Chapter 8

I wasn't going to take our tent down yet because that would raise too many questions but everything inside of it was packed and ready to go all we needed was the word from Merle. Pulling myself up to sit in the bed of the truck, I started scribbling down items on the back of an old receipt that I thought Merle would be interested in knowing about. I hadn't been inside Dale's RV but I assumed there would be quite a few things in there that would be useful once the three of us were off on our own so I added it to our list of places to check. A small smile pulled at the corner of my lips as I jotted Shane's name down. At this point nothing would make me happier than to see the smirk wiped off his face when he didn't have that gun resting on his shoulder like he was the emperor of this new world. Ed must have had a stash of cigarettes somewhere because I never saw him without one hanging from his lips and while I knew Merle was more concerned with taking such things as weapons or even food, I also knew the cigarettes would help if he came back from the city empty handed.

Someone kicked the tire of the truck and I immediately put the list out of view until I saw it was Daryl trying to get my attention. I rolled my eyes with a sigh and went back to my list as he nodded toward the woods, "Headin' out."

"He wanted us to be ready when he got back," I reminded in a low whisper so no one would be able to overhear us.

"Ain't goin' far," he assured, turning to head into the woods.

I looked down at my list and then to his retreating form. "Hey, Daryl," he glanced over his shoulder waiting to hear what I had to say. "This feel right to you?"

He snorted, "You goin' to stop him?" Daryl didn't wait for my response as he slipped into the woods.

My eyes scanned the camp again trying to see what else I remembered seeing during our time here but my gaze stopped on the kids playing off to the side. Sophia was trying to show one of the little girls how to hold the stick like I had showed her earlier while Carl waited impatiently to toss the ball. Merle would never intentionally put a child in danger but taking the only weapons their parents had to protect them was as good as digging the graves himself. Daryl was right though, I wouldn't stand in his way of something he wanted to do, but just maybe I could steer his attention to the people who didn't have kids to worry about.

I was too used to him and Daryl taking off to go hunting or wander through the trees trying to get some peace from the group but I always felt out of place without them around. Merle had my heart before I even knew what love was and Daryl had a way of always being in the right place at the right time when I needed him the most. There was some commotion over by Dale's RV before Amy stormed away with Lori chasing after her. This camp had more drama than a reality show and I suddenly couldn't wait to get away from it all. Shoving the receipt into the back pocket of my jeans I jumped down from the truck and headed back to the tent to triple check everything was as Merle would want it.

Ignoring the gut feeling I had about robbing the camp was a little easier when I thought about being with Merle. There wasn't flowers and butterflies, this wasn't some romantic movie that would have us living the happily ever after like we dreamt about when we were kids, but it was the closest thing I was going to get. It would be Merle and I, side by side, standing against the world.

It wasn't about where we came from it was about where we were going, who we could become, because when you spread your wings anything was possible and for the first time I felt like I was ready to fly.

*Flashback*

I didn't want to do it anymore, no, it was more than that - I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't as strong as I should have been, the weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders trying to break me, and I was ready to give in. He was the only one who could save me from drowning and pull me back up to my feet, giving me the air my lungs craved. I needed him more than I realized, the one man that I was forbidden to be around, I needed Merle. Everything was different when I was with him; colors were more vibrant, music had my hips swaying to the beat, and even the rain held a beauty that couldn't be described. It had been months since I had seen him in that diner but I couldn't get the image out of my mind. His baby blues as always dancing with mischief, the barely there stubble along his jaw that kept him looking defined but not unkempt, the way he sat on the stool like he owned the place with his head held high. He smelt of cigarette smoke, leather, motor oil, and something that was purely Merle. It was the same something that was able to drown any fear and make a heat pool between my legs anytime I was around him.

So when Kate had invited me out for a girl's night at the bar he liked to frequent I immediately agreed. Best part was that Rich seemed genuinely pleased that I was getting out of the house. There had been weeks after we lost the baby that I would spend barricaded in our room not wanting to face the world. I couldn't understand what I had done so wrong in my life to deserve this. Was this my karma? Maybe I had done something in a past life that I was paying for now. No matter what the reason was I was stuck in the eye of the storm praying to someday see the sunshine again.

Originally, I had been content in drinking beer for the night being more than delighted to just get out of the house not to mention the possibility of seeing my Dixon. That was until Kate ordered a round of fireball shots. The cinnamon whiskey burned the back of my throat and I could feel it all the way down to my stomach. It wasn't until a small smile started to flash across my face that Kate ordered another round. Maybe my mom had been onto something and happiness really did come from a bottle. My mind never once stopped thinking about Merle's callused hands roaming my body or his baby blues that would see the girl behind the mask but as the liquor was poured I stopped searching him out in the sea of people.

Kate had been chatting it up with a biker passing through and after a drunken phone call to Rich he had agreed to let me stay with Kate that night as long as I came home first thing in the morning. I knew she would be preoccupied so I paid my part of the tab and said goodnight to her before trying to make my way out of the bar. I wasn't sure where I was going but it was invigorating knowing I didn't have to go home.

Daryl was crossing the parking lot as I stumbled out the door of the bar almost losing my footing, holding onto the knob for balance and swinging with it as it opened. He was packing his cigarettes against the palm of his hand before he tore the plastic off the box not having seen me yet.

"Daryl!" I excitedly shouted, waving my arm in his direction and though there was no way he could have missed me I waved again to make sure, "Hey, Dixon!"

"Becca," he greeted with a smirk as I sat down on the curb, my legs crossed underneath me. "Whatcha doin'?"

"I don't know," I overdramatically shrugged my shoulders and glanced up at him through my lashes. "What are you doing? We should do something. Wanna go somewhere? We never hangout anymore, Dixon. I don't have my car, Kate drove, have you met Kate?"

He lit his cigarette and smoke billowed around him as he stuck the pack into his pocket, "Mhm."

"Oh, good because she's getting laid tonight and introducing you while she's trying to charm some other guy probably wouldn't be good."

Daryl just shook his head, reaching his hand out to help me to my feet and my hand felt so tiny in his as he pulled me up. I swayed and he caught my elbow, steadying me before I could fall over, "Always was a light weight."

"To be fair last time was when we found that moonshine and Merle kept refilling my glass so really you can't blame me. It was his fault and if I remember correctly you were pretty lit too." I stumbled and once again he kept me standing, the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips.

Daryl let out a long breath as he crouched in front of me, motioning for me to get on his back. "C'mon."

I jumped too hard and almost took us both down. He righted us though and stood his full height as I swung my feet back and forth. I leaned foreword and kissed him on the cheek, "Such a gentleman."

He slightly shook his head as his arms locked around my legs to keep me from falling. Words tumbled out of my mouth faster than my brain could comprehend and he loosened his grip on me, threatening to drop me in the middle of the road if I didn't put a cork in it. My arms wrapped around his neck as my legs tightened around him in case he made good on his threat so I wouldn't fall. I could feel him chuckle and I relaxed my arms enough to rest my chin on his shoulder.

"Hey, Daryl?" He hummed a response and I chewed my bottom lip unsure if I wanted the answer to my next question or not. "Is Merle home?"

"You ain't goin' home?"

Turning my head so I could rest it against the back of his shoulder, I bit my bottom lip. "No tonight I thought I'd hangout with my favorite guys."

He muttered some comment I didn't catch but he didn't question it instead carrying me back to the trailer he and Merle shared. The house was a dirtier than I remembered it with takeout boxes overflowing the coffee table. Daryl effortlessly carried me into Merle's room, dropping me on the bed as Merle raised an eyebrow. Daryl tossed him a pack of unopened cigarettes and closed the door behind him as he left.

"Need to send him out more often," Merle glanced over, clearly surprised to see me.

Climbing onto his lap so that I was straddling him, I rested my hands on his broad chest, capturing his lips with my own and suddenly I could breathe again. I wasn't drowning in my demons but flying high with my saint. My kisses were hungry, longing for the fuel to the fire that had almost been put out. Merle hadn't objected at first but before I could continue with my assault he put his hands on my hips and pulled me away a bit.

"What happened to the officer?" There was more than just curiosity dancing behind his eyes, the hint of dark green jealousy rimming his baby blues that had me wanting to spill all my secrets.

I rolled the engagement ring and wedding band around my finger with my thumb, dropping my gaze ashamed of the person I had become. "It's not what you think."

"You're not married then?" Refusing to look him in the face because I was too afraid of seeing that hatred I was so sure would be there, I kept my eyes trained on the ridges on his wife beater. He squeezed my hips trying to get me to meet his eyes, "Bec? He do something?"

I shook my head in the negative knowing he'd hear the dishonesty in my voice. The naïve side of me wanted to ask him to run away with me like when we were kids. Just pack up and sneak away in the middle of the night and like the wind be gone without a trace. If my head was still up in the clouds maybe the words would have left my mouth and maybe he would have been all for it but I knew in reality I could never get away from Rich. The threat of what he would do to Merle, to take him away from me forever, was something I couldn't live with. Even if I had to sneak around, even if this would be the closest thing I'd ever have to normalcy with him, I had to try.

"Don't you want me anymore, Merle?"

*Present*

An alarm sounding in the distance drew me from the tent to see Dale perched up on his RV, binoculars glued to his eyes, as Shane questioned what was going on. A few moments later Glenn pulled up and there was more of a fuss because he had driven up here with the car alarm on. If Amy hadn't bombarded him with questions on where the rest of them were I certainly would have but he assured they were right behind him but his smile fell when his eyes landed on me. I had to suppress a scoff that threatened to escape. Seriously, Merle needed to hurry up, get back and give us the plan because I was so over these people and their judgmental looks, it was like being back in the trailer park.

"Becca," T-Dog approached me, guilt etched into his features. I noticed some blood on his shirt and my stomach instantly knotted fearing the worst. My eyes frantically searched for Merle and when I didn't see him I felt the bile rising in my throat.

I couldn't stop staring at the repugnant red on his white shirt and I tried to swallow my fears. "Where is he?"

"I'm sorry…"

"No!" I growled, pushing T-Dog as hard as I could. There wasn't anything to apologize for. This had to be some horrible joke. At any second I was going to hear Merle's low whistle before teasing me for being so gullible. He was going to throw me over his shoulder, carry me out into the woods and have his way with me, but it never came.

The new guy broke away from Lori, introducing himself and starting to ramble on about how Merle was out of hand and he had no choice. It didn't make sense, there's always a choice and I knew from experience the harder one was usually the right one. It was all too surreal and Andrea spoke up saying how they had tried talking to him first but he was going to get them all killed. They were circling me like vultures and even standing out in the open I felt as if the walls were closing in on me as pure rage surged through my veins. T-Dog admitted he had dropped the key but had chained the door shut like it was supposed to be some comfort. Merle, the other half of my soul, was left handcuffed on the roof like some animal without a second thought in the most populated city in Georgia.

"You left him behind?" I questioned in a whisper of disbelief, my hands clenching into fists at my side as I found my voice again. "You left him in Atlanta?!" Tears burned my eyes but I wouldn't believe he was gone, not after everything we had been through. I wasn't giving up without a fight and I hoped he wouldn't either. Rick took a step closer to me with his hand out trying to explain again what happened, something about Merle and drugs, but I mirrored his movements keeping the distance between us. "Daryl!"

"Listen, I'd like to have a calm discussion about this," Rick spoke to me like I was a child unable to comprehend the situation and throwing a temper tantrum only pissing me off more.

Digging my feet into the ground I screamed out for the youngest Dixon again as if my life depended on it because in that minute it did. I needed him to come and make it right. I needed him to get me to Merle.

"He was a danger to us all," Rick tried again.

If I had a gun on me I would have shot him on the spot, "You don't even know him!"

"Merle Dixon wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dying of thirst," Shane spat to the side and I screamed for Daryl again.

"He's a better man than you'll ever be," I growled. They were no longer the group we had met by chance on the highway on the way to the refugee center but the faces of everyone from my past who had ever tried to keep me away from the Dixons.

"You're right, I don't, but I had to make a call," Rick kept his voice incredibly calm for the volume of the situation, ignoring Shane's foul words. "I didn't know he had a family but even if he didn't it was inhumane of me."

Lori moved next to her husband, her eyes wild, pleading him to stay. "You're going back? You just got here! He's not worth one of your lives."

My blood was boiling and my vision red with anger as I lunged at Lori, my fist almost connecting with the side of her face, when an arm came around my waist and pulled me back. Shane held onto me and I fought against him until his grimy hands were off of me. "You want to protect your whore tell her to keep her mouth shut."

Lori's face paled but it was ignored as I heard the youngest Dixon calling my name out. If they thought I was going to be a problem they had another thing coming. Daryl's chest heaved as he sprinted out of the woods, his crossbow aimed and ready to take out whatever threat I was screaming about. "What's the matter?"

"Merle didn't come back from Atlanta."