You guys are literally the best. Don't ever stop being so awesome. I was going to dedicate this chapter to someone, but I don't even know who. You're all being super incredible.

This chapter is... just read it! But I can say that it ended up being massively longer than I thought, so I had to cut it into two chapters! Next chapter will be October and Peru again!

Review! Next chapter will be up at 120 reviews, but not tomorrow. I'm busy tomorrow. So whenever, after tomorrow, that this story is up to 120 reviews!

Chapter 14

October

She clutched her stomach as she trailed behind Hanna and Emily. "This is what I mean, baby." She said to her stomach. She always thought that people who talked to their unborn babies were a bit weird, but now she could see the appeal. "You daddy was the most beautiful idiot in the history of idiots. If you stay with me I'll tell you all about him. And if you don't maybe I'll write you a letter. Recently I've learned how helpful those can be. Either way, I promise I'll do what's best for you."

She still didn't know what to do about the baby. It was a source of comfort for now. It was like a piece of Toby that she could carry with her without judgement or reservations. No one knew that her husband was dead. No one gave her pity stares. She was just a mildly pregnant woman. But it wasn't always. Sometimes she just wished that she could rip the baby out of her stomach. She didn't want Toby's child inside of her. She wanted Toby. She only wanted Toby. But that wasn't an option for her. It was never an option. She would carry this baby to term, because it was what was right. And because that's what the old her would have done. She knew without a doubt that before the loss of Toby she would have been so excited for this child. Now she was just confused.

She brushed her fingers across the braided bracelet that she had made out of a few of Toby's shirts. It might have seemed weird to the outside observer, but it worked for her. She was able to finally stop wearing his undershirts under all of her clothes. It helped her to feel connected to him without leaving the house looking like a total maniac.

Palm trees lined the walk they took to approach their hotel, the Belmond Palacio Nazarenas. She let Hanna and Emily do most of the talking, which was kind of inconsiderate of her since she actually was fairly good with Spanish, but she would feel guilty later. Right now she couldn't stop the emotions from overwhelming her. She couldn't believe he remembered this, because she had literally mentioned it one time.

"So, I'm not sure that I've been this excited in awhile. Spence, when you talked about Peru I always thought you were crazy, but it's literally gorgeous here." Emily said as Hanna tried to talk to the front counter employees.

"I can't believe Toby organized all of this for me. For us," she said softly. Emily might have said more, but she couldn't reply. She couldn't stop herself from getting lost in the memories.

She stared across the table at Toby. Emily and Hanna were wonderful friends. The best, actually. But there was something different about her friendship with Toby. They could sit in silence for hours and still be comfortable. The could laugh until their stomachs hurt and then seamlessly shift the conversation to loving teasing without blinking. He shared her humor, and he indulged her ridiculous and nerdier pleasures. He always seemed glad to be near her, and he was always there to listen to her when she needed him. There was no denying it; Toby Cavanaugh was the best friend she ever had.

And maybe something more. Because now, when she looked at him she didn't just see the face of her best friend. She saw the beautiful shade of sky blue in his eyes. She saw how soft his hair looked and yearned to touch it. She saw the callouses on his hands and wondered what it would feel like to have them run across her smooth skin. Shit, she was such a cliche. She was falling for the best friend.

"I can't study anymore," Toby whined, pulling her out from her embarrassing thoughts.

"You took the words right out of my mouth. Let's play 20 questions!"

"You're such a nerd, Spence," he laughed and popped a french fry into his mouth. "But alright. You go first."

"Tell me about your most embarrassing moment!" She asked immediately. She collected embarrassing moments like some people collected stamps. Sometimes she got insecure around people, but if she could mentally picture them doing something humiliating it wasn't so bad anymore.

He chewed on his bottom lip for a second, trying to figure out an appropriate story for her. "So, my cousin came to town once. And he's older. He wanted to drink, and I wasn't sure. But in the end he managed to convince me. I got rather drunk, and I don't remember this part, but by the end of the night I was so drunk that I literally couldn't figure out how to open up the door. Apparently I pounded on the door a few times before moaning in defeat and curling up in a ball right next to it. My mom found me there the next morning."

"You didn't!" She tried to hold back her laughter, but she failed.

"I mean I think I do. I don't know for sure, but if I trust my cousin..." he trailed off with an awkward laugh. "Okay, my turn?"

She nodded at him with a smile, expecting the same kind of question.

He looked at her speculatively before nodding as he thought of a question. "What's something that you've always dreamed of doing?"

That definitely wasn't what she expected. But she should have known better. Toby was too sweet to try to embarrass her. And yet, she knew exactly how to answer that question. "Don't laugh, but I've always wanted to go to Peru."

"Peru?" He was surprised but not amused.

She was used to that. People always expected her to say somewhere like London or Scotland, but no, it was always Peru. "Yeah! I've always wanted to go see Machu Picchu. It's this Incan holy site way up in the Andes Mountains. It's gorgeous and just incredible. The ingenuity of some of the ancient people blows my mind a little bit."

"Hmmm. Maybe we'll have to go together one day," he smiled and dug back into his food.

Sometimes she wondered if Toby felt the same way that she did. Did he like her too? Although that might be too good to be true. Why would he want her anyway? He could have anyone.

"Holy shit! Check out this room!"

She blinked a few times, having not even realized that they had gone upstairs. She really needed to stop spacing out like that. She glanced around the room, totally in awe of what Toby had picked out for them. The two king sized beds lay out right next to each other with a view of the balcony, and from the balcony there was an incredible view of the mountains. This was everything that she had dreamed of, to be honest. And Toby did that for her.

"Guys, we have some letters..." Emily said softly, staring at the table.

Spencer tore her eyes from the window and took several steps forward and noticed three stark, white envelopes artfully displayed on the table. Behind the envelopes was a bottle of wine and some fruit. God, he thought of everything. Except for the possibility that she was pregnant, apparently. She loved him.

She took her letter off of the table and curled up on a corner in the bed. She closed her eyes and took in several deep breaths to stabilize her emotions. This was all beautiful. It was perfect. And he shouldn't have done it. He should have been focusing on himself. He should been worried about recovery, but instead he was focused on making things better for her. And God, did she love him for it. And this time not only did he write her a letter, but he also wrote one to Hanna and Emily. She loved him so much.

She pulled the letter to her face and slowly read over the words, savoring each of them. She knew that this had to end at some point, and she was going to appreciate every minute of it until that happened.

Spencer,

I know you have to be angry with me at this point. I know you do. Because if our situations were reversed I know exactly how I would be feeling. I would be frustrated that you weren't thinking about yourself. I would be frustrated that you were worried about me. I would just be frustrated. But deep down inside I think I would appreciate the fact that you did it. I would appreciate that you took the time to make things better for me. And honestly baby, I think that you feel the same. Be honest with yourself.

You should be in Peru right now. You're in the place that you always dreamed of being. Enjoy it, okay? Enjoy being there. Enjoy checking something off of your bucket list. Enjoy spending time with your friends. Don't think so much about me, sweetheart. You've been so incredibly selfless for the past year. You quit your job. You left behind every single thing to take care of me. I wouldn't have made it nearly as long as I did without you there. You gave me my medicine. You drove me to my appointments. You wiped my sweaty forehead whenever I had a fever. You held my hand through the chemotherapy and hospital stays. You slept on countless hard, hospital chairs. You did everything for me. Everything. Please baby. Please take this time for you. Enjoy this time with your friends. Enjoy your life again.

I have one more surprise for you. It should be there soon. I hope you like it sweetheart. I love you. I love you so much. Stay strong, baby. It will get better. It has to get better. I love you. Never forget how much I love you.

Toby

"Oh my God," Hanna whined just as Spencer finished her letter. She wiped a tear away from her face and turned to Spencer. Apparently they read at the exact same speed. "You were right, Spence. You married the most adorable idiot on the face of the planet."

She smiled sadly at Hanna and watched Emily pocket her letter out of the corner of her eye. "What did he have to say?"

"You can read it if you want." Hanna passed her the letter to read, and Spencer smiled at her appreciatively. Having any part of Toby was something that she would forever appreciate.

Hanna,

Hanna, you are literally the most incredible person on the planet. I mean that seriously and truly. You are so incredible. I look back at my memories with you, and I just can't think of a single one where I wasn't laughing. When I married Spencer I knew that I was gaining the love of my life, but I also got the best friends that I've ever had.

In my support group I heard so many people talk about how their friends left them when they found out they had cancer. It was either too hard or they just didn't understand what they were going through. But never you. You never even thought about it, did you? Like the thought never crossed your mind. And that's just the kind of person you are Hanna. You're so incredibly loyal. When you become friends with someone you're friends with them for life. You always had my back no matter what happened. I appreciated that more than I can say.

But even more than what you did for me, I need to thank you for what you've done for Spencer. Both before I died and even now. You are such a good friend to her. In the past you dragged her away from her homework right when she needed it. You helped her with the girly things in life. You were always there for her. Always. And when I got sick you came to drag her away for a well needed break. It was like you had a Spencer alarm. Every single time she needed you you were there. Every single time. Thank you that Hanna. I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did for Spencer. Knowing that I'm going to die is horrible. It's literally the worst. But I'm not worried for myself. I'm worried for Spencer. But knowing that you're there, knowing that you'll be there for her, makes everything so much easier. Thank you Hanna. Please keep taking care of her. Make sure that she's okay. Make sure that she remembers to do the things that she'll never thing of doing for herself. Please.

Have a great life Hanna, because you deserve it more than anyone that I've ever met.

Toby

She folded up her letter and passed it back to Hanna. "He was right, you know. You really are an incredible friend, Han. I don't know what I would have done without you. But for me it's the opposite. Toby- he went through so much in his life. So much. He deserved nothing but the best, but a lot of times he only got the worst. But you and Caleb never turned on him. You were unwavering in your support for him. So thank you."

"Toby was kind of the best person ever Spence. It wasn't exactly a hardship." Hanna sighed.

Before Spencer could respond again someone knocked at the door. She glanced at the door in confusion. "Who is that?"

"I'll get it," Emily offered. Spencer watched her friend's shiny black hair bounce as she walked to the door and pulled it open. "Oh, um hola?"

Sending the one who knows no Spanish to the door in the middle of Peru was probably her worst idea. She pulled herself up to a standing position and slowly made her way to the door.

"Oh no, I don't speak Spanish either," the disembodied voice laughed.

It took her a moment to recognize the voice, but when she did her face split into a wide smile. "Aria?!"

"Spencer!" Aria laughed and stepped into the room, wrapping her arms tightly around the taller girl.

"Aria, what are you doing here?" She laughed, feeling happier than she had in a really long time. Was this a dream? How was she even here?

"I- I got a phone call from Toby right before he died, and he asked me to come out here with you. And then a few weeks ago I got this letter in the mail," she said softly and passed Spencer the letter. "It's for you. I'm so sorry that I couldn't make it to his funeral."

Two letters in one day? And Aria? She closed her eyes and smiled as she thought about the first and only time that she had ever seen Aria. But it was enough. It was enough for her to be so grateful for her presence here right now.

She walked slowly into Toby's living room. "Toby?"

"Spence! We're in here."

She couldn't help but smile at the happy sound of his voice. Since his mom died two weeks ago he had had nothing but sadness in his voice. But we? Who was with him? Maybe Caleb. But when she walked into his bed room she saw Toby talking to an unfamiliar girl.

Were she less secure in her relationship she would have felt uncomfortable, but she knew that Toby loved her. And in all honesty, he could have private conversations with all the pretty girls that he wanted as long as it made him smile like that.

Toby reached out an arm and beckoned her to sit down next to him. She smiled softly and joined him on the couch. His fingers gently interlocked with hers and lifted her hand to press a soft kiss to her wrist. "Spencer, this is my cousin Aria. And Aria, this is my girlfriend, Spencer."

Oh. That made so much more sense. He had talked about his cousin before. The wanderer who never settled down anywhere. He said that she was in Brazil, she thought. "So nice to meet you," Spencer said softly, reaching her hand out to shake Aria's.

"Nice to meet you too!" She smiled. The girl was very cheerful, which was probably good for Toby. He needed more happiness in his life.

"Spencer, Aria's the only same member of my dad's side of the family. She was my best friend growing up, and she can somehow always make me happy even when I'm feeling sad."

She hadn't smiled like this long in a really long time. Somehow along the way her happiness had become so wrapped up in Toby's. When he was happy she was happy. When he was sad she was sad. They were connected in a way that she had never felt before, and she loved it. Toby brushed the back of his free hand across her cheek and she laughed quietly. He was being so touchy feely, and she loved it . She loved everything. This was such a great day. "Well, I think I like you already, Aria."

Aria laughed and reached out to take a hold of Spencer's free hand. "I like you too! We were just going to go get some food. Would you like to come with us?"

She glanced uncertainly between Toby and Aria. "Are you sure? I don't want to impose."

Toby snorted and lifted her hand up and kissed her wrist again. She closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of his lips against her skin. His other hand carefully brushed her hair out of her face. "You could never impose. Come."

She glanced at Aria, not knowing whether the girl had a differing opinion. Aria's smile grew, "I want to get to know you, Spencer! I don't know when I'll be able to be here again, and we need to talk advantage of bonding time."

She smiled and nodded. "Alright then. Let's go eat."

Toby kissed her cheek before quickly moving to his feet and helping her up. She wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned on him as they vacated the house. She was so glad that he had someone in his life like Aria.

She gave Aria a shaky smile and pulled the letter to her body in a pseudo-hug. Thank God that Toby had done this. She had complain in the past, but it was only in concern for him. He shouldn't have worried about her. He should have been focusing on himself. But honestly, he was right. This was why she was able function. This was why she was able to leave the house. This is why she hadn't checked in to the mental hospital yet. Because losing Toby was the biggest loss she had ever felt. Not only did she lose her husband. But she also lost her best friend, her support system, and the person that meant the most to her in the world. Toby knew that. He knew. He always knew. He knew how hard this would be fore her, and he knew that leaving little pieces of him behind for her would make the transition marginally easier. He always knew.

She realized that she hadn't answered Aria yet. "Don't apologize, Aria. He knew how much you loved your adventures. He wouldn't have wanted you to cut one short for his sake."

"Honestly, to be blunt Spencer," she sighed. "He's dead. He didn't know any better either way. But I could have been there for you. I know we only met in person once, but that doesn't change the fact that I care a lot about you."

"Okay, enough of this mushy stuff! Read your letter Spencer! Then we can go explore Payroo!" Hanna tried a Hispanic accent out at the end of her sentence and failed miserably.

Spencer couldn't helped but laugh. This is why she loved Hanna so much. Because she was literally the best. "Okay, hold your horses."

She returned to her previous letter writing spot to absorb herself back in Toby's words.

Spence,

I don't know what time Aria will actually arrive at the hotel, so you might have just read my other letter. Which is fine. I don't really have a lot more to say other than surprise!

I know this might seem like a lame surprise, but let me explain before you completely write it off. I know you only met Aria once, but you two hit it off. I think that it will be good for you to have her around. Not only is she my cousin, but she also is ridiculous. I'm sure that Hanna is giving you your fair share of ridiculousness, but there's never too much. Also, second to you and only just above Emily and Caleb, Aria knows me better than anyone in the world. If I lost you I think that I would want to spend time with your friends. I would want to spend time with people who knew you and loved you. But also with people who knew and loved you in a different capacity than I did.

You were there for most of my best times with Hanna, Emily, and Caleb. Let's face it, you were there for almost all of my best times period. But you and Aria were there for very different parts of my life. Share stories. Laugh. Just be with each other. I think the two of you might be able to help each other.

I love you Spencer. More than anything in the world. I always will.

Toby

This time her reaction was a bit different. She couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh. It was just so amazing how well he knew her, how easily he was able to anticipate her reactions and how effortlessly he was able to predict what she needed. Not for the first or the last time she wondered how she had managed to get so lucky. What had she done to deserve a guy like Toby Cavanaugh?

"Spence, I hate to be pushy but if you don't put that note down I'm going to go for the arms, Em will go for the legs, and we're going to drag you out of here." Hanna's voice was fast and excited. Apparently she was really ready to go exploring.

But now Spencer didn't know if she was ready. She was so grateful to Toby for putting this together. So grateful. But now she was an emotional wreck. She swiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "How am I supposed to do this?"

"You put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving," Aria said softly, holding a hand out to help her up. "We'll help you Spencer. Toby will help you too. The only way that any of us are going to get through this is together."

"Besides," Emily said with a smile, "my letter had another surprise in it. But we need to go now."