Never had a baby before, lol. So... yeah. This is probably way off. I did some light googling, but I'm in pain so forgive me haha. I did what I could.

Thanks caitycaites and tobyequalshottness for my baby name! :) You all had great names though! Now I have a question for you all. I'll go with majority rules. I was planning on having like three more chapters of this story, but I think it could be good to have a smattering of moments from the baby growing up. What's your preference! Let me know :)

This chapter is also a bit short. It was supposed to go with the last one, but I just wanted to post that before you all thought I abandoned you forever :). So you get two short chapters instead!

Chapter 22

As soon as they pulled her out of the room, as soon she no longer had Toby's letter for distraction, the pain crashed over her like the waves in the ocean. Crash, over and over and over again. Crash.

The metaphor caused a distracted smile to stretch across her tense lips as one of her favorite memories passed through her mind.

Salt stung at her nose as she buried her face into the muscled neck of her boyfriend; her wonderful, wonderful boyfriend. "I love this, but are you sure you're okay to take the time off of work?" Life at UPenn was stressful, so anytime with Toby was the best. But she didn't want him to put his life on hold to keep her happy, which was exactly the kind of thing that he would do.

She felt the gentle pressure of his lips on top of her head. "There's no where else I'd rather be," he said simply. His calloused fingers found the bottom of her chin and tilted her face upward so that he had access to her lips. "I love you," he murmured as he gently met her lips with his own.

As usual, she was struck by just how gentle he always was with her. She had seen him angry. She had seen him use the brunt of his strength. Even now she could feel his muscles rippling as he drew her in closer. She burrowed her face deeper into his neck. "I love you too."

Without warning Toby sat up and pulled her with him. His strong arms tightened around her waist and pulled her against his chest. Her eyes were momentarily blinded by the bright, blue of the ocean. The water expanded as widely as her eyes could see.

Ever since she was a child the ocean was her happy place. It was soothing in a way that nothing else was. Her family always spent two weeks in Maryland at a beach house, and it was the happiest part of Spencer's childhood. Nothing could bother her when she stood out in the waves. Her problems never seemed as great while she dove into the waves. No one, not her parents or Melissa, could bring her down when she was surrounded by the salt water.

She had mentioned that fact to Toby maybe one time. That was the kind of boyfriend that he was. He always remembered the little things; the seemingly unimportant things that actually meant everything. "Thank you," she murmured into his chest. "I really needed this."

He slowly began to run his fingers through her wind swept hair. "Things are never as bad as they seem, Spence. You're brilliant; smarter than any of those other UPenn snobs."

"I just-" she began, not even sure what she was going to say. She hadn't necessarily done anything wrong, but her brain hurt. Her brain truly hurt. Her stomach ached, and she was a bundle of anxiety. Maybe she wasn't cut out for the college thing. Her need to be perfect was at an all-time high.

"No, Spencer. No buts, okay. You can do anything, you need to just breath." He kissed the top of her head softly. "Just breath, sweetheart. You'll look back at this and laugh when you're graduating at the top of your class."

She snorted and brushed her nose across his toned bicep. "Yeah right."

She expected him to immediately protest, but instead he paused briefly. "Want to go in the water?"

"Yes," she laughed without hesitation.

Toby chuckled and stood up, pulling her to her feet with one hand. She laughed again and hip checked him, running ahead. When her feet entered the water she got tripped up by a piece of seaweed or something and fell on her butt in the water. Toby paused to hold his hand out to help her up. She smiled mischievously and pulled hard on his wrist and pulled him down into the water.

The surprise on his face dissolved her into a fit of giggles. She scooted closer until she was straddling his lap and pressed a kiss to his surprised lips. "I love you, Toby Cavanaugh."

"Love you too, Spence. Forever."

"Mrs. Cavanaugh tell us your pain level on a scale of 1 to 10."

The nurses thought that they were being helpful, but she mostly just wanted them to shut up. The pain, it was good. It reminded her that she was still alive. Toby was gone. He was dead and he wasn't coming back again. But she was still here. She was alive, and she was going to raise this baby. But the logical part of her brain recognized that they were just doing their job. "9," she pushed out between her gritted teeth.

Not 10. Never a 10. Because she knew what a 10 felt like, and this wasn't it. She knew the debilitating, crushing, agony of a 10. She knew the twisting, aching feeling in her heart that came with a 10. She knew the emptiness and hopelessness that came with a 10. A 10 was what she felt when she lost Toby. This wasn't a 10.

"We can give you an epidural-"

"No," Spencer cut the nurse off. No way in hell was she drugging her baby just so she could have a few moments of comfort. This was pain that demanded to be felt.

She didn't know what happened next. It was lost to her. She felt them pulling her into the delivery room. She heard them talking to her, but she couldn't discern words. She couldn't understand them.

All she could think, all she could feel, was that Toby should be there. He should be there to hold her hand and to feed her ice chips. He should be there to cut their daughter's umbilical cord. He should be there to hold the baby, and he should be there every step of the way while she grew up. He should be there.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to cut out the entire world.

She closed her eyes as the soft pressure of Toby's head rested against her stomach. She buried her fingers in his hair, running them through gently. "What's up?"

"If we had a baby what would it look like?" His voice was contemplative as he grabbed her hand and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand. "Me? You? Adorable? Monster-like?"

"Well, definitely not monster-like," she laughed. "I'm picturing a new born with a six-pack." Her smile only grew as he broke into a peel of laughter. She loved having that effect on him.

"Okay, Mrs. Cavanaugh. It's time to push. The next time you feel a contraction I want you to push through it." It was a bit weird having a team of doctors and nurses staring at her lady parts, but if it was best for her daughter then it was what she would allow.

It didn't take long for the waves of pain to crash back over her. Crash, crash, crash. She was almost lost to the pain, but she was still able to push. She pushed with everything that she had in her, the pain like nothing she had ever felt before.

"Good, Mrs. Hastings! Good! A few more times like that and you'll have your daughter!"

Daughter. A daughter? How was she supposed to even do this? How was she supposed to be a mother? It wasn't like she had good examples to model after. Her parents loved her, she knew that. They loved her a lot. But they didn't know how to show her. How could she do this on her own? Toby would have been a wonderful father. His dad wasn't exactly the epitome of a great parent, but his mom loved him more than life itself. She raised him right before she got sick. He knew how it felt to be loved. He could have done it. She needed him.

"Do you want kids?"

She sat up in shock, having not expected that question at all. "I- um- what?"

Toby sat up after her, gently encasing her hand in both of his. "Do you want kids?"

"I- I just don't think I'd- I'd be a good parent." She chewed on her lip knowing that he would protest. But lying to Toby was never an option. Lying to Toby was like lying to the Dali Lama.

"What? Spence, why would you possibly think that?" His heightened concern sent a shot of pain through her chest. She hadn't meant to worry him.

"I just- I guess that I never had a good example of a parent, you know? I think my apathetic parents might have shot my potential as a parent in the foot," she admitted reluctantly.

Toby's hands tightened around her own. "Listen to me, Spence. You're an incredible person. You love with your whole heart. You're a beautiful, wonderful person who can do anything. You'll be a good parent just based upon who you are."

She just looked at him for a second before pressing a searing kiss to his unsuspecting lips. She really loved him.

She was so glad that she had these memories, because they were the only thing getting her through this.

"Push, Mrs. Cavanaugh, push! You can do this!"

Spencer could barely suppress an eye roll. It was like having a group of cheerleaders staring at her lady parts. She had never liked cheerleaders. It would have been better to have a clinical voice telling her when to push.

"Are you sure that you don't want to go to homecoming?" Toby was truly puzzled.

She sighed. "I've never been more sure of anything." Just because she was popular didn't mean that she liked the typical high school things. Football games were the worst of the worst. Girls dressing like sluts to attract the boys, other girls thinking that they were the coolest because they could scream simple cheers, and boys that thought they were hot stuff because they could catch an awkward shaped ball. She hated football games.

"If you're sure..." he trailed off uncertainly.

"Very sure," she smirked. "I can think of better things we could do," she laughed.

"Like wha-"

She cut off his question with a soft kiss. She felt him smiling against her lips. How could she have gotten so lucky?

"Just one more push, Mrs. Cavanaugh! I can see the top of her head!"

Spencer gathered all of her strength and pushed through the pain. Just when it was almost too much to bear there was a sudden release and a piercing cry filled the room. Her daughter. She did it.

It felt like an eternity before a nurse passed the writhing bundle into her arms. Spencer ignored everything else and looked down at the face of her daughter. Her cheeks were tinged pink, and her eyes were squeezed shut. Without warning the baby opened her eyes and she was met by Toby's eyes. All baby's eyes started blue, that was true, but this was exactly Toby's shape and shade. Toby.

"Do you have a name for the baby, Mrs. Cavanaugh?"

She blinked a few times before looking up at the nurse. She hadn't until she saw her, but now she knew what to call her. "Hailey," she said softly. Hailey meant hero, and that's what this baby was. She was her hero. She was a piece of Toby that she still had. She was the only piece of Toby that she still had. "Hailey Elise Cavanaugh." Elise had no special meaning, she just liked the name.

"Welcome to the world, Hailey," Spencer murmured, brushing a finger across the beautiful face of her daughter.