A/N: As promised here is ch. 11. I didn't leave you hanging for too long. :) I'm going on a mini vacation this weekend and then a bigger one in about 2 weeks, I will try to update as much as I can before then because I won't be able to update while I'm gone. Hope you are still enjoying the story and thank you for all of the support. And another shout out to my beta, Bec, she's the best!

Disclaimer: I wish!

Chapter 11: Breathe

She's not sure when he whispered, "Come here," to her, but she ends up with her head in his lap as he softly runs a finger over her cheek, catching the tears as they continue to fall. He doesn't speak again for a few minutes, gives her time to let it all out. Finally she looks up at him to find him staring down at her with concern. She still can't bring herself to speak, can't find the words that will make this okay. He seems to sense that so he does the talking.

"I didn't mean to upset you like this, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I don't want to leave you for that long either; I'm not doing this to get away from you. The only reason I think it will even be bearable is because I am going there to get better. It's hard enough for me to be here with you and not be able to do anything more than softly touch you or kiss you. I feel like if I go out to the Hamptons then I will be able to solely focus on getting better and coming back to you. Please know that this has nothing to do with running from us or not believing that you're in this. It's about me getting the best care I can, in the best place for me, so that I can be in this with you one hundred percent, okay?"

And this is why he is a writer. He has a way with words that she will never cease in loving. This doesn't change the fact that he will be leaving her for a while but something about what he said has her feeling a little better about it. He isn't running from her, and he still wants her, but he's right, he needs to recover in the place he feels most comfortable doing it.

"Rick, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm such an emotional wreck. It's just the last few weeks have been such an intense journey. I almost got shot, and then I almost lost you because you did get shot, and then I finally told you how I feel only to have it almost backfire on me because of Josh, and now we are here and things are going so well and I just can't imagine my life without you in every aspect of it anymore. I just don't know how to be okay with this."

She sits up, grabs his hand as she scoots up beside him, not wanting to lose the connection with him.

"I don't know what to say, Kate. I don't know how to make this better for both of us. I just know that it's something I have to do. I want you to be okay with it, I don't want you to be upset and hurting while I'm gone. I need to have peace of mind when I go that you are going to be okay. We can make this work somehow. It's not like we won't be able to talk at all, that's not what I want."

"I know you don't, and I know you need this. I just don't want it to tear us apart after everything we've worked for. Promise me that we will both still put in the effort to be open and completely honest with each other. I don't want to do this with anyone else, Rick; it's you, only you for me."

"I promise, Kate, we will make this work. I am going to go get better and stronger and then I'm going to come back to you and we're going to dive into this. You're it for me too; you have been for a long time."

It's conversations like these with him that have her wondering why she was so scared of this for so long. They just had a very serious conversation about him leaving and where they are going and he knew exactly what to say to her. She still doesn't want to be without him, but she feels better about it now, feels like they can make it work. He's going to go heal and then he's going to come back to her and they are going to be better than ever.

"So…. are we okay? You're going to be okay while I'm gone, right?"

He's asking with such care and concern in his voice and it makes her love him that much more.

"Yes, Castle, we're okay. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be hard but I do feel better about it now. I'm going to miss you like crazy but I'll be okay."

She has to kiss him now, can't stand it any longer. This is her last night with him for who knows how long and she wants to savor the touch of his lips to hers as much as she can. So when her lips finally touch his she pours everything she's feeling into the kiss.

With foreheads touching, lips just a breath apart, he whispers, "I love you, Kate."

"I love you too, Castle," she promises in return.

The next morning arrives much faster than she wanted it to. After helping get Castle packed for the Hamptons last night, they had spent the remainder of the evening cuddling and enjoying just being with each other. His mother and daughter made breakfast for them this morning and said their goodbyes to him with promises of coming to see him on the weekends. She tried not to think too much about the fact that she wouldn't be able to join them unless it was just a day trip. They were going to make this work though, they had promised each other. He had arranged for his car service to pick him up at the same time she had to leave for work. When the knock on the door sounded announcing the arrival of the car, she sighed, not ready to tell him goodbye.

She opens the door to allow the man in that is carrying Castle's bags to the car. She walks with Castle to the elevator, hand-in-hand, not wanting to break their connection any sooner than she has to. When the elevator doors close he tugs on her hand and brings her in for a slow, passionate kiss. She sighs into his mouth as he deepens the kiss and they remain locked together until the elevator dings and the doors open to their floor. She reluctantly walks with him to the car and he turns to give her a hug. She savors the feel of being wrapped in his arms but all to quickly he is pulling back and giving her a chaste kiss.

"Everything's going to be okay, Kate. I'll be back before you know it and hopefully you can get a day or two off and come up. I'll call you this evening when I get settled. Please be careful and take care of yourself. Don't try to work this case alone, let the boys help you, okay?"

"I won't do anything alone. I'll be careful, I promise. Please take care of yourself, just rest and heal, okay? The shooter is still out there, and until we find him we're both still targets, so you be careful too."

She swore she wasn't going to cry but she just can't help it. He's taking her heart with him, and she won't be whole again until he returns. He reaches out and catches a tear as it slides down her cheek.

"Please don't cry. I'll be careful, I'm going to miss you so much, Kate. I love you."

"I'm going to miss you too, so much, and I love you too."

She kisses him again, hard and quick, and then he's sliding carefully into the car and it's driving away from her and she feels like she's dying inside. She watches the car until it disappears from sight and when she finally gets into her cruiser she cries all the way to the precinct.

She takes a minute to pull herself together before she gets in the elevator and heads up. The boys greet her with warming smiles when she steps off and she is thankful for them.

"Yo, Beckett, good to have you back, chica."

"Yeah, good to see you, Beckett. How's Castle?"

The question hits her like a ton of bricks. She knows they're just asking because they care but the fact that she just said goodbye to Castle is only making this harder.

"He's uh… he's doing well considering. He left for the Hamptons this morning. He's going to do his rehab there."

They both look at her in surprise and she bites back the emotion that's threatening to overcome her again.

"Why did he go there? Couldn't he do that here in the city?"

Ryan is being polite but it's Espo who asks the question she knows they're both thinking.

"Beckett, I thought things were good between the two of you, did something happen? Is that why he left?"

"No, guys, look, things are fine. He thought he would do better being out of the city and we talked it over last night. It doesn't change things for us. But can we please not talk about it anymore? It's going to be hard enough to look at the chair for the next few months, talking about it is only going to make it worse. I'm here to do my job and that's what I plan to focus on."

"Sure, chica, sorry, we didn't mean to pry."

"Yeah sorry, Beckett, I'm sure things will be fine."

"Thanks guys, now let's get to work. Do you have anything new on the shooter? Any leads at all?"

The boys look at each other before Ryan breaks the news to her.

"Uh we kind of have bad news. Since there are no new leads, and it's pretty much a dead end right now, Gates put a stop to the investigation. The shooter pretty much disappeared, Beckett. We've looked over everything we can think of for a possible lead. We're still keeping an eye open though."

She glances back and forth between them, taking in what Ryan has just told her.

"So that's it? Castle gets shot and because we have no leads at the moment we are just supposed to stop trying to find the shooter? You know that's not going to happen. Castle and I are still targets, regardless of whether we have a lead or not. I'm going to hunt until I find this guy and then I'm going to put him behind bars where he belongs."

"We know how you feel about this, Beckett, we feel the same way. The man tried to shoot you, and almost killed Castle. We want to find him just as badly as you, but we are going to have to keep our investigation on the down-low for now. So do it quietly, okay?"

"Fine."

That's all she gives them as she turns and plops down at her desk, trying desperately not to glance at his chair.

The week has been anything but easy for her. Castle called her the night he arrived and they talked for a while before hanging up. She tried to stay at her apartment the first night he was gone, but the quietness of the room and the emptiness of her bed did nothing but increase the loneliness that was already seeping into her. She had called Martha and talked to her and the woman had practically ordered her to stay at the loft while he's gone. She thought it would be a little awkward at first but it was exactly what she needed. Sleeping in his bed, surrounded by his scent, it calms her and she knows there is no way she would make it through this if she was alone in her apartment every night.

It's the long days at the precinct that are the hardest for her. She refused when the boys had offered to move Castle's chair. Moving it would mean that he wasn't coming back and that was just not true at all, he is coming back. They've caught a few cases and it has helped to keep her mind off of it some but the minute she's back at her desk, the emptiness of his chair, has her constantly fighting her emotions.

When she gets careless while they are acting on a lead, and Espo has to drag her to the ground as shots are fired, she knows she's teetering on the edge. Her mind isn't on her work and that's about as dangerous as it gets, but all she can think about is him. They get back to the precinct and she apologizes to the boys, her carelessness puts them all in danger. They have her back but she should have theirs as well. She can't keep going like this, she's never been this needy before, but then again she's never loved someone like this before either. She won't have to figure out what she's going to do though because Gates is calling, well more like ordering her into her office and she's about to find out, the decision has already been made for her.