Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!
I'm not in love with this chapter... But anyway, I hope you like it!
"I'm afraid of the small possibility of loving him too." I mutter.
"Why?" He insists.
I really don't know. I still miss Peeta, and I guess that I'll miss him forever; I'm with Gale, but I'm not happy as much as I try to be; but everything's different when I'm with Finnick, nothing matters whenever he's holding me between his arms…
"I can't love Finnick, because Gale is my boyfriend." I mutter
"But, you don't love him." He frowns "You deserve to be happy."
"I don't." I laugh bitterly. "I've hurt and killed people. I don't deserve happiness."
"You do. Everyone deserves to be happy." He insists. "If you don't love Gale, you should leave him, because you're unhappy… And if he figures it out, you'll only hurt him worse."
I snort. I hate him for being right, so damned right…
"Aren't I right?" He asks with a cocky smile.
"Yeah." I mutter.
"So, what are you going to do?" He asks.
"I don't know!" I yell "Should I leave Gale then?"
"I think you should, because if you don't you'll hurt him and yourself." He replies.
"What about Peeta?" I ask "I miss and still love him…" My voice fades.
"Katniss… He's not going to come back." He whispers.
"I know that, and it tears me apart." I sigh "Do you think that Finnick still loves Annie?" I ask.
"Of course he does." He holds back a smile "But he's moving on. He's trying to be happy…"
He's trying to be happy, unlike me; I'm not making any effort to get out of my problems.
"Your wounds are still open. It hurts both of you." He explains "You both lost the one you loved…" He sighs "Think about Peeta… He'd want you to be happy."
"Don't dare to use Peeta against me." I weakly mutter.
"I'm not." He frowns "I'm just saying that you should do the right thing. You could be happy if you wanted to." He whispers.
"If the right choice is to keep hurting the ones I love, I won't make it."
"Oh, Katniss come on!" He snorts "We both know you love Finnick!"
"Why do you say that?!" I ask terrified "I don't love Finnick! It's impossible…"
"Oh come on…"
Someone knocks on the door.
When I open, Finnick's standing right in front of me.
I gasp when I notice that he might have heard my conversation with Haymitch…
"Did you hear anything?" I ask him.
"I've just arrived." He grins.
"Okay." I smile at him before leaving.
I go to the dining hall to eat something.
"Hey Catnip." Gale whispers as he hugs me from behind.
"Hey…" I mutter faking a smile.
"Where were you?" He asks and then kisses my head.
I blush and my hands start shaking. Crap. What should I tell him?!
"I…" I babble "I was drinking with Haymitch." It isn't a lie, I'm just omitting information.
Gale makes me turn around so I can face him.
"Drinking?" He asks.
"Yeah." I reply.
"And where were you after that?" He insists.
"I didn't leave. I got wasted." I mutter ashamed "I wasn't conscious."
"What's wrong?" He asks.
"Nothing, I just have a headache." I reply.
"Are you sure that everything's alright?" He asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
He jokes with me while we eat our breakfast, I laugh whenever he says something funny. But I can't stop thinking about how the hell am I going to tell him or what the hell am I going to tell him.
"Do you want to go hunting?" He asks excited.
"No, thank you… I'm really tired…" I apologize.
"It'll be other day. Go get some rest Catnip." He softly kisses my lips.
I take a bath and then get into my bed. I feel sick and tired. I want and try to sleep, but I can't.
I feel guilty.
I toss in my bed until I decide what I'm going to do.
I'm afraid that my decision will come out wrong, but I have to try.
I get out of bed and go looking for Gale, when I finally find him I whisper:
"Do you want to go for a walk to the forest?"
"Sure, let's go." He agrees with a smile.
He's smiling right now… But I don't know what will happen later…
Please don't hate me Gale. Please.
We walk for a while, until I stop and he stops behind me.
I face him and stare into his eyes.
"I need to talk to you…" I whisper.
"What do you want to talk about?" He asks smiling.
I take a deep breath.
How the hell am I going to tell him that I don't love him?! I can't just say: I'm sorry Gale, but I don't love you the way you want me to.
I CAN'T FREAKING DO THIS.
I'm starting to panic. So I slam my lips against Gale's. I catch him off guard, so he leans back.
"What was that?" He asks holding back a smile.
"I don't have an idea…" I mutter as he laughs and kisses me.
I'm a coward. I should tell him right now… I don't want to hurt him.
We sit under a tree and I rest my head on his shoulder.
"I don't want anything to change." He says as he wraps his arms around my waist.
I sigh.
"What's wrong, Katniss?" He asks.
Everything is wrong…
"Nothing." I reply faking a smile.
"I can tell when you're lying…" He whispers.
I frown. Here I go.
"Just promise me that you won't hate me for the rest of your life…" I mutter.
"I promise." He gasps "You're freaking me out."
"I… I want to… I want to talk about us." I babble.
"What's wrong with us?" He asks.
"I can't keep doing this. I mean, I promised myself that I'd try to make you happy; I'd try to make up for all the times that I've hurt you…" I mutter "I love you Gale…" I look him in the eyes and try to hold back the tears that are struggling to stream down my face. "I love you, but it's not the way you want me to… I love you the way I love Prim or mom… You're my best friend, and I don't want to lose you."
My hands are shaking, my heart is thumping, my eyes itch, my head hurts… What have I done?
He stays quiet for a while.
"Why are you doing this?" He quietly asks.
"I'm doing this for both of us. I'm not sure of what I feel… I don't want to keep hurting you, because when I hurt you, it hurts me too. And I hate that."
He doesn't say a thing so I continue:
"I'm sorry if I hurt you… I just didn't know how to tell you and I didn't wanted to hurt you anymore, but I realized that if I didn't tell you I'd end up hurting you worse and I don't want to… "
"It's because of Finnick, right?" He mutters bitterly.
"No, it's not because of Finnick. I do it for you and me… I don't want to keep hurting you, it kills me Gale, and don't you understand?"
"No." He mutters as he stands up.
I stand up and look him in the eyes.
"I'm sorry." I mutter.
He softly holds my face in his hands and kisses me.
He steps back and I stand there petrified watching him walk away.
I'm sitting near the lake where I used to come with Finnick; staring at my reflection in the water.
I'm pissed and sad at the same time and I'm sure that Gale won't ever forgive me…
I throw a rock in the water and snort.
Why am I so selfish?
I hear footsteps behind me I wait, but he or she doesn't say a word. It must be an animal. I turn around, and he's staring at me, grinning; looking as handsome as always. His eyes shine thanks to the sunlight that filters through the branches of the trees.
"Why are you here all alone?" He asks.
"I broke up with Gale…" I mutter.
He gasps.
"I'm sorry." He whispers as he sits next to me.
"Nah, I'm fine…" I mutter. My voice cracks at the end of the sentence because of the lump on my throat.
"You're not…" He says as he hugs me.
I sigh and rest my head on his chest.
"I'll always be here for you." He whispers as he kisses my forehead.
"Thank you…" I mutter closing my eyes.
"Do you want to swim?" He asks. Even though I'm not looking at his face, I can tell that he's smiling.
"Hmm… No, thanks." I mutter.
"Come on!" He says and tickles me.
"Don't tickle me!" I yell laughing. I push him away and lay in the ground.
"Why not?" He asks and lies next to me.
"Just don't…" I mutter.
He doesn't care and tickles me, we both laugh.
"Stop it!" I yell laughing.
He stops and lies on top of me, balancing himself so I don't take all of his weigh. We stare into each other's eyes.
He kisses me softly and then bites my bottom lip. I laugh and push him away.
"What?" He asks laughing.
"Didn't you want to swim?" I ask smiling.
"Yeah." He replies.
"Then, you should swim." I say as I push him into the lake.
He pulls me into the water and holds me close to him tightly.
He softly kisses my lips and then traces a path of kisses from my jawline to my shoulder blade. His lips feel warm against my skin. I kiss him and he tightens his arms around my waist.
"I love you Katniss…" He whispers against my lips.
I smile against his lips and then lean back.
"I think I might be in love with you…" I mutter staring into his eyes
That's it for this chapter, I hope you liked it!
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