A/N: Thank you again for the awesome response I have received to this story and for the lovely reviews! I understand now what those reviews mean to the writer, they keep us fueled, and inspired to write more. So that being said, keep them coming :) This chapter is a good bit longer than my others so far, and please know that I already know where I am taking this, so stick with me when you get to the end. I promise there will be no kidnapping of Kate or anything along those lines, however I did label it 'angst' for a reason. I do promise a happy ending, but I don't promise an easy journey. Thanks again to my beta, Bec, she makes all of this possible as always couldn't do it without her.

Disclaimer: Still don't own them, just giving them something to do. :)

Chapter 4: Acceptance

She's waging a war within herself right now. She desperately wants to run to him, hold him close to her, place her lips over his and melt into him. She wants to show him how much he truly means to her, wants him to know that what he has done for her means more than anything. Instead, she closes the distance between them, stops at the side of his bed, and reaches for his hand. He's already hurting; she doesn't want to cause him any more pain.

"Kate..." He breathes out her name, his voice still heavy with sedation and rough from not being used for a while. Her heart beats rapidly in her chest; she was afraid she would never hear his voice again, didn't realize exactly how scared she was until now.

"Oh Castle…" She chokes out his name as the tears begin to flow freely from her eyes. She can't stop them now, not when he is here, awake, looking at her like that. He tightens his grip on her hand and she begins to sob, the grief of the day finally taking its toll. The dam breaks free and the sobs wrack her small frame and she wants nothing more than to crawl into his lap, hold him close to her and breathe in the reassurance that he is here. There will be a time for that though, for now he tightens his hold on her, anchors her, and waits her out.

She knows she needs to call his mother and daughter, but she wants just a few more minutes alone with him, can't help the selfishness she's currently feeling. She's trembling with the need to lay herself bare to him, but now is not the time. He needs to be alert for that conversation and so she chokes down the need for now, and settles for talking softly to him instead.

He's looking at her a little more clearly now, and she wonders what's going through his mind. Suddenly she thinks back to those last few seconds in the cemetery. His eyes were already closed when she whispered those words, but there's a chance he could have heard her, and a chance he already knows the strength of her feelings for him. He hasn't mentioned anything about it, but then again he's not really fully awake yet either. Her heart pounds violently in her chest and she looks at him, tries to get a read on what he's feeling.

"Castle, I'm so glad you're okay." She's swiping at the tears on her face, his presence anchoring her again for now, and she waits for him to speak.

"Kate, I thought I was going to lose you. I saw something shining in the sunlight, registered what was about to happen, and did the only thing I knew I could do."

"Castle, you saved my life, you could have been killed, I don't know what I would have done if I lost you. Oh, God, Castle, you took a bullet for me, I can't even, I just…"

"Kate." He stills her with the caress of his thumb over her hand. "I am still here, you didn't lose me. We're both still here."

She smiles at him now, and he returns it, sighing as he relaxes back into the bed. She wants so badly to ask him if he remembers, if he heard her, but he's tired, she knows he's been through a lot today, so she eases back. She'll ask him later, when he's rested. His eyes are closed again and she takes this moment to slide her phone from her pocket. She pulls up Martha's number and rises, to call his family, when his grip on her hand tightens.

"Kate, don't go, please." He mostly mumbles the words, is barely audible, but somehow she understands him.

"Castle, I'm not leaving. I am here, I promise. I'm just going to step outside and call your mother and Alexis. I promised them I would call when you woke up. I'll be right back."

She leans down and kisses his cheek before she can stop herself, but if it bothers him he makes no notion of it. She makes her way into the hallway and calls his mother.

She hangs up a few minutes later, Martha and Alexis are on their way and she wants to savor these last few minutes alone with him. He's watching her when she comes back in the room, and she sees the tension ease from him as she sinks back down by his side. He seems mentally unaffected so far, and she is grateful for that, but she knows it's still early, doesn't want to get her hopes up too much yet. He seems to have no regrets, not that she thinks he would regret saving her life, but this is going to have long-term effects on him. That's what she worries about now, how this will affect him, will affect them. She reaches for his hand again, smiles as he closes his eyes and she enjoys this quiet moment, the calm before the storm.

Castle rests peacefully and Kate watches him while they wait for Martha and Alexis to arrive. His eyes flutter open when he hears their voices, a small smile forming on his face when he sees them. Kate releases his hand and moves to the side so they can get to him. They shower him with light hugs and kisses and words of affection. She watches from the side, admires this beautiful, strong family. She can't help but feel that guilt as she thinks about how he almost left them, that he chose her life above them. No one has ever cared for her like that before, and it overwhelms her.

It's been hours since she has had any real sleep, and her body is starting to protest. This time it's Martha who does the persuading, finally talking her into going home to get some rest. She is reluctant to leave, doesn't want to spend another night away from him but she needs to rest, needs to refuel before she opens her heart to him. His mother motions for Alexis to follow her into the hall and they give Kate a minute alone with Castle.

She sees the concern in his eyes as she approaches his side. He doesn't want her to go and that feeling has never been more mutual. The machine he is hooked to registers his increased heart rate and she runs her fingers through his hair to soothe him. The shooter is still on the loose, and she knows that's what he's thinking, can see it all over his face.

"Castle, Ryan called earlier, they've put a protective detail on both of us, okay? I'm just going to go get some sleep and I'll be back first thing in the morning."

He sighs but she sees him relax a little.

"Kate, please be careful okay?"

She can only think of one word to say back to him, their word.

"Always."

She leans down to kiss his cheek again, wants desperately to touch her lips to his, but they aren't there yet, so she pushes her desire away, kisses his cheek and offers him a smile before turning and leaving the room.

The ride to her apartment is uneventful and she's thankful for that. She isn't sure how she makes it to her door without falling over, she doesn't remember ever being this exhausted in her life. She plans to make it to the bed, to strip out of her clothes and the remnants of the day, but she can only make it as far as her couch – where she's asleep within seconds.

She sleeps soundly, waking in the morning when the sun hits her face. For a minute she thinks maybe she's just had a nightmare, until she looks down and sees the blood stains on her pants and reality comes crashing back down on her. It's his blood that's on her pants, innocent blood, blood that saved her life. She's drowning now and she needs more than anything to get these clothes off, to wash away the horrible memory from her body. He's alive, she repeats to herself as she strips off her clothes and steps into the shower.

He's sitting upright when she makes it back to his room. He looks extremely tired and in a great deal of pain but he seems much more alert now. She is greeted with a hug from Martha and a small smile from Alexis and they elect to go get breakfast while she sits with Castle. She crosses the room and sinks down into the chair next to his bed. He looks good in spite of all he's been through.

"How are you feeling, Castle?"

It's out of her mouth before she has time to really think. Why didsheeven ask him that?

"Oh, you know, pretty good. I thought I'd go run a marathon here in a bit if you'd care to join me?"

That's the Castle she knows and loves. He's sitting in a hospital bed after being shot and yet he still manages to joke with her.

"I'm sorry, Castle, I don't know why I asked that."

He lets out a soft chuckle and she smiles shyly at him. Suddenly she's nervous for where this conversation is going to go next. She doesn't really know what she will do if he doesn't feel the same as her anymore but she won't know until she pursues it. She's in this; she promised his daughter, promised herself.

"Castle-"

"Kate-"

They both laugh as they speak at the same time, but she wants to do this while she's sure of herself, so she tries again.

"Castle, listen, I just want-"

"Kate." He cuts her off this time and she looks at him questioningly, ready to protest, but he's talking again before she can. "Kate, you don't have to do this. I didn't save your life so that I could get something in return. You don't owe me anything, okay?"

No, she thinks, she has to tell him, has to show him what he has done for her; he's done more than just save her life, he's saved her in every way possible.

"Castle, wait, I know I don't owe you anything but I still want to thank you for what you did. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. You saved my life in more ways than you could ever know."

"That's what partners do, Kate, have each other's backs no matter what. I have no regrets and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Castle, you have a family that loves you, you have so much going for you in life, why would you risk that for me?"

She knows why she asked that, she's giving him a chance to say it, wants to see if he still feels that way, wants to know if he knows she feels it back.

"I guess I didn't really think about all of that at the time. You were about to be shot, Kate, and I didn't really think, I just acted."

She just stares at him for a moment; she still can't fathom why he would risk his life for her. This sweet, caring, selfless man never ceases to surprise her. She must take too long to answer because he is speaking again before she can open her mouth.

"Kate, I will never regret the choice I made. I stepped in front of that bullet for a reason, to save your life. Please don't beat yourself up for it. You were worth it."

She nods to him as her eyes fill with tears, she can't help it now, she loves him so much, is so thankful to him. She reaches down to take his hand again but she startles when he pulls away. She glances up at him with a confused look on her face - but it's fleeting, his next words bringing clarity.

"Kate, I appreciate you being here last night and you coming back to see me this morning, but shouldn't you be with Josh? He's my doctor after all, and I wouldn't want him to walk in here and think something is going on."

She sighs as he pulls away; she sees the hurt in his eyes as he says those words and oh, oh! He doesn't know yet; she hasn't had a chance to tell him.

"Castle, Josh and I broke up, last night. He's a good guy and he saved your life and I will forever be thankful to him for that but he isn't right for me, he isn't what I need. You are."

She can see the surprise on his face, and her heart begins to pound loudly in her chest as she waits for his reaction.

"Kate, I uh, are you sure? This isn't just something you think you have to do because I saved your life? I want you, I have for a long time but I don't want it to happen because you feel obligated to me."

She knew he might react this way, can see why he would think that, but he couldn't be further from the truth and she needs to make him see that.

"Castle, while I will admit that what you did for me has opened my eyes, it's not what you did that made this decision for me. I've known for a while that Josh and I weren't working, because I wasn't committed to the relationship. I couldn't commit, because I care about someone else, because I want someone else. My heart chose who it wanted a while back and I've ignored it for too long. I want you, Castle. I wanted you before, I want you now, and I will never stop wanting you."

She wanted to add I love you in there too, but he's looking a bit overwhelmed at the moment and she doesn't want to push him away. She knows he cares about her but she isn't sure how much deeper those feelings still go. If he heard her in the cemetery he's made no mention of it, and she wishes that if he had heard her that he would say. It would make this so much easier for her. She's not good with feelings, not good with communication, when it comes to her heart.

He reaches for her hand now and her heart turns somersaults in her chest. She isn't sure she can look at him; she's afraid of what she might see.

"Kate, look at me, please."

She lifts her head, to find his eyes filled with emotion, and she can't contain hers as the tears continue to spill down her cheeks.

"I can't tell you how long I have wanted to hear you say that. I always hoped that eventually we would stop doing this dance we have perfected and realize we would be good together. I was willing to wait, Kate, and I'm glad I did. I have never wanted someone so much in my life, and if you're sure about this, then I'm in. We can take it slow, see what happens but I need you to know that I am committed to this, to you."

She's never been so sure of anything in her life, and she could weep for days from the love he has shown her already.

"Castle, I'm in this, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, ever. I love you."

The words leave her mouth before she can stop them. She didn't mean to put so much on him so soon but she has just never felt this way about anyone before. She has to make sure he knows.

"Oh Kate, I love you too. I have for so long now."

She's crying again, can't help the flood of emotion, and he's tugging on her hand, trying to get her to move towards him without straining himself. And when her lips meet his, she knows without a doubt that this is it for her. She's just as addicted to him as he is to her and she never wants to stop to kissing him. When they finally pull back for air, she climbs carefully into the bed beside him and they just hold on to each other for a while, their connection stronger than ever.

She's not sure when she drifted off but she is startled awake when the door to his room opens. She sits up, expecting to find Martha and Alexis, and is taken by surprise when she sees that it's Josh. He looks angry at first, seeing them so close together, but he quickly changes his expression when Castle opens his eyes. She makes a move to get up but Castle squeezes her hand so she stays where she is, looking away from Josh.

"Mr. Castle, how is your level of pain right now?"

"It's pretty intense right now but I guess that is to be expected, right?"

"Yes, I'll increase your pain meds. I want to keep you a few more days and then we can talk about your recovery process and your rehab, okay?"

"Thank you, Dr. Davidson. I appreciate everything you've done."

Josh gives a slight nod, and shows no signs of emotion as he turns to leave the room. Kate gives a sigh of relief that there was no confrontation between the three of them. She hopes it stays that way. Little does she know, Josh has other plans.