Okay guys. So sorry about how long it took to get you this. I just got out of the hospital. I was admitted for emergency surgery, and yeeeah. I'm on the mend now though, with nothing to do but write :)

This is a bit shorter than I anticipated, but you all deserved something! Okay, request, HELP ME THINK OF A NAME FOR THIS BABY. It's a girl, remember.

Chapter 21

Her fingers were trembling like the last brittle leaves clinging to a tree on a windy fall day. She couldn't make them stop. She couldn't do anything. Not right now. Another contraction rocked through her body. She gasped and dug her fingernails into her palm creating vibrant red half moons.

"Miss Cavanaugh, we really-"

"G-give me a second," she gasped out as the pain got worse and then slowly faded away.

"Miss Cavanaugh, I really must insist-"

Spencer looked up, her eyes flashing with a mixture of emotion. She was still so incredibly sad, but now she could feel the anger slipping in. "Give me ten minutes and then you can do whatever you want," she whispered harshly.

The nurse stood in the hallway, chewing on her lip before deciding to acquiesce Spencer's request. She turned around and ducked back into the hallway. The imagine of the nurse cowering away caused a small smile to grace her overly stressed face.

Toby wrung his hands together, obviously more nervous than she was. He was adorable. "Toby, calm down."

"How are you so calm? Your appendix transformed into a flipping bomb. It could explode at any second." He winced when he saw the brief flash of panic on her face. "Sorry, I'm just worried."

She smiled and reached for his hand. "Listen, sweetheart. We're in the hospital and my surgery is scheduled in a few hours. There's no better position to be in." He really was the best, but he needed to calm down before he gave himself a heart attack at 19.

"I just-" he bit his lip and brushed her hair out of her face. "I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."

"Ms. Hastings, how-"

Spencer reluctantly ripped her eyes from her nervous boyfriend and came to rest on her nurse. "Could you give us a minute?"

"Excuse me?" The woman got a confused look on her face, like no one had ever dared ask her to go away.

"We need a minute," she snapped, not appreciating the hesitation.

The nurse looked at the two of them before her face softened and she walked out of the door. Spencer smiled in satisfaction before turning back to Toby. His face was significantly less stressed. "Spencer Hastings, only you could put the fear of God into the nurses."

"Yeah, well she had bad timing. I needed to talk to you," she chuckled. "You know that I'm not going anywhere, baby. It's the most common surgery ever. I'll be fine."

He bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too," she murmured.

"Do you want me to go, Spencer?" Emily asked, gently squeezing her knee, bringing her out of the memory.

"No." She whispered. If this really was the last one, if there were truly no more letters from Toby, she was going to need Emily's support. He was gone, but these letters helped her feel like he wasn't gone. It was like he was communicating to her from beyond the grave.

But this was it. This was the last new thing that she would ever hear from Toby. This was the last time he would help her when she needed it. It was the last time that his words would come at the perfect time. It was the last time she would touch something that he touched last. This was it.

She heard Emily say something, but she didn't comprehend it. It was reminiscent of the mumbling teacher in Charlie Brown. It wasn't that she was ignoring her, it was just that her brain was shut down to everything but the task at hand. Oh Toby. 'When I Should Be There to Hold Her Hand..." He nailed his timing on that one too.

"I don't know how he did it," Emily continued, seeing that Spencer wasn't going to be able to immediately open the paper. "He told me what order to give them to you in, but the message on the outside of the envelope always corresponded to what you were going through. I don't understand how he knew. He knew you so well, Spence."

"He did," she said softly. "Even at the very beginning."

She burst through the doors at the Brew, running late and feeling terrible about it. She forgot that she had a field hockey uniform fitting after school. It didn't last too long, but it had lasted just long enough to make her very late for meeting Toby. They hadn't been together for long. Not long enough that this wouldn't bring about a wave of his poorly concealed insecurities. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

He chuckled and pulled himself up from his chair. "Don't worry about it." He pulled out her chair for her and beckoned for her to sit down. "Are you alright?"

She sighed, mildly frustrated. That question had always annoyed her for some reason, although less so when it came from Toby. Probably because he was so truly and obviously genuine. "I'm fine. It's just been a long day."

He hesitated, still unsure in the motions of being her boyfriend. His hand reached out and gently squeezed her knee. "Well maybe I can help you feel better now. What do you need?"

"Just- just distract me," she admitted softly. That's all that she really needed. Someone to show her that the bad won't last forever. This hadn't been her worst day. But it had been bad enough that she needed distraction.

He bit his lip and just looked at her for a moment. "Want to hear a joke?"

She snorted, that having not at all been what she was expecting. "I would love to hear a joke."

"What do you call an alligator in a vest?" There was an underlying color of pride to his face. Like he had just cracked the best joke of all time.

"What?" She giggled, taking a sip of the coffee that he had ordered for her. Black and the biggest size that they had. Perfect.

"An investigator!" He giggled like a little boy and looked at her expectantly for her reaction.

He was the literal cutest person in the world. She smiled and put her hand on top of his. Things never felt so bad with Toby around.

"Spence, the doctors are going to have a coronary if you don't read this now. Come on. Then we can go get you your baby." Emily gently passed the letter into her hand.

She chewed on her lip, knowing she had to read it. But she wasn't sure how to say goodbye. She brushed her fingers across the envelope, smiling softly. Oh Toby. She slid her nail underneath the flap and carefully ripped open the paper. She pulled out the letter and gently pressed the folded paper to her lips. It wasn't quite like kissing him, but it was as close as she was going to get.

"You can do it, Spence. You can do anything." Emily brushed a soft hand over her arm.

Spencer barely felt it as Emily touched her, but it was comforting to know that she was there all the same. She nodded, almost to herself, as she unfolded the paper and began to scan the letter.

Hey baby,

I know you're probably upset with Emily right now but don't be. You know these letters helped you. And she was honestly pretty reluctant. I used my super powers of charm and wit to convince her. I may have also shot her with my smoldering gaze, unfair I know. But if you want to be frustrated with anyone pick me. Although I doubt you're going to be angry with a dead man, so I have that going for me.

It won't be long now. I know you don't want to hear this. Although I guess my death is in the past for you, so it's alright to say. You're laying in bed with me right now, and I was very clever. I told you that I was writing a letter to my mom. I think you think I'm crazy, but you aren't questioning me so there's that.

Okay, so now for the good stuff. Emily should have told you that this is the last letter. If I could I would write you letters forever. I would write you a letter for every day of the year, but it just isn't possible. Like I said, I don't have much time left. I need to actually write you a last letter while I have the energy to write you a last letter.

You are beautiful Spencer Hastings. You are a beautiful, loving, caring person. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't ever let anyone make you feel differently. I love you. I love you more than I can say. I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone. I don't know what's going on in your life right now, small side effect of dying. But I know that something's going on in your life. I know because I know you. I know you like the back of my own hand. I know every thing about you. I know the way you wrinkle your nose when you find something funny but you don't want to laugh. I know the way that you hate sausage, but you always are alright with getting it on our pizza because you know it's my favorite. I know the way that your heart beats. I could find you in a dark, crowded room. I love you Spencer.

When things get hard hold on to that. Hold on to the fact that you are loved. Hold on to the fact that you were the most loved woman in the history of the planet. Because I have to believe that. I have to believe that no one has ever loved anyone as much as I loved you. I said this in another letter, but it deserves to be reminded. Don't assume that just because I'm dead that I'm not there. Because there's no way that this love dies. Right now my heart is swelling with love for you. I'm brushing my fingers through your hair right now, and I'm content to just sit here forever. I'm content to just sit here and offer you all of the comfort that I possibly can. I love you. I'll love you forever Spencer Hastings, Loving you was the best part of my life, but it was only a small part of yours.

Don't hold onto my death. Let it go. Go outside. Go do the things that you love again. Go do the things that make you happy.

And remember that you were loved sweetheart.

Toby

Spencer read the letter a few times, each time getting something new out of it. She had the best, She blinked a few times before looking up at Emily. "I'm ready."