A/N: Wow, once again thank you for the amazing response to this story! This is my first time ever writing for something like this and your reviews have been such an encouragement to me! I will work on responses to each one of you asap. As promised, this chapter is from Castle's POV. I hope you enjoy it, and please remember that I labeled the story as angst/romance, so we have to get through the angst first. The harder the journey, the sweeter the ending. :) I need to give a huge shout out and thank you to Angie ( dtrekker) on twitter for her amazing art work for this story. She is awesome! And another huge thank you to my beta, Bec, who ensures these chapters make sense :) Find me on twitter if you wish, xx00meg00xx

Disclaimer: If Marlowe ever contacts me about rights, there will be no hesitation. For now I am just borrowing them.

Chapter 7: Pain

He realized this was a bad idea, several steps ago, but he can't bring himself to stop walking. His feet seem to be on auto pilot and the rest of his body can only follow along. He's been running on an emotional high since he left the hospital, driven by the sole need to escape everything. He is trying desperately to forget the past few days, but there is one thought that he can't escape no matter how hard he tries. One person who's name is now a part of him. Kate.

He thought he had believed her when she confessed her feelings to him. When he had woken in his hospital bed to find her there, the joy that had overtaken him was indescribable. His heart, despite its current condition, had created a pattern that could only be for her. He hadn't realized how much doubt still lingered in the back of his mind. It was all too easy to believe Josh. It made perfect sense, why she had never told him she had feelings for him before, why she broke up with Josh while he was still unconscious. It all tied in to the point Josh had made: she felt obligated. Even now his choice to take the bullet for her seems like an attempt to win her heart. Deep down he knows that's not why he did it, he would save her life again and again and never expect anything in return. The truth is she's in his veins and he can't get her out.

He didn't even stick around to give her a chance to explain. He just couldn't bear the thought of looking at her while she confirmed what Josh had said. His heart had survived a gun shot, but he wasn't sure it would survive Kate. It's that last thought that finally snaps him out of his wandering. The searing pain that cuts through him has his knees buckling in a matter of seconds and he's not even sure how he has made it this far. It's sheer luck that he managed to get past the protective detail, and he's even more surprised that they haven't found him yet. The burning in his chest is even worse than the pain he had felt when the bullet entered. He can hardly breathe the pain is so intense and it doubles him over as he clings to a nearby wall. He knows he won't make it any farther, knows he's not leaving this spot without some help. He somehow manages to pull his phone from his pocket, only to find that the battery is dead.

He has no other choice but to try and make it to a phone or to wait here in hopes that someone will find him, but the next step he attempts to take sends him crumpling to the ground. He can't move, can't think, can only attempt to breathe as the pain completely overwhelms him. His only hope now is that his friends will find him before the shooter does.

This is almost too easy, the man thinks to himself. Not only has Richard Castle stumbled right to him, he's now slumped on the ground and in perfect shooting range. This will be all the leverage he needs to finally take Kate Beckett out as well. He lines up his shot, preparing to take Castle out once and for all. Just as he is about to pull the trigger, the sound of sirens has him pulling back quickly. He could still take the shot, it would definitely hit its target, but his chances for escape would be slim. There are now several police officers surrounding Castle and he curses as his opportunity slips away. This is proving to be a real problem. He needs a new plan and then he's going to finish the job.

Luck, that's what it comes down to. Only seconds before the shot that was going to end Richard Castle's life, his slumped over form is spotted by Ryan and Espo. He's so focused on the pain he barely hears his name being called before he glances up to see them standing over him. He's never been so thankful in his life to see them; he mutters something about them being life savers not realizing how true that statement really is. It's complete agony as they help him into the police cruiser and finally head towards his loft. Their reprimands of how dangerous it was for him to be out on the streets in his condition are barely audible to him as the pain floods his mind and he closes his eyes for the rest of the ride.

They arrive at the loft and Castle can't help the groan of pain that he releases as they practically carry him up to his door. He's appreciative of their help, knows he never would have made that walk on his own. He knows there is a storm waiting for him behind that door. Ryan had called Martha once they had him in the car to let her know he was safe and that they were bringing him home. Castle could hear her cries of relief and bouts of anger through the phone. Right now the only thing he really wants is to lay in his bed and sleep. He wants to forget everything even if it's only temporary. The sooner he faces his mother and daughter, the sooner he can do just that.

He isn't sure where Kate is, hasn't dared to ask anyone. Truthfully he doesn't want to see her right now, and he isn't sure when that feeling will change. He can only imagine her reaction when she found out he was no longer at the hospital waiting for her. He is sure she figured it out, she is a detective after all, but since she wasn't the one who found him, he can't help but think she must not have been looking for him either. If anything she had probably found Josh and got back together with him. He really needs to stop thinking about her, the added pain is too much right now. And if he's being completely honest with himself losing her now, after thinking that she was finally his, may be the final straw for him.

As they finally make it through the door of his loft, he is met with a frantic but relieved Martha. Her scolds of him scaring them, and to never do something like that again, are filled with love and concern and he loves her all the more for it. She makes it clear to him that one near death experience is quite enough for their family, not knowing how close it came to being two. Alexis is upset as well as she hugs him in a soft embrace, but it's clear that her relief of having him home is overriding her anger. He tried to reassure them that he is fine, but after hearing the state that Ryan and Espo found him in everyone is waiting for an explanation. He can't bring himself to tell them all the truth right now, saying it out loud will just confirm it even more, so he tries to get by with saying as little as he can.

"I just needed to get out of there. The pain was intense but my need for fresh air took over. The next thing I knew I was several blocks from the hospital and the pain was becoming increasingly worse. I collapsed to the ground and was going to call someone when I discovered that my battery was dead. A few minutes later the boys found me."

Although they all nod in acceptance of his explanation, none of them believe that is all that has happened.

"I am sorry I scared you all, I shouldn't have left like that. I guess I'm not really thinking straight. I'm home now though and, if you all don't mind, I'd just like to go to bed."

His strength, what little he has left, is clearly fading and he knows it's only a matter of time before he breaks down. When he does, he'd like to be in the privacy of his room. So with the help of his daughter, he makes his way towards his room, bidding the guys goodnight and thanking them for all they have done. His mother walks the detectives out, voicing her thanks to them as well.

Only a few steps remain between him and the comfort of his bed. The thought of finally drifting off to sleep has him wanting to get there even faster. He barely registers that his daughter is speaking, misses most of what she is saying before he catches the last word. And before he can react or ask her to repeat what she's just said, he sees her. Kate is there, standing in his bedroom, of all places. Why is she here, he thinks to himself before he realizes it's actually coming out of his mouth.

"Beckett, what are you doing here?"

His daughter grips his side a little tighter and quietly clears her throat to remind him she is still there. He asks her to give them a few minutes and she helps him over to the bed before she leaves him alone with Kate.

She's made no move towards him, is still standing in the same spot, staring at him. The look on her face is pushing him even closer to breaking and he has to tear his eyes away from her.

"Castle, I… Where have you been? I was so worried."

He can't do this now, can't bear to hear her concern for him after everything that has happened. He can't listen to her voice anymore and he desperately needs to get her out of his room before he loses it.

"Kate, I can't do this right now, it hurts too much."

He means that in more ways than one but, if she catches it, she makes no move to acknowledge it.

"Castle, please, I was on my way back to the hospital when I got the call from Martha saying you were gone. Where did you go?"

He doesn't owe her an explanation, and the fact that she is asking for one is only fueling the fire building inside him.

"Did you even look for me?"

He can hear her hesitation without looking at her.

"Castle, I went to the hospital, I went to talk to Josh."

And that's all it takes. If he wasn't in so much pain right now he would no longer be sitting here. The need to get away from her is only growing stronger. He can't handle being in the same room with her any longer.

"Get out, Beckett." It comes out harsh, and he means it, but his voice softens a little with his next words. "Please, I can't have this conversation right now. Go back to Josh, or whatever you want, just leave."

He can hear her moving, only it's not away from him, she's walking closer to him and his breath hitches as he tries to move father onto the bed. He cries out in pain before he can stop himself and her hands are on him before he can stop her.

"Don't touch me. Just go."

He is breaking; he doesn't have the strength to ask her again, and she just needs to leave him alone. He closes his eyes and turns away from her. If she wants to say anything, she must think better of it because he hears footsteps, the sound of his door closing, and she's gone.

He manages to calm himself down, willing the dam to hold just a little longer. He hears his door open again and looks over to find his daughter cautiously coming towards him.

"Uh, Dad, I just wanted to check on you. I heard you yell and then Detective Beckett ran past me without saying a word. What happened? I thought things were okay with you two. Is that why you disappeared earlier?"

"Not tonight, pumpkin, please." He's pleading with her to leave it alone for now, but he loves her for being so caring. "I promise I will explain later, I just need some rest right now, okay?"

"Okay. I brought you your pain medicine and some water. Get some rest and I'll check on you in a few hours, okay?"

"Thank you, pumpkin. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad."

He smiles as she leaves his room, and he sighs to himself as he is finally left alone. He takes his pain meds and tries to find a comfortable position, but he's beginning to think that's never going to happen again. His last coherent thought as he nods off to sleep is how much he loves Kate, and no matter what happens, no matter how much pain, he will always love her.