My name is Crash. M. Walker. People who know me call me Crash Bandicoot, well as a joke. It stuck with me so I dyed my hair orange. I'm 27 years old, I've got a pretty good life, no girlfriend but I'll get there. I work for the local drink company. We supply most brands, From Arizona to Crush. My job basically is to put drinks in machines and keep going about with my day, but you know, things are never that simple. I've been to some wierd as hell places. From a female wrestling gym, to at a KKK meeting building, which scared the shit out of me. How don't ask why. Anyways, you'd think those places would be the strangest but sadly no. The strangest in one place that haunts my dreams a night. A certain insurance company.
In short the staff there, scares the shit out of me. Like how in the hell do they even have clients? Who would trust these people to insure them? Easy. People just as equally insane. I come every wednesday to change the pop and tea in the machine right by the copier. It always starts off like this:
I walk in and smile at the always angry secretary guy. Whats his deal? No idea. But one time I saw him kissing the manager dude. Which was pretty awkward. Anyways, so I walk in and go to this machine, I start stalking up and I notice that all the healthy stuff is still there. Like usual. I start to take out all the stuff and put new stuff in when some huge guy who was the top boss, his name was Sigma he looms over me and says : Don't fuck up. That's usually when my body's in a cold sweat. I nod silently to him. That's when he turns around and yells at some dude named Axl, who always does something ridiculous at about 1:33 pm. From banana clothes to hacking the lights to make them rainbow, I always ask my self how is he not fired? He's so goddamn annoying. I hate him.
Now I know your probably like "Why you hatin bro?" But all humans, regardless of who you are, unless your a saint, there's someone you don't like for no apparent reason. You don't know them and they don't know you, but you silently hate them. Get it? Got it.
By the time I left I'm about ready to fall out from being in that chaos hell hole of a office. Plus that blonde girl won't stop flirting with me. I mean she seems nice but she's too...I don't know, just too,...I don't have a word for it. But her image screams "I'M SOMEBODIES LITTLE GIRL" which is a huge turn off for me.
Speaking of turn ons, Everything changed for me about 3 months ago. I began to have a reason for not dreading that horrid office. It all started Wednesday September 25th. I'll never forget. I had been stocking up the pop and the office was a total wreck. They were having an in office paintball fight?! Can you believe that shit? What the hell is wrong with these people? Anyways I'm trying my best not to get hit when suddenly someone walks up from behind me. I think it's that scary Sigma guy but I turn around and it's some brunette kid. He looks young. I immediately get out of his way thinking he might need something from the machine.
I stand up and start to say
"I'm sorry here let me move-" When I turn around and look at his face and I just stop and stare. Our eyes meet for a second and he blushes and turns away. He speaks.
"Hah, I'm sorry I just didn't want to stop you from working." He says scratching the back of his head. I smile.
"It's no worry kid." I said getting out of the way. I hear a sigh come from him and I look over once more. He looks a little discontent. The he speaks.
"Oh it's nothing, It's just I'm 23 years old and yet people still think I'm like 16 or something." He said. I laughed a little bit.
"Your seriously 23? What are you using maybelline?" I said with a chuckle. The guy laughs. The replies
"Hah funny. No I was born with it." He said finishing my joke. I like his humor. It gets silent for a second when suddenly I blurt out
"W-What's your name?" I said suddenly.
"It's Rock Light. How about you stranger?" Rock replied. So his name was Rock? That's so cool...
"My name's Crash..." I started but before I could finish he suddenly said
"Bandicoot?" He said with a small smirk.
"Yep totally." I said sarcastically.
"Well it might as well be with the orange hair." Rock said still with an amused expression. Rock then reached to the machine and was about to type in what he wanted when suddenly I said :
"Here let me buy you your drink." I said getting up. Rock replied really quickly "No-No! I'm good."
"Too late, Which do you want?" I said. Rock smiled.
"Arizona Raspberry Tea." Rock said with a sigh.
"You got it kid." I handed it to him.
"Thanks so much." He said with a certain look of gratitude. He opened it and took a sip. I watched him and examined him while he did. Like a fucking creeper. I don't think Rock noticed though. Before he was about to walk away I asked.
"Do you work here?" I asked suddenly.
"Yeah I just got hired about a 2 weeks ago."Rock said
"This office is insane how do you survive?" I asked genuinely wanting to know
"I'm not sure...it's been wild so far, but I've made some friends. It may look insane and horrible from the outside but from the inside it's amazing." Rock said with a certain look of fondness.
"So you like your job?" I said suddenly. Rock looked up with a suddenly embarrassed look.
"Y-Yeah it's great." Rock said. I was about to speak again when suddenly we heard a loud yell.
"ROCK OMG GET IN HERE, I HELP A BRO OUT." I heard from the other room. Rock was about laugh when he responded and yelled.
"AXL DID YOU BLAST X!?"
"NO I BLASTED SIGMA AND BRO I DON'T WANT MY ANAL PASSAGES TO BE RIPPED OPEN."
"OH SHIT! I GOT YOU BRO!" Rock yelled back and ran towards the door but before he went out he stopped and said said
"See you around Crash! Thanks for the Tea!" He said with one final smile and one wave before running off into that paintball nightmare. R.I.P His tie he was wearing.
"Don't mention it!" I yelled back. In that moment my heart beat got faster and for the rest of the day I kept thinking about him. He was sorta like a girl but not. He seemed like a kid but at the same time I could see his mature features, I had probably only talked to him for about 5 minutes but he was consuming my whole day.
The more I thought about him the stronger I felt about him. The kid was seeping into my thoughts. It wasn't strange for me to like another guy, I was cool with that but not on this level. I had always preferred girls but hey, this kid's cute why not?
I thought about him that whole week. When I came back again there was some strange alarm going off when I entered the building and some guy was shooting the walls with a riffle. He didn't see me come in so I knocked the guy out with my crate full of cans and he fell to the floor. The people around stared mouths open. I shrugged and went to go fill up the machine. I looked around but I didn't see Rock. I knew that he probably wasn't there or had gotten out. I sighed. Guess I didn't get to see him today. That's okay. Whatever. I made sure to fill up the Arizona Raspberries to make sure he didn't run out.
The next week I was sure I was going to see Rock so I tried something different with my hair. Yes I was resorting to outright highschool girl tricks, no I wasn't ashamed. okay maybe a little bit. But I told myself this time I would get up the guts to do two things : One get his contact info, and two ask him to go to that arcade that just opened up. He seemed like he'd enjoy that.
I've only met him once but I could just tell he'd be into that kind of stuff. Yep this was going to go smoothly. I've got this. That's what I had been thinking, but I was so terribly wrong.
I walked up to the machine and starting doing what I do, and like I had predicted Rock had walked up but he was with someone else as well. It was the guy I had hated the most : Axl.
"Oh hey! It's you...Crash Bandicoot." Rock said suddenly as if remember my name by thinking back to that conversation. I smiled.
"Yeah looks like you brought a friend this time." I said.
"You know this guy Rock?" Axl asked suddenly.
"Yeah he's the cool vending machine dude." Rock said.
"Oh." Axl said his eyes moving to me as if sizing me up. I do the same to him.
"Here I'll get out of the way." I said. I realized that I couldn't put the moves on him because obviously Axl was here and it would be awkward I could however give him my number and contact him later.
"So Rock I was thinking that we could hang out sometime or something." I say with some confidence. Say yes, Say YES. SAY YES.
"Yeah that'd be great. I'm a shut in." Rock says getting out his phone. Score 1 :Crash. I hand him my phone to let him put his number in.
"Aww look at you Rock, out here making new friends and stuff." Axl said nudging Rock. Rock blushed.
"Eat a dick" Rock said without hesitance. Axl got close to me for a second and I felt a slight irritation.
"He's always shy around new people." Axl said sarcastically in a mom voice. I sighed.
"Axl, this is why we can't have new cool friends." Rock said with some sarcasm.
"Pfft." I let out. "Axl's glance then landed on me.
"So your name is Crash Bandicoot?" Axl said with a smirk.
"No but I guess it's my pet name now? The name's Crash. I said shaking Axl's hand. Axl smirked.
"Cool. I guess I'll be seeing a lot more of you then." Axl said in a certain way. Was he on to me or something. I shrugged.
"Kay. Well I've gotta stock this thing, see you guys later then." I said indifferently. I wanted to end this conversation, it made me feel a certain way.
Later that week I got up the balls to call Rock. It was on a saturday and he picked up the phone with a slight yawn.
"...Hello?" Rock asked with a yawn. Ahhhh so cute. Okay don't fuck up, don't fuck up.
"Hey it's Crash" I said. Rock let out a "Oh yeah!"
"How's it going?" He said waking up a little more.
"I'm good and stuff anyways I wanted to take you up on my offer to hang out. There's that new arcade that just got built and..." I started.
"Oh I was there last night. It was a complete disappointment. They had no classic games what so ever...it was sad." Rock said.
"Damn what'd they have then?" I asked.
"Call of Duty machines, lots of Sega shooters. A bunch of crap. Only good thing there was guitar hero and dance dance revolution" Rock replied.
"So how was that?" I asked.
"Well Axl killed me in dance dance revolution and I looked dumb in front of middle schoolers. I got my revenge in guitar hero though." Rock said. I noticed he said the last part with some self confidence. I laughed. So Axl was with him huh?...whatever.
"So I take it you're not into shooters?" I asked changing the subject.
"No, I mean the darkness was pretty cool." Rock said.
"It was, JAAAAAACKIE COME TO THE DAAAAAARK." I yelled out suddenly. Rock started laughing.
"That game is so fucked up. I love it." Rock said. I could tell there was probably a left over smile on his face.
"So I guess that's a definite no on the arcade?" I said
"Yeah but you could come over my house if you wanted?" Rock asked. YesYesYes YesYes. YES. A house visit peeeeerfect.
"That's cool, one problem, where the heck do you even live?" I asked.
"Okay I'm bad at giving directions so you'll need to use your smarticles when I tell you." Rock said. I nodded, but then I realised he couldn't see me.
"Okay go for it." I said getting a piece of paper.
So he gave me the most ignorant instructions to get somewhere of my life and it was okay. I figured them out pretty good. I changed clothes like 8 times because I wanted to look cool, but not like I was trying hard. I wanted to be Stoic and cool. Like going over his house was something really little.
In the end I just ended up wearing regular stuff. I got to Rock's place pretty quick and when he opened up the door he was still wearing pajamas with his little ruffled hair and a white kingdom hearts t shirt. I smiled.
"You didn't bother to get pretty for me?" I said with some sarcasm. Rock laughed.
"I thought I'd pull the whole shower thing and then pull you into some yaoi hentai." Rock said with just as much sarcasm. I laugh. But at the back of my mind I was saying "Don't I wish?"
"Seems legit." I said with a laugh.
"So do you know Jojo's bizarre Adventure?" Rock asked. I shook my head no. I'd never heard of that in my life.
Upon that Rock started explaining every single detail of it to me on the couch with included some really strange hand gestures and poses and random phrases. Anyways I zoned out for a little bit and just started watching Rock move and talk. Something about it was just so attractive. At that point I had seriously forgotten what we'd been talking about I mean I caught the part about the different Jojo's and that his favorite arc was the second and how ridiculous the poses were, but beyond that once he started talking about the plot all I could stare at was his eyes and mouth and side curves and how his boxers fit and his legs in those tube socks...then it occurred to me that he was just wearing boxers...which meant under that was...ohhhhh goodness I need to stop.
"Anyways lets just play okay?" Rock said suddenly and I snapped out of my thoughts. I responded.
"Yeah sure."
So Rock put in the disk, I noticed he had Ps3. I nodded in approval to myself. He handed me the pink controller, he had a blue one, a red one and a classic black.
I grabbed it then spoke.
"So Rock, tell me your life story." I said casually as we hit character select. I looked at all these character and WTF. Like how what?! So I go and pick the most regular dude I could find. Jonathon Jostar was his name. Rock picked Joseph and then replied.
"Well, I'm 23, my name is Rock and erm...I have no life, I'm a shut in, I like generally nerdy things, I've never had a girlfriend because I'm an introvert, I have an icecream addiction and when I get really sad in the night I go eat Icecream until I can't and go vent to the Icecream clerk there." Rock said all at once without taking his eyes off the screen. There was only one thing running through my head and I said it outloud. "Wow."
"So what about you Crash?" Rock said turning to me.
"Well I'm Crash and I'm 27 years old, I've got a life, but not a fast passed one, I'm into alot of stuff. I study alot of martial arts and some boxing and fencing. I've had too many girlfriends, and yeah." I said following Rock's format. The fight started and immediately I was getting another hole torn. Rock was tearing my character up. I started to button mash.
"Seems legit. I was hoping you'd tell me that you were a murderer or something." Rock said with a smirk.
"Wait a minute what?" I asked curiously.
"Well you just seem like you'd have a secret life, Like you'd be hiding something." Rock said.
"That's...okay." I said.
Rock won with a perfect and then turned to me and looked at my face. I think I blushed. I think.
"So your teeth are really cool." Rock said suddenly.
"Are they? I think it's sorta creepy, maybe that's why you think I have a secret life or something." I said opening my mouth and poking at one.
"Nah you're just one of those dark brooding characters, ya know I think I realised why you think our offfice is so crazy." Rock said looking over at me once more. I raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well it's just that you always come on Wednesday's right?" Rock asked. I nodded. On the inside I had a "omg he remembered what day I come".
"Yeah." I said.
"That's when all the crazy stuff happens. On Wednesday." Rock said.
"Like specifically on Wednesdays?" I asked.
"Yes. On that day Axl gets 8x more ridiculous, X acts like a rampager, Sigma gets more creepy. Zero is quiet and mousy and all luck runs out." Rock said.
"Wow...what is it like on non Wednesdays?" I asked curiously.
"Alot more chill...no one really does much work. But at least their all in character." Rock said with a small smile.
"Well what about you? Do you change on Wednesday as well?" I asked.
"If I do I don't know of it." Rock replied quickly.
We had more conversation and the afternoon started to change to almost night. It was around the time when we had discussed going to go get a bunch of ridiculous snacks and what not. We were gonna watch one of Rocks favorite movies which was something called "Single White Female." because I never seen it before. When Rock's phone rang. Rock walked over to it and picked up.
"Axl what's up?" Rock said his whole focus changing as if I wasn't even here. I zoned out a little bit and heard a "Alright I'm opening the door" From Rock. Then I zoned back in. Rock went over to his door and opened it and what do I see? Axl himself. I grit my teeth a little on the inside.
"Hey Rock, I thought I'd stop in and troll your night, because X and Zero were initiating foreplay and I was in no mood to woodblock." Axl said scratching his head.
"I'm just so sure they wouldn't care if you were there or not." Rock said bluntly.
"Don't I know it...there was this one time in college..." Axl trailed off and shuttered. They both walked into the living room and Axl walked right passed me. The he backed up and stared at me.
"Rock did you leave a blowup doll out or something?! There's a man on your couch." Axl asked.
"Axl, what makes you think I have blow up dolls and why do you think it would be a man?! and yes I know there's a man on my couch." Rock said all flustered.
"So like you've got a visitor already?" Axl said. Rock nodded and sat down on the couch, Axl sat on the couch. It was awkward because I was sandwiched between them.
"So I can't remember your name, but I remember your orange hair." Axl said to me.
"It's Crash." I said.
"So what were you guys doing? It's sorta dark in here." Axl said asked.
"We were gonna watch Single White Female." Rock replied.
"Ohhhh I love that movie." Axl said getting hyper.
"Me too! Can you believe Crash hasn't seen it?" Rock said.
"Dude." Axl said looking at me.
They then proceeded to talk about the whole thing spoiling everything for me. By the time they popped the movie in it was like I wasn't even there. So I decided that I obviously couldn't get anywhere with Rock today. Axl was just in my way. Just like last time. That bastard. He didn't even remember my name either. That motherfucker...ugh.
"Hey Rock I think I'm gonna go home it's getting late." I said suddenly a bit after the movie started. Rock made a scrunched up face.
"But it's like nine fourrrrttyyyyy- three." Rock said looking at the clock while he finished.
"Well I've still got stuff to do tonight." I said.
"Alright." Rock said. We got up and walked out of the living room and walked to the door. Axl was still on the couch. I was about to walk out of the door when Rock suddenly spoke.
"I had alot of fun today thanks for coming over." Rock said.
"Yeah anytime, Rock." I said.
For a moment in time we stared at each other. I don't know if it was for a second or for a minute but I looked into his eyes and his face. I wanted to kiss him but I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt like I wasn't there yet. Like I wasn't worthy yet, whatever the hell that meant. But, I regret it to this day that I didn't kiss him. It was a missed chance. Because by the time I got the chance to hang out with him again, all my chances had been taken away from me.
Everything was Axl. Axl and Rock had been spending a bunch of time together and I knew that something was there that they both didn't see. When I would talk to Rock and ask him about his day he would also end up telling a shenanigans story about Axl because Axl had been there too. Everytime I hung out with Rock, Axl was there too.
It made me a little sour, but still I played it off. My hatred for him grew every single day. I was really peeved. I hated him so much but he didn't ever give me a reason to. And that is what made me angry the most. And every time I was there he'd give me certain looks as if sizing me up.
As if he were saying silently "You're not better than me. Rock will be mine and you'll be irrelevant."
And he was right. A few months later after that I called Rock to ask him if he'd be interested in going to a certain con with me. When he picked up he was in midlaughter, and I knew then that I was obviously getting a "No" I cringed a little bit but then spoke.
"Hey Rock, you know Shadowcon is coming up soon I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" I asked suddenly. Rock made a "Err" noise sound.
"Axl and I are sorta already going but like as a cosplay couple thing." Rock said softly as if he didn't really wanna turn me down. I knew this was coming. I sighed.
"It's cool, what are you guys going as?" I asked.
"Joseph Joestar and Ceasar." Rock answered. I laughed a little bit.
"Which one are you gonna be?" I said still slightly amused.
"Jojo of course" Rock said. I was sure there was a pleased smile on his face. So cute.
"Pffft. you guys know you ain't got no kind of muscles." I said. Rock laughed on the other line.
"You gotta point there." Rock said. I laughed.
"So... you said "couple thing" right?" I asked. Rock hesitated for a second.
"Yeaaaaah Axl and I are sorta a thing now." Rock said.
"When did that happen?" I asked suddenly.
" Zero and X's wedding party." Rock answered.
"Gay domino effect?" I asked.
"Pfffft..." Rock started then he dropped the phone in laughter. Goddammit why wasn't I at that wedding...? I could've taken advantage of the gay domino affect...
"I gotta tell people about the gay domino effect later." Rock said. I smiled.
"Yeaaah when it strikes it strikes." I replied. Suddenly Rock stopped sounding amused.
"So...you sounded kinda strange when you asked about me and Axl, you aren't a homophobe are you dude?" Rock asked suddenly. Yep he got me all the way messed up.
"Naaah I was just a little bit confused is all, I think you guys deserve each other." I said with certainty and wasn't I lying?
I was completely hurt. I had liked Rock, and even looked passed all of his nerdy awkwardness just so that I could eventually be with him. I even looked up most of the stuff he talked about and educated myself so that I could have nerdy conversations with him. It was like the ultimate blow to the chest that I had lost to Axl. I was pissed. But I couldn't let that show, not at all then all of my chances would be ruined and I couldn't have that. So I lied through my teeth.
"Yay acceptance...it's been sorta nerve wrecking honesty...some people are cool with us and some people just think we're outright wierd for it." Rock said.
"You are outright wierd Rock, But you guys don't have any haters do you?" I asked a little bit concerned.
"No, and I'm really thankful for it. It scared the shit out of me the next morning after...everything that I was in a relationship with another guy and people would be judgemental. But everything turned out okay. My fears were nothing, I even told my dad and he was cool with it. Of course he hasn't met Axl yet so that helps alot." Rock said outright.
"Haha I guess Axl isn't someone you take home to the parents huh?" I said with a little bit of laughter. Rock had a short laugh.
"Yeaaah I'm sorta avoiding it." Rock said.
"Well don't, cause you gotta be honest. Plus I just don't think anyone would be able to hate Axl." I said. But at the back of my mind I was thinking, "except for me"
"Thanks for that." Rock said.
"How's everyone in the office taking it?" I asked trying to keep the conversation going.
"Oh, they apparently shipped it before it even happened. Except Roll, she gave me that drake speech with "I'm just saying you could do better"
"Roll? Which one is that?" I asked. I had heard of her but I hadn't really talked to her.
"Blonde cute girl with the bangs and the pencil skirts." Rock explained.
"Oh, her. Haha wow." I said.
"Crash let's hang out this weekend I got this new boxset full of -" Rock started but then I cut him off.
"No I think I'm budy this weekend, but I'll catch you later okay?" I said. This is phase one of my plan.
"Alright welp I gotta go. See ya man." Rock said.
"Bye Rock." I said I hung up.
And Goodbye it was. Axl had beaten me, and I can't stand loosing. I couldn't stand being around Rock knowing that he was getting intimate with Axl. That should be me I honestly didn't think he deserved Rock, but hey that's what happens. I still firmly believe that my time with come and I'll have Rock. I just have to wait for Axl to fuck up. Then he'll be all mine. I still stay in contact with Rock waiting for the day that I can finally spill my heart to him. I'm just so sure that he's clueless about the whole thing and doesn't think two thoughts about it. I've come to tolerate Axl a little bit more lately. So that's pretty nice.
But I still can't get passed the fact that Axl knows what I'm up to. I feel that he does anyways. Everytime I'm around I feel this look that he gives me as if mocking me. He knows my intentions with Rock and just trolls the fact that he's the one that gets to tear Rock up at night. It pissed me off, but I know all I have to do is wait.
Wait for a vulnerable spot and Rock will be mine.
So go ahead Axl, kiss him, make love, play video games and do nerdy stuff and eat all the icecream you want, but as soon as you mess up Rock is mine.
The end.
Okay so crash is thirsty, he needs to take care of that because Rock will be his, or maybe one day I don't know but definately not in this AU. The crash lets do it song was in my head the whole time I was writing this and it had me weak. Anyways, Stay thirsty, watch out the toledo water, We're empty glass city. Where's the ice cold water man when you need him. Niggas out here had to take a bath with bottled water, it's hard out here. \
More working for the weekend chapters coming up Like this one they will all be extra chapters, that are randomly in the main story line. Enjoy but not too much, Especially you Luke.