Love you guys to the moon and back. And then maybe with a quick jaunt through the stars. You're the best. My favorite reviews are the ones that tell me what you're favorite parts are. So thanks for that, caitycaites :). Also, tobyequalshottness, you never cease to make me blush. Your reviews are the best.

Next chapter, more on the possible pregnancy, Emily's return, and more late stage Toby.

The next chapter will be up when the story gets to at least 70 reviews!

Chpt 8.

The minutes slowly ticked away. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Her eyes watched the second hand slowly work its way around the round face of the clock.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

The adorable smile on Toby's face when he did something to surprise her. The way he bent down to kiss her neck when she broke away for air. The way he mumbled in protest when she'd get up to pee in the middle of the night.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

The way he'd get so excited to give her a Christmas present that he would sneak it to her three days early. The way he impulsively decided that they were going to take a road trip to New York one hot summer day. The way that he came to all of her competitions in high school, and no matter how boring they were he sat there with an enraptured smile.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

She missed him. She missed him so much that it was physically painful. But it was like the pain had gotten to the level where it just turned into numbness. The kind of numbness that started out as some kind of intense pain, and slowly fizzled out into a feeling of nothingness. Even the feeling that was supposed to be there was gone. She didn't feel the warmth of the tears running down her cheeks. She didn't feel the cool metal of the bed frame that was pressed against her bare shoulders. How was she ever supposed to love again? How could she ever risk this feeling again? The loss was too great. If she couldn't have Toby she didn't want anyone or anything. She would just spend the rest of her, hopefully short, life in bed.

"Spencer?"

She hadn't heard Hanna come in, and she had no intention of answering her. Maybe if she was silent she'd leave.

"Spencer, I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well get your skinny butt up and answer me."

She rolled over and looked at her best friend. "What do you want, Hanna?"

"I want you to get your ass out of bed and come to lunch with me."

"Not hungry." She tried to roll over, but Hanna immediately grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"I know I posed that as a question, Spence, but it totally wasn't. You're coming to lunch with me, even if I have to drag you out by your hair." She was completely serious, which scared her a little bit. She could completely imagine Hanna dragging her out of her apartment.

She sighed and sat up. "Han, I-"

"Listen to me, Spence." Hanna's voice was devoid of it's typical amusement and cheer, and instead was replaced by firmness and sincerity. Spencer glanced up at her, and when Hanna say that she was listening she continued with a soft smile. "This isn't right. I know that I've said this before, but this isn't what Toby would want. I know you're sad. I know it's hard. I know. This is a serious pot calling the kettle black scenario, because if I lost Caleb I don't know what I'd do. But either way, no matter what, I think we can all agree that Toby wouldn't want you to be so sad. Especially when it was about him."

Pulling the Toby card was low, but she was also right. For the first time all day she felt something; the deep rumbling of guilt in her belly. Hanna was right. "Fine. But don't try to make me eat much, because I think I'm coming down with the stomach flu too. Grief and an upset stomach make for a lot of puke."

Hanna winced visibly. "I love you, but if you puke on my Jimmy Choos I will annihilate you."

Her small giggle pushed a small crack through the numbness. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

They went to this cute little retro dinner across town. It was a place that Hanna loved to hate. The food was good, but apparently it didn't do much for her waist line. Spencer always refrained from calling her crazy, because it just exacerbated her maniacal diet talk. It did no good to tell her how fabulous she looked.

This restaurant was special to her for another reason, and try as she might, she couldn't push it aside.

"I know it isn't much, but..." he trailed off sheepishly, leading her through the clear, double doors. "I don't know. I kind of like it here."

One of the things that she liked the best about Toby was that he was always up for an adventure; whether it be hiking through the woods in Rosewood, or like this, driving the hour to Philadelphia just so they could hit up a seedy, retro diner. It was perfect. "No, I love it." She grinned up at him to show him how serious she was.

Her sincere smile caused some of the stress to melt off of his face. "It's just, I know you might be used to-"

No, that wasn't going to work for her. She immediately cut off that line of conversation. Rumors of her wealth were always spread about the school, not that she advertised her money in any way. High school kids were just a bunch of jealous assholes. Usually it didn't bother her, but it was going to start if it made Toby feel insecure. "That's true. I'm used to meals at home alone, or a quick fast food run so I don't have to eat something disgusting that our chef cooked. I don't think my parents could work an easy bake oven." She stopped and framed his face with her hands. "This is perfect," She enunciated slowly, making sure he understood.

Her words finally got through to him, and he rewarded her with a goofy smile. She loved the effect that she had on him. He gently laced their fingers together, and they fit so easily, like that was all that their fingers were made to do. He carefully pulled her against the exposed brick of the wall and kissed her soundly. "I love you, Spencer Hastings," he murmured against her lips.

Her heart fluttered at the sensual feeling. "I love you too," she whispered.

Tears welled up in her eyes at the memories of one of her first dates with Toby. He was so nervous around her when she first was with him, and it was largely endearing before she came to realize the horrors in his past that it stemmed from. She pushed down the tears, unwilling to ruin this moment with Hanna. She was being so kind, so patient. The very least that she could do was to make an effort.

Throughout their entire meal, a Caesar salad for Hanna and a bowl of chicken noodle soup for Spencer, Hanna regaled her with her latest exploits.

"And then he grabbed my ass!"

Spencer gasped, actually feeling shocked. "No! What did you do?"

"I punched him in the nuts, obviously."

With every laugh, with every smile, Spencer felt the anguish and numbness crack away little by little. It wasn't that she was okay, far from that. It was more that she could see how she might someday be okay again. Not whole, because that was impossible. There would always be a hole in her heart that Toby had once filled. But maybe she could learn to live a new kind of life.

She should have known that spending time with Hanna would help. Maybe she did, though. Maybe she did, and that's why she was avoiding her so stringently. Because she didn't want to feel better. She wanted to wallow in her misery for as long as she could get away with.

But this was nice. She was actually enjoying herself. But she should have known that it was too good to be true.

"Spencer?"

This had to be a joke. There were innumerable different people that she would have preferred to run in to: Jack the Ripper, Hitler, and even Satan himself. And instead she ran into this bitch.

"Jenna, get out of here." Hanna's voice was firm, and it left no room for argument. She didn't know the whole story, but she hated Jenna on principal. She saw the effect that girl had on Toby. But she never asked for more details, and for that Spencer was grateful.

Jenna ignored Hanna and put her claw-like hand on Spencer's shoulder. She froze, because she knew that if she moved she'd haul off and punch her. She always refrained from a physical reaction for Toby's sake, but he wasn't here anymore. At the very least, maybe she could finally treat Jenna in the manner that she deserved.

Jenna sighed and marginally tightened her grip on Spencer's shoulder. "Spencer, I'm so sorry about Toby. I-"

She might have said more, Spencer didn't know. At the sound of Toby's name coming from her companion's evil lips something inside of her snapped. She literally and truly saw red as she whirled around and slammed her fist hard into Jenna's temple. The impact made a satisfying crunching noise. There was pain in her fist, but it hardly compared to the pain of the memories that now raged through her troubled mind.

She scarcely noticed as Hanna led her through the diner and out to the car. She barely felt it as she stretched the seat belt over her chest. She could barely comprehend it as Hanna spoke quiet, soothing words to her. All she felt was rage, rage like nothing she had felt since she first found out.

Her hands ran gently down his sculpted chest, enjoying the way her fingers dipped down into his pectoral muscles. She let her lips travel from his, and trailed a gentle path down the side of his neck. This was still new territory for her. She had had boyfriends in the past, but never ones like this. She had never been with someone like Toby Cavanaugh. She had never been with someone that she wanted to share her mind, body, and soul with.

She always thought that intimacy like this would be awkward. She never thought that she would feel so comfortable bearing her body to another human being. It was so intimate, it required so much trust. But where Toby was concerned she was never lacking in trust. No one made her feel safe like he did.

Yet he was holding back. Seven months into their relationship and he was still so hesitant when it came to the physical stuff. He did it so carefully, so subtly, that she wasn't sure that's what he was doing at first. But the longer they were together the more excuses he made. His parents would be home soon. He wasn't feeling well. He didn't want to take advantage. Was it something she did? She couldn't ask him, because if he told her that he didn't want her like that it might destroy any semblance of self-esteem that she possessed.

But now things were getting more heated than they ever had. He awkwardly pulled her shirt off with trembling hands. It was somewhat gratifying to see that he was just as nervous as she was. It was comforting to know that she wasn't the only one heading into uncharted waters.

"Toby!" The sardonic voice of Toby's creepy step sister sang out from somewhere in the hallway.

Toby sat up so quickly that he nearly knocked her off of him. But of course he wouldn't let her get hurt. His arms tightened around her waist to keep her from tumbling to the floor. He looked at her with pleading eyes. "I need you to hide."

"What?" She was confused, and a little bit concerned. She had never seen him look quite so panicked. "Toby, what's-"

He cut off her question with a quick kiss. "Please baby. I need you to hide. I need you to hide, and promise me that you won't come out until I come for you."

There was something different about the way his words flowed out of him mouth. He wasn't just panicked. He was desperate, almost afraid. But was he afraid for himself? Or for her? Either way, there wasn't a chance that she wasn't going to do what he asked her to do. She would have done anything for him. She nodded and rolled off the bed and slid under it, getting as close to the wall as she could manage.

She heard a sigh of relief slip through his lips as he tucked a blanket in front of her, presumably to better hide her from view.

"Toby." Jenna's voice was much more annoyed as she walked into his bedroom.

Toby didn't answer her, but she heard the crunch of springs as he sat up.

"You're being very rude, Toby."

He still didn't answer, but the noises from above her suggested that he scooted forward a little bit.

"You know what I want, Toby." Her voice was taking on a seductive tone that Spencer was not exactly a fan of. What a creep.

"You better look elsewhere then." He spoke for the first time. She was shocked by his voice. The warmth that so typically characterized his tone was strikingly absent. What the hell was going on?

"Don't act all big and bad now that you have that Hastings bitch," she snapped. "You know that I always get what I want."

"Don't call her that," his voice took on a degree of firmness that hadn't been there before. Even when something was happening to him he was always so careful to protect her.

Jenna continued like she hadn't heard him. "Listen Toby, be reasonable. How hard do you think that it would be for me to convince my mommy and your daddy that you were the one forcing yourself on me all this time? Who would believe you? Big, blundering, loser Toby? Sweet, innocent Jenna could never do something like that."

What? She... she what? Spencer didn't understand, but something understanding was nudging the corners of her mind.

"You could chain me to this bed and I'd never touch you like that again." His voice contained no uncertainty. It contained no doubt. All that was there was firm refusal and anger.

And suddenly it clicked. Suddenly the puzzle pieces fit together in her mind. No. No, no, no she had to be wrong. That couldn't be right.

Her rage-colored thoughts were interrupted by a sharp smack. "You son of a bitch," Jenna snarled. But instead of attacking him, like Spencer had been anticipating, she stalked out the bedroom door. She watched the progress of her feet from her spot under the bed. And it was none too soon, because Spencer was ready to kill the bitch.

"You can come out, Spencer," Toby's voice was dull, and contained an edge of insecurity that she hadn't heard since the beginning of their relationship. It was a sadness and an insecurity that she now comprehended all too well.

She slid out from under the bed and immediately wrapped Toby up in her arms. She had to show him that not everyone was like that. She had to show him that not all touches had to be bad.

It took him a moment, but slowly he relaxed into her embrace. His head tucked into her neck, and her heart literally shattered into a million pieces as she felt his tears soaking her neck. She didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, but she really needed some answers. "You don't have to tell me anything, but-" she cut herself off, not being able to bring herself to ask him about this.

"Ask what you need to know, Spencer."

She could still hear the tears in his voice and feel them soaking her skin, but she had to know. "H-how long as this been going on?"

"Since before we started dating," he answered her quietly.

She literally had to bite down on her lip, hard enough to draw blood, to stop herself from getting angry. She was so far past angry. Livid was a better description. If she wasn't holding Toby she would have gone after Jenna the second she understood what was happened. But she knew instinctively that that wasn't what Toby needed. He needed to know that she didn't look at him any differently. And she didn't. It wasn't an act. He was the same person that he had always been. "Okay," she murmured. "When was the last time?"

This time he did hesitate. He obviously didn't want to tell her, which she took to mean that it was recent. "You don't have to say anything," she reassured him.

He mumbled something incomprehensible, but he immediately repeated himself, obviously able to see that she hadn't understood him. "Two days before I told you I loved you for the first time."

She pressed her lips to the top of his head, one hundred percent positive that his presence was the only thing keeping her from committing a very justified murder. "Why did it stop then?"

He pulled away to look at her, the red tinge of his eyes breaking her heart even further. He didn't deserve to be so sad. "Because I had you. I- I don't know. I g-guess I had the strength to say no once I knew that you were a part of my life. I-I'm sorry that I didn't tell you."

"No," she said immediately. "Don't you dare apologize. This wasn't your fault. It wasn't anything you did. This was all her. I love you so much. I love you. I'm so sorry that this happened to you."

He just looked at her for a minute before falling back into her arms, his tears continuing. She bit her lip, unsure of how to help him. "Do you want me to go kick her ass? I'm pretty sure I could take her."

His laughter vibrated through her body. "I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too." She replied with no hesitation, more sure than ever that Toby Cavanaugh was the only one in the world for her.

As she escaped from her memories she felt Hanna's hands on her arms, as the blonde led her back into her apartment. "-and he said just eat the jello. And I told her that I had this reoccurring nightmare about purple jello so I couldn't."

Twenty minutes ago, before she was reminded of the world's cruelty, she might have laughed at Hanna's babble. She might have even thrown in a teasing aside. But right now she was firmly buried down in her black hole of despair. How could the universe have been so incredibly cruel to her kind and gentle husband? Not only had he died from cancer, but he was also repeatedly assaulted by someone that he should have been able to trust.

Most of the time you come home and you feel safe. You feel like the people that wanted to hurt you were securely on the other side of the protective walls of your home. But for Toby he had to go home every day and live in the fear of his step sister.

Even the thought of what that monster had done to Toby left her feeling physically ill. Her chest was on fire from the pain of unshed tears, and her stomach was twisting in a sea of nausea.

Where was all of this coming from? Why was she feeling constantly ill? She had had the stomach flu before, and it had never felt like this. It was over just as fast as it came. But this was lingering.

"Spencer, do you want to lay down?"

She didn't feel up to answering so she just bobbed her head up and down once. Even that cost her a lot, her head throbbing, and her stomach swirling. She was worried she was going to puke, and she really wouldn't put it past Hanna to kick her ass if she puked on her shoes.

She dry heaved a few times, but managed to keep everything down. As soon as Hanna helped her lay out on the couch she walked into the kitchen, presumably to grab her a trashcan.

Maybe she really did have the stomach flu? It couldn't be food poisoning, because it had lasted too long. If it was something she ate it would be out of her system by now. Or she could be pregnant. That wasn't possible though, because she hadn't had sex in about seven weeks.

Seven weeks. She closed her eyes, trying to push back the ludicrous thought. Pregnant. She couldn't be pregnant, could she?

But the more that she tried to deny it, the more possible it seemed. It was the perfect time for morning sickness to show up.

"Spencer? Can I get you anything else?" Hanna asked as she came back into the room and handed her a large bowl.

A rush of gratitude shot through her for the blonde. How lucky was she in the friend department? They were truly the best. But could she put this off on Hanna? Could she ask Hanna to do this? Because no matter what, this could change everything. And she wasn't sure whether it was for the better or the worse. Either way, she knew what she had to do.

"Um yeah. Could you get me a pregnancy test?"