I'm sorry. That's all that I've got to say. I'm sorry! Lots of reviews means a fast update. And the next chapter is from a POV other than Spencer's so I think that you'll be wanting to read that :) Oh and I got a review asking how "anonymous" knew Spencer was pregnant! Anonymous wasn't Toby. He just wrote the note and told them to send the flowers. Anonymous is the person behind delivering the letters!

No one really got the Twilight and Emison quotes. Twilight= "I love you more than anyone has ever loved another person before." "You're almost right." Emison= "How about forever."

But I will give caitycaites a shout out for helping me figure out my next story idea! Hope you guys are up for the tragic, albeit slightly less tragic, Spoby versions of movies. Cause next I think I'm tackling The Vow.

Want a shout out next chapter? Find the quote from The Fault in Our Stars. And then go see the movie (although you SHOULD read the book first). It opens on Friday in the United States.

My new goal is to get this story to be my most reviewed story! So 234 reviews over all. I think that we can do it! Review my loves! Next chapter will be up at 163.

I'M SORRY.

Chapter 19

March

"Spencer get your ass out of bed and come shopping with me and Caleb!"

Spencer groaned and flung a pillow in the direction of Hanna's voice. "Leave me alone, Hanna. I'm pregnant."

"Not for too much longer, preggo! You need to go shopping for baby Cavanaugh or else she's going to be sleeping in a dresser drawer!" Hanna laughed and ripped Spencer's blanket off of her.

"You're lucky I'm not sleeping naked, woman," she moaned. But it was halfhearted, because Hanna had no idea the can of worms that she opened up with that statement. She had been putting off baby shopping for a pretty good reason. It just hurt too much.

Shopping with Toby was both her favorite and her least favorite thing, at the same time. She loved spending any kind of time with him, and time spent in the grocery store was no exception to that. But they had a tendency to get so distracted that they spent hours within a store without even realizing it.

"Can we get some Doritos?" He asked her hopefully with a knowing smile on his face. He knew what her answer would be.

"Are you wanting to make me fat?" She laughed. She loved Doritos, and if they were in their house she would eat them all unapologetically. Well at least until the ball of chips and disgustingly delicious orange powder settled in the bottom of her stomach. The regret settled in around the time.

He chucked and poked her in her flat stomach. "I feel like that's not possible."

"Because I don't keep things like Doritos in the apartment!" But as soon as she saw him put them back without question she had a change of heart. "No, go ahead and get them Toby. Just hide them from me."

"No, that's alright," he gave her an easy smile.

But she was over it. She wasn't going to let him be so selfless. Yeah, it was over something as simple as Doritos, but it didn't matter. She grabbed the bag and tossed them in the cart, steering off before Toby could snag them out of the basket.

"Spencer!" He laughed and grabbed her waist as he caught up to her. She giggled and leaned up to kiss him.

"What if we have a baby one day?" Spencer asked him as they cut through the baby aisle at Walmart. She leaned into his chest as they stopped in front of the cribs and bassinets. "This is a cute crib."

"It is cute," he laughed, brushing his fingers across the cool plastic. "But I always thought that I might make my child's crib one day."

"Really?" She didn't know why that surprised her, but it did. She knew how gifted a carpenter Toby was, and how much he enjoyed working with his hands.

"Yes! I mean I know it's a bit cheesy, but it's just something that I've always wanted. These cribs seem so flimsy. I want my future, hypothetical child to be safe, you know?" He ran his hand through his hair like he was embarrassed.

"Toby, you are literally the most adorable human being on the planet," she chuckled. She rose to her tip toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. She could feel the blush rise against his skin as it always did when he was praised.

He laughed and grabbed her hand again. "Can we go find the stupid tomatoes now and stop embarrassing me?"

"But you're so cute," she laughed and mused up his hair.

"Spencer!" He groaned and playfully swatted her hands away. "I look like Harry Potter!"

"A sexy Harry Potter," she laughed again. "You're seriously too cute for words. And don't be insecure about the crib thing, baby. I think that's perfect."

He bent down and dropped a gentle kiss to her lips without warning. "I love you so much Spencer."

"I love you too," she whispered and leaned into him. This was perfect. Everything was perfect.

He was so determined to do that for their child, and now he never would. Maybe that was one of the most tragic things about this entire situation. They had so many plans, so many goals, and he wouldn't be there to achieve them. He wouldn't be there when their baby was born. He wouldn't be their for their 10th wedding anniversary, when they planned to hike along the Great Wall of China. He wouldn't be there when she started her first job post-graduate school. He wouldn't be there for any of the defining moments that she'd want to share with him.

She had so many wonderful people in her life; so many people that would be there for her through anything. But the only person that she wanted to talk to about Toby Cavanaugh's death with was Toby Cavanaugh. The only person that she wanted to spend her life with was Toby.

"Spencer, seriously did you go back to sleep? Trust me, this is the best idea! Come out with us. I'll even buy you lunch. What is my niece craving?"

She sighed and rolled over, determined not to let this little setback ruin her entire day. She really was getting stronger even if her thoughts and feelings from this morning didn't necessarily reflect that. Things were getting easier, and she was starting to move on. Not from Toby. She would spend her entire life missing Toby, but it was getting easier to function.

"The baby wants a big ass burrito from Chipotle," she murmured and held her hand out for Hanna to help her up.

The blonde responded immediately, eagerly pulling herself to her feet. "I look like a beached whale," she groaned. She was actually kind of glad that Toby couldn't see her like this. He would say something unbelievably sweet, she was sure. But that didn't mean that she looked alright. That just meant that she had the best husband in the world, and she didn't need his words to remind her of that, as nice as they might be.

"A really small beached whale," Caleb teased from the corner.

She gasped and tossed a pillow at him. "So rude!" She laughed because she knew that he was kidding, and the pillow pummeling was plenty satisfying.

"Keep your hands to yourself, woman!" He laughed.

"Are you sure you guys want me to be the third wheel?" She hesitated, not sure whether it was a real invite or a pity invite.

"Shut up," Hanna laughed and grabbed her hand. "Let's go get that baby her big ass burrito."

"You shouldn't cuss in front of the baby," Caleb said seriously. "She's going to come out cussing. Her first word will be bitch or tits or something!"

She couldn't stay in a bad mood around these two. They threw sass around like a ping pong match. It was all she could do to keep up without laughing. They were the best.

The first thing she noticed when she walked outside was that it was storming. A jagged bolt of lightning shot across the sky with no warning. The corresponding clash of thunder reached her expectant ears just a second later. There was no rain, just mother nature's symphony dancing throughout the clouds.

She hated storms. Thunder and lightning had been her constant companion throughout every horrible experience in her life. When Toby was diagnosed they were under a severe thunderstorm watch. When her nana died a tornado knocked down a farm house in Bucks County. The night that Toby died the tornado sirens were the sound track that played in her mind. It might sound dramatic, but storms kind of were are harbinger of doom.

It was even storming the night that she came the closest to breaking up with Toby.

"Toby, baby, please. You have to talk to me." She put her hand on his arm, but he shrugged away from her.

A loud explosion of thunder nearly sent her leaping from her seat, but she refused to be deterred. He had been pushing her away for weeks, and enough was enough. He might not want it to be her, but he needed to let someone in. "Please let me help you. Or hell, let Caleb help you. Let your dad help you. Just let someone in."

He lifted his head from the driver's side window and gave her a frustrated glance. His eyes were bloodshot. Probably from a combination of tears and sleepless nights. God her heart went out to him, but she couldn't help him if he wouldn't let her. He glanced at her and then looked out the window. "I don't need help. My mom's dead and she's never coming back. How can anyone help with that?"

"They can't sweetheart. They can't. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, but I can't stand to see you like this. Just tell me what I can do to help. I will do anything you ask me to do, I just don't know what you need." She grabbed his bicep with both of her hands.

He shrugged out of her grip again and looked down with his eyes squeezed shut. "Just go," he whispered.

His voice was so low that Spencer wasn't even sure that she heard him correctly. "Say that again?"

"Just leave," he said with more strength.

Neither his tone nor his words were harsh, but she still flinched like he slapped her. "I-" she began, confused. "W-what?"

"Just-" he swallowed before continuing. She watched as a tear trailed down his face. "I can't do this anymore, Spencer."

"What are you saying?" She didn't take her eyes off of him. If he was saying what she thought that he was saying then he was going to look her in the eyes when he said it. "Don't beat around the bush. Just spit it out."

"That I can't do this anymore. I- I think we should-" he stopped talking, his single tear was rapidly joined by more.

She loved him. And because she loved him so much it hurt her to see him hurting like that. She would do whatever she could to help him. Instinctively she knew exactly what she needed to do. Before he could move away she grabbed his face with both of her hands, forcing him to look at her. "I love you. I love you. And if this is what you need I will do it. But let it be known that this is not what I want. I- Go home. Go home and sleep on this before you say another word. If I don't hear from you by tomorrow I'll assume that you decided this really was what you needed."

She could hear the wavering in her voice toward the end, and she knew that she had to get out of there. She had to get out of his truck before she started crying. Because she wouldn't let her emotions influence what he needed. She leaned up to press a kiss to his forehead before releasing him, climbing out of his truck, and sprinting down the sidewalk.

He had picked her up, so she had to walk back to her house. She didn't mind, the rain hadn't started yet. But judging by the lightning and thunder that were currently lighting up the dark sky it would be coming soon. If Toby was thinking clearly she knew that he would have wanted to drive her home, but she absolutely refused to stay long enough for his guilt to settle in

She didn't care if he was serious. She didn't care if their relationship had ended there. Because no matter what happened, she loved Toby Cavanaugh with every single part of her heart. He did so much for her in such a short period of time. He showed her that life was worth living. He taught her that she was worth something, despite how her parents made her feel. For the first time in her life she knew what unconditional love felt like, and that was solely due to Toby. If it was over she would be sad, devastated probably. But if they were truly over she would at least be able to hold onto the fact that what they had was so, so real.

About halfway back to her house the tears started. They began slowly, one by one, increasing rapidly until her entire face was covered by hot, wet tears. She paused and squatted closer to the ground, pressing her palm against a tree to keep her balance. Violent sobs rocked their way through her body. She could try to be strong. She could try to make up her mind to be positive, but what was the point without Toby? She never wanted to be the girl that lost herself in a boy, but she did with Toby. She did because she thought it was safe. She thought that he would always be there for her. She thought that he was her safe place to land.

And to add insult to injury the heavens opened up and heavy rain poured down on her head, drenching her to the bone in a matter of seconds.

"Spencer!"

She flinched at the sound of his voice and tried to wipe around her tears, but it was impossible. She didn't know what were tears and what was the rain on her face. She couldn't calm her sobs. She was the kind of person that once they allowed themselves emotive release they couldn't turn it off.

"Spence," he murmured. The loving, warmth was back in his voice, but it was still saturated with sadness.

She couldn't look at him. He had to know that she was crying. What else could send her to that position? But she didn't need to confirm it. She tensed as his warm hands pressed against her freezing, trembling skin. "Spencer, just look at me."

She couldn't stop the desperate laughter from escaping her over emotional throat. It came out sounding more like a strangled sob. He had to see the irony in using the same words that she had used just a few minutes ago. His hands tightened on her shoulders and gently pulled her to a standing position. He carefully turned her around to face him.

The remorse in his eyes was the first thing that she noticed. The second was his gentle hands working to clear her face of any remnants of tears. When he saw that it was hopeless he pulled his jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders. It was wet, but it protected her bare skin from the chill of the rain, and for that she was ridiculously grateful. "Spence-"

As much as she wanted to throw herself into his arms she couldn't. Not until she knew whether this was his gentlemenly nature kicking in or a genuine apologetic gesture. "You- you didn't have to get out of your truck. I c-can walk," she murmured. Her voice broke halfway through the sentence, and she hated herself for being this emotional around him. He shouldn't be worrying about her right now. He had enough going on in his life.

"I'm sorry." He didn't bother to acknowledge her words. His tumbled out of his mouth in a nearly incomprehensible blur. "I'm so sorry." He just looked at her for another moment before gathering her up in his arms and holding her tightly. "I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry."

She buried her face into his chest, giving herself three seconds to pull herself together. When she looked up at him she would be in control. She would be the one giving comfort, not taking it. She would be what he needed her to be. She took a deep breath and pulled away slightly. She framed his face with her hands and waited to speak until she was certain that he saw the sincerity in her eyes. "I know who you are, Toby. You never have to say that you're sorry."

He just looked at her for a second before his face split into the widest smile that she had seen on his face since his mother died. He dropped down and pressed a passionate kiss to her mouth, holding her so tightly that he nearly lifted her feet up off of the ground. "I love you," he whispered into the crook of her neck. He let out a long breath and marginally loosened his grip on her. Enough so that her feet were securely on the ground.

"So just to be clear," she began, wanting to make sure that she wasn't assuming anything, "You think that you maybe can go ahead and keep doing this thing?"

He nodded and brushed his thumb along the entire length of her jawbone. "I never want to be without you. And earlier... you asked how you could help?"

"Anything you need," she replied with no hesitation. Her words were muddled as a shiver ran through her body from her head to her toes. It was only at that moment that she realized that they were still standing outside in the pouring rain.

Toby must have come to the same realization because he wrapped a steady around around her shoulders and lead her back into the direction of his truck. "C-can you stay with me tonight? I booked a room at the motel because I- I can't go home. And I just- I also don't think I can be alone. Will your parents miss you? Do y-you- do you have to go home?"

She didn't care if her parents sent a search party out to comb the entire town. There was no way in the world that she was leaving Toby right now. She nuzzled her head into his side as the walked, and his far arm reached up to gently cup the side of her neck in response. She smiled at the easy way he touched her. She loved him so much. "I'm exactly where I need to be."

"Han-" she mumbled as a violent explosion of thunder ripped her away from her memories.

Hanna turned to her, knowing her aversion to thunderstorms. "Everything will be fine, Spence. This won't be one of the bad storms."

"Bad storms?" Caleb questioned as he climbed into the driver's seat. Spencer got into the front because Hanna insisted. But she was grateful. Her massive belly made it difficult to sit in the backseat comfortably.

Hanna crawled in behind Caleb and mussed up his hair. "Spencer's bad moments happen with storms. It's a total coincidence, but she's decided to see some kind of voodoo magic in it."

"Oh. Well this one looks like it's dying down," Caleb said as he pulled away from the curb. "Storms aren't even that big of a deal. Sometimes people drive like idiots, but other than that they're kind of relaxing."

She used to think that way. But it seemed as though Hanna and Caleb were right when it came to this one. The thunder and lightning made it clear that the storm was on its way out.

Their conversation was easy in the way that only people who had been friends for years could achieve. They could talk about anything or nothing and it would still be comfortable. Like pulling on your favorite pair of sweats. Spencer smiled and looked out the window. Life was starting to look up. Or at least that's what she thought before she peered through the glass just in time to see a yellow SUV plow into the side of the car.

Her last thoughts were with her daughter before her world went black.

I'M SORRY.