A/N: Shit, shit shit; I didn't want YWTC to be this dark guys! I'm so sorry oh my god. ;A; It's kinda just writing itself that way OTL *sobs* No, Levi-my baby…nonono Don't be sad! I knew it'd be dark but, this isn't what I signed on for yoooo….

There are actually 3 chapter songs this time around; bare with me here:

Sleepsong by Bastille is the official Chapter Song, but Pompeii (also by Bastille) is its /

Kairos by The Eden Project is what he's listening to during his little trip.

As for what they mean in regards to the story- Sleepsong is what Levi thinks about his present life and Pompeii is about what he thinks about his little fling with Petra (and what that means for him). Kairos's lyrics are minimal but also very important- all of the songs I mention are, really. I can't stress that enough haha. I picked it because for me, the song is really inspirational, but at the same time it isn't? It reminds me of Reluctant Heroes a lot in its feel. It makes me want to break down and give up, but build myself back up at the same time, and that's how I imagine Levi feels during this.

(A thank you to my lovely friend on tumblr, armin-instructed-me-to-so-i for introducing me to Kairos :)

It'll get better, lovelies; I promise. I'll definitely need plenty of fluff to combat the angst party going on in all of my fics :'D Seriously. My heart won't take much more.

Saturday went by in a blur.

After the news of what he'd done, Levi had shut himself up in his room the remainder of the day. Erwin hoped that the shorter man was thinking up a solution, but years of them being together had taught him otherwise. Levi had the uncanny ability to analyze and critique others' mistakes- his own too, for that matter- but the intimacy of this particular 'blunder' was messing with the raven haired male more than he'd ever admit.

Getting drunk and losing control was too much like his old self, and it scared him.

So, he spent his time curled up on his bed watching tv, guilt and self hatred gnawing at him the entire time. The simple fact that it involved Petra made everything so much worse. She was a friend, someone who'd been loyal and understanding since the day they'd met, and he'd used her. It didn't matter that she consented; Levi knew that he didn't feel the same kind of love, and it wasn't fair to her. Or Auruo for that matter. It was obvious the man was head over heels for her.

He'd changed his sheets, but the faint smell of perfume that lingered-he hadn't noticed in his drowsiness that morning- made his stomach churn. He would have to face her Monday at work, and he was definitely not looking forward to it. He'd rather eat nails, actually.

When Erwin knocked on his door to tell him that dinner was ready, he stayed where he was on the bed. The man eventually left, telling Levi through his door that he'd put a plate in the fridge in case he got hungry and that he needed to eat or he'd get sick. Levi barely listened, choosing instead to wrap himself up in his sheets and try to sleep. He'd always had a hard time falling asleep, and it was no different this time around. He closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing, but it didn't work. It never did.

Levi's mind wandered to his dream from the night before and he frowned. On the occasion that he did end up asleep, he never dreamed. Ever. He didn't understand why he would start now of all times. And what was with the brat? Was his subconscious trying to tell him something, making a person like that out of thin air?

Whatever, it's not like I can do anything about it. He sighed and rolled onto his side, deciding that he was more comfortable like that. His scowl eventually faded as he finally fell asleep, and he didn't dream that night. When he woke up the next morning, he didn't know if he should be glad or disappointed that he hadn't run into the gold eyed boy with wings.

Sunday went by almost exactly like Saturday, except Levi left his room to eat and go for his daily run through the park.

He was feeling slightly better- if better meant pushing his problems down as far as possible and attempting to ignore them- when he decided to leave the flat. The autumn air was just starting to get cold, so he slipped on a light jacket before opening the door and locking it behind him. He was wearing sweatpants and an oversized black t-shirt, and as he started running he was glad he'd grabbed the coat. Goosebumps rose on his exposed skin despite the heat he was feeling from his workout.

While he ran, he tried to let his mind go blank.

Running was his solution for almost everything, and he felt himself relax as he found his pace and his breath started evening out. He did his best to ignore every thought that nagged at the back of his head: Petra, the boy/lack thereof said boy from his dreams, and Erwin's warnings about work just to name a few. He'd managed to put in his headphones before leaving, and was glad that he could drift through the music. The Eden Project's Kairos flowed through the foam buds, and he ran on beat, losing himself in its rhythm. He was soon sprinting, the bass drowning out the sound of his feet hitting the concrete.

It didn't take long before his thoughts wandered back though.

The lyrics hit way too close to home, but he found that comforting in a way-as strange as that was. Levi noticed that the music he leaned towards tended to leave a bitter taste at the back of his throat, and he was okay with that. Dredging up his mistakes and the feelings that went with them kept him grounded and less likely to relapse, but damn, he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt sometimes.

Today was definitely one of those times; he felt raw and disgusted and unsure.

Levi's knuckles whitened into fists at his sides as he slowed down, his lungs screaming for oxygen. Nails lefts bloodied crescents in his palms. His vision darkened and he started to shake as the music faded out, his panting and the frantic beating of his pulse replacing it. How would he be able to ever trust himself again? How could he?

How could they?

He hadn't realized his knees had given out, only slightly registered the fact that he was on the ground. The path was cold underneath him, but not as cold as he felt inside, and he curled in on himself trying to feel warm again. Levi didn't know how long he had been out there, but at some point he had become numb. Only his head hurt, but he didn't care. Monster.

He was a monster.

A/N: I had so many problems writing this-First of all, the chapter didn't start out this dark, the rewrite was what did it. I might have gotten a little (maybe more than a little) drunk and thought it'd be a great idea to rewrite all of my progress…I could barely decode what I replaced the original with so I rushed trying to redo everything *cries* I also had to keep stopping cause the new version hits a little too close to my own life/thoughts and I was getting really emotional… Sorry if Levi's really OOC :/

Besides that, I had something to clarify (don't I always? Hahaha)-

Levi sees himself as a monster, and the people around him don't, whereas Eren does NOT consider himself a monster and those around him do. Eren doesn't think he is wrong the way he is- it's the other demons that do. I know I made it pretty clear what Levi thinks, but I didn't know if you picked that up about Eren.

For questions about the story, I'm making a different document altogether. I feel like the author notes are way too long as it is, and questions that are raised tend to be important ones. It'll be attached to this one (this only applies to AO3 readers) through a series. Any questions you have will be noted there. Those of you who are reading this on Fanfiction will have to either follow the separate story or look it up through AO3/ the tumblr tags ^^ I'm sorry. There will also be little snippets that explain other aspects, because I am done 'clarifying' in notes…

The deadline for chapter 2's questions will be the 27th. Questions can be anything regarding the fic, from any chapter and/or any confusion you have. I don't bite c:

Next official chapter is happy (thank god). It's Eren's POV.

Comments/Reviews are welcomed and prayed for! You can follow me on tumblr if you haven't already at Mastia. Until next time