could squeeze my fists shut and wiggle a bit, but real movement was impossible. So I laid there, thinking of my old life, and trying to be upset about it. It was so strange, my conscious mind told me I should be panicking and miserable but my unconscious mind had already moved on.

The most I could work up was some whimpering and twitching, even then it was half-hearted. My baby needs were met: I was warm, full, and sleepy – being upset was impossible.

I was beginning to realize that my feelings from my old life were gone. All I had left was the knowledge of who I was and how I lived, but I had lost the emotions that went with the memories. I suppose it was what made it so easy to be content in my old life – otherwise I would be freaking out over the fact that I was a baby!

So on that day, four days after my birth, I reluctantly let go. With weary resignation I decided that I wasn't getting my old life back and I decided to fully embrace my new one.

…

I woke up after the next day to the sound of two nurses checking on me and the other newborns. They cooed at us and I couldn't help but smile at their blurry faces. Now that I accepted my new life I already felt calmer and happier.

One nurse picked me up, wrapped me in a blanket, and started walking. She was warm and I wasn't bothered by her presence. Her small even steps were rocking me gently in her arms and I was hard pressed not to fall asleep again.

When we reached our destination she murmured something and ran her fingers over my forehead. Then she handed me over to someone else. I squirmed a bit before the new arms held me close, but relaxed when I recognized the scent of my mom.

She held me against her chest and I noticed she was no longer wearing a white hospital gown. She had a long-sleeved blue shirt on underneath a black off-the-shoulder tee. Her presence was enough to make me happy. I drifted off to sleep again as she moved about and prepared to leave.

I awoke when we finally left the hospital. I studied the wavy auburn hair and dark blue eyes. Even with my poor vision I could tell she was beautiful. She had naturally tan skin and the straightest, whitest smile I had ever seen. Her smile was gentle and she kept her eyes on me as she walked out into the sunshine outside.

Sometime while I was asleep she had put on a baby carrier that left me strapped to her chest with my head against her collarbone. Her long hair tickled the top of my head and I sent her a lazy smile. The gentle sunshine was warm and a moment later I was asleep once more.

This time I didn't wake up until we reached our destination. She had just shut a door behind her and the noise made me shift. Very gently she removed me from the baby carrier and walked to the far end of the room where a portable crib was set up. It was at the foot of a large bed and a few feet away from curtains covering what I assumed was a window.

She placed me in the crib and kissed the top of my head before climbing into the bed and collapsing.

With some difficulty I turned my head to examine the room. My vision was slightly blurry but I could see enough to feel confused. It looked like we were in a hotel room. I could see a mini-fridge next to a desk and the slightly open door leading into a bathroom. The only other door was the one we had entered through.

Either we were in a hotel room, or we were in a very small apartment. Somehow I doubted we were in an apartment. The ugly curtains and floral bedspread were in bad taste and I couldn't imagine anyone using them if they had the choice. I wondered if my mom was poor or if she had gone into labor away from home.

I only then realized I had no idea what my life was going to be like. I didn't know if my mom had a job or if she had any family… I froze. My quiet musings slammed to a halt.

What about my father?

I didn't know my father in my previous life because my mom had been 16 when she had me. I had gotten over the fact when I was fairly young, but I wasn't sure I wanted to live without a male figure in my life all over again.

The fear that my own flesh and blood didn't love me enough to be there when I grew up hit me hard. It upset me in a way that my death had not. Unlike the distant pain of losing my life, this pain was real and immediate. The thought that I was abandoned again made me feel lonely. Is there something so wrong with me that only one parent can even stand me no matter what life I lead?

I couldn't keep silent any longer and I began to scream at the top of my lungs. The negative emotions sent me over the edge into my first real tantrum.

My small throat was already raw by the time my mom picked my up and started rocking me. She looked so tired and I remembered guiltily that she'd gone through childbirth and had spent days in the hospital recovering. She had every right to resent me or to at least feel exasperated but all I saw in her face was love.

I stopped crying and began to sniffle. I had a parent willing to love me and raise me and this is how I repay her? No. I would be the best daughter she could imagine. It would be the least I could do – she had birthed me and already loved me despite the short time we had spent together.

With that I finally quieted. I didn't need a dad when I had a devoted parent right here next to me. We fell asleep together on her bed with her arms around me and my head against her chest and the steady beat of her heart in my ears.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.