A/N: I am so sorry for the delay again, I am back from vacation and hopefully updates will remain regular now. Sometimes real life gets crazy so I can't promise chapters will be as frequent as before but I am somewhat caught up now so there shouldn't be any long waits. I hope you are still with me, and please know that the next chapter is already written so don't come after me with pitchforks when you are done reading. The chapter is called "Darkness" for a reason and as we all know, light always comes after the darkness. There will be some fluff before we dive into the real darkness of Castle's PTSD. Thank you again to Ally for stepping up as my beta, I am really excited for what's happening in the chapters to come and she has been awesome to bounce ideas around with! And as always, thank you for the wonderful, encouraging reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I would love to meet the actors that portray them. :)

Chapter 14: Darkness

He finally drifts off beside her and she hopes he will actually get a restful sleep. She knows he is just as emotionally exhausted as he is physically and sleep is an important part of his recovery. Being shot has taken such a toll on him; she didn't realize how much until tonight. She hopes the nightmare was just a one-time thing, hopes that her being here with him will help him sleep better. When she finally closes her eyes, she's asleep within seconds, but it's only a matter of minutes before she realizes her night is going to be anything but restful.

They haven't even been asleep for an hour before another nightmare has Castle turning roughly beside her in the bed. When she opens her eyes, he's whimpering and clutching his chest; her heart breaks for him. His face is contorted with pain; his breathing is harsh and just as she's about to try to wake him, he starts calling her name. He sounds defeated, like he's saying her name for the last time, like she's far away from him and thinks he'll never get to her in time. Before she can touch him, he suddenly lurches forward in the bed and begins gasping for air.

She's not sure if she should touch him now; she doesn't want to startle him and she's not even sure if he's awake. She has absolutely no idea how to handle this, and she's afraid she's just going to make things worse for him. She moves slowly in the bed until she's in front of him, her face level with his. He's still slightly gasping for air but his eyes are open and he seems to focus on her.

"Castle? Hey, are you okay?" She cautiously reaches out, places her hand on his knee.

He lets out a little whimper before he responds to her. "I had another nightmare. It was just like one I had before, I just wanted to save you but I was dying." He drops his head into his hands, and lets out this defeated sigh that has her reaching for him immediately. She softly grabs his hands and pulls them away from his face so that he will look at her. When he finally does meet her gaze, she squeezes his hands softly in reassurance.

"It was just a nightmare, you're okay, and I'm okay. We both made it and we are both here." She's not sure how else to help him other than to keep assuring him that they are both okay.

"They just seem so real; even when I wake up, I still feel like it was really happening." He drops his head again, like he's ashamed to admit that to her, and she just can't stand to see him like this, so defeated, so broken. "I don't like this, Kate. I hate feeling so weak."

"Hey listen to me, I hate this too but it's just a side effect of what you went through. It doesn't mean you are weak and it doesn't change how I see you okay?" She moves closer to him, nudges him back against the headboard and she follows him. She settles between his legs and softly lays her head against his chest, carefully avoiding the place where the bullet entered.

"Castle, I don't know how long these nightmares are going to affect you and I don't know what other effects this shooting might have on you, but you're going to get through this; we're going to get through this."

"I just hate feeling like this, I've already had two of them tonight, and what if they get worse?"

She reaches up and softly cups his cheek, "If they do, then we will deal with them together, you're not in this alone."

"Thank you." He gives her a small smile then, it doesn't fully reach his eyes but she knows he means it.

"Always." She smiles back at him before laying her head back on his chest. He's tense for a few moments before he finally relaxes and wraps his arms around her. She drifts off to sleep in his arms, unable to hold her eyes open any longer.

It's quiet for a few hours; the comfort of being in each other's arms allows them both to get some much needed rest. The soft weight of her against Castle's chest seems to keep him calm, until the burn in his chest begins and the nightmare takes hold once again. Whatever it consists of this time seems to be worse than the others because one minute she's sleeping comfortably on his chest, the next she's being thrown from the bed. The side of her head makes contact with the bedside table only seconds before she roughly lands on the floor.

She lets out a soft whimper as she reaches up to feel where her head connected with his table; the movement was so fast she had no time to brace herself. She glances up to find him staring down at her, and what can only be described as a look of horror on his face. She leans up on her knees, reaches for him but he backs away from her.

"Kate, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean to, I didn't realize what I was doing."

She reaches for him again, ignores the pounding that's started in her head. She wants him to know that it's okay, she knows he didn't mean to do it, she just wants him to talk to her, wants him to tell her what he was dreaming. He backs away from her again, moves so he's standing on the other side of the bed now and she can't figure out why he keeps putting distance between them.

"Don't, just don't come near me right now, I don't want to hurt you again. I can't believe I did this, I'm a danger to you, that's not okay."

"Rick please, I know you didn't mean to hurt me, it doesn't even hurt that bad, it was an accident. Talk to me, tell me what you were dreaming, please don't shut me out."

She stands up and eases back onto the bed, gives him a look that pleads with him, she can't handle distance right now, not when they are both this fragile. He stays where he is, but he starts talking and at least he isn't completely shutting down on her.

"I was back in the cemetery again; I don't know why we were there because I already had the bullet wound. I was fighting with the shooter, he had you pinned on the ground and I was trying to pull him off of you. He turned on me and pinned me on the ground, and he put his hand over the place where the bullet had entered, the pressure burned so bad I couldn't breathe and he was laughing. I launched myself at him with all the strength I had, trying to shove him away from me, trying to get the burn to stop." He looks down at his hands, shakes his head like he doesn't recognize them. "I had no idea I was actually shoving you, Kate. I would never consciously do anything to hurt you; I can't believe I did that. Please, I'm so sorry."

He looks so defeated, like he'll never come out of this and she has no idea how to make this better. She wants to climb back into his lap, wants to show him that she's fine but he's still standing on the other side of the bed. He looks like he's scared to ever touch her again.

"Rick, look at me." She waits until he does before she continues. "I'm not mad at you, I know you would never hurt me. You said it yourself, you didn't know what you were doing, you were dreaming. Please don't beat yourself up over this, I'm fine, I promise." He shakes his head like he doesn't believe her and she feels the tears welling up in her eyes. She hates this, hate that he is scared he's going to hurt her now. "I trust you with my life, more than I've ever trusted anyone. Please come over here, I can't handle being away from you right now."

"Kate, I can't. If I hurt you again, I'll never forgive myself, hell I can't even handle the fact that I already hurt you. I think it's best if I go in another room. You can stay in here."

He turns to walk out of the room and she knows she's going to sound desperate but she can't stop herself. "No, please Rick, please don't do this. Please don't leave me. I don't want to be away from you. You aren't a danger to me, it was an accident. Please I need you." He turns back to face her and all he manages to get out is "Oh Kate…" before she launches herself out of the bed and into his arms. She's sobbing now and she knows the minute he loses it too, and they hold each other up as they both cry out the emotion of this terrible night.

When the sobs have stopped and they've both calmed down he starts to loosen his hold on her and she lets out a whimper, and tightens her hold on him. "Please don't let me go; I just need you to hold me right now." She's pleading with him because if he walks out of this room she's going to break. Distance is the last thing they both need right now and she's determined to make him see that. He tightens his hold on her again but his words sound so broken when he speaks. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me Kate, I will never forgive myself for hurting you, never." He kisses the small knot that's forming on her forehead and her heart aches so bad for what she knows he's feeling right now. "There is nothing to forgive; you didn't know you were doing it. I love you, so much. I know you hate this but please, you have to know it's not your fault. I don't blame you for anything and I'm not letting you push yourself away from me. I told you I was in this and I meant it."

"I love you too, so much more than I can ever explain but I can't take a chance on hurting you again. It's killing me to know that I caused this knot on your forehead. It could have been worse than that. I just can't handle this on top of everything else."

She opens her mouth to argue with him but he's already pushing away from her. She can tell he's already made up his mind before he even says his next words.

"Until I can talk to a therapist and get some of this worked out, I think it's best if we sleep in different rooms. I don't want to be away from you but I won't take a chance on hurting you again. If the nightmares come again I'll just deal with them on my own, the less you are around me right now the safer you will be."

He opens the door before turning to look back at her, the look in both of their eyes conveying everything they are both feeling. How can two people who love each other be so close to heartbreak, so close to losing it? He holds her gaze for a few seconds before whispering another "I'm sorry" that she barely catches and then he's gone.

She knows they need each other, now more than ever but the events of this night have pushed him further away from her then he's ever been. He's shutting himself down, putting walls up around him that remind her so much of the walls she had up, walls that he demolished through. She knows what she was like before he got through to her, knows what it's like to keep yourself distanced from everyone. She'll be damned if she lets him shut himself off like that. They've been through too much to lose it all now. She'll let him have this night, let him have some time to himself, but tomorrow things are going to be different. He saved her life, saved her from the darkness, and if darkness is all he is seeing right now, then she will be his light.