A/N: A little longer gap between updates this time but I hope it's worth it! It has come out rather longer than intended, but I felt inspired so kept going. Thankyou to everyone who has read and reviewed this so far, it means more than you know to read your thoughts, as its been so long since I felt able to write before this story came along. I guess all that's left to say is I hope you enjoy this chapter too, and fingers crossed the final episode tonight isn't too devastating!
He smoothed the edges of the letter between his fingertips, the gentle motion soothing his frayed nerves. The childish, untidy scrawl on the page matched his own handwriting perfectly, and he smiled wryly to himself. Not only did he write like a seven-year old boy, it appeared he sometimes behaved like one too – all possessiveness and jealousy and throwing his toys out the pram when something didn't go his way. If anything, his son in fact behaved better than he did. Jack had coped so well with the separation, sometimes confused and a little more sad than normal, but still the same boy that loved trains and trucks and dressing up in his daddy's combat uniform. Passing a tired hand over his eyes, the Captain began to read.
Daddy Daddy Daddy!
Mummy told me you mite be coming home soon, in time for Santa to be here! She says you are getting a new house to live in, but that I can come and live with you there sometimes. Mummy and me are going to live in Mummy's friend's Tim's house. She says it is a big house and it will even fit all my trains and truks in my room. I asked her if you could come and live there sometimes too, I think I said it wrong cos then she looked a bit sad and then she sed you and Mummy don't love each other the same anymore. I think that is really sad, but then she said even if you don't love each other, you both still love me warever I live so that's OK.
Mummy ses that I am being very brave and that means Daddy that I am just like you. I think when I grow up I want to be a solja like you and keep being brave. I told Mummy and that made her cry a little bit too. I gave her a tissue and a majik sloppy kiss and then she did a smile. Tim made Mummy smile too by doing a silly danse. I like it when Tim makes Mummy smile. Mummy ses maybe you will find a lady to make you smile soon. I hope you doo Daddy, yor smile is even nicer than Mummys but don't tell her I sed that. I have drorn you a pitcher to make you smile and be brave, it is you and mee in solja clothes together being big brave men. I have dun lots of kisses on the paper too, I am going to give you lots of kisses when you are back. I hope you are here for when Santa comes so he can find you to give you yor presents. I love you lots and lots all the way to the moon.
Jack XXXXXXXXXXXX
The words began to blur before his eyes, and James wiped the tears away roughly with his fist. His seven year old son, who was still so young and innocent, had unknowingly shown a better understanding of what truly mattered than James felt even he had recently. Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself to read the note his soon to be ex-wife had attached.
Matthew,
Although I'm sure you can tell from his letter, I just wanted to let you know that Jack is fine and doing well. I thank god that he is so resilient, and seems so utterly unaffected by our separation. I hope you don't mind that I told him you would probably be home for Christmas, I know it was supposed to be a surprise, but he kept asking and asking, and it's so obvious how much he misses you.
Thankyou for returning the papers so quickly, I know that you are very busy out there and have a thousand more important things on your mind. The lawyers seem to think that the divorce can be finalised before you even get home. I have packed all your things up as you asked, and I am taking them over to your parents' house tomorrow, on the way to moving into our new home. Tim's house is less than half an hour's drive from Bath, I am so glad because it will be easy for you to see Jack. I know that a lot of things have been said between us, and I am sorry that I did what I did and couldn't continue to support you and love you as you deserved, but I hope against hope that you can find someone soon who makes you feel the way Tim makes me feel. As our gorgeous son said, I hope you can find a woman who makes you smile again soon (even it is better than mine, the monkey!). You deserve that at least.
Keep safe, for Jack's sake.
Sarah.
James sighed in relief. The last time he had communicated with Sarah, it hadn't ended well, and he had felt bad about it for a long time afterward. Despite what she had done to him, she was still the mother of his child, and he wished he hadn't spoken to her the way he did – in truth, he hadn't been in love with her for years, even before she cheated and then left him in quick succession. In many ways, he didn't even really blame her for it; the military lifestyle was a difficult one, and it certainly wasn't for everyone. At least, judging from the tone of her note, they would be able to be civil, maybe even friendly, when he returned to England, for Jack's sake. She seemed happy at last, even enough to wish him the same good fortune their son did. If only they knew, he thought, that he had found someone that made him smile from the bottom of his heart. It was just a shame she was now further beyond his reach than ever.
Molly had never thought she'd say the words, but she was devastated to be returning to Bastion. Sure, it signified the successful completion of their mission, which she should be delighted about. Bashira was safe, for now at least, the local children were slowly returning to school, and the Afghan National Army were now in a position to take up 2 Section's responsibilities in the area, leaving the platoon to retreat to a far safer base in preparation for their impending return home. But returning to Bastion meant being surrounded by the rest of the British Army troops who were posted in Helmand, it meant that their tight knit little group and its camaraderie would become lost little fish again in the big pond. It also meant that she would be spending a whole lot less time in the vicinity of her Captain James, and Molly wasn't quite sure how she felt about that. Less opportunities for her eyes to be drawn helplessly towards him, and certainly less opportunities for that sick feeling in her stomach each time his now cold gaze slid straight past her – but also less opportunities for apologies and trying to make him see he'd got it wrong.
She closed her eyes briefly as the tank bounced and skipped through the dust, barely able to tolerate being in a confined space with the rest of her section; close enough to him for their knees to be touching, and yet feel further apart from him than ever. Above her head, Smurf led the boys in a particularly cheery round of an old nursery rhyme, and she couldn't help thinking that she wished the doors on the bus would open and shut, open and shut on his head. If that Welsh wanker had just been able to accept that her feelings for him ran no deeper than friendship, she would be feeling a whole lot cheerier right now.
Lost in her thoughts, when the tank suddenly screeched to a halt, Molly's heart jumped into her throat with the shock. This can't be good, she thought, as Smurf yelled down about the sheet in the road. She was already on her feet when James looked straight at her (finally) and issued his commands. Taking up her position in front of the tank, her rifle aimed steadily on the road ahead, Molly could feel her fear mounting rapidly. As James struck out ahead, the vallon in his hand swinging smoothly from side to side, each step more measured and cautious than the one ahead, a million images flashed through her head. Any second, she thought, any second now, he could be gone in a bleedin' puff of smoke, and he still would fuckin' think that me an' Smurf were doing the dirty. He could die never knowin' what I feel, an' if he feels how I think he does, I will never forgive myself.
Before she even know what she was doing, she felt the rifle drop slightly in her arms, and the road moving swiftly beneath her aching feet. Molly could hear Kinders and Smurf and god knows who else yelling at her over the radio, cursing her stupidity, but all she could focus on was him. I'm a soldier and I'm gonna bloody man up and be brave and tell him the truth, even if he bloody won't, she told herself, as she drew up behind James. When he turned to face her, and she saw the barely concealed panic on his face, Molly knew. Gotcha, she thought. Even if he didn't admit it to her himself, his expression had given him away. It made it all that easier to pour her heart out to him as they edged closer and closer to the sheet.
Molly almost thought she had known what he would answer after she asked him shakily if he loved her. But then that damn sheet had moved and a bloody hand had shot out, grasping blindly for something to hold onto, and it had been Sohail, and her medic training had kicked in, taken over as she battled to save the Afghan. In the terror of the next few frantic minutes, as the helicopter lifted the three of them out of there, Molly had almost forgotten what she had confessed barely moments before. At the camp hospital, she was too busy trying to question Sohail and establish what had happened to let her personal feelings come to the forefront, until that finger had pointed to her, until Sohail, with his dying moments, had highlighted her as the Taliban's true target.
When she turned to face James, cheeks wet with tears she hadn't even realised she had shed, and seen the pure fear she felt mirrored on his face, she remembered. And despite the terror of knowing that someone out there wanted her dead, someone who could easily have the power to get it done, her stomach fluttered with relief as well, because she was now sure of his feelings for her. When he pressed his forehead to hers, as if to anchor her safely to him, hands cupping her face protectively, she thought that whatever else might happen, at least she knew he loved her too.