"Fuck." Daryl gasped, jerking awake and dripping sweat. His heart felt like it was going to explode from his chest as he struggled to breathe.
Ever since the day Joe and Len attacked them, Daryl had been having vivid nightmares. Haunting images of Beth being tortured at the hands of the son of a bitch plaguing his every thought and he was drained. Afraid to let himself to go back to sleep once the nightmares started and he couldn't figure out how to make them go away.
Beth didn't notice anything was different other than he looked tired and for that he was grateful. Not wanting to explain to her he couldn't sleep because he was constantly dreaming of losing her. For some reason he thought it would make him seem weak and he had to be strong for her.
He wondered if it had something to do with the fact they were still in the place where it happened. Today was their last day to go through the remaining units and then they would be moving on. At least that was the plan. Beth had yet to tell him where she wanted to go, but he was more than ready to get the hell away from there. Hoping it would ease his mind.
Tossing the blanket aside he pushed himself to his feet, careful not to disturb Beth who was dead to the word beside him and slipped on a pair of jeans. He didn't bother to buckle them since he planned on returning shortly and grabbed a pack of smokes he'd found before stepping outside into the cool night air.
After lighting a cigarette and letting the smoke fill his lungs, he sank to the ground with his back against the cold metal and sighed, pulling at the hair on his chin while he tried to relax.
The dog, which Beth had been calling Molly, watched him from a few feet away and he had to admit she was turning out to be pretty decent. He never heard her bark, she listened and Beth was extremely fond of her. The dog could make her light up like nothing he'd ever seen before and he wouldn't take that away from her.
Daryl chuckled when Molly started slowly crawling closer to him, like she was afraid he'd push her away, but at the same time wanting some attention.
"C'mere." He called, taking another drag from his cigarette as she wagged her tail and ran over, laying down beside him with her head in his lap. She really was a sweet little thing with her big blue eyes staring up at him and her surprisingly shiny brown and white fur, he could only assume she was some kind of Border Collie mix. Either way she had something about her that could bring you comfort and that was alright in his book. It had taken him a while to accept the fact she used to belong to the assholes that currently tormented him, but Beth was right when she said it wasn't the dogs fault and if she made Beth happy, that's all that mattered.
"Daryl?" Beth's soft voice suddenly called from inside.
"Right out here sweetheart." He responded, leaning over to poke his head around the corner so she could see him.
"Everything alright?" She asked. "Where's Molly?" As if the dog already knew her name she jumped up at her voice and walked over to where Beth was laying.
Daryl let the dog go and lifted his leg she'd been resting her head on. "Everythin's fine." He said, leaning back against the building to finish his smoke.
"What are you doing out here?" Beth asked, her bare feet smacking against the cement as she walked over, Molly at her heels.
"Can't sleep." He admitted and lifted his head to see her wearing one of his long sleeved shirts that was probably four sizes too big. Only a few buttons in the middle were keeping it closed, exposing her perfect legs and sexy purple panties, along with her uninjured collar bone when the material slid down her shoulder. He figured no matter what she wore she'd always be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
"Sure you're alright?" She asked again, rubbing her eyes while lazily stroking Molly's head.
Daryl gave her a nod and flicked his cigarette away while releasing the last bit of smoke from his lungs. Beth never had problem with him smoking, but he knew she wouldn't want it in her face when he reached for her to sit with him.
Beth moved to curl up in his lap as he shifted and wrapped his arms around her protectively, kissing the side of her head.
"Ya feet are freezin'." He told her when his hand brushed against them. "Should of stayed under the blanket, I was comin' back."
"You can keep me warm." She hummed, burying her face into the crook his neck.
Daryl chuckled and slid a hand down her back. "Give anymore thought ta where we're headin' tomorrow?"
Beth shook her head.
"I was thinkin' the coast. S'not too far from here if we drive and maybe it won't be over run." Truth was he'd never seen the ocean. He'd been to different parts of Georgia, but stayed relatively close to places he knew and the coast sounded like something they could enjoy seeing together.
Beth moved then, her brows furrowing. "We can't go that far."
"Why not?" He asked, confused. Their gas was limited, but with the discovery of finding a few vehicles in the bigger storage units they had enough to get them there with some to spare.
Beth frowned. "What about Maggie...and Glenn, Rick and Michonne, Carol? What if they're looking for us? If we leave we'll never have a chance to find them..."
Daryl was taken back a little. They had been on their own almost two weeks and she never once said anything about trying to find the others. He did feel somewhat bad it never crossed his mind, but he was busy trying to keep the two of them alive and as much as he hated to think it, he saw their chances of actually finding anyone slim to none.
"Beth..." Daryl paused, not sure how to word what he was about to say without it hurting her feelings. "What if they ain't lookin' for us? Ya might have to consider ya ain't never gonna see 'em again..."
Beth tensed and pushed against his chest to lean back. "How can you say that?" She asked, her eyes scanning his for answers as she swallowed down her building emotions.
"Look...I ain't tryin' ta be a dick, but...where are we even suppose ta look? We haven't seen a single thing ta give us a clue as ta where they would be." His hands tightened around her waist to keep her from trying to move away when she shifted.
"That doesn't mean we just give up! We haven't even tried to look for them!" Beth spat, not able to control the hurt she was suddenly feeling. Molly even whimpered from beside them at her raised tone.
"Keep ya voice down." Daryl scolded, hoping the loud noise wouldn't attract any attention to them. "If ya can tell me where ta look I'll do it. Otherwise we need ta get the hell away from here."
Beth pulled on Daryl's wrists to make him let her go. "We can stay a little longer...as long as it takes to find something!"
"We ain't stayin'." Daryl growled, moving his hands to grip her thighs when she removed them from her hips. "We're gonna go through the last six units, then pack up our shit and leave." They may of not had any problems since Joe and Len, but he wasn't going to risk someone showing up later on down the road trying to kill them. He also wanted to be able to sleep and that wasn't going to happen if they stayed there.
"Then go without me!" Beth yelled, slapping at his hands.
"Would ya stop?" He asked, not releasing his hold. "Tryin' ta have a serious conversation with ya ass and ya actin' like a child."
"And you're being an asshole!" She hissed, her face turning red with anger as she jerked herself away from him and stood. She started off in a direction away from their unit and Molly ran after her. Daryl quickly raised to his feet to follow.
"Where ya goin'?" He called from behind.
"Somewhere away from you." Beth grumbled and sighed when he grabbed her, getting irritated with his manhandling.
Daryl managed to snag her hand, turning her to face him. "We need ta talk 'bout this..."
"No, you need to talk about it!" She snapped, pulling her hand free. "It doesn't matter what I say anyhow does it!? We'll end up doing whatever you want because we both know I can't do it on my own..." Her eyes suddenly became blurry with tears and she turned away from him. "I don't understand how... How you can just let them go, Don't they mean anything to you?"
"Of course they do!" Daryl barked, getting frustrated with the whole situation and the fact she was about to start crying. He hated to see her cry and knew he wouldn't be able to talk to her if the tears started flowing. "I just don't want ta spend the rest of my life runnin' in circles chasin' after someone that might not even be out there. I wanna find a safe place ta stay and try ta live a normal fuckin' life!" He slid a hand over his face and took in a deep breath to calm down. If he was going to yell and act like her they would never finish this conversation.
"What difference is a few more days here going to make?!" She asked, roughly wiping at her eyes.
"We can't stay...I can't...Dammit!" Daryl growled, taking a step back. He didn't want to tell her about his nightmares and how staying there unsettled him. Or how he just wanted to run away with her and start a life together.
"It's Maggie... I love her..." Beth sniffed, needing him to understand how important this was for her.
"And I love you!" Daryl shouted, clenching his jaw. Not even realizing what he said at first. "And I don't wanna lose ya! I can't even close my fuckin' eyes without losin' ya!"
Beth flinched, barely able to speak as a lump formed in her throat. "W...what?" She wasn't really sure if her response was to the fact he just said he loved her or the fact he thought he was going to lose her.
Daryl swallowed and shook his head, trying to change the subject. He couldn't talk about his dreams or slip of words right then, they managed to come out at the wrong time and now there was no taking them back. He just hoped he didn't ruin anything because of it. "Nothin'...We just can't stay here." He wished he could find Maggie and bring that spark back in Beth he always saw when the two of them were together, but he had no idea how to find her. "We can make signs...leave them somethin' so they know where we're headin'..." It was all he had to offer at the moment.
Beth choked back a sob and nodded, trying to hold back more tears, but was failing miserably.
"Shit..." Daryl cursed under his breath, his chest tightening painfully at her slowly breaking down. He moved closer and pulled her into his arms. "Sorry for upsettin' ya." He said, kissing her temple.
Beth shut her eyes and sank against his chest with a sigh, letting him take his time to sooth her and allowing the silence to calm them. They both needed a moment to get their thoughts together and just think about the best way to handle the situation without arguing. Beth was so afraid of missing a chance to cross paths with her sister, that it was hard for her to accept finding a safe place away from there with the possibility of actually being happy. Sure Daryl made her happy, but never seeing their family again was hard to wrap her head around. Putting up signs seemed like a good way to ease her worry and it also offered a bit of hope she'd been holding on to, but she still didn't want to go as far as the coast. Either way, after seeing how staying there affected Daryl she knew they would most definitely be leaving sometime the following day, she just wasn't sure where.
During the night while Beth caught up on sleep, Daryl started packing their things to leave in the morning once the last remaining units where checked. A few days earlier he came across an old work van and since then he'd been in the process of clearing it out and doing some maintenance on the engine to make sure it was reliable. When it proved to run decent, he loaded up the back with everything he could think would be important while also allowing enough room for them to sleep if needed. If they ended up stranded on the road for a few days he at least wanted them to be comfortable.
Beth awoke around first light and Daryl almost had everything finished by that time. They just had to go through the last six units and they'd be on their way.
"You look exhausted." Beth said in his direction as she got dressed and pushed a few more things inside a small back pack she planned to keep with her.
Daryl sighed and sat down on the couch for the last time. He hadn't slept more than a few hours the past three nights due to his nightmares, but pushed himself to keep going since he knew rest was impossible. "I'll be alright."
Beth walked over and strapped the pack over her shoulders. "Take a quick nap. I still have a few things to grab and need to make the signs. I'll be alright for an hour."
Daryl shook his head with a groan. "I can't..." He stood then and went to get his crossbow. "Lets go through these last units and get the hell outta here."
Beth huffed slightly, already knowing he was going to be grumpy the rest of the day. She just hoped he could find the time to relax at some point.
There wasn't a whole lot to be seen once the doors were cut open and the contents of the units were revealed, but they searched through the few boxes inside just in case something of importance lay hidden.
After finding a bit more food, bottle water, an old rifle and ammo, Beth started painting a message on the door of their old unit for anyone that knew them. Letting them know they were safe and what direction they were heading.
Once that was finished Beth tried to coax Molly into the van who was giving her a hard time, but soon she got comfortable and settled down beside Beth, dropping her head into her lap with a small sigh.
Daryl made his way over to Beth's window after tying two cans of gas to the roof. "Ya got everythin'?" He asked, resting a hand against the door.
"Yep, you're the only thing left." She said with a smile, nodding her head in the direction of the driver's seat for him to join her.
Daryl rounded the van, taking one last look around to make sure they weren't forgetting anything and opened his door. He was happy to be getting away from there. Feeling like this was his chance to start over fresh and possibly find a place where the two of them and their dog...could have a new life. In the back of his mind he worried that wouldn't be possible to accomplish if they did happen to stumble across anyone they knew. Maggie would never accept him being with her little sister the way he was, nor would anyone else and deep down he wouldn't blame them. He couldn't help the love he had for the young woman sitting beside him, but knew the situation looked bad, people would assume he took advantage of her in some way and that made him feel like a piece of shit.
Their first night on the road Daryl still continued to have nightmares and was getting frustrated with the constant battle he was having with his inner thoughts. He managed to sneak away and step outside without waking Beth that time, cursing, pissed off that getting away from that place didn't seem to ease his mind at all. He was completely exhausted, his body ached and he found himself irritable more often than not, which only put Beth in an awkward position trying to keep her distance, but also wanting to offer some sort of comfort for the man she could see was suffering. It posed a problem for safety as well when he found himself unable to concentrate properly due to being drained.
This night was even worse. He'd accidentally stirred Beth awake, having jerked while she was resting her head on his chest and was now in the process of trying to calm down. His heart was pounding against his ribs and found it hard to breathe as he fought back the urge to run. Since the nightmares started this was the first time he had to face Beth while still in the panicked state his mind created.
"What's wrong?" Beth asked worried, sitting up more to see the pain in his features, unaware images of her death were racing throughout his every thought.
Daryl still hadn't spoken a word to her about his dreams, unsure if he could even bring himself to actually tell her the awful things that haunted him. He leaned forward, unable to control himself and pulled her against him roughly, tears spilling over his cheeks as everything he'd been holding back came crashing down. He never wanted to show her this side of him, but he couldn't take it anymore. If this is what his body needed to go through to relieve some of the stress, he wasn't going to fight it.
"Daryl?" Beth whispered, shocked when he suddenly grabbed her. She tried to shift to make him look at her, but his grip wouldn't falter. He crushed her to him as if something was going to tear her away and no matter how hard she pushed, he wouldn't let go.
"I love ya so fuckin' much..." He told her softly as he loosened his hold only enough to move her into his lap.. "I just want it ta stop...can't stand ta lose ya anymore..." He dropped his head to her shoulder and took in a ragged breath.
Beth still had no idea what was happening, but this was the second time he'd said those words and she wasn't going to let them go unnoticed again. She knew he meant it, unlike before when they seemed to slip off his tongue without him even realizing it.
"I love you too, but I need you to tell me what's wrong." She spoke gently. Knowing he loved her and hearing him say it made her heart flutter, but the main concern at the moment was trying to get him to relax, at least enough to talk.
"I'm so sorry..." He apologized, continuing to hide his face in the crook of her neck.
"Stop." Beth said, cupping his cheeks to make him look at her. His expression broke her heart, his teary eyes and dark bags under them from days of exhaustion. "What is it?"
Daryl attempt to avoid her gaze, embarrassed of his break down, but knew he had to say something. "Those assholes..." He started finally, swallowing hard before continuing. "Haven't been able to shut my eyes since that bastard put his hands on ya without seein' him rape and kill ya. The sick things they do...both of 'em. I'm just so tired. All I wanna do is sleep without seein' ya hurt."
"Daryl..." Beth frowned. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, kissing his forehead.
He shrugged and shut his eyes when she kissed him. "Thought they'd stop once we left..." He admitted softly.
Beth sighed, that at least explained his mood swings lately and the fact he always looked so drained, but it made her feel bad she was the cause of his misery at the moment. "You have to remember that I stopped him. That I can protect myself if it comes down to it, they can't hurt us anymore."
The more he thought about it, the more he understood she was right. She wasn't a little girl anymore and her holding him right then playing a role he normally would, just proved she was more of an adult than he gave her credit for sometimes.
Molly decided at that point to make her presence known and let out a quiet yelp, inching closer to the two of them, having sensed their mood.
Beth smiled and reached over to scratch under her chin before moving out of Daryl's lap. "Lay down." She told Daryl sweetly, grabbing the blanket to cover them. "We'll keep an eye on you, try to get some rest... please."
Daryl gave in and shifted to lay on his side, allowing her to curl up against his back and stroke his hair. Beth propped herself up on an elbow to see his face and began to hum just loud enough for him to hear. Hoping the sound would sooth him enough to bring him comfort and help him relax.