A/N: Just wanted to drop a quick note and say thank you so much for the great response so far! I really appreciate all of the encouraging reviews I received! I am new to this so bare with me on getting these chapters out. I hope it continues to flow on paper as it does in my mind :) I hope you all enjoy this chapter! And just want to say thank you to my awesome beta Bec, I definitely couldn't do this without her!

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but since they are constantly running through my mind, I figured I'd give them something to do. Major props to Andrew Marlowe for this amazing show and characters!

Chapter 2: Silence

"There is a sadness in my bones,

And I cannot let go of the sadness.

There is a silence and it's,

Leading me into madness."

-The Strange Familiar

Seconds, that's all it takes for her partners to get it together and take charge of the scene, but, to Kate, it feels like hours have passed. She's not sure how long Lanie has been shaking her before she snaps back to reality, and allows her friend to help her to her feet.

It is Lanie who has pulled for her and Castle from the beginning and it will be Lanie who keeps Castle alive until the paramedics arrive. Kate can only stand and watch as Lanie administers CPR and they all plead for Castle to stay with them. He's been a part of their team for three years and in that time he's captured the hearts of all those around him. He's part of the family and the family fights for those they love.

It's only now that Kate finally assesses the scene around her. Most had sheltered in the safety of their vehicles, and dispersed after it was confirmed that the gunmen had fled, but the team of cops from the 12th Precinct and Castle's family still remain. The weight of this day and all they have been through is beginning to press down on Kate and she wonders how long she can remain standing. She has seen the hands of death many times; she has felt its wrath and finality not only in her line of work but in her personal life. And she vows now that this dragon, no matter how big, will not steal another loved one from her life.

The sounds of sirens snap her out of her thoughts and she holds her breath as they load Castle into the ambulance. Lanie has not left his side and she knows he is in good hands. Ryan and Espo elect to stay behind and work the scene. If anyone can find them a lead, she knows it's them. She turns to find Martha Rodgers standing at the door of the ambulance. Her heart begins to pound rapidly as she braces herself for Castle's mother's reaction to the sacrifice he has just made. But she is once again surprised when the older woman pulls her in for a fierce hug. She knows they don't have much time so, upon Martha's request, she climbs in the back of the ambulance with a promise to Martha that she will stay with him.

The ride to the hospital will be something Kate never forgets. Twice she watches as that flat line appears and she is positive her heart stops with his; twice she thanks a higher power as Lanie pulls him back from the brink of death. She'll never stop hearing that sound, that heart-rending, ear-shattering sound when the monitor registered that his heart had stopped. And the deafening silence she felt descending on her when she thought he was gone. The sadness of this day is seeping into her bones and she's fighting the battle to hold it together.

She has to force herself to let go of his hand when they rush him through the doors of the hospital. She doesn't even remember when she grabbed hold of it, but the weight of it in her hand, that small connection with him, somehow kept her grounded in that ambulance. And now reality once again reels her back in as she comes face-to-face with the doctor who is first to respond, Doctor Josh Davidson, her boyfriend. So wrapped up in what she was allowing herself to feel for Castle, she had almost forgotten she has a boyfriend - and he's about to operate on the man she loves. She knows how wrong that is, how unfair it is to Josh but that's the problem with the heart sometimes, when it picks who it wants you can only fight it for so long.

Now she sits in the waiting room, and even though she is surrounded by people she knows and cares for, she's never felt such a maddening silence before. She feels it deep in her soul and she knows there is only one person that can break it: Castle. She feels the crumbling as another wall begins to collapse, and there is only one explanation for it, she is hopelessly in love with Richard Castle and that frustrating, immature, maddening, loving, wonderful man is going to break every one of her walls and there is nothing she can do to stop it, and she wouldn't even if she wanted to.

Her next encounter is one she is not prepared for at all. Hearing a throat clear, she looks to find Alexis Castle, her partner's beautiful, young daughter, staring at her from the doorway. She stands and follows Alexis into the hall, and the look in the teenager's eyes as she whips around to face her is enough to send a shudder through her body. Before she can open her mouth Alexis is speaking and Kate braces herself as the girl's wrath comes crashing down on her.

"I knew he was going to do this one day, go out and do something reckless, get himself hurt, or killed. He has changed since he met you, Detective Beckett, and I don't like it. He has no regard for his life or his family anymore. He is not a cop and I told him he needed to stop playing one before he got hurt. He may have just thrown his life away for you and I can't bring myself to understand why. While I think you are a remarkable detective, you've done nothing but push him away from day one. He's in love with you and it's so clear to those of us around you, yet you do anything you can to dismiss it. You're like a drug that he can't get out of his system and now it may have gotten him killed."

Kate feels the tears as they start to spill down her cheek, because she knows everything the girl is saying is right. She doesn't deserve Castle; she's a messed up, frustrating, walled off person and he has tried his best to get inside. And, although he hasn't been able to see it, he has slowly worked his way inside her. He's demolishing her walls from the inside out and she desperately wants to convey this to Alexis but she doesn't know how to form it in words. And she thinks it's only fair that he be the first person to know. So she tries to express it the best she can to the girl.

"Alexis, I know there is nothing that I can say that will change this situation, and nothing that will make it better. Your dad took the bullet that was meant for me, and I can never put into words what the means to me. I don't know why he would sacrifice himself for me knowing how much he has in life, but I can tell you this, when he makes it through, I will spend my entire life making sure he knows just what it means to me. I am not walking away from this, nor him. I'm here and I intend to make this into the happy ending that everyone deserves." As the last few words leave her mouth, Kate is crushed into a fierce hug by the young girl. They hold on to each other as the weight of the day's events finally takes over them both.

It's been exactly one hour and forty seven minutes since she last saw him, she knows because she looked at the time on her father's watch and she's been watching the time tick by ever since. Alexis is now asleep beside her in the waiting room, the stress of the day finally pulling her under. She watches as Martha rests on the other side of the room as well and for the first time of the day the silence doesn't feel like it's strangling her. She is not alone in this battle, in fact, for the past three years, she has never been alone. She loves him, she's sure of that now. She still doesn't think she deserves him but if he still wants her after this, she will do her best to be better for him, to become the person he does deserve. She's done ignoring it.

Now, as she works her way through the rubble of her disintegrated walls, she knows what comes next, the next step in this battle towards her happy ending. As if fate itself is speaking to her, that exact moment, Josh comes through the door and she braces herself, because more than one life is about to be changed.