I'm not sure this came out like I wanted it to but I feel like if I keep editing I'll only lose more of the chapter. Let me know what you think!

Trigger warnings.

Chapter 9

In the beginning, I had thought that this apocalyptic world would have brought new demons along with it but I was wrong. There were the same ones with new tricks. The circumstances may have changed but once again there was a cop keeping me away from my Dixon. Only difference was this time I had learned my lesson and nothing was going to stand in my way. I could unleash my temper, the rage that bubbled just beneath the surface, and not have to worry about the consequences.

"There's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it," Rick stood with one hand resting on his hip and the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

Daryl's eyes scanned me once more as if searching for any injuries before giving the new guy his full attention. "Who are you?"

"Rick Grimes."

"Rick Grimes," Daryl spat, a low growl almost escaping. "You got something you wanna tell me?"

Rick glanced to me but I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't about to sugar coat anything and if Rick was looking to me to soothe things over with Daryl he was sadly mistaken. "Your brother was a danger to us all. If I hadn't-"

"You cuffed him to the roof like a fucking animal!" I interrupted as Shane circled Daryl and me.

Shane snorted out a laugh, "He should have stayed here on his leash and this wouldn't have been a problem."

"Hold on," Daryl spoke up as he paced in the middle of the circle that had been formed around us. "Let me process this. You saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof and left him there?!" I could almost see the steam coming off his skin from the anger building inside of him.

Rick took a moment and I thought he might have chosen his words more carefully but he simply answered, "Yeah."

Daryl's eyes flashed to mine with a glare so strong it could have melted the doors of hell. A second later his fist connected with Rick's stomach doubling the man over before he swung again this time catching him in the jaw. Shane went to pull Daryl away but I stepped in front of him.

He gave me a look that reminded me so much of Rich that it made my skin crawl, "I'll tie your ass to a tree if you think about causing harm to anyone in this group."

Shane made a move towards me and I brandished the knife Daryl had given me when Merle had taken the gun away. "You're not a cop anymore and if you try and cuff me, so help me God, it will be the last thing you ever do."

"Enough!" Dale's voice boomed over the group and Rick spit blood out onto the ground as Daryl and I stood back to back not trusting anyone in the group. "This has gotten too out of hand. I know what a shock it must be to hear that someone you care about got left behind but there has to be a better way to settle this."

"Shut it, Jurassic Park," I snapped, the knife still in my hand ready to defend myself if I had to.

Daryl's wavering voice almost shattered my heart as he shouted, "Just tell me where he is so I can go get him!"

"I'm going back," Rick spoke up and Lori had her feathers rustled again.

She scoffed and crossed her arms, "So you, Daryl, and Becca? That's your big plan?"

As long as someone pointed us in the right direction I was ready to go into the city just with Daryl. Fuck the rest of these douchebags they were the ones who left Merle there in the first place. Rick looked over to Glenn and the Korean all but whined that he had to go back.

"Count me in," T-Dog added.

Daryl sneered as he gathered up his crossbow and headed toward the truck, "My day keeps getting better and better."

"You see anyone else stepping up to save your brother's cracker ass?" T-Dog questioned as he followed a few steps behind Daryl.

A full snarl escaped me as I rounded on T-Dog, "He shouldn't have to be saved in the first place!" He put his hands up to show he didn't want to fight about it and I growled in response.

While Rick was placating Lori and Carl I climbed into the truck and Daryl whipped his head around, raising an eyebrow at me. "The hell you think you're going?"

"Don't even start, you know damn well I ain't sitting here on my ass waiting for you to come back with him."

Daryl looked ready to argue but instead slammed his foot against the horn, "C'mon let's go!"

Glenn climbed in the driver's seat with Rick in the passenger seat while T-Dog joined us in the back, closing the door behind him and we were off to the city. Sitting there in the back of the box truck I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted, needed, to believe that Merle would be okay, that when we showed up he would be on the roof waiting for me, but everything that had happened in our lives was telling me otherwise. It was always two steps forward and one step back. I rested my head against the side of the truck and tried to concentrate on just breathing.

"He best be there," Daryl's words had me opening my eyes and T-Dog assured that he would be.

If Merle was truly gone I don't know what I would do. He was the one place I could call home, the only time I could completely let my guard down and be myself, but it was more than that- he gave me the ability to breathe.

"Hey officer, let me ask you a question."

Rick turned in his seat, "What's that?"

"If you didn't drop your precious bag of guns would you still be going back for Merle?" I had overheard him talking to Shane before we left and the question wouldn't leave me alone.

Daryl's gaze shifted to the officer, curious to his response as well, but he didn't miss a beat as he answered, "Of course."

X-X-X

The second the truck stopped I was on my feet, yanking the door open. I jumped out the back ready to take anything on but seeing the city so empty definitely made me pause for a second.

"Stay close," Daryl warned as Glenn led the way.

Fear was threatening to take over as we snuck through the side streets of the city following Glenn's lead. He would signal for us to hold up for a moment and then rush us to the next street where we would hide behind whatever we could. My gaze constantly shifted to Daryl to make sure I was supposed to be so freely trusting Glenn with his instructions but if Daryl was there I knew I'd be okay. He took out a few walkers that had gotten too close with his crossbow and we fell into an easy routine.

Four walkers lined the stairway and I was pushed to the back of the group as the men took them out. Once they made sure they wouldn't reanimate T-Dog brought the bolt cutters up to the chain. As soon as I heard it clang to the ground I weaved through them to get out the door.

Running out onto that rooftop, my heart pounding against my chest, a cry of relief escaped when I saw him. Merle was there, he was alive, and nothing else mattered. A slew of curse words tumbling out of his mouth had me paying closer attention to what he was doing and what I saw made my blood run cold.

*Flashback*

When my mom passed away I didn't feel the loss or that ache that was supposed to be in your chest, I only felt numb. Relatives that hadn't even bothered to send a Christmas card once a year showed up to pay their respects. Josh came home from New York with some tart attached to his hip to make sure everything was the way he wanted it. Rich and Josh bonded instantly and when I tried to pour myself a glass of whiskey it was snatched out of my hands. The comments followed shortly after about turning into my mother and that if I wasn't careful I would end up with the same fate.

I needed to get away so as soon as I could I snuck down to the creek to be alone. I sat with my back to one of the boulders with my feet just out of the water's reach. It had been years since I even thought about dragging the cool metal blade across my hell bound skin but now it was all I could think about. I needed to feel something, anything, and I needed to be able to control it. The blade felt feather light in my hand and for a brief moment I wondered how something so small, so insignificant, could hold all the answers. I ran the blade along the inside of my wrist, just one quick slice, and as the blood beaded on my skin a sense of calm washed over me. Swiping the blade through the cut once more the line of blood thickened to the point I could have painted my demons on my arm. The cut wasn't deep enough for me to bleed out, but enough to scar, and enough to allow me to feel the pain so I knew I was still alive.

"Becca?" The voice was so angelic with a hint of something so masculine that I closed my eyes in hopes that I would hear it again. "Damn it, sugar, what did you do?" A sharp pain in my wrist had me opening my eyes to see Merle crouched beside me with a handkerchief over my wound.

"I'm sorry, I had to."

*Present*

His name fell from my lips as I jumped over one of the pipes to get to him. "Stop, Merle! Please!" I begged, trying to get the handsaw away from him.

I finally got it out of his grasp without causing any more damage and it clanked against the roof as I threw it to the side. Merle was delirious, carrying on a conversation that made no sense to what was going on around him, and I wasn't sure if it was from being out in the sun too long or if he was coming down from his high. His lips were cracked, split on the bottom from where he had received a hit, and his skin, beet red from the sun, was covered in a layer of dirt and sweat.

Sitting on his lap, I put my hands on either side of his face and kissed his sun dried lips. "I'm not a hallucination. I'm here, I'm real, and we're going to get you off this roof." I kissed him again this time more for my benefit than to keep him in the present. "You're safe now," I whispered in his ear.

Daryl took the bolt cutters from T-Dog and worked on the handcuffs as I kept Merle occupied so he wouldn't move. We were past second chances, hell we were past fifth chances, but yet again we were given another one and I wasn't going to let him out of my sight ever again.

I took a bottle of water out of Glenn's backpack and poured some over the gash before taking my bandana off my own wrist and securing it around his. "We'll have to clean it out when we get back to camp but this'll do for now." Rick and T-Dog were off to the side figuring out the best way to get to the bag of guns. Seeing Merle stumble a bit as he got to his feet there was no way I was letting him roam the streets with these assholes. "Do what you have to do but Daryl and I are going to take him back to the truck. He's been out in the sun long enough as it is."

Daryl was ready to help him down the stairs but Merle slapped his hand away as he leaned heavily on me. I nodded to Daryl to let him know I had Merle as long as he cleared the way. We each had our own scars we had to carry with us but it was an easier weight to carry when we were together.