A/N: I'm so sorry for the suspenseful delay on this chapter, I just couldn't get the words to flow the way I wanted them to. A huge thank you for all of the lovely reviews on the last chapter, and to the sweet guest reviews I keep getting, I wish you would log in so I could respond to you, but thank you so much for your kind words. When you get to the end of this chapter I need you to trust me on what is going to happen next. I would have done it all in this chapter it just got a little too long to post together. I'm not that evil, I promise! Thank you to my awesome cheerleaders who continue to keep me going. All mistakes in this one are my own.

And one other thing, someone pointed out to me in the last chapter that it is not possible to "gasp" into someones mouth. I beg to differ as I have done so. Then they proceeded to quote me the definition of gasp and ask if I had an education. Here is another definition for you. gasp- to utter in a breathless manner. I don't know about you, but usually when someone gasps, it makes a sound, that is what I meant by her gasping into his mouth. Her lips were attached to his therefore the sound she made was into his mouth. This is creative writing so excuse me for trying to indeed make the story creative. Thank you for your inquiry about my level of education, I'd ask the same about yours, but well I can't respond to you.

Disclaimer: Major props to the Castle writers, may the haters always be fewer than the supporters.

Chapter 22: I'm Here, Always

"Shelter me from the cold starless night,
Shelter me from the ghosts in my mind,
I feel alive when I am in your arms,
You set me free.
Shelter me"

When Castle loses consciousness the entire world disappears around her, everything but him. His eyes roll back and he's out and there is nothing she can do to stop it. She catches him as he slumps forward and braces herself as her body takes the full force of his weight. She's done more strength training exercises in her time as cop then most people do in a lifetime, but he's still a lot larger than she is. She knows time is extremely important right now and she needs to check his pulse.

The fireworks are still going off around them and she knows that the further they are from them when he does regain consciousness the better it will be for him. It takes some work but she finally maneuvers Castle's body weight enough to get her footing. She takes note of how far they are from the door, it's not too far but it won't be the easiest with her having to support all of his weight.

She grunts as she stands, keeping him draped over her back and takes a step towards the door. She almost goes down with him a few times but she's determined to keep moving. If he can pull her off the side of a cliff nine weeks after getting shot in the chest, then she can carry him into the house. Reaching the door seems like it takes forever but she actually gets them there pretty fast. She finally gets the door open and in an awkward move, makes it through and shuts it behind them.

She makes it to the couch as quickly as she can and carefully drops him onto it, rolling him onto his side. She holds her breath as she feels for his pulse, letting it out only when she's met with the steady beat of it. She places her hand gently on his face and reaches out to shake his shoulder with the other.

"Castle, Castle wake up please."

There's still no response from him and she's starting to panic a little. He's never had an attack like this and he's never lost consciousness. Her phone is somewhere in the kitchen but she doesn't want to leave his side.

"Castle, come on please come back to me." She can't fight back the tears as they begin to slip down her cheeks. "I don't know how to help you, please; I just want you to be okay."

She leans down and places her lips on his, just a ghost of a touch and that's all it takes for his eyes to flutter open. A whimper escapes him and his body tenses again and his eyes are still filled with fear. She pulls back when she feels him tense and gently places her hand on his cheek again.

"Hey Castle, it's okay, you're safe."

Her voice seems to calm him as his eyes focus on her and she leans in closer to him again.

"We're at your house in the Hamptons, it was just fireworks, there is no danger I promise."

He brings his hand up to her face, traces her cheek with his thumb before he speaks.

"Kate…"

The tears that are rolling down her cheeks are now coating his shirt and she just can't stop them. "Oh I'm so glad that you're okay."

He catches her next tear with his thumb, and takes her other hand in his, squeezing gently to reassure her that he is indeed okay.

"It was so loud, it took me right back to the cemetery. I could hear you calling to me but I couldn't get to you. All I could focus on was the pain and then it was dark and I couldn't fight it."

"I'm so sorry Castle, I didn't even think about the effects fireworks could have on you. I just wanted a romantic evening with you and when they started going off I thought maybe they were the perfect ending to it." She shifts her body so that she can hug him with one arm. "I was so scared; you've never lost consciousness before. I didn't know how to help you."

He lets go of her hand and pushes himself into a sitting position then pulls her into his lap.

"It's not your fault, Kate. You didn't know they were going to put them off and you didn't know they would cause me to have an attack. I'm sorry that I scared you like that, I know that this is hard on you." He pauses and looks around the room for a minute before continuing. "How did we get in here?"

"I draped you over my back and carried you; I knew that it would be better for you to wake up inside the house, away from the noise."

"You carried me? Kate I'm not saying that you aren't strong because I know that you are, but how in the world did you carry me in here?"

She leans in and lays her head against his shoulder. "I just kept telling myself that if you could pull me off the side of a cliff after what happened to you that I could carry you a few feet into the house. I just wanted to get you inside and make sure you were okay, that's what I focused on."

He rubs his hand up and down her back, silently giving her that comfort he knows she needs but won't ask for. "You're amazing and I'm so lucky to have you here with me." He places his hand under her chin then and lifts until her lips brush against his. She hums in approval and deepens the kiss, conveying how happy she is that he really is okay. He kisses her until he's sure that she knows how thankful he is and then he gently pulls away from her lips, letting her relax back again him.

"Thank you for this evening, Kate. I know the PTSD attack kind of put a damper on it, but up until then it really was nice. It was the first time it's felt like we are really a couple, well mainly because it's the first couple thing we've done. I know that we've been together this whole time but we needed tonight, we needed that reminder that we deserve some happiness in the middle of this storm."

She moves off his lap and stands up, then turns and holds her hand out to him. "Come on, let's go up to bed, we can do more couple things up there." She winks at him then and let's out a breathy little laugh when he takes her hand and crowds in behind her.

They dress for bed and climb in together, grinning at each other as they do so. She waits for him to get comfortable and then she drapes herself over his body and attaches her lips to his. For several minutes the only sounds that can be heard are those of dueling lips, and panting breaths. She doesn't hide the whimper of loss when his lips detach from hers and he chuckles into her neck as he moves his lips down to her shoulder.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of kissing you like that." He whispers into her shoulder as her continues his kissing of it.

"Good, because I plan on you kissing me like that for a long, long time. I'm having a little trouble stopping with just kissing though." She blushes as she speaks and she's thankful that his face is currently against her body so that he can't see.

He stops what he's doing and pulls back to look at her. "Tomorrow I have an evaluation with my cardiac rehab therapist and if he says everything looks good I'm going to talk to him about being released for sexual activity."

She leans in and softly kisses him again before pulling back. "Castle, I don't want to hurt you or add any stress to your heart. We can wait a few more weeks until you can talk to your doctor in the city."

"Kate, I feel good, I've been feeling good for several weeks now, I'll make sure I get the clear before we take that step, but I can't wait much longer, you're too hard to resist and I want you."

She can feel the evidence of how much he wants her and she smirks at him as she leans in to attach her lips to his once again. "Then go and do what it takes to get released writer-boy, I want you too." She lets out a sexy growl before nipping at his bottom lip and then rolling off of him onto her side of the bed.

He rolls onto her side and wraps his arm around her waist. "Oh you are naughty, and as soon as I get the all clear I want to see just how naughty you can really be."

"Be careful what you ask for, Castle. I'm not sure you can handle that." She laughs and leans back to kiss his cheek and then snuggles into him, sighing in contentment. "Good night, I hope you get some rest. I love you."

He holds her a little tighter before whispering back to her, "As long as you're here, I'm sure I will. I love you too, Kate."

They both fall asleep with smiles on their faces and for the first night in a while, they sleep soundly.

The full night of rest does wonders for both of them and they are up and ready several hours before they need to leave for Castle's appointments. Still basking in the happiness of their evening and night together despite Castle's PTSD attack, they decide to have breakfast at the little café in town.

Their conversation is light and happy, each one thankful for the progress they are making as a couple and how much closer they've become the past few months.

"So, if I get released for uh…more intense activities, what do you say we plan another romantic evening, minus the panic attacks?" He winks at her, and the look he's giving her makes her heart rate speed just a little.

She laughs softly and tangles her legs with his under the table, smiling at the man that he is in spite of all that he's been through. "I think that sounds amazing, I just want to be with you, completely, if you know what I mean."

He leans in closer to her and places his lips against her ear before whispering, "Oh yes Kate, I know exactly what you mean and I can't wait." She can't stop the slight blush that creeps over her cheeks as his breath washes against her ear and the thoughts of what else he could do to her with those lips has her fighting to control herself.

They finish their meal and get their coffee to go and she drives them to the cardiac rehab center. She kisses him lightly on the cheek as he follows the therapist into the room, knowing it will be easier for him to talk about things if she isn't in the room. She can't help but cross her fingers, hoping that they get the all clear. She checks her email while she waits, trying to keep her mind off of the subject, because although she knows it's something they both want, his recovery is still top priority.

A few minutes later, Castle comes out of the room and although she's usually really good at reading him, she can't tell if it went good or bad. He thanks the therapist and then takes her hand as they heads towards the car. She smiles at him as they get in anxiously waiting for him to tell her how it went. When he remains silent for a few more minutes, she can't take it anymore.

"Castle, you're killing me here, how did it go?"

He chuckles as he reaches for her hand again, tangling their fingers together and resting them on his thigh. "I was wondering how long you could go before you asked me. He said that I was doing really well and my strength seems to be at around ninety-five percent."

She squeezes his hand and smiles over at him before turning her attention back to the road. "That's so great, I'm really proud of you for working so hard to get to this point. So um…what does that mean in regards to more intense activities, as you put it this morning?"

"Well he said that he thinks my heart has healed enough for sex based on what he has seen in therapy, but he wants me to talk with Dr. Wood as well and then he recommended that I make an appointment with my heart doctor just to be in the all clear. I know that we were hoping for tonight, but I don't want there to be any setbacks, and when we do finally take that step I want it to be perfect."

She pulls the car into the parking spot and then turns to look at him, giving his hand another gentle squeeze. "It's okay Castle, it doesn't have to be tonight, I'm just glad that you are doing so well. Your recovery is top priority; I would feel better about talking to your heart doctor first anyway. We can still have a romantic evening, and when the time does come I have no doubts that it will be perfect."

"So you're not upset then?"

She leans over and presses her lips to his, smiling against him before pulling back. "Of course I'm not upset, we only have two more weeks before we head home, I can wait that much longer. Besides, it will only make me want you that much more, which will mean that night, will be even better."

"Oh I have no doubts about that." He pulls her back to him for a quick peck on the lips before they head inside for his appointment with Dr. Wood. She kisses him on the cheek and watches as he disappears into the room and the door shuts behind him. Although he doesn't seem insecure about having sex with her, she hopes that Dr. Wood will be able to pick up on any insecurities that he does have and help him through them.

She pulls up her email on her phone and begins going through them. She's half way through reading an article that someone sent to her when her phone chimes indicating that she has a text message. She closes the email and pulls up her messages, gasping when she sees who the message is from. She hasn't heard from him in months, hasn't received a text from him in longer than that. Their last encounter was heated and unpleasant so why is Josh Davidson texting her? She didn't date the guy for a significant length of time, but the stunt he pulled on her and Castle was something she never expected from him. In fact it had almost put a stop to her and Castle before they'd even really got started.

She knows she should have handled things better with him, maybe she should have never started a relationship with him in the first place, but she can't change the past. She can't help that she fell in love with Castle, and denying it for so long was one of the biggest mistakes she has ever made. Her only argument in favor of her choices is that she just wasn't ready then and they would have never made it if she had started something with him sooner.

She taps on his name and holds her breath as the message pops up on her screen. "Hey Kate, just thought I'd check in, see if you and writer-boy were still together."

Her first instinct is to call and chew his ass out. How dare him text her after what he did and ask her that. Her second instinct is to ignore him all together and delete his message. She ignores both of those and types out a reply to him. "You have some nerve texting me after what you did, yes we are still together and that's not going to change. Not that it's any of your business anyway."

His reply comes quickly and she frowns as she pulls it up. "No need to get snippy, I actually wanted to apologize to you for what I did. I was wondering if we could meet up sometime so I could do it in person."

It's clearly not the answer she expected from him and every part of her screams that it's a bad idea. "Yeah I don't think that's such a good idea."

Once again his reply comes quickly. "Come on Kate, you know me, we dated, it's not like I'm going to do anything to you. I just want to give you my apology in person."

She still doesn't like the idea, and she finds it odd that he just randomly decided to do this. "I'll tell you what, Castle and I will be back at the precinct soon, and you can drop by there one day and give US your apology if you like."

She glances at the time noting that Castle only has a few minutes of therapy left. She isn't going to hide this from him, but she doesn't want him to walk out and see her in the middle of texting Josh either. Her phone chimes again as his reply comes through. "That's not really what I had in mind, but I have to get prepped for surgery, we can discuss this later."

She's getting mad now; who does he think he is really? "Um no we will not, I told you, you can come to the precinct, there is no need to discuss this any further. Bye Josh."

She reads his final reply as the door opens and Castle follows Dr. Wood out. "Talk to you soon, Kate."

She shakes her head and slider her phone into her pocket, not wanting to discuss this with Castle until they are back at the house. She knows he's not going to be happy about it, she's not too happy with it herself and it still doesn't make sense to her. She's not sure why he couldn't just apologize to her through texting or agree to what she had said.

She hugs Castle as he approaches her and smiles at Dr. Wood before walking out to the car with him. They ride in a comfortable silence back to the house and she's glad that Castle seems to be lost in thought from his session as she contemplates the meaning behind Josh wanting to meet with her.

They get into the house and she makes them a sandwich while he gets them a drink. When they are seated comfortably on the couch she turns to him and smiles. "So how was your session?"

He swallows his bite and smiles back at her. "It went really well, I talked to Dr. Wood about the latest PTSD attack. He said it was completely understandable and that you did all the right things. He said we make a really good team." He chuckles and reaches over to rub her knee for taking another bite of his sandwich.

"I'm just glad you woke up when you did, I was starting to panic. Maybe we should have called him right after?"

"It's okay Kate; he didn't say anything about that. We got through it, it's over now.

She finishes her sandwich and sets her plate on the coffee table and then folds her legs up underneath her on the couch. "So did you talk to him about the other thing?"

He finishes his as well and sets his plate on top of hers before settling back onto the couch. "Yes I did. He thinks that although I am suffering from PTSD, there's a chance that I always will be and I shouldn't let it have an effect on every aspect of my life. He said that as long as my heart doctor and therapist give me the all clear he sees no harm in resuming regular activities including sex."

She grins at him and reaches for his hand, lacing her fingers with his and resting them in her lap. "So now we only need one more all clear then huh?"

"That's right, were almost there and I can't wait." He laughs then and she echoes with one of her own before she remembers she has something to tell him and she clears her throat.

"Um Castle listen, there's something I need to tell you."

He tenses a little and his face turns more serious, she knows he can read her and he's already preparing himself for what she's about to say. "Okay, what is it?"

"While you were in therapy I got a text message…it was from Josh."

His eyes widen in surprise, clearly conveying that he didn't expect her to say anything close to that. "Why the hell did he text you?"

She squeezes his hand in reassurance that he has nothing to worry about before continuing. "Well first he asked if we were still together and I wasn't going to answer him but I just couldn't stop myself from replying so I told him yes we were and that it wasn't going to change."

His face softens a little at those words and she sees him relax a little. "What else did he say?"

She clears her throat nervously, shifting a little in her seat and she sees the frown forming on his face as he watches her. "Kate? You're worrying me, what else did he say?"

She glances down at their hands, trying to focus on them as she speaks. "He uh…he said he wanted to meet with me so that he could apologize for what he did."

He pulls his hand out of hers as she glances back up at him. "Please tell me you told him no, why would he even ask you that? I don't like this."

She leans forward, looking at him as she speaks intent on making sure that he knows she isn't going anywhere. "I know Castle, I don't like it either. I told him if he wanted to apologize in person that he could come to the precinct when we were back and say it to both of us."

He picks up their plates and stands to take them to the kitchen, talking as he walks. "I wish he would just leave us the hell alone. We don't need this on top of everything else."

She follows him into the kitchen, waiting until he deposits their plates into the trash and then she pulls on his arm until he turns to face her and wraps her arms around him. "I feel the same way, but you have nothing to worry about okay? You're the only man that I want and that isn't going to change. I promise you I won't be going anywhere to see him and if he does show up, you will be right by my side."

He pulls her closer to him and looks down at her, "I don't want you to think I have any doubts in you because I don't. You've more than proven yourself to me in the last couple months; I just really can't stand that man. I don't want him near you and if that makes me the jealous lover then so be it, but that's how I feel."

She smiles at him as she listens to him talk, normally this kind of thing would make her leery, she doesn't like jealous type guys. It's so different with Castle though, she likes that he is that type; it does things to her inside that she can't explain. "I've never said anything like this before, but I want you to be that way Castle, I love the possessive side of you. I know you would never try to control me but I love that you are protective of what we have. It kind of turns me on."

She gives him only a second to process what she just said and then she crashes her lips to his, parting his lips with her own and showing him just how possessive she can be in return. She swallows his moan of approval as she explores his mouth with her tongue, kissing him with as much passion as she can. He's completely breathless when she pulls back and she smiles as she takes in his swollen lips. "Like I said Castle, that side of you turns me on just a little bit. Come on lets go take a nap and then maybe we can go to town for dinner. I think since we can't take things to a new level, the least we deserve is a romantic dinner for two."

She yelps as his hand connects with her backside and his laugh echoes through the house as they head upstairs. "I think that sounds like a great idea, what could be better than a romantic evening with you after an afternoon of cuddling?"

They wrap themselves around each other and it's only a few seconds before they are both sound asleep. Her phone having been the least of their worries as it lay on the kitchen counter where she placed it when they arrived home earlier. The alert of a new message goes unheard, leaving the sender a little more than irritated.