A Selfish Promise

One Shot 3

"Why do I have to go, again?"

A smile tugged on the corners of Alfred's lips as he tilted his head down to get a better look at the speaker, a small blond child with piercing gray eyes.

"Because it is lonely all by yourself." he repeated for probably the fiftieth time.

Fifty second, now that he thought about it.

"But I will be fine! I won't be lonely because I have the animals, and, besides, I do not like people." the child rebutted, holding his older brother's gaze firmly.

It was supposed to be a test of wills of sorts, the staring contest. However, it is was hardly fair to the older brother that had the cantering horse the pair were on to maneuver, and he broke the connection before too long. The child seemed to realize the hollowness of the victory and his mood did not lighten.

Alfred sighed, "I know, I know, Jackie, but you need to know these people. One day you are going to have to go to D.C. just as much as me."

"Then why can't I enjoy this now?" the child persisted.

Alfred shook his head, looking anywhere but the boy's eyes. By now Jackson had slipped from any resemblance of whining and pouting to a genuine questioning, something that tended to put Alfred in a bind. Some things were just hard to explain, especially to a child. It made him wonder if he had been so demanding, which led to a whole other world of complications.

"It is better to get used to it." the older said more to himself, "And even if you will not get lonely, what about me?"

"Liar."

Alfred almost fell off the horse.

"What did you say!?"

The two's eyes met and Alfred saw a familiar defiance burning bright in the stormy gray.

"There is no way you get lonely. You are always laughing and smiling with them, those politicians or merchants or drunkards. You get along with everyone. How could you be lonely?" the boy explained, holding his steeling gaze the entire time.

Alfred was speechless for more than a moment as the child's words sunk in. What was he really supposed to say, to someone so young, nonetheless? Sure, he got along with everyone, and it must have looked like a whole other world to the shy child, but there was more going on behind the scenes than he realized. There always was, but how do you explain that? Alfred had been unable to look away from Jackson the entire time the thoughts raced through his head, but he quickly realized that he was seeing something else entirely: a mirror image of himself at that age. He would have wanted an explanation.

"This may not make sense just yet," he began, pausing a moment to align his words, "but I still get lonely. Everybody does. Even if they are with other people. I mean, you get lonely when I am not around in D.C., even with everybody else still there."

"No I don't." Jackson immediately countered, "I am just uncomfortable with them."

"But you get lonely when I leave for whatever reason." Alfred pushed.

"No I don't."

Alfred could not suppress the sigh that passed through his lips. He was not supposed to sigh like this, he was way too young. Still, Jackson was the one thing that could make him feel old. Raising a child was really difficult at times, and now that he thought about it, he never actually left Jackson alone if he could help it and for very long either.

"Why?"

Now it was Jackson's turn to be jarred.

"Why do you not get lonely in that big house, all by yourself?" the older asked, just as genuinely as the child had earlier.

"Because you always come back."

Jackson let the words ripple off his tongue as if they had been the most obvious thing in the world, and Alfred could not help but smile. He did not come back, he never really left in the first place. He always stayed close, even if he was out of sight.

"I guess I did my job." he muttered under his breath, before regaining the child's attention with new enthusiasm, "I am jealous of you, Jackie. I used to get really lonely whenever I was left alone."

"You were alone?" the child questioned, in utter disbelief, to Alfred's amusement.

"Yep. Unlike you, I did not have someone I knew would come back."

Silence, except for the hoof beats, engulfed the two. Jackson was not a particularly talkative child, but Alfred could recognize when something was wrong with him. Nevertheless, he let the child work out his thoughts in peace and quiet.

"Did he ever come back?"

Alfred smirked, knowing that something like this was coming. It always did when the child paused in thought.

"Yes, he did, but he will never come back again. I know that now."

For the first time that whole trip, Alfred began to feel his brother shifting about in the saddle. Strangely enough, he seemed to get closer to him, when the child had always liked his space.

"You must be lonely then." the child concluded, squeezing some of the fabric of Alfred's clothing tightly.

Alfred sighed deeply, exhaling through his nose, "No, I'm not. I promised myself a long time ago, before he came back, that I was never going to be alone again."—his eyes, smiling, drifted down to Jackson—"And you may not remember, but I made that same selfish promise with you when I found you. I will never leave you alone or let you be lonely, Jackie."

The child's jaw dropped slightly, as he continued to stare up at his older brother. Alfred had since turned his attention back to the dirt road and navigating the terrain. His grip on the elder's shirt tightened as a small smile found its way onto the child's lips.

"Then let me be selfish, too. I promise I will never let you be lonely again, either."

Alfred smiled fondly, but still did not look at the child. He could tell the younger was getting drowsy.

"To D.C. then?" he asked with a bit of a laugh, not expecting to be answered.

"And everywhere else. I never want to feel like you are not going to come back."

In moments, Alfred realized the tension previously in the little body disappeared and then he knew Jackson had fallen asleep. It had been a long ride, and they still had a while to go before they would make it to D.C. just yet, but they would be there by nightfall. It only made since that it wore the child out, as energetic and he could be.

"Not if I can help it." he whispered, letting go of the reins with one hand to hold Jackson, "I'll fight to the end, for you, myself, Madison, and every one of our people. I will not lose the second war for our independence, to make sure he never comes back."