A/N: Two chapters in one day, I know right? This was my absolute favorite chapter to write, I've been waiting for it since I started this story. If you're still freaking out about the last chapter, this is for you. Still one more chapter after this one and then the epilogue. Reviews are love! All mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer: I wish I was a part of the awesome Castle writing team, but sadly I am not.

Chapter 28: Psyche

She makes it to her car before she breaks down, and she finds herself wanting to run back to the loft, back to him. She moved in with him, they've knocked down so many walls and taken so many steps forward. She knows that what she's doing seems selfish, but to her it's not selfish at all. Castle took a bullet for her and if this is the only way she can guarantee that it's not going to happen again then there are no other options. She needs to fix things with him, but she has to do this first, she just hopes that eventually he will understand.

She finds Karpowski when she enters the building where the press conference is being held. She lets her bypass the line and she makes it to where the Senator is within minutes. It's all too easy to drop the burner phone in his pocket as she walks by. He answers it on the second ring and she gets the leverage she needs.

Once they are in a private room she lets him know how she intends to play his little game. She can see in his eyes that he's still under the impression that he holds the upper hand. She'll never let him know that truthfully he does, she just needs to buy time until she has enough proof to take him down. She bluffs her way through convincing him that she has another copy of the file, quoting him the number of the account they discovered.

She leaves him with a deal that no one she loves will be harmed, that she will be safe and a nasty gash on his cheek to remember her by. It's all she can do to walk out of the building with her emotions intact. She half expects to find a missed call or message from him on her phone, but she finds neither. Most of her things are at the loft, it's her home, but she's not sure going there now is her best option.

She drives to her apartment and finds herself in her bedroom. It's really the only room that still has furniture; most of her things have been moved to storage until they decide what they want to keep. She lies down on the bed, sighing as she checks her phone again. She needs to find a way to prove to him that she did this for them, that this was the only way she could guarantee that someone wasn't going to take him away from her or her away from him.

Writing is his thing, but maybe writing him a letter, pouring it all out on paper would make this easier. She decides to rest for a while and give him some time to cool off, then write the letter and drive back to the loft. With one last glance at her phone she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.

She wakes to the sounds of machines beeping and an otherwise eerie silence. Her eyes flash open and close quickly at the brightness of the room. She waits a few seconds and then tries again, squinting as the light floods her retinas. She recognizes the location immediately; she's in a hospital room.

There's some kind of tube down her throat and she starts to panic a little as she tries to move around. Another loud beeping sound registers on one of the machines beside the bed and suddenly the room is flooded with nurses.

One of the nurses leans over her and takes hold of the tube. "Ms. Beckett, can you understand what I'm saying?"

She nods her head yes as she tries to recall why she's in the hospital. "You've been in a coma and the vent has been helping you breath. I'm going to remove this tube so that you can speak, it's going to be a little uncomfortable, but if you cough while I'm removing it, it will help a little, okay?"

She nods again and does as the nurse says, it's extremely uncomfortable and her throat burns as she coughs. Once the tube is out the nurse hands her a cup of water and she welcomes the cold liquid as it slides down her throat.

The nurse checks her vitals and then writes some things in her chart. "I'm sure you have many questions, I'll get Dr. Davidson and he can answer them for you."

She frowns in confusion, but before she can ask the nurse anything she leaves the room. She glances around the room again for any signs that Castle has been there, surely if she was injured and in a coma he would have been there. Why would Josh be her doctor if his license was suspended after what he did to Castle?

She startles a little when Josh's voice pulls her from her thoughts. He rushes to her bed and takes her hand in his own. "Kate, babe thank goodness you're awake. I've been so worried."

She pulls her hand from his, wincing when she feels a pull in her chest. She glances down to see a scar on her chest that looks identical to the one that Castle has and she looks back up at Josh with a slight panic.

Her voice is raspy when she speaks and it takes a few tries to get it out. "Josh, what the hell is going on? Why am I here? Why are you my doctor and where is Castle?"

He reaches for her hand again but she holds it firmly against her body. He sighs and pulls the chair beside her bed closer and takes a seat.

"Kate, you were shot while giving the eulogy at Captain Montgomery's funeral. Dr. Parish administered CPR until you arrived here and then I took over. We almost lost you several times and you lost a lot of blood. I finally got you stable, but you've been unconscious for twelve weeks. I was starting to worry if you were going to wake up or not, but I'm so glad that you did."

She's having trouble finding words as she processes what he's just told her. There's no way any of that can be true, Castle is the one who got shot, he pushed her out of the way.

"Josh, where is Castle?"

He stands up and she thinks he's going to ignore her question, but he turns back to her as he walks towards the door of her room. "It's Castle's fault that you were shot in the first place, he should have stayed out of your life. I kicked him out of here right after you were shot, he hasn't been back since. I'm going to call your dad, I'm sure he'll be down here right away."

He doesn't give her a chance to say anything else and the door closes loudly behind him as he leaves the room. She looks around the room again in search of her phone and locates it on the table beside the bed. Her muscles ache in protest of months of not being used as reaches for it.

She brings up her text messages and finds Castle's name. His last message seems to have come through the day after the shooting.

"Kate, for three years you've been my muse, three years of following you around. In those three years I gained not only a muse, but a friend. I have loved being your partner and getting to know you, but it seems this is where all of that must end. Yesterday you were shot, I tried my best to get to you, but I was too late. I'm not sure if you'll remember or not, but before you lost consciousness I told you something that I've wanted to tell you for a while now. I love you, Kate. It was impossible not to fall in love with you and I will always love you, but the truth is, it's my fault you got shot. I should have never pushed you to look into your mother's murder again. If I would have just left it alone they most likely would have never come after you. You're with Josh and it's not fair of me to hang around every day at the hospital waiting for you to wake up. It doesn't matter that I love you because you're not mine to love. I wish you the best. Always, Rick."

By the time she finishes reading his message the tears are flowing freely down her cheeks. She closes her eyes and tries to remember anything that would make all of this make sense.

She remembers the funeral and Castle yelling her name, the sound of the bullet as it pierced his chest, he was the one who got shot, not her. She sees flashes of them at his house in the Hamptons, helping him through his PTSD episodes, lying beside him at night. She remembers the feelings of the first time they made love, the way it felt to have his naked skin pressed against hers. She remembers the look on his face when she told him she would move in with him. Finally their fight flashes in her mind, he was angry and he didn't want her to go, but she left anyway.

Her eyes fly open and she struggles into a sitting position. Something isn't right, why would she remember all of that if none of it happened. How could she know what it feels like to have him, all of him if she's never experienced it? She's beyond panicking now as she grabs her phone again, she has to see him, she needs to see him.

"Please, come to the hospital, need to see you." She sends the text just as her dad comes into the room. He comes quickly to her side and wraps his arms around her. "Oh Katie, I'm so glad you're awake. You really scared us."

She hugs him back and motions for him to sit down beside the bed. "Dad, I'm so confused. I don't remember getting shot; I thought Castle pushed me out of the way?"

He reaches for her hand and she lets him take it in his own. "Katie, Rick tried to get to you, but he was too late."

She frowns again and tries to control the tears as they start to fall down her cheek again. "No dad, this isn't right, I remember him getting shot and I went to the Hamptons with him to help him recover. We're in a relationship and I moved in with him."

He looks at her sympathetically and pats her hand. "You must have dreamed all of that while you were in a coma; Rick hasn't been here since Josh kicked him out."

She's desperate to see him now, surely he will remember, this has to be a nightmare. Her phone chimes and she reaches for it, her heart pounding when she sees his name.

"Kate?! You're awake, I'm so glad! Not sure if coming there is the best idea, it's been made clear that I'm not welcome."

She types out her reply with shaky hands. "Castle, you're always welcome in my life, please come here, I have to talk to you."

He replies quickly this time. "On my way."

She lays her phone beside her on the bed and looks over at her dad. "Dad, I told Castle I want to see him, he's on his way here, can you please make sure that Josh isn't around. I don't know what's going on, but I know that I didn't dream the things that I remember."

He looks slightly concerned, but he nods and stands. "Whatever will help you, Katie. I'll be sure that he is let in when he gets here. If you need me call my cell, I'll be nearby."

She lays her head back against the pillow and closes her eyes while she waits for him. A few minutes later there's a soft knock at her door and he steps into her room.

"Castle." She breathes his name and he comes to her side, he seems slightly apprehensive, but he still comes.

"Kate, I'm so glad to see you awake, your dad kept me updated."

She reaches for his hand and he hesitates for a second before twining his fingers with hers. He keeps her hand in his as he sits in the chair beside her bed.

"Rick, this isn't right, none of this is right."

He looks confused and she doesn't like it.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how I got here. You pushed me out of the way in the cemetery; you were the one who was shot. I told you that I loved you and we went to your house in the Hamptons while you recovered. We made love when you were healed and I moved in with you, I don't understand what's going on right now."

She sees the light in his eyes as she speaks and she hopes that he's going to fix this. "So you remember?"

"Yes of course I remember, how I could I forget any of that?"

He frowns slightly, "Kate, I told you that I loved you after you got shot, right before you lost consciousness. I think maybe your subconscious created the story you just told me based off of that."

The little bit of hope that he had given her fades and she looks away from him. "No, I know that I didn't make that up, it's too real. I can't believe this is happening; we had made so much progress. I broke up with Josh and he said horrible things to you and lost his job. We were together, Castle."

He places his hand softly on her face and turns it back towards him. "It sounds like it was a lovely dream, but none of it happened, Kate. I'm sorry."

She clings to his hand, pleading with him to not pull away. "Please Castle; you have to remember, I can't lose you. I love you."

He stares at her for a several seconds and she thinks he might kiss her and she desperately wants him too, but he shakes his head and pulls his hand out of hers. "I don't think coming here was the best idea, Josh will have a fit if he finds out and I don't want to cause any more trouble. I'm glad you're okay, Kate, but I have to go."

She tries to get out of the bed so that she can stop him but she's still attached to too many machines and some kind of alarm starts going off. In the few seconds she looks back at the machines he slips out the door and in his places several nurses come running in.

They try to calm her down and get her settled back in the bed, but she's inconsolable. "No, no this can't be happening. Please let me go I'm not supposed to be here. Castle, please come back!"

"Ms. Beckett you need to calm down please, this much excitement isn't good for you heart. I'm going to give you something to calm you down."

She feels the prick of a needle and then a calming feeling as it descends on her and she gives up her fight, surrendering to the darkness and closes her eyes.

She jerks awake with a gasp, her eyes struggling to focus in the darkness of the room. She sits up quickly, her heart racing as she tries to get her bearings. She's in her room, in her apartment. She quickly locates her phone and looks at the time. It's a little after eight p.m. She stands up quickly removing her shirt as she walks into her bathroom. She stares at her chest, expecting to see a scar, but there's nothing there. She grips the counter tightly sighing in relief; thank God it was just a dream.

She pulls her shirt back on and grabs her phone; she can't stand being apart from him for another minute. She doesn't care how bad their fight was before she left, they've overcome so much and she's not letting him go now. She should have understood his reasons for not wanting her to go, and she never should have left the way that she did. She just hopes it's not too late.

She's so shaken up from the dream that she doesn't trust herself to drive. It's pouring the rain when she steps outside and she tries to hail a cab, but after a few failed attempts she can't stand it anymore. She needs to see him and she can't wait any longer. His loft isn't that far from her apartment so she takes off running in the direction of it.

At first the rain is cold, but the longer she runs the better it feels. It's cleansing and peaceful and it washes away all of her fears, leaving only her need for him.

She's soaking wet by the time she makes it to the lobby and the doorman gives her a sympathetic look as he opens the door for her. She tries calling him as she boards the elevator, but it rings once and then goes to his voice-mail.

She's breathless by the time she gets to his door and she shivers as her rain soaked hair continues to drip down her body. She doesn't stop to think, she just lifts her hand and knocks, praying that he lets her in.

He doesn't keep her waiting long, the door swings open and he takes in her wet form. She almost weeps the second she sees him, the realness of the dream still playing in her mind. "Kate, what do you want?"

She should have expected that, he said he was done earlier and not only did she say fine, but she left as well. He probably thought she wasn't coming back, and she says the only thing she can think of, the only thing she came here to tell him.

"You."