A/N: Once again, thank you so much for all of the amazing feedback on this story! Just a few things I wanted to let you know :) This chapter is now back to Kate's POV. Also my beta is going to be away for several days so there won't be an update until she gets back. I am going to continue to write while she is gone, I just won't be posting until she is back to read over them. The good news is, I should have several chapters ready to go by then so I will post them more frequently after that. Stick with me, I'll be back soon. :)

Disclaimer: No, just no.

Chapter 8: Broken

She's not sure how she even makes it back to her car before she breaks down. She ran out of the loft so fast, she didn't give anyone around her a chance to react. She wrenches her car door open and sinks into the seat just as she completely breaks down. She can't get the look on Castle's face out of her mind, can't stop hearing the things he had said. She knows he isn't thinking clearly but the pain of what he had said still hurts. He wouldn't even give her a chance to explain. She knows she could have pushed, could have forced him to listen to her, but he was already in so much pain. He looked so defeated and she just couldn't stand to put anything else on him tonight.

She wishes she would have worded what she said differently, she knows what he is thinking. He thinks she chose Josh, and the way the conversation went is just adding to the doubts he already had. She's never been good with communication, voicing her feelings is not a strong point of hers. Tonight, when it really mattered, she had once again failed, failed herself and failed him. He's usually the rational one, the one that does the pushing and the reasoning, but his emotional stability is completely off. She screwed everything up. She didn't go back to Josh, she never would, but Castle doesn't know that and she didn't fight to tell him. If she wasn't so horrible at telling people how she feels maybe they wouldn't even be here right now. She just knows that she was no good for him before and she's still not where she wants to be, but he's already so much a part of her that she can't wait any longer to be with him.

He's not in a good place right now and she knows it's probably only going to get worse. His recovery is going to be a long, painful process and it's going to be just as much emotional as it is physical. He's going to need support and she is determined to be that for him, if he will let her. She has to find a way to get through to him, she has to push that final wall down and learn to open up to him. She wants more than anything to go back up to the loft, but she forces herself to drive back to her apartment. She needs to get herself together before she attempts to talk to him again, before she attempts to put them back together.

She makes it through her door and into her room without stopping to change or think. She just wants to escape for a few hours and she hopes that sleep will come easily. Another sob escapes her as she lays there alone in her bed. She hasn't been back here to sleep since the night after Castle was shot. She had hoped her nights here alone were coming to an end, but right now she feels more alone than ever. The memory of him lying on the ground in that cemetery floods her mind and she can't stop the tears now, can't help that overwhelming feeling of how close she came to losing him. She's not sure how long she lays there crying before she finally drifts off to sleep.

Her night is anything but restful as she once again finds herself in that cemetery leaning over Castle as he bleeds out on the ground. It's all the same only this time, when his heart stops in the ambulance, it doesn't start again and as that flat-line sounds she wakes up, screaming his name. She can't stop thinking about how easily real that dream could have been, how close she came to never getting to tell him how she feels. Her heart had been shattered when she had lost her mom, and it had taken years for it to somewhat heal, now it was breaking all over again. She loves Castle, loves that he helped put her back together in a way no one else was ever able to do. She loves that he taught her how to enjoy life again and loves even more that he somehow worked his way inside of her, despite her best efforts to keep him out. Castle has saved her in so many ways and she needs to tell him that. If this thing with them is ever going to have a chance at working, she has to lay it all on the table.

She would never admit this before but she needs him. She needs him in a way that she has never needed anyone else. She can't stand being away from him any longer and she finds herself out of the bed and grabbing her keys. She glances at her phone and sees it's only three in the morning but she doesn't care, she just needs him. It's that very reason she's in her car driving back to the loft, back to him. She knows this isn't going to be easy, knows she is going to have to fight like she's never fought before, but he's worth it, they're worth it.

She's standing at the door to the loft and she's only now realizing that she hasn't really thought this through. It's the middle of the night and she doesn't have a key. Her overwhelming need to be with him seems to be overriding her common sense, but her desperation to fix this has her knocking on the door before she can stop herself. Surprisingly she only has to wait a moment before she hears footsteps and the door opens to reveal a concerned looking Martha Rodgers.

She's not sure how much Castle has told his family but the look on Martha's face tells her she is nothing but concerned at the moment. The older woman steps back to usher her into the loft before motioning to the couch and following her over. She starts speaking before she can stop herself because she needs to fix this and she needs to fix it now.

"Martha, I'm so sorry to show up here at this hour but I couldn't sleep knowing how I left things with Castle. I found myself outside the door before I could think better of it."

"Katherine, dear, I'm not sure what has happened between you and Richard, I only know that it had to have been bad for him to react the way he has."

"I'm sorry, Martha, this is all my fault, all of it. He got shot because of me, he left the hospital because of me, and he is hurting because of me."

She tries to fight the tears as they threaten to spill down her cheek but the wave of emotion is too much and she turns away from Martha as they begin to fall. She doesn't deserve his mother's pity, nor does she want it.

"Katherine, listen to me. Richard is a grown man and he makes his own decisions. He chose to take that bullet for you without the help of anyone else. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't love you and I mean that. You can't blame yourself for this. He survived, and he saved your life and right now that is all that matters to me. As for what happened at the hospital, I am listening if you would like to explain"

She knows she has to start somewhere, maybe if Martha will listen to her, she can help her get Castle to listen as well. So she spends the next half an hour explaining to Martha everything that happened. The woman listens intently to the story without interrupting and as Kate finishes she takes a breath as she waits for Martha's response.

"Oh, dear, I am just so sorry that all of this has happened. Breaking up with Josh and admitting your feelings for Richard was a big step for you. His reaction just proves that you did the right thing. I hate that he reacted the way he did and made things so much more difficult for you both. I can see that you love Richard and I think that if it weren't for his current situation he would have never listened to Josh without coming to you first. I do know that he loves you though and I think you only need to convince him that you are in this for him to come back around. I'm glad that you went back and put Josh in his place. What I want to know now is why didn't Richard give you a chance to explain earlier?"

"I can understand why he ran from the hospital Martha, if anyone understands running it's me. I think Josh knew exactly what he was doing by using Rick's already vulnerable state to his advantage. He ran because he believed it and based off of the choices I have made, I can't blame him. I tried to explain to him what happened earlier but when I mentioned that I had gone to see Josh, he started pulling away and shouting at me to leave. I think he's already convinced himself that I went back to Josh. I wanted to make him listen but he was in so much pain and so upset, I just ran out of there before I could hurt him anymore."

The tears come again and she's pretty sure she's only been this emotional one other time in her life. She tenses up momentarily when she feels Martha's arms wrap around her before melting into her embrace and letting go. It's silent for a few moments before the woman speaks again.

"Katherine, I think one thing is very clear here, you love Richard and I know he loves you. He is hurting and vulnerable and it's going to take some work but I think you are willing to fight and I think it will be worth it in the end. He needs you as much as you need him. You both deserve a happy ending. I'm glad you came back tonight and I'm glad you told me the truth. I'm with you in this and I support you."

She's finally starting to see that glimmer of hope again.

"Thank you, Martha, for listening to me and for giving me a chance. I will make this right, I give you my word."

They release each other with a smile and Martha ensures she knows where the guest room is. She wants to be there when he wakes and she is thankful the woman agrees with her. They bid each other goodnight and she is left alone with her thoughts. She is feeling better now than when she arrived, though she knows the storm is far from over. She starts out towards the guest room but finds herself turning the opposite way, coming to a stop outside Castle's door. She knows she shouldn't but she just has to see him, so she carefully opens his door and slips inside.

For the first time since before he was shot, she thinks, he looks peaceful. The pain she had seen earlier is no longer there while he is sleeping. His presence is all it takes to soothe her and she just stands and watches him a few minutes longer. She finally eases herself into a chair in the corner of his room and makes herself comfortable. She doesn't plan to stay long, just needs these few minutes alone with him in the quiet before she heads up to the guest room. It's only minutes before the darkness of the room and his soft breathing have her drifting off to sleep. It's several hours before the light begins to seep into the room, and she begins to stir. She stretches unconsciously before sitting up and realizing that she must have fallen asleep while watching him. He's still sleeping and she finds herself softly padding across the room to stand beside him.

It's a new day and a new chance for them. She is determined that today will be the first step in their healing process. They are broken, but it's repairable. He once helped her to heal without even realizing it and now she's going to return the favor. Their story hasn't been an easy one, but then again anything worth doing is never easy. It's time to heal, time to start over. She leans forward and runs her fingers through his hair and he begins to stir as she softly whispers, "Castle".