A/N: I'm back! I am so sorry for the delay in updates, things have been crazy and my beta is currently MIA. I am going to try to get another few chapters posted before I go on vacation Monday. I will be writing while I'm gone but not sure if I'll be able to post updates until I get back. After this vacation I will be home for a while so there won't be such long delays on updates. Thank you for being patient and bearing with me! I hope you are still enjoying the story! This chapter will put me at the half way mark as far as word count goes, however, I plan to continue this story until I feel it's told is tale. I also want to give a huge thank you to Ally for filling in as my beta. She is awesome and I really appreciate her helping me out! One other thing, the title for this story came from the song "Shelter" by The Strange Familiar, if you haven't listened to it, I strongly recommend you do. It's a beautiful, haunting song and the words of the song go with this story perfectly.

Disclaimer: I didn't create them, I just play with them. Thank you to Marlowe for giving us these wonderful characters that practically write themselves. :)

Chapter 13: Impact

She takes in a startled breath when she sees him; she can only describe this as torture, watching the man she loves completely break. It's even worse when she knows the reason he is, is because of her. She's never seen him like this; in fact, she can't recall ever seeing him look this broken. He has a great deal of strength that she's always admired, but never really given him credit for. She has no idea what has rendered him paralyzed on the floor but it, whatever it is, worries her. It's in no way been easy for her, the shooting has affected her in ways that she hasn't really processed yet, but she has to be the person he can lean on right now, even if she's barely standing herself. She's been strong for him so far, at least when she is around him, but, seeing him like this, seeing him break, it's breaking her as well and she's not sure what happens if they both break.

She doesn't want to startle him so she slowly kneels down beside him, careful not to touch him yet. What she really wants is to wrap her arms around and hold him until they both feel safe again. She wants to take all of this pain away from him. She wishes they could be where they are now relationship wise, without everything else that's happened. She just wants to have him in her arms and never let him go, but she doesn't want to scare him or cause him anymore pain so she settles in close and talks softly to him.

"Castle, can you hear me? It's Kate." It comes out shakier than she meant it to and she realizes she's trembling slightly. She really doesn't know how to help him and she wishes she was better at stuff like this. She decides to reassure him that he is safe; maybe it will calm him down. "You're in the bathroom at your house in the Hamptons. I knocked but you didn't answer so I used the key Martha told me about. Everything is okay, you're safe."

He still doesn't move or acknowledge that he can hear her, so she scoots closer to him. She slowly reaches out and places her hand on his shoulder before she tries talking to him again.

"I want to help you Castle, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

She loses track of how long she sits there, softly whispering to him before he begins to come back to reality. She notices when his breathing slows and hears the whimper of pain as he let out as he tries to pull himself into a sitting position. She leans forward to help him and, once he's upright, his eyes finally focus on her with an incredulous expression on his face

"Am I still dreaming or is this really happening? I didn't think you had any time off to come up here, Kate. We're in my bathroom sitting on the floor? I think I'm still out of it."

She watches as the confusion fills his face, and she just wants to reach out and embrace him, but that would probably add to his confusion more than anything and that's the last thing she wants to do.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm really here, but we can talk about that in a minute." She reaches out and takes his hand before she continues; the connection seems to calm him a little more. "I think you had a panic attack, and it definitely wasn't a mild one. Have you ever had one before?"

"No, I haven't." He looks down at their hands for a minute and when he looks back at her, his eyes are swimming with emotion. "I didn't think I was going to have any side effects from the shooting other than the physical stuff. I figured if I was, it would have already started before now. I've never had nightmares so vividly either."

She gives him another minute to get himself together, lets him find his voice again and when he looks ready again she gives his hand a soft squeeze.

"I was dreaming about the shooting. Everything was the same, only this time, I was dying and I knew I was never going to get a chance to be with you." He chokes back his emotion as it threatens to take over and she leans in closer to him, reassures him that he is really with her, that he didn't leave her. "I felt the realness of it so much that it woke me up, and my chest was burning worse than I've ever felt it. I went downstairs and got some pain medicine and a bottle of water and then I decided to go out on the balcony and get some air." His breathing speeds up a little before he continues and she notices the panic flaring back to life a little. She grips his hand tighter and it seems to anchor him again. "As soon as I stepped out there I saw someone standing out on the beach and I just froze. I couldn't function, but somehow I managed to make it in here. The pain seemed to intensify with the fear and I just lost it, once I sunk to the floor I couldn't move. The last thing I remember thinking was I was going to die and never get to see you again."

He chokes out a sob now and she feels it too, the overwhelming fear that they were almost pulled apart before they ever really got together. She lets the tears loose now, tears that have been threatening to fall since she saw him, and it takes her a few minutes before she can speak again.

"Oh, Castle, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I wish this had never happened."

"No, we talked about this, no regrets." He tugs on her hand and she practically craws into his lap. "The events of the past few weeks led us to right here, you and I here together. I wouldn't trade that for anything." She's careful not to put pressure on his chest, but she just needs to be as close to him as she can right now and he seems to need the same thing.

"I know. I wouldn't either. I just hate seeing you in so much pain. Seeing you like you were just now, on the floor like that, it kills me."

He wraps his arms around her and sighs.

"I wish I could say that it won't happen again but I can't; I don't know how this is going to affect me in the long run, Kate. All I know is that as long as you are with me, I can get through it. We will get through this together." He holds her as tight as he can without causing himself more pain and she leans back a little so she can look him in the eyes.

"How is it that you are the one in so much pain; yet, you know just what to say? I'm supposed to be your support in this but instead, I'm the one that keeps falling apart. I hate this so much."

Kate knows that Rick needs her to lean on right now and she's trying her best to be there for him; she just can't get the image of him doubled over on the floor like he was out of her head. It breaks her heart; and she isn't so sure she can handle it if he has another episode like that.

"Hey, it's okay; we can be each other's support." He reaches up and softly rubs her cheek, catches another tear as it falls. "I know this has been hard on you too. You weren't the one who was shot, but you were there. I know that I'm not where I used to be, but I promise: you can still lean on me when you need to. It's okay to admit when you are falling. I need you to be open with me too, Kate, so that we can heal together."

She still has no idea why she fought this for so long. Even after everything he is going through, he's still the sweetest man and she can't imagine herself being anywhere else than right here with him.

"You're right it has been hard, and we both need each other. I want to do this together, I want to heal together." She can't take it anymore, she has to kiss him, she leans in a softly presses her lips to his, and in seconds it goes from soft and sweet to urgent and passionate. When their lips separate, she rests her head against his, savoring the moment until the pull of sleep begins to take hold of her. She leans back and lifts a hand up to his cheek, rubs the soft skin under his right eye with her thumb. "Did you get any sleep at all? You look exhausted and I haven't slept either, maybe it will be easier for you to rest if I lay with you."

"No, I didn't get much sleep at all." He looks away from her again, like he's ashamed of what he's about to say. "I'm afraid that if I go back to sleep, this will happen again. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't arrived when you did, Kate. What if this keeps happening, what if it gets worse?"

She moves her hand under his chin and lifts it until he looks into her eyes again.

"Castle, calm down; you're going to get yourself worked up. There is a very real possibility that this could happen again; you went through a traumatic experience. Whatever happens, we will get through it together okay? You aren't going through this alone. I know it's scary, but you're going to be okay."

He looks so scared and it goes right through her. He's this big, strong, protective man and she's never seen him look like this. She doesn't know how to make him feel better; she doesn't know how to stop the nightmares from coming. She can only promise to be there when he wakes up, to be the calm that brings him back from the storm. She can be his solid ground until his stops quaking.

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but uh, what are you doing here? I mean, there's no way you could have known to show up when I was having a panic attack, and I thought you couldn't come up here, at least not for a while?"

"Well, I um…I haven't been holding up to well without you. I know you needed this but, I just missed you so much and all I could think about was you. I made some stupid rookie mistakes while we were running down a lead and…" She has to look away from him now, she doesn't know how to tell him that she's been careless, she knows he's going to be disappointed and that's the last thing she wants.

"And what, Kate?"

She still won't look at him, and she practically whispers her next words, as if whispering will soften them a little.

"I almost got shot, Espo had to pull me down, I almost got us all shot."

She looks back at him now and he looks torn between yelling at her and crying. She probably deserves the yelling. If he cries again she really will lose it, she hates seeing him cry.

"I didn't push you out of the way of one bullet, so you could go and take another one." His tone is harsh but she hears the pain in it as well. "What were you thinking? It isn't like you to be this affected while on the job, I've seen you be upset and still do your job like nothing is wrong." His voice softens with his next words and she almost loses it again when she hears the tenderness in his voice. "Why didn't you tell me you were having such a hard time?"

"I'm sorry Rick." She really is sorry, she would never have wanted him to get the news that she had been shot while he was here trying to recover. "I know I should have just talked to you about it. I just didn't want you to worry about me when you were supposed to be here focusing on healing. I think I have been selfish enough when it comes to anything to do with us and that's not fair to you. You deserve so much better than me."

He lifts his hands to her arms now, holds her like he's afraid that she's going to run away from him. "Stop Kate, You aren't selfish, broken yes, but selfish, no. You are extraordinary and I don't want anyone else, ever. I just wish that you had opened up to me about how you were feeling, about how this was affecting you. I can't help you if you won't talk to me"

She's crying again and shit he always knows just what to say and she has no idea why she keeps pushing him away. Why is it so damn hard for her to just be completely open with him?

"I don't know why it's so hard for me to open up sometimes. I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone; I'm just no good at this. I'm trying though and I don't want you to stop pushing me okay?"

She means that, she needs him to push her now more than ever.

"I won't, you're too important to me, I want you to get to the point where you can tell me anything without hesitating. So tell me what happened after you almost got shot."

She sees him wince when he says the word shot, she knows he's focusing on the fact that she was being careless.

"The boys talked to Gates, and they had every right to, I was a danger to everyone while working in this mind set." She smiles a little when he begins softly running his hand up and down her arm. "She pulled me into her office and ordered me to take a leave of absence until I get myself together. I couldn't even argue with her, there is only once place I knew I needed to be in order to get myself together, Castle, right here, with you." She leans in and kisses him on the cheek before she continues. "I called Martha and told her and she gave me directions, and I drove straight here. I'm just so thankful that I arrived when I did. I want to stay here with you if you want me to, there's no way I can go back and do my job properly until you're back there with me."

She can't read his face right now, can't tell how he is going to respond to her. If he tells her no, she will probably break down right here on his bathroom floor. She just wants to help him through this.

"Oh Kate, of course you can stay. I would love to have you here; you know how I feel about you. I hate that you had to be ordered to take time off, but I think you need it just as much as I do. I'm so glad you are here."

The relief that Castle's words provide reveal themselves in the form of a huge smile; one that illuminates her entire face. She kisses him again, pours everything she's filling into it and barely manages to suppress a whimper when the need for air pulls them apart.

"I love you, Rick. Thank you for not giving up on me and for saving my life so that we could have this chance."

"Always, I love you too."

She lets the silence go on for a few minutes before she decides to try to get him to go to bed with her.

"I know there is no way you are comfortable on this floor, come on, let's at least go lay in the bed. You don't have to sleep if you don't want to."

He nods and lets her help him up. She slowly helps him walk to his bed and she feels the tension rolling off of him. She carefully climbs in beside him and gives him a reassuring smile. Once he seems comfortable, she cuddles into his side and rubs her palm back and forth over his chest to soothe him. The silence is comfortable and she thinks he's fallen asleep until he speaks.

"Thank you, for coming here. I didn't realize how much I needed you here for this until tonight. I need you, Kate."

"I need you too; you have no idea how much. I'm not going anywhere, try to get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."