"Why, I might ask, are you reading that?" Alucard, who was seated in his red couch, asked.
Seated near the fire was Seras, who was wearing a black hoodie that was clearly too big for her, loosing her curvy figure in the fabric; a pile of books next to her.
"And where did you found that book? ... I don't recall having any old tales of how werewolves were created." He asked curiously.
"Oh? Then how did you know what it was about?" Seras looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
He snorted and looked away from her.
"When you spend enough time around gipsies, it's only a matter of time before you learn about their folklore." Alucard seemed annoyed, not wanting to talk anymore. A book appeared in his lap and he started reading it.
Seras rolled her eyes and picked another book from the stack of books at her right.
Three months had passed since the day she came to the library in search of information about the necklace and a way to get rid of Alucard; and sadly, until now, her search had proven unsuccessful.
Yes, she had found more about the necklace; but not a way to escape the castle...
Said necklace, as Alucard had told her, was some kind of amulet. The spade meant death, while the eye in the center meant protection and good health;
It had been created years ago, in the early 16th century. The magic used in the amulet was as old as writing itself, a mix of Mediterranean and Asian culture.
Unfortunately, that was all she had been able to decipher all these months of captivity in the decrepit castle.
It had been an ordeal to find books in English, which used colloquial terms of years ago. She had to find a book to read another book, which took away a lot of time in her search.
In recent months she has been sneaking in, but the search still resulted futile.
Her only consolation was that at least she now knows how that mysterious necklace works; she also had found some protection spells... but none really helpful to get her out of the castle undetected.
Right now she was very tired and decided to read something else than ancient scrolls and books over 200 years old.
Most of the books were for children, collections of old stories about fantastic creatures, ancient civilizations and mythology tales passed from generation to generation since the beginning of man.
Her heart had been swelled with excitement to see such stories. She wanted to remember every one of those fantastic stories of love and tragedy. Her days were miserable and every day she felt more and more alone...she would rather live in fantasy than in the real world, spending most of her time in the library surrounded by books.
Alucard again seemed like a shadow that followed her wherever she went. So many years later and he seemed so easy to read now, she could read his intentions so clearly. A capricious child, crying for attention...
And things had turned even more awkward thanks to a series of inappropriate dreams she had been having since the last week...
It was very annoying because she couldn't do anything without being questioned. Not that Alucard suspected anything from her, it was mostly out of curiosity.
The vampire watched her carefully. Fully aware of what ailed his former apprentice.
He didn't know what else to do to make her feel better.
He had given her everything she asked, he had gave her the best clothes and bought the most expensive jewerly, he had sent to carve a beautiful mahogany coffin, that such beauty could only be compared with his own coffin; he had created a gorgeous garden full of the most beautiful and exotic flowers in the world, flourishing day and night, season after season, never wilting away.
And all he asked from her was a smile, a look of innocence, the admiration she used to have in her eyes every time she looked at him. He wanted that childish and cheerful girl to come back, he wanted to see her joke about how awful Integra looked in the morning, he wanted to hear her screaming about how cruel he was an to claim him why he still called her police girl even after all these years... the girl was a shadow of her former self and he hated it...
He didn't know what else to do, he didn't know how to avoid her from becoming cold and distant towards him; it hurt him in the depths of his undead heart to see her so miserable… but nonetheless, his selfishness was far greater and he couldn't let her go.
He just couldn't allow it, he couldn't stay alone with his memories and regrets all over again, he couldn't spend a day without her by his side; that although close she was so far away… he couldn't bear the idea of stop seeing those eyes, that even full of sadness they retained their beauty. And her smell, that smell she had acquired over her time spent with that animal.
It was the smell of power, the smell every vampire acquired with the time, a beautiful scent that attracted others of equal powers and warned those of lower rank. An exquisite scent that nothing could hide... not even the smell of a dog.
But there was something unusual in her essence... something that called him, a smell even stronger than that of power and longevity, a smell that haunted him. Day and night, asleep and awake, there was no time that he wasn't thinking about that intoxicating smell.
And it wasn't until a few nights ago, when the smell had excited him so much that he had to resort to touch himself in a way that he hadn't in few centuries, which he became aware of the effect that it had on him.
But that wasn't enough, no. He had to find her in a dream to satisfy his hunger, his hunger for her, her body, soul and mind.
And he will not be sufficed with a dream, an illusion, something ephemeral, and somewhat forgettable.
He wanted her, he wanted to possess her completely.
He would make her forget about the Nazi dog, to make her want to be with him; he would make her beg to be touched and used by him as he pleased... he knew it wasn't an easy work, it could take months or even years to finally surrender her completely to him. But that didn't matter him; after all he had an eternity.
And today was the night to make his first move.
The girl, although talented and experienced, didn't have half of the power or ability he possessed.
Seras stood up from her place in front of the fireplace with some difficulty, her movements a little clumsy and lacking in grace. Alucard smirked slightly, citing such behavior to the lack of sleep the night before, he being the one to blame for this.
Seras looked at the stack of books thoughtfully; they were about 10 or more. From the corner of the eye she briefly saw Alucard, who seemed to be very interested in his book and didn't pay even the slightest attention to her, although Seras knew better.
Moments later she decided that she could not carry all the books all by herself and to use her powers would be a better idea.
The shadows that the fire pronounced even more, trembled slightly, moving stealthily towards the pile of books and lifting them one meter above the ground, following its master towards the main door of the library.
"Have you been sleeping well?" Alucard could not help but ask, looking forward to see her reaction.
Seras stopped abruptly, the books nearly hitting against her back. Her eyes wide and a frown in her eyebrow.
"Y- Yes!" Seras squealed. "Why?" The moment the words left her mouth Seras regretted having asked.
Alucard stood up and walked towards her, stopping a few inches away, his chest almost touching her shoulders.
"Seras..." Alucard pronounced her name in a way that she couldn't help but to feel shivers down her spine. "If you are not comfortable in your coffin, please do tell. Maybe I could get you another one." His words were spoken with false innocence. He leaned forward, his lips only a few millimeters away from her neck. "Or maybe, maybe you could sleep on my coffin."
Immediately, Seras turned to face Alucard, feeling quite vulnerable with her back turned to him; the books fell with a loud crash but none of occupants in the room paid attention.
Without wasting time and taking advantage of her bewildered state, Alucard took her face in his hands and sealed their lips in a passionate kiss.
Seras tried to break apart but her body wasn't obeying. She could feel his hands moving downwards, one grabbing her waist and the other going further down to her bottom.
His fingers caressed her, making small imaginary circles; 'relax' they seemed to say. Every second that passed his caresses made her a little more sensitive, a little less resistant to him.
His hands leaving a trail of pleasure in every place they touched, pulsing here and there, awakening her darkest desires, making her want to surrender to him completely.
Soon, Seras seemed to melt into his arms.
But deep inside her mind, Seras fought against his influence.
Alucard moved down from her lips to her neck, a small trail of saliva and blood still joined their lips.
"Please... don't..." Seras weakly tried to make him stop, her eyes half-lidded and crystalline. Alucard wasn't winning, she was giving up.
"Let me show you Seras, I will make you forget about him..." He whispered close to her ear, biting just below it. At first glance his words seemed sweet, but Seras could hear the true feeling behind his whisper. An order, obey or you'll see.
The world spun in Seras' eyes and soon the two undead were lying on a soft surface, surrounded by silky fabrics. Alucard continued to supply kisses along her neck and chest, his expert hands finding their way to her jeans and removing them in no time.
'No matter how much I resist, he will do it, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...I can't stop him...'
Her pants slid down her legs, she could hear as he got rid of his own clothes.
'...If I don't resist it won't hurt...'
Seras closed her eyes tightly as she felt his hands taking the edge of her panties and lowering them slowly down her thighs to her ankles; something wet touched her crotch and Seras couldn't help but to arch her back a little, not in pain but in pleasure.
He says something but Seras can't hear him anymore. Maybe if she pretends that she's with him...
"…Enjoying yourself?" He licks and bites at her most intimate area, she doesn't even notice the moan of pleasure that escapes her lips.
His hands began to rise, taking the hem of her hoodie and slowly lifting it, revealing her pale skin to him... Alucard stops mid action when he notice something out of the ordinary...
A bump? There was a little bump coming out of Seras' abdomen...
Alucard slowly places his hand on the mysterious protuberance; bringing Seras back to reality.
Alucard's expression was completely blank when he felt something warm, small… and alive? Inside Seras.
When their gazes locked, his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. The girl say nothing , her eyes said it all, her eyes always said it all; she'd never been good at lying... one look was enough to know the truth...
It took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity for both. On one hand, Alucard couldn't believe what he was feeling, what he was seeing, what her eyes screamed to him... he just could not, he couldn't and wouldn't believe it.
On the other hand, Seras felt an immense fear, that fear that constricts your chest and paralyzes your body; that fear that closes your throat and makes you sweat bullets.
Neither said anything for a long time because they didn't need to say what both already knew.
The terror that Seras felt became even bigger when she saw, as his factions of astonishment changed drastically to ones of full fury.
His eyes lit up, his hair grew and grew until it moved by itself, his fangs were those of a beast, and he hissed in a wild and terrifying way. The lines on his face became even more pronounced thanks to the shadows of the room that became darker.
But the fear was quickly replaced by anger; anger and an overwhelming feeling to protect her unborn child came to her when Alucard's hands became claws and began to dig into her belly, causing bleeding.
With a savage roar, Alucard's head was send flying through the air. His head rolled around until it hit a wall.
Seras ran and ran, not caring a bit that she was half naked. She ran until she finally reached the front doors, opening them with a single blow; she ran through the enchanted garden to the giant metal doors, the ones with the enormous dragons.
It was pouring outside, but Seras didn't paid attention as she tried to open the massive doors. She banged at the door with all her might, crying desperately to get out of that horrible place, looking behind her every few seconds, afraid of Alucard coming behind her.
Seras cried in rage, she looked down at her hands that where bleeding deeply thanks to hitting them against the rusty metal. She couldn't give up now, Alucard knew her secret, and she knew he was furious. She needed to get out of the castle at any cost...
Seras looked back at the wooden front door, Alucard would soon be healed... if he wasn't yet and the bastard was just playing with her.
But then, an idea occurred to her. In the blink of an eye Seras was back in her room, she was now free to use her powers to the fullest because it was no longer necessary to hide the presence of her child.
She quickly went to her coffin; Seras lifted the mattress, below this were two heavy books.
Within seconds Seras had one of them in her hands, flipping through it quickly, until she finally found the desired page.
She knelt in front of the door, ready to pronounce the words and draw the necessary symbols, but a loud growl that rumbled through the castle stopped her immediately.
With her third eye Seras could see at the other end of the corridor, Alucard's familiar... Baskerville.
The dog made its way deliberately slow along the corridor, sniffing the air, enjoying the smell of fear and despair coming from the penultimate door down the hall, the dog seemed to smile slyly when he heard the shrill cry of despair of his prey... his master would be very pleased with him.
Seras wasted not even a second more, with the blood coming from her wounds she began to draw a large circle on the door, four triangles on the circumference of this, a sun in the middle and an eye inside the sun. While doing this, Seras whispered shakily the dictated spell in the book, while trying not to mispronounce or miss a word.
"...sepultus est in pectore ferum!"
When the last word left her lips, a blue light illuminated the room, blinding her momentarily.
The flash disappeared and Seras stood completely still, she wasn't sure if the spell had worked right, everything was completely silent...
But then the door was hit with great force, and yet it didn't opened. Baskerville banged the door with his back, but the thing wouldn't budge, he clawed and bite but still the door looked unaffected.
Inside, Seras had slipped into her coffin; trembling with fear and hugging her stomach protectively, praying the same god that had left her alone so many years ago to help her just this once, for the sake of her unborn child.
The beating stopped.
"Open the door." The voice sent shivers down her spine. His tone was cold and full of fury, Seras could feel his power trying to penetrate the barrier that she had put around the room. She could see from under the door the shadows trying to get inside, those thousands of red eyes stared at her with hunger, desperation and anger.
"OPEN THE DOOR!"
The walls trembled, the pressure in the air changed, it was suffocating and Seras started feeling claustrophobic... He couldn't get in, but he still controlled the castle.
"That thing it's an abomination!" The knob moved violently, the door shook with the blows that Alucard gave. She could hear him clawing at the door to gain entrance.
The little room light turned red, and Seras was sure he was invoking the devil himself by the sounds coming from the corridor.
And all she could do was to stay in the coffin, crying for him to go away and leave her alone.
"No... Please... no more..." Seras begged to deaf ears, crying like a lost child.
This lasted all night, Seras could hear horrible sounds coming from the other side of the door for hours... Alucard had tried everything to get in, but without success.
A few hours after sunrise everything was left in complete silence.
Seras fell asleep immediately, totally exhausted physically and mentally, she couldn't stop thinking about what would come the next night. She fell in a restless sleep, full of nightmares and visions of him.
"If you are a girl, you'll have his eyes and my nose. But if you are a boy, you'll have my eyes and his nose…"
She laughed lightly, her hand rubbing her swollen belly.
"I really hope you are a girl, so you can have his eyes…" Seras sighed deeply.
Suddenly, a sharp pain in her stomach made her stop her daydreams. She clutched her belly, her face scrunching in pain. Moments later the pain faded away, just leaving little cramps on her thighs and lower back.
"Ugh…" She curled herself on her side, trying not to think of the hunger that was slowly eating her away.
A month, it had been a month since Alucard discovered that she was pregnant. It had been a month since she had tasted proper human blood… she had to recur to drain rats and other rodents in order to survive; they weren't as tasty and fulfilling as human blood, but at least they fed her and her child…
A whole month confined to the room. Her only way to distract herself was reading the only two books that she had hid under her coffin and talking to the little life that was forming inside of her.
She couldn't leave the room without Alucard knowing, he had sent Baskerville to keep guard outside her door… he hadn't tried anything since the night he discovered her secret, and it was even more unnerving than if he tried something; she didn't know if he was plotting something or was waiting for her to surrender.
Seras guessed it was the second one. He was waiting for her to go out in search of blood so then he could kill her, or in the worst case, kill her baby. Yes, that's what he wanted; that sick bastard would kill her baby and then would mock her for being weak and unable to protect her own offspring.
Right now it wasn't the time to think of that; she knew that sooner or later something would have to happen… what if her children died because she wasn't feeding right? What if it was stillborn? She didn't want to think in that way but she needed to be realistic, there was a great chance from the very beginning that the kid wouldn't survive…
In fact that was the mainly reason as to why she never told anything to Hans.
He would have been devastated if the child died… she would be devastated if the child died.
It was so terrifying at first. She was confused, she thought that she was losing her mind, a pregnant vampire? She was supposed to be dead! But nonetheless, she had felt this little life forming inside of her, it was warm and innocent and so small… she could feel the bond forming between them, every passing day it would grow stronger; she could even began to hear some of the thoughts in that little mind… they were small whispers, like and echo of what the mother read, felt, tasted, listened…
But much to her dismay, she still couldn't guess if the child was going be a boy or a girl. Maybe in a month or two?
Seras thought of all the months that she lasted hiding the presence of her little one. She had to sacrifice the using of her powers but it was worthy…. If any of Alucard or Hans would have known about this earlier… well, she couldn't really see what would have happened, but something inside her told her that it would have been a disastrous situation.
A loud whimpering brought her back to reality.
Was Baskerville crying?
Seras got up slowly, a frown of confusion of her face. She heard him scratch the door; not in a treating way like he had done it a month ago, but like a dog who wants to enter the house because outside its cold.
She warily walked to the doorway; just as she was a few inches apart something slipped from the gap between the door and the floor.
Gasping loudly, Seras jumped; in her paranoid thinking it some sort of explosive devices… but when she looked again she noticed that in fact it was an envelope… a letter?
Baskerville had stopped whimpering and she heard when he lazily laid down on the floor and yawned tiredly.
She eyed the letter with suspicion… this was obviously a letter from Alucard; what was he trying to do?
It wasn't like she had anything better to do, and after checking with her third eye she saw that it was in fact an ordinary letter. Ink, paper…and a pen?
She carefully, slowly and with some difficult bent down to pick up the thing.
She eyed it with curiosity; it was a really fancy paper and it even had the wax sealing of a dragon… how formal and old fashioned.
She sat down on her coffin and opened the letter.
'Since you won't come out and I can't come in I recurred to this… I don't know what did you do to have that thing inside of you; but it was very foolish Seras. Whatever they promised you it's a lie. But I must say I'm pretty impressed and even prideful of your ability to hide its presence from me.
Tell me, how many people did you have to kill in order to create it? Who did you seek? Who did you sell your soul to? And here I thought I was the only monster; clearly not.
In any case, I can believe you have survived this far with that little parasite inside you.
I'm still mad and I think it's for the better to talk this way… I want to help you Seras and I hope you hear me before you decide to let that demon be born.'
"What!" Seras cried, enraged that he called her baby a demon and a parasite.
But, what was he talking about? How many people did she killed? Who did she sell her soul to? Why did he put it as if she was bearing the antichrist?!
Whatever he thought; Seras tried to call down and give him credit for wanting to 'clear things out' between them.
She read the letter again. And then she knew what he was talking about.
She quickly took the pen and paper inside the envelope and started writing.
'First of all; don't call my child a demon, a parasite or a thing. Second, if you think that I used that kind of method to conceive you absolutely don't know me at all 'Master'.
I didn't do anything else to get pregnant…besides the obvious. My child is the result of my relationship with Hans…'
At this point Seras couldn't help but to blush furiously and feel embarrassed…
'… I am sure of that. At first I was confused and scared… but now I can feel this small life forming inside me… I never told Hans about it, by the way.
I don't know how happened but I didn't sell my soul or invoked demons neither I recurred to witchcraft. I wouldn't call it a miracle… maybe it's a punishment; I always wanted to have kids and maybe this one will die, and maybe I will die too; but I'll die happy and knowing that it was made out of love and not a selfish whim.'
Satisfied with her words, Seras folded the paper and put it inside the envelope.
With some effort, Seras bend down and slipped the letter in between the door.
She straightened up and the pain in her stomach returned tenfold.
"Ugh, I should have asked him for blood…"
"Is this true?..."
Seras laid inside her coffin. Her mind fogged with hunger and exhaustion; torn between the world of dreams and the reality.
She ignored the mournful whisper that resonated through the walls of her chambers. Was it even real? She dismissed it as a hallucination.
The dripping coming from the upper corner of the ceiling was making her to think of blood. She licked her lips, now red and bleeding from the dryness.
"I can't believe it… I can't believe you…"
The voice sounded so broken and hopeless. It made her feel sorry for it.
"…What?..." Her eyes were closed and her voice was groggy with disuse. A feather like touch in her belly made her wonder if the voice was really just in her mind.
"Seras…" Despite the heaviness in her eyelids she tried to open them. A blurry figure was standing above her; it was so tall that for a moment she though that she was a child again, such thought provoked a small smile to appear in her pale face.
For a moment her mind drifted to her childhood and to her parents. "Daddy?"
Maybe everything had just been a nightmare.
Yes. Her parents weren't dead, she didn't get shot, she didn't turn into a vampire, she didn't met the wild geese or Pip; she didn't fought against Nazis and she certainly didn't serve all by herself under Sir Integra Hellsing command for 30 long years… because it had been just an horrible nightmare.
The figure leaned down, and she saw a pair of red eyes… they held sadness and despair.
"Daddy don't be sad…" She tried to reach out for him but the force was slowly draining away from her, she could feel her eyelids becoming even heavier, she couldn't keep them open anymore. "It was just a bad dream…" a small smile grazed her lips before she fell unconscious again.
He watched her in her sleep; caressing her hair while he glared at her swollen belly.
It disgusted him and fascinated him all at the same time.
At first he had been enraged because he thought that she had recurred to necromancy to conceive. Such rituals were painful and required of countless human souls to put a living child inside a dead being.
And that wasn't the real reason as to why he had been mad. At the end of the nine months, when the child was ready to be born, the mother died. The little bastard literally ate the mother from the inside until it reached her heart; sucking her dry and then making its way out through her chest.
He had thought that maybe they told her otherwise, that they didn't warned her about such things.
'What a fool.' He had thought. 'Maybe the werewolf incited her into doing so…'
His first thought was to destroy it before she could even know what was happening.
But everything had happened so fast. He had felt the increase of her powers, being engulfed by such rage and protectiveness in seconds… he hadn't been prepared for that, and let alone for being decapitated.
And now, he was tending to both the mother and the unborn.
After reading her letter he had been in denial.
Seras is a vampire. Hans is a werewolf. Vampires can't get pregnant, not with a human, not with another vampire and much less with a werewolf.
'She is lying.' He said to himself.
So it had passed another month until he decided to go and talk to her; to convince her to tell him the true.
She didn't responded when he knocked or called her name. The spell no longer kept him out and when he entered he discovered why. Seras hadn't drink human blood for two months and was slowly dying of hunger.
And when he saw her there, sleeping so peacefully, the idea of killing the child in her was so tempting. He took a step, towering over her; he was ready to tear off the parasite when he felt a very peculiar presence not very far from him.
It was the same presence he had felt that day 2 months ago; so warm and small…but above all innocent.
It had been decades since he had been around a child, but he knew the presence of a real child when he was near one. They were such fascinating creatures to him; a little human so naïve and happy, unbeknownst of the calamities of the real world.
'Is this true?' he had asked to himself aloud. He had been so sure that this was a creation as unholy as him that he hadn't contemplated that maybe, just maybe, there was a living being inside his little fledgling that was made out of real love.
'I can't believe it… I can't believe you…' he had muttered in despair.
The thought of killing the child made its way to his mind once again, this time by the simple reason of jealousy and envy.
If she could conceive once, she could conceive twice. The thought of replacing that child with his child soothed him.
But then she stirred, muttering something that was barely audible and that got lost in the twirl of emotions that he felt in that moment.
But then she spoke again. She called to her father, sounding like a child herself. He could hear her thoughts…'a nightmare' she dreamily said inside her mind.
The word resonated inside him… because when she woke up to her dead child everything around her would be a nightmare.
He looked at her and wondered what happened to the ruthless king he was once. He had impaled children, women and pregnant women all alike, without a hint of remorse…
'Daddy, don't be sad…' she was looking at him with sleepy eyes, he saw her hand twitch. 'It was just a bad dream…' she had smiled, a small and blissful smile.
And that was it, he knew what he had to do.
He had took her to a larger and better kept room in the third floor and fed her.
It had been a week since that day and Seras was much healthier now, but had yet to awake.
He was kneeled at the side of the bed, still caressing her hair and deep in thought when Seras opened her eyes.
The first thing she registered was that she was inside a canopy bed; deep red fabric in the ceiling and at the sides. She smelled the old wood and heard the rain hitting the window glass.
The second thing she was aware of was the soothing caress in her hair, making her somewhat feel protected and warm…
Her eyes shot open completely and she scrambled away from the offending hand in her head.
Alucard didn't looked surprised at all when their eyes met.
She observed him for a long time, a menacing look in her eyes, trying to figure him out and his intentions… she slowly raised a hand to her belly, making sure that her child was still inside of her and alive.
Seras lowered her gaze and asked a simple but yet meaningful question.
"Why?"
He too lowered his eyes, his face darkening dramatically. The words seemed stuck in his throat… he could lie to her, he could ignore her question or even told her the truth; but if he really wanted her to stay he needed to choose the right words.
There was an internal battle in between what he wanted and who he was…or at least used to be. Could he really beg her to stay? Was he that pathetic? When had he fallen so low?...
"You will stay or else…" He trailed off, looking at her swollen belly through narrowed eyes and then back at her.
By hearing such words Seras began to feel suffocated, desperate and sick. Tears gathered in her eyes and she began to tremble; she looked up silently begging him to not hurt her child.
She was tired of having to be always fighting against him in every aspect, she was tired and just wanted to be left alone... perhaps he wanted her to beg him? He wanted her to kneel and beg to let her go? To not hurt her child? Because if he wanted that he just needed to say so and she will do it.
"Please..." She choked out. "Let me go..." And even though she had put all her heart in that simple request, she very well knew his answer.
This time Alucard only watched and said nothing. Looking disdainfully at how she emotionally crumbled apart by the mere mention of her child dying. He had no desire to continue in the same room with her when she was like this, she looked pathetic and weak in his eyes.
So he turned around and began to phase away by the nearest wall, that, until he felt two small but strong hands holding onto his coat.
"Please!" This time she was openly crying. "Answer me!" She sounded more than desperate, hysterical and on the verge of madness.
Alucard did catch this so he slowly turned around, his expression completely blank.
"No- "
"Why not!?" In her eyes there was not a shred of reason, she clung onto his coat as if her life depended on it. "I am weak and I cling to my human habits! You hate me!" It was more a reassurance to herself than a statement. "...You do not love me... You never did and never will..." the mere action of saying it aloud pained her. Recalling all those nights she cried herself to sleep thinking that he would never reciprocate and that he only saw her as a nuisance.
And even now that she was sure of her feelings for him (That weren't of love anymore.) his rejection still hurt her. It hurt to think that now she was merely a replacement for Integra, something less than an object to distract him from his past and his ailments. She pitied him because no one would ever love him as Integra had, but she was also tired of feeling something for him when he never really deserved it.
At first she felt scared of him, then admiration, and eventually love... but now she felt nothing but hatred and anger for him and all he did to her.
Alucard said nothing and just looked at her blankly.
Realizing that Seras always had expected more of him, more than he ever given or could ever give to someone else. She was relatively young (compared to him.) And she didn't seem to go down the same path that he took. She wasn't like him and would never be. He had accepted that a while ago and although he still felt conflicted with that he could tolerate it coming from her. She wanted to be loved back as much as she loved, she wanted to receive the same she was giving away... And he would never be able to fulfill her desires.
Maybe it was perfect for him, someone who didn't complemented him but who antagonized him. He cold she warm, he sour and she sweet, the perfect antithesis.
"I don't want you to go." His face was still blank. Emotionless and unreadable.
Those words took her completely off guard. She dropped his coat and took a step back as fast as she could. Alucard had always demanded and taken, never asked or expressed his true feelings.
"I don't want to stay." Her tone seemed to beg him. Her eyes pleading.
Maybe it was because she was falling apart and that it affected him to a degree he never imagined that could see how this would end up if he continued to force her being at his side. The little respect and affection that she clearly still had for him, will vanish and give way to hatred... and he hated to admit it, but to think that those beautiful blue eyes that made him forget his eternal path on earth could start to fill with anything else that wasn't innocence and joy, made his dead heart ache.
"Why?" He asked both to her and himself. Why was he pretending that this wasn't affecting him? Why did he felt this way? Why was he so confused? Why after so many years had he found the perfect person to spend the eternity with but she no longer loved him? Why he couldn't tell her how he felt? Why?
"You are too late..." It seemed that it pained her to say it as much as it pained him to hear it.
A year and a few months ago, Seras would had run into his arms and would have forgiven any offense with a single look from him. But not anymore, because she couldn't keep hurting herself and suffering for someone who would never care for her as much as she cared for him.
And in the end, what would she be? A replacement? The consolation prize? She would live forever knowing that if Integra had accepted his offer she wouldn't even be here in the first place.
That's why she had fled, to never hear of any of them again. She never wish them evil, but whatever their decision would have been she didn't wanted to know. She wanted to start again, she wanted to be free from that mansion that reminded her of what have been and what could have been. She didn't want to end up like him, living in the past and committing the same mistake over and over again.
"No matter what I do, you will not stay, right?" Those words hurt him even more than 'monster' or 'I hate you'. The mere thought that he had her but let her go, thinking that he could have acted differently but chose to hurt her with abuse and hurtful words.
Now what was left? What he could do about it? Nothing. She not only loved someone else but she was bearing his child…
Here they were face to face, and yet he could do nothing for her to stay voluntarily. Part of him wanted to keep her no matter what... but the other part reminded him of what had happened the last time he wanted a woman who was not his? Maybe his punishment was not on walking the earth for an eternity, but to repeat the story over and over again...
And then he realized that as much as her, he would be unhappy if this continued any longer.
Thinking that she would see her child and think of its father. Nonetheless even if he hated the idea of that thing being born, he could not bring himself to kill him, and not for the life of the child, but for her. To think about how much she would hate him if he got rid of her offspring, the only thing that kept her sane and hopeful. Her whole world would collapse and she would change for the worse...
"No…" It pained her to say it, because in the end he would always be someone significant for her, even if she liked it or not. After all, it was he who brought her into this world and in the end, one way or another, he would always be in her mind till the end of her days.
Alucard couldn't help but feel like everything inside him collapsed. For the first time in his existence he was about to do something unselfish… and something that he would perhaps regret later. No, in fact, he had already made the biggest mistake with her and he even had time to remedy it but only made it worse.
Yet, he still had hope for her to forgive him and if that meant letting her go, then so be it.
He took a step forward, his expression calm but sad, Seras could feel the melancholy coming from him, like a cold breeze on a warm summer evening… maybe that's why she didn't tried to stop him when he took her hand and then embraced her, covering her with his long arms, and holding her there for what it felt forever.
He stroked her hair with incredible softness, leaning so his lips almost touched her ear.
"Then you may go."
The moment she processed what he had just said, Seras choked back a sob. Part of her not believing his words and the other part praying that it wasn't a joke.
They stared at each other for a long time, until he leaned forward slowly and tried to kiss her one last time. But Seras quickly looked away and turned her face, silently denying him that one last pleasure.
And no matter how much it wounded or disappointed him, Alucard knew he deserved her indifference.
Seras said nothing when she gently pushed him back, freeing herself from his arms. She neither said nothing of the small trickle of blood that fell from his cheek as she turned and left the room.
Upon closing the door behind her, Seras ran.
She didn't look back, she took absolutely nothing with her and never stopped. When she arrived at the main doors she noticed that there were open just like the two huge ones leading to the forest. Before she could leave the castle something made her stop.
She could feel his gaze on her. It didn't made her uncomfortable or scared but caused her great sadness; she was tempted to turn around but decided against it.
Alucard watched her from the window, her small form standing for a few seconds at the edge of the door.
He wanted to go after her and convince her to stay, but his ego was far too big. He wanted to force her to stay, but his love for her would not let him hurt her ever again.
But overall, he wanted to believe that no matter how long it took her, she eventually would return to him.
"I will wait for you…after all, I have an eternity…"
With those last words uttered into the loneliness of the room he observed with a growing heartache her small frame disappearing deep into the woods.
I'm sorry if this feels rushed or OOC... you see, i changed the last part a hundred times and i wasn't happy with how it was going, and i didn't want to take another month to update so this the result. Also, i was debating between Alucard killing the child or not ... but it was just too cruel and would had lead to another ending that i hadn't planned at all (and a lot of angst).
Please don't forget to review!
P.S. this is the penultimate chapter.