I have two things to say! First, reviews from the last chapter were minimal. Which is alright! Sometimes it happens! The next chapter is almost done and will be up at 216 reviews. I might not notice if it happens tomorrow, but I'll try to get on and check. Doctor's appointment to make sure my incision from my surgery isn't infected :P

Also, sadly this story is coming to a close. I anticipate one more real chapter and then a loooooong epilogue. That might change, but I don't think so!

Don't worry though! I plan on tackling the Spoby version of The Vow next! So get excited for that :)

Chapter 23

Spencer lay in her uncomfortable, crinkly hospital bed. But that didn't matter. What mattered was the small, writhing bundle pressed into her exhausted arms. "Hailey Cavanaugh, I've been waiting for you," she murmured into the soft head of her daughter. "I love you so much, already. I wasn't sure that was possible."

She brushed her finger down the side of her cheek and over her nose. It was pretty easy to pick out the parts that were her and the parts that were Toby. She had her cheekbones and her lips, but she had Toby's cute, little butt chin. The nose was different though. It was harder. It was like a genetic splice between the two of them.

She thought that it would hurt. She thought that seeing parts of Toby on this little person would be painful. But it wasn't. It was almost comforting, in a way. Like, not only did Toby leave her letters, not only did he do everything he could to make sure that she was okay; but he also left her this little part of himself.

"I've waited long enough! I'm ready to meet my niece!"

Spencer glanced up with a smile at Hanna's excitable voice. A small part of her was worried about Hailey getting the love that she deserved, but she could see now that that was a ridiculous concern. Hanna Marin was clearly planning on spoiling the hell out of her daughter. "Come in," she said softly. She wasn't necessarily in pain, but she was exhausted. Childbirth took a lot out of someone.

"Sorry Spence," Emily chuckled as she trailed in behind Hanna. "I tried to reign in the beast, but you know how it is."

"No, no, I want you guys to meet her. Come here," she beckoned them over with her free hand.

Hanna didn't hesitate. She rushed over and held her hand out. Hailey latched onto one of her fingers and shook it up and down. Hanna laughed, "Nice grip. I think that's the Hastings blood in her; shaking hands right out of the womb."

"She'll be training for the Decathalon in no time," Spencer agreed with a laugh.

"I don't know," Emily mused, coming up behind the three of them. "I see some Toby in there."

"I hope there's a lot of Toby in there," Spencer said. "She's far better off with Toby's traits than mine." She smiled ruefully and closed her eyes, momentarily losing herself in the memories.

She busied herself organizing the mess on her desk. Papers, coffee cups, paper clips, her space was a mess. She didn't really care, she just didn't want to talk.

"Spencer."

For the first time in recent memory she had no desire to talk to her fiance. She continued her haphazard organizational distraction without responding to him.

"Spencer, just look at me. Please? I'm sorry."

The apology tugged at her heartstrings because she knew that she was equally at fault. If he was apologizing she should be too. But she wasn't ready for that yet. She wanted to stew in her anger for awhile longer. "Just go, Toby."

"What?" He was genuinely shocked, and for good reason. She couldn't remember ever asking him to leave before. "Spencer, we need to talk this out."

They didn't though. Not right now. She loved Toby more than life itself, and if they tried talking it out right now she would say something she didn't mean; something that she regretted. No, he had to go before the word vomit slipped out. "Not right now. Just go." Her voice was a bit more harsh this time, showing Toby that she was serious.

He just looked at her for a minute before nodding. "I love you. I'm sorry." He reached out as though he were intending to touch her, but he thought better of it. He pulled back his hand and slid out the door without another word.

Spencer watched him go. Once the dull thud of the front door shutting reached her ears she finally allowed the tears to escape. They rolled down her face one by one until they were coming so heavily it was more like a constant stream. She stumbled to the couch and put her face in her hands. How had this even happened? One minute they were enjoying a nice dinner, and the next they were fighting about her family.

She knew they could be better. She knew that they weren't ideal parents. But that didn't mean that she would hear anything against them. She knew that Toby wasn't being mean. She knew that any negative words he spoke were out of concern for her. But it didn't stop her irrational anger. They were her family, imperfect or not. And she loved them.

But she loved Toby more. Why the hell did she send him away? Why would she send the one person that made her feel loved and cared for away? Why would she get rid of the one person that made her feel safe? She wasn't really mad at him. She was upset because he was right. Her family didn't treat her well. She knew that. He knew that. Hell, the entire world probably knew it. But she wasn't mad at Toby. She was never mad at Toby. Why hadn't she realized that before she sent him away?

Spencer, without really knowing what she was doing, pulled herself up to her feet and out the door. She would go to Toby. She would fix this. But as soon as she found herself on the porch she realized that he didn't have too. His tall, solid frame was curled up on the ground, his head resting on his knees. She should have realized he wouldn't leave her when she was upset.

As soon as the door shut behind her he looked up, his expression a perfect mixture of hope and apprehension. "I know you told me to go, but I couldn't leave you. Not when you were so upset. I'm sorry-"

She couldn't handle listening to him for another second. She took two quick steps toward him. Toby, seeing what she was doing, scrambled to his feet, opening his arms to catch her just as she threw herself at him. She buried her face into his neck, the tears flowing freely. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey," he murmured. "Hey, listen to me." He took her shoulders and pulled her away slightly so that she could look into his eyes. "I know who you are, Spencer. I know who you are. You never have to say you're sorry."

They didn't fight often, but when they did it was usually over the other's well-being. Because that's who they were. She knew that Toby loved her more than anything in the world. She knew it by the way he touched her, by the way her name rolled off of his tongue like it was the most important thing that he had ever said. She knew it in the way that he wrapped his jacket around her shoulders when she was cold. She knew it in the way that he never minded rubbing her feet after a long day. She knew that Toby Cavanaugh loved her like she knew anything.

And God, did she ever love him. She couldn't even explain it, not quickly anyway. She loved every single part of him. The shy side that avoided contact with people that he didn't know well. She loved his affectionate side, the part of him that gently touched her, like she was the most precious thing on the planet. She loved his protective side. She loved the part of him that always made her feel safe and looked after, like nothing could ever hurt her while he was around. She just- she loved him more than anything in the world.

She was torn from her thoughts by a light rapping on the door. She smiled softly, knowing who it was. "Come in, Mr. Cavanaugh," she said softly. It felt weird calling her father-in-law Mr. Cavanaugh, but she didn't know what else to call him. Her parents were out of state being lawyers, and Caleb had apparently gone to get them ice cream. There was literally no one else it could be.

The older man ducked through the door and shut it softly behind him. She took in his face and had to bite back a sob. Toby might not have had much in common with his father personality-wise, but their looks were nearly identical. How many times had she seen that cross between nerves and joy on her husband's face?

"Is she alright?" Mr. Cavanaugh asked, gesturing to the small bundle in her arms. "I heard about the car accident..." he trailed off.

Spencer shuddered at how close she came to losing the one thing that kept her sanity intact. But everything was fine. There was no reason to worry. Hailey was in her arms, and she was fine. "She's perfect. Do you want to hold her?" She tossed an apologetic smile at Hanna, who was obviously leading up to the big question. But this was Toby's dad.

Hanna shrugged, a happy smile still on her face. Good, Spencer didn't want to alienate anyone. Not right now, when she needed people the most.

Mr. Cavanaugh looked nervous, but he took a small step forward and reached his arms out for his granddaughter. Spencer smiled at the awed look on his face as she passed the baby to him.

"What's her name?" He asked softly, in the kind of voice you use in an empty church. The voice you use when it just doesn't feel right to talk louder.

"Oh!" That was definitely what she should have led with. She sucked at sharing the important information. "Hailey Elise Cavanaugh."

"Beautiful," the older man said softly, not taking his eyes off of the baby's face. Hailey let out a loud coo and squirmed in his arms causing Mr. Cavanaugh to make a sound that was a strange cross between a sob and a laugh.

He moved to pass Hailey back to Spencer, but Hanna danced in front of him and carefully took her out of his arms. "Excuse me, but my niece and I have some serious bonding to do." As she walked to sit across the room by Emily she heard her muttering something about skirts and fashion. Great, Hanna's going to turn her daughter into some kind of budding fashionista before she can even talk.

As soon as Hailey was out of his arms, Mr. Cavanaugh moved to perch on the edge of her bed. "How are you holding up, Spencer?"

"I- I'm um alright. I still miss him every minute of the day, but it's less debilitating than it was before." She thought about lying and saying she was fine, but lying to Toby's dad was about as appealing as lying to Toby. Furthermore, she was just realizing how much she was hating being back in a hospital. Before going through labor she was worried. During labor she was in pain. But now she had time to dwell on the fact that she was back in the place where Toby was in the most pain. She was laying in an identical bed in an identical room, and that wasn't sitting well with her.

"Okay, Mr. Cavanaugh, this is just going to be a little prick and then we've got you all set up for your first round of chemo."

She hadn't gone to medical school or anything, but she was feeling like they were being far to cavalier about this whole thing. Why couldn't people just be frank and to the point? They weren't children. There was no need to be condescending. Being placated was for those that were too weak to handle the truth. "What can I do to help him?"

The nurse waited until she pushed the needle into Toby's arm before answering, and Spencer could tell that the pain was more than a little prick by the wince on her husband's face. The nurse turned back to Spencer with pursed lips. "Nothing specific. Everyone reacts differently. But if there's excessive pain or weakness come fetch a nurse. Most people do vomit during the course of their treatment, though. There are pink buckets in the cabinet for that purpose."

She nodded seriously. That much she could do. She watched the nurse walk out of the treatment room before turning back to Toby. "Are you alright?"

"It just started, Spence," he laughed. How he was keeping his humor she didn't know. She was worried to an outrageous extent. There were too many unknowns, too many things she just wasn't certain of. And she didn't like that.

"Yeah well, since you're tethered to that chair can I get you anything?" She watched him vigilantly for any unspoken requests.

"Maybe a blanket," he requested reluctantly. "It's freezing in here."

It really wasn't. It was actually kind of warm, but she wasn't going to tell him that. Let him keep his good humor for as long as possible. She nodded approvingly and glided across the room to where the nurse told her the supplies were located. She grabbed the best looking blanket, and also one of the puke buckets. She hoped it wasn't necessary, but she was going to be prepared if it was. She also took a pit stop by the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. Hydration could only help him, she reasoned.

"One of everything, huh?" Toby teased weakly as she got back.

She tucked the blanket around his lap and tried to ignore the fact that it sounded like the treatments were already taking a tole on him. "You know us Hastings," she laughed fakely. "We always like to be prepared."

She looked up and could see his good mood rapidly deteriorating. Apparently that shit worked fast. She looked at his face for a minute before examining the wide-set chair. Usually she wouldn't have even thought of sitting with him. There was too much that she could mess up. But right now it looked like he needed comfort more than he needed anything.

With the bucket and water in hand she climbed up on the large chair next to him. Toby immediately responded by scooting away to make more room for her. "Spence I- I love having you here, but you don't have to stay if-"

"You hush," she said softly, tucking into his side that wasn't hooked up to the machines. His arm wrapped around her like that's what it was made to do. He was crazy if he thought that she would let him go through this alone.

"Seriously sweetheart, this is going to be a frequent thing. If you want to go home-"

At that point she was tuning him out. She had a part time job on campus, but she could quit it. She didn't really need to work. Toby couldn't work either, but they could dip into her trust fund for awhile. There was more than enough money for them to survive the course of his illness. And she was in her last year of graduate school. She didn't have many classes, and the ones that she did were fairly flexible. She could arrange her schedule so that she could be with him for nearly every step of the way. And those odd times she couldn't be there she was sure that one of their friends would step up. He never had to be alone.

Her planning was interrupted by a violent retching from the boy next to her. "Oh Toby," she murmured. She took the bucket from his trembling hands and held it below his chin while he emptied the contents of his stomach. "Just let it out," she said softly. "That's it, just get rid of it."

When his vomiting finally slowed Spencer put the bucket on the side table and grabbed a packet of wet wipes. She slowly wiped his mouth clean without taking her eyes off of his. She could see his embarrassment, and she refused to look away and make him feel like he had something to be embarrassed about. "What can I do?" She asked as she finished up. She passed him the bottled of water and waited for him to answer.

He lifted a shaky hand and brushed his trembling fingers along the side of her face. "J-just stay here," he stuttered. "I can get through anything if you're with me. I mean if you want to go you can, but..."

How badly he must have been feeling to request that of her. The whole drive over here it was, Spence just go to the cafeteria and get lunch. Bring a book and wait in the hall. Just stay home. He obviously didn't want her to feel burdened, but he had to know that there was no place else that she'd rather be. "Remember when my appendix ruptured when I was in college? Did you ever leave my side?"

"No, but-"

"No buts," she said softly. "You didn't, and I'm not going to leave you now."

"That was different, Spencer. That was a temporary thing. This could last months, years even." Despite his reluctant words he pulled her closer and rested his head on top of hers.

"Are you saying you'd leave if I were the one that had cancer?" It was low, because she knew that was absolutely not what he was saying. But she needed him to see reason. She was going no where.

"No, of course not. Never. But-"

"But what?" She asked when he seemed reluctant to continue.

"But I don't want to ruin your life," he whispered.

"Oh Toby," she murmured. She twisted in his arms so she could frame his face with her hands. "Listen to me. I would chose a lifetime with you in the hospital over not having you every single time. You're everything, baby."

He looked like he was going to answer, but instead he turned a sickly shade of green. Spencer snatched the bucket just in time. She rubbed his back, knowing this was just the first of an infinite number of times they would have to go through this. But Toby was worth it.

"I miss him too," Mr. Cavanaugh said with a sad smile. "But I think that it's a bit different for me. You were there for him every step of the way, and you did whatever you could to help him. I- I just live with a mountain of regrets. What I could have done differently, what I could have said to make things better between us. Why didn't I come sooner? Why didn't I believe him? It's hard."

The last thing she thought she'd be doing after her daughter's birth was offering comfort to Toby's dad, but the man was feeling needless guilt. "Sir, you did treat Toby pretty terribly. But he wouldn't blame you for that now. That's not who he was. And he certainly wouldn't want you feeling guilty now."

"You think?" He looked hopeful, which was nearly identical to Toby's hopeful face. Was this nice or painful?

"I'm 100% certain that if he were here right now he'd tell you the same thing. I knew him as well as I knew anyone or anything, Mr. Cavanaugh. And I know that Toby just wanted to fix what was going on between you. But even if he hadn't, he wasn't one to hold grudges." How did he not know this about his son?

Any other words that the older man might have spoken were swallowed up by a piercing cry from the corner where Emily and Hanna were playing with Hailey.

Emily stood up immediately and deposited Hailey back into Spencer's arms. "Being an aunt is the best. You get to be there for the fun times and then you get rid of them when they start crying."

"I see how it is," Spencer laughed. She drew her daughter closer and pressed her lips to the top of her head. "Everything's fine, sweetheart. You're okay. I love you."

As she tried to calm down Hailey she looked around the room and was struck by just how lucky she was. Sure, she had experienced pain and loss, more so than most people her age. But she still had so much. That was what she needed to hold onto. That was what would keep her going.