A/N: Since some of you asked so nicely, here is the next chapter. It gets better, I promise! Thank you so much for all of the awesome reviews on the last chapter, please let me know what you think of this one too. I love hearing from you all! Before any of you leave me a review about this or send me a PM, I am aware that it's still a little soon for Castle to have done what he did and not have a major setback, but since I am the author of this story I am going with what I wrote. He is going to have some setbacks and some added PTSD episodes, but ultimately they are still going back to the loft in a few weeks. I feel it will still be mostly realistic so just go with it! Sometimes when faced with a life or death situation that involves you or someone you love, the human body can do some amazing things with minimal consequences. Thanks so much for reading and thank you to Ally for continuing to help me and not leaving me and my crazy ideas to fend for ourselves. :P

Disclaimer: If I ever got the chance, I'd accept it in a heartbeat.

Chapter 20: The Battle

The eye of the storm, although calm is always the most intense part, because what's coming next is so unpredictable. The storm has already battered and bruised, but it's nowhere near over. If anything the worst part of it comes after, after it's had time to rebuild its intensity and when it finally comes crashing back in, it unleashes a fury so strong that everyone feels the impact. It takes strength to survive and endure, but it takes even more to continue after it's over.

She's not enough for him, and she doesn't think she ever will be, if he walks away right now he'll be doing himself a favor. She's a broken, closed off, selfish person and she never thought she would fall in love with anyone, but he does something to her that she can't explain. After all this time she finally let him in, only to push him right back out again and honestly she has no idea if they can get passed this. Even though he has every right to leave her alone with the mess she's made, he stays.

He's quiet while she cries, as much as she wants him to wrap her in his arms and tell her everything will be okay, he doesn't, and she can't blame him. When she finally pulls herself together somewhat she half expects him to be gone from the room, but he's still there, just like he always is. He's standing by the fireplace in the shadow of the room and she can't see his face or the pain he's currently trying to hide.

She picks herself up off the ground and cautiously walks over to where he is standing. She's not sure voice will hold out, but something tells her that he needs her words now more than ever.

"Castle, I'm sorry, I know that it's not enough, but I truly am sorry."

When he doesn't answer she decides to continue, hoping that he is at least listening to her.

"I was selfish tonight, I should have thought about how this could have affected you. I just….I saw a chance to take him out and I had to take it. I saw the impact this has had on you while we have been here, what seeing him almost constantly has done to you and I just wanted this to be over. I should have never gone after him on my own, you are right, this isn't my battle to fight alone now, it's ours. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't do this on my own anymore, and if anyone is going to be by my side for it, you're the one I want it to be."

He makes some kind of noise that sounds much like a snort and it's the first time that he's acknowledged that he's listening since she started talking.

"You sure didn't seem to want me by your side when you went out there alone tonight, Kate."

He's right, she made so many bad decisions tonight and she deserves his anger.

"I wasn't thinking, Rick. I just want this to be over so badly."

"Yeah so much that you would throw your life away to end it?"

"That is not what I was doing, I wasn't planning to go out there and get thrown over the side of a cliff."

He spins to face her then, and it's the first time he's looked into her face since they started this and she's never seen him look like he does in this moment. He's angry, that's clearly evident, but there's so much more than anger written on his face right now.

"Regardless of what you were planning, you DID get thrown over the side of a cliff and once again I came ridiculously close to losing you. I can't even…do you have any idea how much this is killing me right now? Is this how it's always going to be, you choosing your mother's case over everything else?"

She flinches at the anger laced in his words, but she fights back because as much as he is right about her choosing this over him, she didn't go after the shooter just for her mother, she went after him for them too.

"That's not fair, Rick. You know how much her case means to me, how important solving it is to me. I have chosen it over everything in the past, but tonight I went after him to end this for all of us. I know it doesn't look that way, but please give me some credit; I have been trying more than ever to be what you deserve. I want to solve my mother's case, but I want you with me, I'm not choosing it over you."

She reaches out to touch him but he jumps back as if she burned him and then he's wincing in pain and she knows that pulling her from the side of that cliff has cost him. She needs to leave him alone, needs to give him a chance to find someone that deserves him. She never meant to hurt him this much.

"I know I already said this, but I am sorry. I know that this won't make it better but I need you to know that when I was hanging off of that cliff the only thing I was thinking about was you. I have done a lot of stupid things, but falling in love with you is not one of them. I'm done fighting this on my own, I won't go after him again, not without back up."

She waits a few minutes but when he doesn't say anything she makes the decision she thinks he needs her to make.

"You don't have to forgive me Rick; I don't deserve your forgiveness. Thank you for saving my life, again. I owe you more than I could ever repay you for. I think it's best if I leave though, I don't want to put any more stress on you so I will go get my things and then I will be out of here."

She only makes it a few steps before he's on her, backing her up against the wall with a look of intensity that she has never seen before. "If you think that I am letting you walk out of here, away from me, after almost losing you again and after everything we have been through, you are seriously mistaken." And then his lips are on hers and it's desperate and fierce and she knows her lips will be bruised, but she never wants him to stop kissing her like that. When he pulls away for air, she fights the need to crush her lips back to his and she has to concentrate on breathing before she can speak again.

"Rick?"

"I love you and I can't imagine my life without you. You are maddening and frustrating and the most challenging woman I have ever met, but I will never want anyone else other than you."

When the tears start rolling down her cheeks again he catches them with his thumb. It only takes looking into to his eyes to know that he means every word he has just said to her.

"You want me to stay? I figured I had finally pushed you too far this time, that I had ruined this for good. I'm a mess and you shouldn't have to deal with that."

"Of course I want you to stay, like I said before, I'm not letting you walk away from us. I don't care how much of a mess you are, as long as you are my mess."

He brushes his lips against hers again and she almost weeps again at the feeling because she thought they were going to be over after what she did.

"I don't deserve you, but I love you too. I am so sorry for shutting you out again; I wish that I could stop doing that."

She wraps her arms around his neck as he steps closer to her and she sighs in relief at being so close to him again.

"You will get there Kate, I'm not giving up on you, you've already let me in so much more than you used to, there is no way I am walking away from you now."

He takes her hand before she can say anything else and leads her upstairs to their bedroom. When she starts to pull away, he grips her hand tighter before ushering her onto the bed. He turns off the lights before climbing in beside her and turning to face her. He reaches out and traces the line of her jaw with his hand and she closes her eyes and leans into him.

"I was so afraid I wasn't going to get to you in time tonight. That is the worst part of this, it isn't that you did this without me, it's the fact that you almost died."

She wraps her hand around the one he has on her jaw and brings it to her chest. "Do you feel that? My heart is still beating, I'm still here, you saved me."

He shifts so that he can wrap his arms around her when he lets out a startled cry of pain.

"Oh Castle, you are hurting again and it's all my fault. I don't even know how you managed to pull me up like that. I am so, so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."

"Hey, listen to me. I would have pulled you up no matter how bad it hurt and honestly at the time I didn't feel the pain at all. I think the adrenaline hit me when I saw you hanging on the side of that cliff and I knew I had to pull you to safety no matter what it took. Saving you is worth every bit of this pain."

She helps him settle back down into a comfortable position and then she lays back down on her side, being careful not to jostle him to much. "You were doing so well with recovery though, what if this messed everything up?"

"It will be okay, I healed before and I will heal again. We will get through this. Now will you come closer please?"

"Castle, I don't want to hurt you, I think I've done enough of that to last a lifetime."

"Kate, stop it, you are already forgiven, please come over here so I can feel you against me, I still need that reassurance that I didn't lose you."

She carefully scoots closer to him and lays her head on his pillow. She laces their fingers together and lays them on his stomach and he sighs in contentment.

"Thank you, for not giving up on me. I was prepared to walk out the door tonight, you deserve so much more than me."

"Kate, you are worth so much more than you think you are and I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you. As long as you are willing to work on this with me, I will never walk away from you or give up on you."

She squeezes his hand and places a soft kiss to his chest. "I love you, Rick."

"I love you too. Let's get some rest; this was a hell of a day."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Kate, stop saying you're sorry. We're here together, that's all that matters to me."

He turns his head to the side and kisses her temple, and she drifts off to sleep with a smile on her face at the feeling of his lips on her skin.

They get about an hour of sleep before the nightmares start. She should have expected he would have them after the day they had. The first couple he has aren't too bad and she's able to quiet him down before they turn into panic attacks. They do nothing to prepare her for the next one though.

The sun has just started to rise when she feels Castle shifting beside her. He's mumbling at first and she can't understand anything he's saying when he suddenly cries out causing her to almost tumble backwards off the bed. Each time he cries out it sounds more agonizing and she's about to call his name when he starts crying out.

"Kate, no, please no!"

It's clear that he is dreaming about earlier and she wishes she could take it all back. She shifts closer to him as she sits up and takes his hands into hers.

"Castle, wake up, I'm right here."

"KATE! You can't leave me like this, please don't let go."

Her eyes start to water as she realizes the exact moment that he is dreaming about.

"Castle, shh, I didn't let go, you saved me, I'm here. Wake up please."

She leans in closer to him and carefully places her lips against his cheek, hoping that the feeling of her will calm him. When she shifts her body she winces in pain and she quickly remembers how the shooter had kicked her around like a rag doll. She ignores the pain though as she focuses on Castle.

"KATE! NO please!"

"Castle, please wake up, I'm right here."

He calms for a minute and she thinks he's starting to wake up when he suddenly jerks his hands out of hers and begins to thrash his head from side to side.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, please, please!"

She's never had this much trouble waking him before and she's starting to worry a little. She reaches for his hand again and places it to her chest so that his palm is directly over her heart.

"Castle, feel that, I'm alive, I'm right here. Everything is okay, please wake up."

He continues to cry out for a few more minutes and she can't control the tears as they fall down her cheek. She hates seeing him like this and hates even more that she can't wake him up from his nightmare. She's about to get up and call the doctor, not sure of what else to do when he starts to calm down a little and his breathing starts to regulate. She wraps her other hand around his and he squeezes in response.

"Hey, Castle it's okay, I'm here, we're both okay."

He finally opens his eyes and focuses on her face and gives her a soft smile as he breathes out her name. "Kate."

He slowly sits up and takes both of her hands in his. "That was the worst one I've had so far." He looks down at their joined hands and she feels the tear that slips from his eye hit her hand.

"Tell me, what happened?"

"I don't know if I can say it."

She lifts one of her hands out of his and softly touches his cheek. "Whatever it is, didn't happen, it was just a nightmare. Tell me please."

She keeps her hand on his cheek as he speaks. "I didn't….I didn't get to you in time. When I made it up to the edge of the cliff and reached for you, you were already falling. I watched you fall to your death, Kate."

She hears the hitch in his breath before she feels more tears coating her hand. "Oh Castle." She climbs carefully into his lap, hiding her wince of pain as she moves and then she wraps her arms around him and holds him to her. "I didn't die, you saved me. You've saved me in so many more ways than you will ever know." He grips her tightly and she tries to hide the sharp intake of breath as her body protests the tight hold, he senses it though and he pulls back from her.

As his eyes scan her face and slowly move down her body, they begin to cloud over and she knows what he is seeing before he says it. "Kate, you are covered in bruises."

"I'm fine; it only hurts a little when I move. I told you I was no match for the shooter."

He reaches out and traces lightly over one on her neck. "He hurt you. I was so upset last night I didn't even think to check on how badly you were hurt."

"It's okay, it's nothing that won't heal."

He tilts her chin up and leans in to place a sweet kiss against her lips. "Will you take your shirt off and lay down? I know we haven't gone passed kissing so far, but I promise no funny business until I get the clear from the doctor. I just want to take a look at the bruises."

She blushes a little and then carefully slips her shirt over her head. He helps her as she lies back down on the bed and then he slowly moves over top of her. He starts at her neck and begins lightly kissing her bruises. She can't stop the soft moan that escapes her when his lips make contact with a sensitive spot on her neck.

"You're so beautiful, Kate. I hate that he left these marks on you."

"I think you're doing a pretty good job of taking care of them for me." She winks at him and he leans back down to continue what he started. When he gets to her chest, her breathing speeds up a little and she brings her hand to the back of his neck. He lets out a soft chuckle against her and she shivers at the feeling. When he looks up at her again her eyes are closed and she feels more relaxed than she has in a long time.

"I take it you liked that?"

She gives him her signature eye roll but then her lips curve into a smile. "Yes Castle, you have very talented lips."

"Oh you haven't even experienced everything my talented lips can do yet."

If her arms weren't so sore she would playfully slap him for that comment, but the truth his she has no doubt about the things he can do with his talented lips and she can't wait to find out.

He moves back to her neck and finds the sensitive spot again and she lets out a soft gasp. "Castle, as much as I love that, you have to stop. Neither of us is in the best of shape and I don't want to put any added stress on your heart until the doctor gives us the clear."

He pouts for a minute and then he rolls over onto his back. "You're right, I just want you so bad."

She carefully rolls onto her side and places her arm over his stomach. "I want you too, you know that already. And if you wouldn't have had to pull me up from the side of a cliff we'd probably be a lot closer to getting the all clear."

He moves his hand down to her arm and starts softly rubbing the sore joints. "I have a cardiac rehab appointment in the morning, we'll find out if it did any major damage then. Stop blaming yourself okay, everything is going to be fine."

"I love you Castle, so much."

"I love you too, Kate. Always."

It's several hours into the morning when they finally drift back off to sleep. When the alarm sounds in the morning, neither of them are quite ready to get up. She finally reaches for her phone to turn it off and groans at the soreness in her arm.

"I don't think we got enough sleep to function today, Kate. Come back to bed."

She leans up and kisses his cheek and when her bare stomach brushes against him she realizes she forgot to put her shirt back on last night. She glances down to see the black and purple bruises that line her entire upper body and she winces at the sight.

She reaches for her shirt when she feels Castle's hand on her bare back. "These look so painful. Maybe you should get checked out while I'm at my appointment today."

"I'm okay Castle, it's just some bruising. I'm not leaving your side today."

They get ready slower than usual and finally make it down to the car just in time to leave for his appointment. She holds his hand tightly as they drive to the Cardiac Rehab center and he strokes his thumb back and forth across the top of her hand.

He usually goes in by himself while she waits downstairs but he keeps hold of her hand until they get to the floor his therapy is on. The events of the night before have them wanting to maintain contact and neither wants to let go of the other. When his therapist comes out to get him he pulls her along with him and she follows them into the room where he does his therapy.

He doesn't tell the cardiac rehab specialist what happened the night before but she knows he wants her there just as much as she wants to be there. He wants her to see that he's okay and to see how much this has affected his progress.

He seems to do fine on all of his exercises and only winces a few times. When he's done he makes his way back over to her and tangles their fingers together again.

"Mr. Castle, you did well today, but you seem to be in a little bit of pain, is everything okay?"

He glances at her before turning back to the specialist. "I may have done a little bit too much yesterday, just a little sore today."

He squeezes her hand to reassure her that he's okay and she leans in closer to him.

"I understand that you are feeling better, but you still need to be careful about doing too much. We don't want to go backwards after making so much progress so try to take it easy okay?"

"Yes I understand, I will. Do you think I did anything that will set us back on my last day here?"

She's been waiting for that question since they got here and she holds her breath while they wait for the answer.

"You still seem to be doing fine with the exercises. You will probably experience added soreness for the over-exertion but I think you will still be able to head back home in about three weeks as long as you take it easy."

"Thank you for all of your help. I'll see you in a few days."

They walk back to the car in silence and she drives them to his appointment with Dr. Wood. She puts the car in park before turning to him and grabbing his hand. "Hey Castle, while you're in with Dr. Wood I think I should call the boys and fill them in. They need to know what happened last night."

"I think that's a good idea. Don't let them give you too much crap okay?"

"I know they aren't going to be happy with me for going after him alone, but I'm still the boss." She winks at him and kisses his hand. "I promised you I wouldn't do this alone anymore and I'm keeping that promise. I'll be in the waiting room when you get out okay?"

"Okay, thank you for keeping your promise."

She watches him disappear into the building before she pulls up Espo's number on her phone and calls him. It's time to stop fighting this alone and let the people she's closest to help her out. Fighting this alone has only served one purpose and that's to reassure her that, this war, this battle needs more than just her to stop it.