A/N: I think I am back to a weekly schedule now! Yay! Thank you again so much for the amazing response to this story. I am so thankful for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites! You each make this experiences even more fulfilling that it already is! I hope you are still enjoying this story as much as before! Life has been a little crazy lately but writing is my escape from it all! :) All mistakes in this one are my own as my beta's life is crazy too lol! Let me know what you think and don't worry, Caskett is only going to get closer and stronger in their relationship! :)

Disclaimer: I did not create them :)

Chapter 16: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

It's around noon when she drives him to his cardiac rehab appointment. The morning was much better than the night before and she is thankful for the little bit of progress they've made. He managed to get an appointment scheduled with a highly recommended Psychiatrist right after his rehab appointment. She's hoping he can help him work through everything that happened the night before. Things seem to be better between them since they talked things out earlier this morning and they both promised to let go of their guilt, but she knows he is still bothered by it. She can see it in his eyes each time he looks at her, his focus always slipping up to where the knot has formed, he's having trouble letting go. She promised to help him, but he needs someone who can help him in the ways that she can't.

His rehab goes better than expected and he's in good spirits when he emerges back into the waiting room. They share a short, sweet kiss before making their way back to the car and heading to his next appointment. It's only a few minutes of waiting before he's being called back and she desperately wants to go in with him, but she doesn't want to push him either. He gives her hand a soft squeeze before entering the room alone and she hides her disappointment as the door closes behind him. Maybe going in alone will help him open up more about what he's feeling, and if it does than she's fine waiting out here for him.

She glances at the clock every few minutes as the hour passes by, it seems more like several hours have passed by the time the door opens and Castle comes out with the Psychiatrist right behind him. She stands and prepares to leave with him when the Doctor addresses her.

"Ms. Beckett, I'm Dr. Wood, I was wondering if I could speak with you for a few moments?"

"Oh, um sure, I didn't make an appointment though….."

"Yes I know, it won't take long and there is no charge, I just want to go over a few things with you."

She glances at Castle to see what his reaction is to this and he gives her a slight nod. Whatever the doctor wants to talk about, it seems Castle already knows and is okay with it. She kisses him on the cheek before following the doctor into his office and shutting the door. He motions for her to take a seat in the chair opposite his desk and she follows his instructions.

"As I'm sure you are aware, I'm not allowed to discuss in detail what Mr. Castle and I talked about, but he has given me permission to talk about a few things with you. I wanted to inform you some things that are important to help in his recovery and healing process."

"Okay, I will do whatever I can to help him."

"Mr. Castle has given me details about the events of last night. I am convinced that he is indeed experiencing panic attacks. While it's not certain, I have explained to him that they could vary in severity and they could become more frequent. I feel that as long as he continues regular visits with me that I can help him work through some of the underlying issues that may be triggering them. I want to explain to you some of the signs that will help you know when he may be having one and some things you can do to help him through it."

"Yes I definitely need to know how to help him with these, I had no idea what to do for him last night and I felt so helpless."

"That's completely understandable, panic attacks can be quite scary especially for someone who's never experienced them before. Generally they last anywhere from five to twenty minutes. In Mr. Castle's situation it seems that his are being triggered by his fear of dying and losing you and the nightmares he is having so it is important that you speak calmly to him and try to find out the exact cause of the attack. Try to get his mind off of it and remove him from the environment if needed and if you can. Be as reassuring as you can but do not dismiss his fears as being overreacting. Stay calm and don't pressure him through the attack, just be there with him and encourage him to take calming breaths. If he is having trouble doing that, you can take deep breaths with him to help him work through it. A damp washcloth will help to cool him off, and whatever you do, do not leave him alone. These things should help you to help him through them. It will be a learning experience for what works for him and what doesn't; the most important thing is for you to remain calm."

He hands her a paper that lists everything he just told her and she sighs in relief. She did her best to listen to everything he was saying but there was so much information and she just wants to be sure that she is prepared to help Castle as much as possible.

"Thank you so much Dr. Wood, I appreciate you taking the time to explain all of this to me. Castle's recovery is the most important thing to me right now."

"It's my pleasure Ms. Beckett; I think it's safe to say that Mr. Castle is in good hands. I've arranged to see him three times a week for now. I will increase or decrease the amount of times I see him as needed. If you need anything at all please don't hesitate to call me."

He hands her his card and shakes her hand before opening the door to allow her to exit. She smiles as she takes Castle's hand and walks with him back down to the car. It's quiet for a few minutes before she can't stand it anymore and she breaks the silence.

"Hey, how are you doing?" She reaches out and places her hand on his knee to give him a little reassurance.

"I'm okay, talking about everything that has happened is draining, but I feel like a little bit of the weight is gone now. My chest doesn't feel as tight as it did and he helped me work through my guilt for hurting you."

She squeezes his knee softly and he places his hand over hers and tangles their fingers together. "I'm glad that he helped you, and that you feel comfortable talking to him."

"He was easier to talk to than I expected. I wasn't sure I could open up at first, this experience has made it hard for me to open up and I'm not really sure why. It's not like to me to be this closed off and I'm sorry that I have been pulling away from you. I don't want to be distant, especially not from you, not after everything we have worked through. Just don't give up on me okay?"

He grips her hand tighter, like he's scared that she will pull away from him and she wants this fear that he has that he is going to lose her to go away. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere, you didn't give up on me, even though I'm sure I gave you many reasons to, so I'm not going to give up on you. We're going to get through this."

"I'm so glad that you are here, Kate."

"There is nowhere else I'd rather be."

The silence is comfortable now, they ride a few more miles with their fingers tangled tightly together and they each anchor each other from the storm that's taken hold of their lives.

"Hey Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I know that it's probably not a good idea but I think I need to get out of the house for a little longer today. I know I need to rest and I promise I will when we get back but would you mind if we go to town for a little while? I was thinking maybe we could get some fresh stuff from the market for dinner and some coffee from the little shop in town."

She knows he needs to rest and that the chance of a panic attack could be increased while they are in public but she just can't deny him when he talks to her in that tone of voice. They no longer have a protective detail on them but she hopes that her gun will be enough if they come face to face with any problems.

"Yes we can do that, if you promise to rest soon as we get home and let me cook dinner."

He smiles and nods and she drives into town. Once she parks the car they head towards to market while holding hands and taking in their surroundings. She loves these moments with him, when it's just the two of them and things are going well. She can see herself doing this with him for the rest of her life and although it scares her a little bit, she knows that she's never trusted anyone as much as she trusts him.

They make their way into the market and begin picking things out for dinner. He's standing a little ways ahead of her as she pays for their most recent purchase when she notices him tensing up. He's done really well so far despite all the people that are in the market but, she knows the exact moment that everything changes. She quickly walks up to him and is about to ask him what's wrong when he suddenly turns and begins pushing her backwards through the crowd. He's wincing and she knows he's in pain but she can't get him to stop. He pushes her until they are backed against a far wall in the corner of the market.

"Castle…what's going on? What happened?"

He doesn't seem to be having a panic attack, he's completely with it and more aware looking than she has seen him be since the shooting. He's not answering her though and she's beginning to panic a little herself.

"Castle!"

"Kate….It's him." His eyes are wide and he's staring straight ahead to where they had just been standing minutes before. "It's the guy I saw out on the beach, he's here, he must have followed us."

She steps around him in search of the dark figure he told her about seeing the night before, the figure that had triggered his first panic attack. All she sees though is brightly dressed, normal looking people. "Castle, I don't see anyone dressed in dark clothing, are you sure you saw him?"

He steps forward so that he is beside her again and then he quickly shrinks back to where he was. "He's right where we were standing Kate, how can you not see him? What if it's the shooter? I can't lose you; I can't do this without you." He grabs her arm and she steps into him, crowds herself up against his body.

"Shh hey, it's okay you aren't going to lose me, I don't see anyone over there. If he was here he seems to be gone now and we don't know that it was the shooter. I think being surrounded by all of these people is overwhelming, why don't we head back to the house?"

He grips her tighter for a few minutes before finally easing his grip and allowing her to lead them through the crowd and back to the car. He keeps glancing nervously over his shoulder and she squeezes his hand to reassure him as they finally unlock the doors and settle into the car. He's quiet all the way back to the house, fidgeting nervously in his seat and watching in the mirror as if he expects a car to be following them. When they make it back to the house he remains silent as he takes a pain pill and eases down onto the couch.

She makes dinner silently, giving him time to process things before she tries to talk to him. She's worried about him, going to the market this soon probably wasn't the best idea but she is even more worried about this man he is claiming to have seen twice now. She wasn't there to witness it the first time but she'd been looking right where he was pointing this time and she hadn't seen anyone standing there that matched Castle's description. She wants to discuss this with him but she knows she needs to do it carefully if she doesn't want to push him away from her again. She goes over the things Dr. Wood told her while she finishes dinner, hoping that his techniques can help her get through this conversation with Castle.

When dinner is finished she goes over to him and finds that he has drifted off to sleep, he looks peaceful and she hates to wake him but they haven't eaten since they left this morning and he needs to eat in order to help rebuild his strength.

"Castle…" She whispers his name as she gently shakes his shoulder. He lets out a soft groan before his eyes flutter open and focus on her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay, you promised to rest when we got back here and I'm glad you kept that promise. Dinner is ready, do you feel like sitting at the table with me or do you want me to bring it to you here?"

"I'll come and sit with you, thank you for cooking for us."

She smiles at him and leans in to press her lips softly to his before helping him stand and walking to the table with him.

She waits until they've settled comfortably at the table and began eating before she starts the conversation. She's worried about his reaction but she knows they need to talk about this.

"Castle, about what happened earlier…"

He looks up at her and waits for her to continue.

"Tell me what was happening right before you saw the man, what you were thinking about."

He puts his fork down and leans back in his chair. "I don't really remember what I was thinking about, I was having a good time with you, thinking about what else I wanted to buy while we were there and I just looked up and there he was. He was so close to us, Kate. I can't believe I didn't notice him before that and I the only thing I was thinking was that I had to get you out of there."

"What was he wearing?" He told her the description of the guy the night before but she wants to hear him explain it again.

"He was wearing all black just like last time. You would think that would have made him stand out in the crowd we were in but no one seemed to notice him. He blended right into the crowd somehow, so much that he was right on top of us before we ever even saw him."

"That's the thing though Castle, I didn't see him." Shit, way to ease him into the conversation.

"What are you saying, Kate? That because you didn't see him, he doesn't exist, you think I made him up, and that I'm seeing things? I guess I'm losing my mind now is that it?"

He pushes his chair back from the table and starts to stand but she grabs his hand to stop him. So much for following the plan that Dr. Wood gave her.

"Castle wait, that's not what I am saying. Please don't walk away from this; I am just trying to understand what you are going through. I wasn't more than a few steps from you the entire time we were there and I never saw anyone dressed in all black. I was just thinking that maybe something was starting to trigger a panic attack and you stated thinking back to last night. I'm not saying he doesn't exist but maybe you just thought you saw him today."

"I know what I saw Kate. I'm not in the best condition right now but I am not crazy, he was there. I don't know what you want to hear from me but I'm not going to deny seeing him."

He pulls his hand from hers and stands up. "I'm not hungry anymore, I'll be upstairs."

This is not how she meant for this to go, she doesn't want him to think that she doubts him, she just wants to get to the bottom of this. She's never been good at words, those are his thing and she's just making things harder for them.

"Castle…."

"Not now Kate, I just need to be alone for a little while."

She lets him go, now isn't the time to push him. She clears the table after he leaves, her appetite had disappeared as well and she stands there in the silence of the house as she tries to calm her rapidly beating heart. She's no good at this, no good for him when it comes to opening up and discussing things. She never meant for him to think that she doesn't believe him; it's going to be hard to convince him that she does now. His theories on her cases can be wild and unbelievable sometimes, but he's always willing to listen when she has one, she needs to show that she trusts him more than he thinks she does.

She stands there lost in thought for a little while before she can't stand it anymore and she turns off the lights and heads up stairs. She finds him asleep in the master bedroom and she takes that as a sign that he didn't want to be alone all night. She gets ready for bed and eases in beside him before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep in hopes that tomorrow things will be better.

In her current state of worrying about him and how she was going to fix things between them, she never even noticed the man dressed in black that stood watching from the beach.