Couple things. This last chapter got 4 reviews... if you guys aren't liking this story anymore tell me so I can wrap it up! Next chapter will be up when this story gets to 100 reviews, whether that takes a day or a week! I like leaving this in your hands :)

This will be the last memory-ridden chapter. The next nine chapters will go monthly through her pregnancy. Her struggles and her triumphs. That kind of thing. There will still be memories. Just less. Just so you know what's coming :).

Next chapter- Another letter, an unexpected visitor, and a change of opinion.

Chapter 12

She was absolutely certain that Hanna didn't understand why she wanted to go see Toby's dad. Hell, she wasn't quite sure that she understood it herself. But she was absolutely positive that was what she needed to do.

Toby's dad- he wasn't exactly apathetic. It was more like he was so empathetic that he responded by not responding. He was largely uninvolved in Toby's life until he found out that he was sick, and that was largely Toby's doing. Although it was very justified at the time.

Toby lifted their intertwined fingers above their supine position on his bed. He almost immediately pulled it down and gently kissed each of her knuckles. She let out an uncharacteristic giggle. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to show you how much I love you," he replied simply.

Most high school guys were having burping contests and here Toby is holding her and cuddling with her. "I love you too," she laughed and pressed a soft kiss to his neck.

He kissed the top of her head, but before he could respond he was interrupted by his father bursting into his room. He sat up immediately, dragging Spencer with him. "What the hell, dad?"

Mr. Cavanaugh didn't even look at him. "Spencer, it's time to leave."

She glanced between Toby and his dad before nodding reluctantly. She tried to pull herself up but Toby kept his arms in a vice grip around her waist. "Toby," she murmured with her hands on his chest. She didn't particularly appreciate being ordered around, but she also didn't want to get on Mr. Cavanaugh's bad side. As much as she disliked the older man, he was still Toby's dad.

Toby shook his head and offered her a placating kiss to the temple before turning to his dad. "We're working on a school project. We were just talking a little break. But we have to get it done tonight."

"I don't give a shit what you have to do, Toby. I have to talk to you, and I'm trying to be considerate and not embarrass you in front of your girlfriend." He slammed the door behind him and walked in. "But if you want it this way I'm happy to oblige."

"What are you talking about?" He asked in confusion.

"Maybe I should go..." Spencer trailed off uncertainly with a side glance at Toby, but resigned herself to being present for an awkward family conversation when Toby's arms tightened around her.

Mr. Cavanaugh was obviously fuming, but he shrugged. "Well, I just had a very illuminating conversation with your sister, and I thought I'd come get your side before deciding what action to take."

She felt him flinch at the mention of Jenna, but his voice gave off none of the apprehension. "What are you talking about?" He repeated.

She didn't know what was gong on, but what she did know was that anything Jenna was involved in couldn't be good. She reached up and intertwined her fingers with Toby's.

"I'm talking about her claims that you forced yourself on her, Toby. Is this true or not?"

Oh hell no. Oh no way in hell that bitch went there. Toby was worried that if he continued to refuse her she would lash out, and here it was. She glanced at Toby, and when she saw how still he was she knew that she needed to come to his defense. "Are you kidding me?"

"Spencer, stay out of this."

She didn't even glance at Toby this time. She absolutely refused to let this unfounded accusations go on for even a second longer. "No. Sorry, but there's no way in hell that I'm staying out of this. Are you kidding? Do you seriously think that he's capable of this?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Drop the hostility, young lady."

His words suggested that he was trying to be judicious, but his tone suggested the exact opposite. She turned her back on Mr. Cavanaugh and framed Toby's face with her hands. "You don't deserve this. My parents are out of town until next Saturday. Do you want to come stay with me for awhile?"

Toby ripped his eyes away from his father to look at her. Her heart ached as she saw the pain in his eyes. He nodded silently. Spencer tightened her hand around his and pulled him up to a standing position. A rough hand grabbed her shoulder, stopping her progress. "You're not going anywhere, Toby. Not until we get to the bottom of this. Spencer, you really do need to leave now."

She whirled around so fast that Mr. Cavanaugh immediately dropped his hand. She didn't let go of Toby's hand, knowing that he would need all the comfort that he could get. That bitch. That unbelievable bitch. "Mr. Cavanaugh, I say this with all due respect, but you are out of line right now. I don't understand how you could have raised him and still asked him whether or not he could do something like that. You shouldn't have to ask. You should know. You should know who he is. Because he's been in my life for significantly less than he's been in yours, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jenna is lying. She's lying, and you're falling right into it. You're irreparably damaging this relationship for a ludicrous and unfounded rumor. Your son is the most kind, gentle, loving man that I have ever met. And honestly? You don't deserve to know him. He's 18 years old, and he doesn't need poison like you in his life. We're leaving."

She tightened her grip on Toby's hand and led him out of the room and through the house. Mr. Cavanaugh didn't try to stop them, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe he was in shock that she reacted like that. Maybe he was too angry to speak. Maybe he was plotting their murder. Either way, she was grateful. As soon as they were outside she turned to Toby. "Do you want me to drive?"

He nodded, still not speaking. This silence was really concerning, but she was alright with it as long as he was alright. She led him to her car, opened the door for him, and waited for him to settle in before going around and getting in on her own side. She started the car and drove down the road, gently stroking her thumb over his knuckles. A side glance at him showed her that he wasn't ready to go home, so she drove up to lookout point.

She pulled into a spot off to the side and immediately got out of the car. She walked around to the other side, took both of his hands, and led him down the path to their usual sitting place. Once they were settled she looked at him, doing her absolute best to keep the sympathy out of her eyes. He wouldn't want that. "What can I do?"

He looked at her for a moment before wrapping his arms around her so fast that she barely even saw it happening. He pulled her to his chest and pressed his lips to the top of her head. "Nothing. Nothing more, because you've already done so much for me. No one- no one has ever defended me like that before. No one but my mom."

She couldn't speak, a lump of emotion working its way up her throat. He didn't deserve this. He deserved so much better, and she would spend the rest of her life making sure to make that happen for him.

"Spence, do you want to call ahead?" Emily asked as she maneuvered the car onto the highway.

"No," she murmured, leaning her head against the cool window. "He doesn't like me much, and I don't want to give him a chance to refuse. I- I need to talk to him."

Emily nodded and drove the car down the highway and onto her childhood street. She pulled in front of the house and hesitated. "Do you want us to wait?"

Spencer bit her lip, not really sure how to answer. "Why don't you guys go visit your mom, Em? I'll just walk over when we're done."

Emily nodded again and unlocked the door. Spencer trudged out of the car and up the lawn. She still wasn't sure what she needed to say to him, but she knew that she needed to see him. She just had to talk to him.

She quickly rapped on the door and waited for him to answer, praying that he was home. If Jenna or her mom answered she was going to lose it. She just needed to talk to Mr. Cavanaugh.

Footsteps tapped across the interior floors as someone made their way to answer the door. The door swung open, revealing Mr. Cavanaugh's face. His face was colored with shock when he saw that it was her on the other side. "Spencer?"

"Mr. Cavanaugh," she murmured. "Can we talk for a second?" Even seeing his face hurt because he looked so much like Toby. He had the same blue eyes, the same messy brown hair, the same nose. But it hurt in a good way. Like, maybe Toby was gone but there were still parts of him left in the world.

"Yeah," he said slowly, obviously still concerned and confused. He held the door open for her and led her into the living room.

They both sat down on the couch, and she struggled to tell him why she came. She wasn't even sure why she came to begin with.

"Spencer-" Mr. Cavanaugh began slowly. "Spencer, I think I owe you an apology."

"You already apologized," she replied immediately. She hated it when people apologized. It was uncomfortable and awkward. Especially when they had nothing to apologize for. Mr. Cavanaugh did his best to make amends with Toby toward the end, and that's all that she could ask for.

She absentmindedly ran her fingers through Toby's hair. It was finally getting a little length back after his chemotherapy and she liked it. She was pretty sure that this motion was more soothing to her than it was to him, but it certainly wasn't bad for him either. It didn't matter how long he had left. It didn't matter how sick he was, because here and now he was still with her. He was okay for now, and that had to be enough. "Do you want me to go find something for lunch?"

"I don't know if I can keep anything down," he admitted reluctantly. But when he tilted up and took in the pained look on her face he backtracked immediately. "But I can try."

"You need to eat something, baby. Soup? Ice cream? I don't really care. We just need to get something in your stomach." She dropped down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

He closed his eyes and hummed in contentment as her lips made contact with her skin. "Maybe some ice cream. My throat hurts, and it might feel good."

She nodded and carefully lifted his head out of her lap, replacing it with a pillow. They had a variety of ice cream. Before she brought him home she had spoken with the nurses, wanting to make sure that she had everything that he needed, and ice cream was the common factor between all of the suggestions. So she basically bought out all the ice cream at the grocery store. But before she could pull it out of the freezer a loud knock rapped on the door.

"I'll get it," she said immediately, lest Toby get any stupid ideas and try to answer it for himself. She breezed past him on the couch, briefly touched her fingers to his face, and pulled the door open.

Her smile immediately slid off of her face at the sight of Mr. Cavanaugh on the other side. Was this a joke? Four years of near radio silence and this was when he decided to pop back up again? "What the hell are you doing here?" Her voice was much more venomous than usual, and she knew this would cause Toby alarm. But she couldn't stop herself. If there was anyone in the world she would wish be struck by lightning or eaten by a boa constrictor it was Mr. Cavanaugh. How dare he show up here now.

"Spence?" Toby's weak voice was concerned from where she left him on the couch.

Immediately repentant, she left her spot at the door and walked back to the couch. She squatted in front of it and gently stroked his cheek. "Everything's fine, sweetheart. I'm sorry. It's just your dad. Do you want to talk to him or should I make him leave?"

Mr. Cavanaugh approached the couch, but Spencer gave him a scathing glare that stopped him in his tracks. He would not be talking to Toby; not if Toby didn't want to talk to him. But she should have realized that Toby was far more forgiving than she was. His hand sought out hers. 'No, I'll talk to him. Help me up?" He requested hoarsely.

"Of course," she replied. He hadn't even had to ask. She took his other hand and pulled hard until he was in a sitting position, and then quickly put her arms around his waist, settling him against the cushions. "We'll be right back, sweetheart." She kissed his cheek and pushed his hair away from his sweaty forehead. She looked into his eyes and waited for him to nod before walking away.

Her fingers wrapped around Mr. Cavanaugh's wrist, pulling him into the kitchen and out of earshot of Toby. "He's sick. He's too sick for this. If you upset him, if I hear even a quiver of something other than neutrality in his voice I will throw you out, but not before kicking your ass."

The older man's lips twitched, which was insulting. She really would annihilate anyone who upset Toby. He deserved nothing but peace. "I'm not kidding."

"I know you aren't," he said softly. "I'll be nice."

She nodded. "Then go talk to him. I'll be back in there in a minute. I just need to get his pills and something for him to eat."

Mr. Cavanaugh looked at her with something unfathomable in his eyes before turning around and walking into the living room.

As quickly as she could she got together a bowl of ice cream, a glass of water, and the cocktail of pills he had to take to keep his body functioning. As she walked into the room she heard the tail end of Mr. Cavanaugh's sentence. "-was wrong, and I should have come to talk to you sooner."

She sat they tray down on the end table. "Sorry to interrupt, but you need to take your pills, Toby. I'll give you some privacy." It sounded like a good conversation, and there was no way in hell that she was going to get in the way of that.

But before she could walk away, Toby's cold fingers found her her hand. She could feel them trembling as he laced their fingers together. She looked down at him questioningly.

"Stay," he whispered, tugging gently on her arm.

She was incapable of refusing him anything at this point, so she perched on the edge of the couch, making sure to give Toby plenty of room.

He gave her a side glance before responding to his dad. "You don't have to apologize. I was mad at you for taking her side, and more than anything I was hurt. But it gave me the strength to get away from her once and for all, so I suppose I should be thanking you."

"There's no excuse for the way I treated you, Toby. No excuse. I know who you are. I was just so blinded by the hurt I felt after your mom's death that I just couldn't go on. But God, I knew you couldn't do that to another person. And to find out that she was the one- I just am so sorry."

She wasn't expecting this, but it was a nice turn of events. She leaned back on the couch and carefully played with Toby's fingers as she listened to the long deserved apology.

Present day Mr. Cavanaugh cleared his through and wrung his hands in his lap. "I apologized to my son, but I also owe you an apology. The way I talked to you, the way I treated you, was inexcusable."

"I only cared about how you treated Toby," she replied after a long pause. This was an unnecessary apology. He didn't treat her well, but that was fine. It didn't matter how he treated her. What mattered was how poorly he treated his son.

"You were so good to him Spencer. You were so good to him and for him." His voice was sincerely saturated with gratitude.

"What do you mean?" She didn't want to make assumptions, and this sounded like something that he needed to say. So she could listen silently.

"It's probably hard for you to see. You didn't know him so well beforehand. But the changes in him once he got with you were indescribable. I'm going to do a bad job of describing this. Can I show you something?"

She nodded, strangely moved by his speech. It wasn't particularly heartfelt, but hearing this man acknowledge the impact she had on Toby's life felt important.

Mr. Cavanaugh got up and almost immediately came back with a folded piece of paper. "Toby wrote me a letter right before he died. I got it in the mail the day he died. It was- it was incredibly beautiful and just poetic timing."

He passed her the letter, and she unfolded it with shaking hands. She briefly brought the paper to her lips, gently pressing them to the carefully scrawled words. Somehow just having her lips this close to something that Toby had once touched provided her with an incredible sense of comfort. She opened her eyes and began to scan the letter. The handwriting in this one was better than the handwriting in every letter she had gotten, indicating that he might have written this one earlier.

Dad,

I don't know why I'm writing this to you, other than to hopefully provide you with some semblance of comfort. And you should feel privileged, actually. I'm writing yours first. Before anyone's, even Spencer's. Although with Spencer it's more that I don't know how to say goodbye to her than anything. And yes, you read that correctly. Goodbye. I'm not going to make it. I know that. I know that there's no way that I'm going to be able to win this fight. And I don't want to go. I just don't. My life is finally getting to a place where I'm consistently happy; overjoyed even.

I guess mostly what I wanted to tell you was that I'm alright. I was always alright, I just didn't see it at the time. You could have been a better dad. You could have been there for me. You could have protected me against Jenna. You could have comforted me after mom died. But honestly? I'm almost grateful that you didn't, because it allowed me to open up the door to my heart to Spencer, which was the best decision that I ever made.

So yes, I was alright, and it was almost entirely because I met Spencer. I think you understand. You loved mom. Even though you divorced, I know that you loved her. You know what it's like to love unconditionally. But the thing is, my love for Spencer even goes deeper than that. She literally and truly saved me more times than I can count. She saved me when mom died. She saved me from Jenna. She gave me the strength to go on when I felt like I had nothing to live for. She showed me that I was worth something. She showed me that there was beauty in the world. But even more than all of that, she showed me what real love looks like.

I know she's going to come see you after I die. Don't ask me how I know that. I just know my wife. Show her this letter, because she needs to see. She needs to realize what she meant to me, what she did for me. I need her to know that. You weren't there when I needed you, but you can do this for me. Help her to see this. Help her to see that there's a reason to go on.

This letter ended up being very different than I anticipated, but no apologies. I love you dad. I always have, and I don't blame you for anything. You need to know that. It wasn't your fault.

Toby

At the end of the letter she carefully folded it up and passed it back to Mr. Cavanaugh. Once her hands were free she wiped away the tears that had escaped while she read. "I miss him," she whispered brokenly, not sure why she was telling this to him.

"I do too," he said softly. "I do every single day. Every day I'm filled with regret for the way that I treated him. For the relationship that we could have had."

"He didn't blame you, Mr. Cavanaugh. I know it's hard to believe, but he really didn't. He was upset at first, but I think that he understood after awhile." She spent so many years hating this man enough for the both of them that it was just truly strange offering him comfort.

"That's the kind of person he was. He was like his mother in that way," he said. "But Spencer, what he said about you in that letter- God, he loved you so much. I just don't think I even realized until now. He loved you so much."

"I know. I know he did. But that doesn't make this any easier." She shrugged.

"I know it doesn't. But it's true. And you. God, I should have thanked you years ago. You were there for him when no one else was. Even at the end. You gave up your whole life for him. You quit your job, you ignored your family and friends, you gave up a year of your life to make sure that he was taken care of. You're an incredibly woman, Spencer, and I'm so glad that he had you."

"I just did what anyone would have done," she replied immediately. And it's what she truly thought. She hadn't done anything remarkable.

"Not true," he said. "Not true at all. Some people run when the going gets tough, but you didn't. You were there for it all."

She just looked at him after that. How was it possible that this man was managing to comfort her better than anyone else in her life had? How was he managing to make her see things clearly? "Mr. Cavanaugh, I- I'm pregnant."

He started, not expecting that. "Toby's?"

Well that was insulting. "Yes, b-but I-"

"You don't know if you're going to keep it?" He surmised gently.

"I will have this baby. I won't kill something that's half Toby. I just won't do it. But- b-but I don't know if I c-can handle the constant reminder of w-what I lost." She blinked, trying to avoid crying. There had been enough of that lately.

He nodded thoughtfully. "Either way, will you let me see my grandchild first? Can I be there? I just want to hold them- just once- if you decide on adoption.

Even a few weeks ago that would have been laughable. Having Mr. Cavanaugh there when she gave birth would have been the last thing that she wanted to do. But now? "I think that's okay."