It had been a week since the night that changed how Rachel viewed her world, a week since Santana had kissed her and a week since her heart had been left bruised and confused. The day after she had gone and seen Finn and for hours she just laid in his bed with him wrapped up in the arms that were so familiar and so comforting but they just weren't Santana's. She thought that spending time with Finn would spark the love she had once felt for him but all she felt was confusion. She wanted it to be Santana holding her, Santana kissing her cheek or even Santana's hand grazing the side of her breast as her fingers ran down her side. But instead it was Finn and he had gone on about how he missed 'his' Rachel and how he just wanted to kiss her. Rachel being Rachel had thought it through and let him kiss her but there was nothing there for her and he had mentioned how distant she seemed.

Six days had passed since then and as she sat in the choir room in her usual position up the front she could feel that familiar pull to the brunette cheerleader up the back of the room and she was trying her best to ignore it with everything she had. She had barely spoken to Santana, in fact she had barely spoken to anyone. She hadn't sung in Glee Club since the day before the shooting and she wasn't sure if or when she would be able to sing again. But that was the least of her worries. When Mr. Schue asked her to sing she just shook her head and said Mercedes could have the solo before moving to the back of the room and sitting between Finn and Puck, needing to feel at least somewhat safe in the room and not so exposed.

Santana feels like she's losing her mind.

She's tried, really tried to stick with her own words and stop being so dependent on Rachel, to stop spending so much time with her. She's tried to think about her less and look at her less, and she doesn't go to her house or ask Rachel to come to hers. She's tried to spend more time with Brittany and Quinn and Puck, just like she feels like she should be, and to act normal, to act okay. She tries to pretend that the time with Rachel had been a weird phase and she really is back to normal now.

But she can't seem to form any mocking or negative words about the girl even inside her head. She can't laugh and joke like she used to with her friends, and she still wakes up shaking and often crying, wanting nothing more than Rachel near her. So many times she starts to reach for her phone to call or text her, and yet she doesn't…because Rachel hasn't for her, so how badly could she really want to spend time with her? What if SANTANA was the clingy one all along and Rachel was too kind to let her know?

The idea was horrifying, so Santana tried to de-Rachel her life. She hung out with Puck as much as she could and tried to distract herself by making out with him. Sometimes he was clueless enough to go with it, but sometimes he stopped her; he still hadn't had sex with her, despite her efforts, which was fairly amazing restraint on his part and an indication of just how clearly wrong she must be, for even he to not take her up on the offer. She tried to throw herself into loving him, or at least being attracted to him, wanting his body. But the most she could muster was being grateful that he was there, feeling safer, marginally, in his arms, and feeling stronger affection towards him for his shift in attitude towards her. She couldn't have hoped for him to be any nicer to her than he was, and it was more than she thought him capable of previously.

But not sitting next to Rachel in school, not walking with her in the halls without Puck in between, not talking to her or seeing her other than in the classroom felt like torture. She wanted so badly to see her and touch her and be held by her again, to know with certainty how Rachel was doing too…and that could NOT be normal, she knew it.

By the end of day six, at the end of Glee, Santana was so agitated she could barely remain in her seat. Rachel was in the row behind her, Santana sitting in between Brittany, who was stroking her hand through her dark ponytail absently, and Quinn. She should be satisfied with Brittany's soothing attention, and yet all she wanted to do was turn and stare…and she was dangerously close to tears for no reason at all.

Normally Rachel never refused to sing but she didn't have the strength emotionally or physically to sing in front of anyone or even sing in her shower. But as she sat there in Glee club looking at the back of Santana's head she felt herself crumbling as she leaned into Puck's side and he wrapped an arm around her promising it would be alright.

Half way through she couldn't sit there any longer without being close to Santana and jumped up from her seat with tears in her eyes. Kurt, Finn and Mercedes all looked at her but she didn't acknowledge them. With one glance at Santana she hoped she would be chased after and headed out into the hall, leaning against the wall which she eventually sank down at against in tears. She just wanted to feel safe again and feel normal with Santana there and not like she was about to lose her mind if she couldn't be with her.

Santana tried not to go after Rachel. She really did.

But the girl was crying, she was obviously upset or scared, and for the first time all week, she had looked at her, actually met her eyes, however briefly. It seemed to Santana an invitation, even a plea. For a few seconds she looked down, gripping the edge of her seat. She was somewhat aware of Puck watching her, starting to stand after a few moments, as though he were going to go after Rachel himself. Maybe he thought she wasn't going to. It was this gesture of his that was the final straw for her.

She didn't want Puck to go to Rachel. She wanted to go herself. So standing up so quickly she almost knocked into him, Santana nearly ran out of the room after Rachel. Seeing her crumpled on the floor, crying, Santana sat beside her automatically, not yet touching, but her fingers literally twitching with her urge to.

"Rachel," she managed through a very choked up throat. "Are you okay?"

Rachel was a crumpled mess on the floor as she cried, she hadn't expected to cry the way she was but everything was just too much. She was missing Santana and missing being able to feel so safe with the girl holding her hand and holding her close. "No." Was the only word out of her mouth, of course she wasn't okay. She didn't have the one person who made her feel like she had a place in the world or a safety net. She never felt safe and she was scared of something happening to Santana and not being there to look after her.

"I miss you." She blurted out.

She had known even when she asked, of course, that Rachel wasn't okay. It was obvious. Rachel Berry would never run out of GLEE of all places if she wasn't. She was crying as though her heart was breaking, and Santana didn't know what to do.

Six days ago she would have pulled her into her arms. But today she fights this urge, her hands literally shaking with their desire to touch Rachel. And when the girl tells her she misses her, she freezes, the already present lump in her throat choking her even more.

She missed Rachel too. So much she couldn't stand it most days, most moments. But she can't say that. She can't, and every reply she tries to come up with dies in her mouth before she can even start to say it at all. She doesn't realize she too has started to cry until she feels the first tear seep through her shirt to her skin.

Rachel felt so shattered after everything and she didn't quite understand it all. How had it gotten to that point? She didn't have any answers to the questions in her head, they were all distant answers waiting for her to reach out for them but she just couldn't. She couldn't gather to energy to go and find the answers she was looking for. Instead her mind was stuck on Santana and wanting to just be with her, the steal a kiss and to hide away in her arms yet none of that could happen. Even now as they sat side by side, their shoulders ever so lightly brushing against one another's she was struggling to catch her breath and form a coherent thought. Before she knew what she was doing she reached out for her hand and laced their fingers together.

"I'm sorry."

Santana sucked in her breath, her eyes darting down to Rachel's fingers in hers. She knows she should pull back, pull them away, stand up and call for Puck or someone else to come to her. But she doesn't want to, at all. And what she does instead is squeeze Rachel's hand until she hears someone's knuckle pop as she tries to sniffle back her tears.

"Why?"

For the first time in a week Rachel felt as though she could breathe. It wasn't going to be easy but the simple art of holding hands was enough to bring her a tiny bit of relief and comfort. Santana's hand in her own just felt right, she felt so relaxed for a split second.

"Because I never wanted this rift to come between us, I need you and maybe it's stupid, maybe it's wrong to even be wanting this but I just need my friend back. I felt like I couldn't breathe without you around and seeing Brittany touching you, holding your hand… it hurt more than I thought it would."

Santana can fully identify with what she is saying. Rachel has in fact just put it exactly into words. She just wants her, even needs her; this has become obvious, whether it's right or wrong or stupid or not.

She doesn't pay much attention to the comment about Brittany, or about Rachel feeling hurt. She's still thinking about the girl's words, a perfect summary of her own conflicted feelings. And after a few moments she chokes out, "I shouldn't fucking want this but I do. Why DO I?"

Rachel almost laughed as Santana spoke but she held back and just squeezed her hand tightly.

"I've been asking myself the exact same thing and I can't figure it out but I know that I do, I want this and it's scary and intimidating but you're the one thing keeping me grounded to this stupid planet."

"I can't ground anyone, I can't help anyone," Santana protests, her voice weak. "I can't do shit, isn't that obvious?"

But she never would have thought that Rachel Berry would ground her…and yet how much more calm is she starting to feel, just holding her hand, even as tears still streak down her face? How is that even a little bit normal?

For another few minutes she fights herself, reaching up to wipe her own tears repeatedly. But then with a sudden jerky motion she turns toward Rachel and embraces her fiercely, giving in at last to her desire of the past six days.

"But you're helping me." She said softly. "You've done so much for me, San. So much." She said firmly. Before too long she was being pulled into Santana's arms and held onto her just as tightly crying into her shoulder as she held onto her as tightly as physically possible.

It seems impossible, that she could really be helping someone, when so much of the time, she feels so helpless herself. But the feeling of relief she gets to be holding Rachel again, to let herself be held too, is so intense that Santana cannot doubt it. She clutches her, her face buried in Rachel's hair, and the aching in her chest that has seemed so impossible to remove slowly starts to subside.

It may be stupid or crazy, but she can't do this anymore. She has to give in…she has to have Rachel.

Rachel can feel it, she can feel her chest feeling lighter than it had in days and not so constricted. It felt easier to breathe, easier to think and function as she held onto Santana as tightly as possible. Holding onto Santana she closed her eyes and let herself breathe her in as they remained tangled in each other's arms.

"Don't let me go, please?" she asked in the softest of whispers, hoping that Santana wouldn't let go again now.

Santana gave a faint nod, barely moving her head from Rachel to do so. She feels her tears slow, then dry up, and yet she remains motionless, feeling Rachel's breath against her, her arms so tightly around her, and soaking it up as the comfort she wants and needs. She feels her muscles start to relax, and still she doesn't move. She won't let go, not again. She can't.

Time seems entirely irrelevant, almost like it's paused entirely and Rachel doesn't notice Puck coming out and sitting by them making sure they were alright and that no one said anything. He just sat there, protectively. Rachel on the other hand kept her head hidden against Santana breathing her in, soaking up the comfort and the tight grip that the girl had on her. It was everything she missed and everything she had needed throughout the past week. Things felt better with Santana around and she knew she couldn't let her go again, she'd fight and do whatever it took to keep her around.

Santana doesn't move either. She sagged against Rachel, her hold loosening, and almost the rest of the class period had passed before she finally looked up, taking in a shuddering breath. She noticed Puck standing there then, and he gave her a small smile, waving.

"Hey."

Santana just twitched her lips back at him, noticing the concern furrowing his brow, the darkness to his eyes. She realized then that Puck too has been affected by this, that Puck too has had to grow up in the past few weeks, and the fact that he's just watching them, asking nothing, offering nothing more than his presence and a smile, is the testament to how much he has changed. Still gripping Rachel, Santana suddenly realizes that she's sad for him too. After a hesitation she withdrew one hand to reach out and take his wordlessly.

Rachel looked up when she heard Puck's voice and gave him a weak smile. He had been an amazing support and she knew without a doubt in her mind that he was struggling too. Sitting there wrapped up in Santana's arms she didn't dare to move, she was terrified of moving and losing that contact she so desperately craved.

"I'm so tired," she whispered to no one in particular. She had barely slept, barely been eating, she was barely functioning lately.

Santana nodded faintly, agreeing without words. She too was not taking care of herself, and it showed. Her clothes were generally wrinkled, her hair not nearly as well kept, and she had stopped bothering with makeup, sometimes even going so far as to wear glasses to school instead of contacts, a huge step down for her. She has lost weight and dark circles clearly line her eyes. She exhaled against Rachel, squeezing Puck's hand, and when she felt his thumb gently rub over the back of it, she sighed again.

"You wanna stay here, or…" he asked finally, trailing off, and she finally lifted her head, looking at Rachel.

Rachel felt the most unprepared that she ever had in her life. Nothing was planned, she had stopped going by a schedule for her entire day and just let it happen now. When Santana finally spoke she bit her lip and looked at Puck before looking back to Santana.

"Can we get out of here?" She asked timidly.

"'Course," Puck said quietly, and he stood, reaching out then for their hands. Santana let him take it, reluctantly pulling apart from Rachel to be pulled to her feet. He kept hold of her hand, squeezing, and then pulled Rachel up too. Santana immediately latched onto Rachel with her free hand, her legs a little shaky to walk.

Taking Puck's hand she got up and held onto Santana's hand again.

"Thank you," she whispered as they just stood there for a minute and Mr Schue came out and told Puck to take them home and help them to get some rest.

Santana kept a protective arm around Rachel, her free hand in hers, as Puck shifted his hand to her shoulder, frequently looking down at her as he started to walk slowly with them down the hall. It doesn't occur to Santana that she's left all her belongings back in the choir room, but she also doesn't care. She lets herself be lead, feeling as though she's in an exhausted daze as Puck guides them. When they reach his car, he opens the backseat for them, correctly assuming they would want to sit together, and helps them in with a hand to the smalls of their backs. He frequently glances back at them in the rearview mirror as he drives, asking only,

"Where do you want me to take you?"

Rachel got into the back of Puck's truck and curled up against Santana's side and closed her eyes. She didn't want anything more than to stay in that safe place and hide away from the rest of the world and the added bonus was that Puck was there, he offered that extra comfort and extra protection that she hadn't known she needed.

"Your place?" She suggested to Puck seeing as both of her parents were home and she was sure Santana's would be as well. "I don't feel like seeing their faces when they know I didn't stay another full day."

Santana knows her mother is home for another two weeks, working out of home until further notice. Her father isn't, but her mother would doubtless tell him if she came home. She nods in agreement of Rachel, her head against the girl's shoulder.

Puck shrugs and does as requested, knowing his sister is at school and his mother is working. When he pulls into the driveway, he looks back at them as he gets out of the car, waiting to see if they wanted to get out on their own.

"My room's kinda disastrous so. Just ignore it. You can do whatever."

When they finally stopped out the front of the Puckerman household Rachel looked to Santana before slowly getting out of the car with her, encouraging her silently to join her. "It's fine." She murmured, of course she hated mess of any kind but she would ignore it for once. She didn't have the energy to go into overdrive and worry about little things like a messy room or whether her outfit matched, her mind was on bigger things and bigger questions that she knew she would never get the answers to.

Puck walked behind the girls, as though to make sure they would get inside, and Santana slid her fingers into Rachel's again, walking in continued quiet. Without analyzing why she finds herself reaching back and twining her fingers with Puck's as well, vaguely appreciating his squeeze in response.

She is familiar with the Puckerman house and so walks straight through without a second look to Puck's bedroom. As she pushes his door open, kicking spare clothes out of the way on the floor, she guides Rachel to his bed and sits up against the headboard, leaning back. It occurs to her vaguely that it's probably a little weird to sit here with Rachel and maybe Puck too, considering how often she's had sex here.

Stepping into the Puckerman home was a strange thing for Rachel but when they walked into Puck's room she followed Santana over to his bed and curled up against Santana's side while Puck sat on the other side of her and pulled them both flush against his side. Rachel closed her eyes and soaked up the warmth from them both. For some reason it was safe there and she loved having them both wrapped around her and keeping her close. "I'm sorry if I fall asleep." She mumbled.

Santana melted into both Puck and Rachel, half on both their laps simultaneously. She has her head tilted onto Puck's chest, her arms wound around Rachel's waist, and she is starting to feel as relaxed as Rachel seems to be. They are both completely different in feel- Rachel small and soft, Puck broad and compact- but both feel equally comfortable to her.

"Don't," she mutters to Rachel, meaning don't apologize. Puck meanwhile leans back more heavily into the bedframe, wrapping his arms more securely around both.

"Beds are for sleep. That and sex but I think that one's out. Unless you wanna, I'd be pretty dumb to say no to that."

His voice is light, just trying to ease things, and Santana hits him very half heartedly, barely lifting her hand to do so.

"You're a dork." Rachel laughed and nestled into both of them, holding onto Santana and letting herself get completely lost in how safe she felt and how nice it was to have two people who seemed to understand everything. Before she knew it she was beginning to drift off to sleep, her breathing evened out and her body relaxed even more, more than it had in a long time.

When Santana feels Rachel's body relax further and hears her breathing change, she knows she's asleep. She looses her arm around her, leaning further back into Puck, but as weary as she feels, she isn't sleepy.

After a few moments she feels Puck's hand moving through her hair and says nothing, soaking this up. It feels nice, and it's sweet of him to do this. When he kisses the top of her head, Santana continues to let him, noting his hand moving in a caress up and down her arm. When he kisses her head again, then her cheek, moving towards her neck, she is surprised by how she enjoys this. Normally she would simply ride it out, but now…there's a faint warm feeling stirring in her stomach.

Rachel's head was resting against Puck's shoulder, her body neatly tucked in beside his, the perfect fit. She wasn't in a deep sleep and gave Santana's hand a gentle squeeze after lacing their fingers together. She craved closeness right now and that was exactly what she was being given. The chance to feel close to someone who cared and who wasn't just there because it was out of obligation.

Santana hears her breath start to quicken when Puck's lips now brush against her throat, lightly at first, then a little more firm. When she doesn't protest, and in fact slightly arches her chin up to give him easier access, he sucks lightly at the skin, his other hand, still wrapped around her and Rachel, gently ghosting its fingers over her side.

This has happened before with them, of course, Puck starting to make out with her. But never before has Santana been as interested in it continuing or felt as much. And definitely has it never happened with a dozing Rachel so close.

Rachel was completely unaware of what was going on around her, her mind was caught up in the dreams it was weaving. The nightmares it was beginning to create and suddenly she was pulled from the warmth and the safety of Santana and Puck's arms to the dangerous halls of McKinley, to blood seeping out of bodies littering the fall. Then she's there, falling to the ground and gasping for her and suddenly there's a heavy weight sitting on her chest and she can't breathe at all, she's gasping for air. What she doesn't know is that it was mirrored in her sleeping form, her body had gone rigid and her breathing had changed from calm to rapid and coming out in shallow gasps. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe and she couldn't force her eyes to open and bring her back to her safe reality where everything was a little better. She was stuck in a world where her life was ending and she couldn't be there to look after Santana like she needed to.

Santana didn't notice right away that Rachel's body had shifted against her. She is too caught up in what is happening with Puck, wondering what has made things feel different now, trying to go along with it like she knew she should and would if things were normal- if she herself was normal. She has slowly reached for his face, intending to start giving back a little, befoer she notices Rachel at last. The girl is no longer slumped into her, her skin clammy and hard to the touch, and Santana can hear her panting, sounding as though it is painful for her to suck in air.

Pulling away from Puck, Santana wraps her arms around her again, shaking her lightly as she puts her lips near her ear. "Rachel. Rachel, it's okay. Shhh, it's okay."

Frowning, Puck watches, unsure of what to do, one hand resting on each girl's back.

Hearing Santana's voice she keeps struggling for air, struggling to get to the surface and it takes her a few minutes before she can try to force her eyes open and immediately she clings to Santana.

"You're okay." She whispered with tears in her eyes.

She had no clue what had been going on before but she can feel Puck's hand on her back and it sends a tingle through her spine, one she had never felt before. Nestling into Santana she let herself listen to her breathe for a little bit as she tried to calm down. Sleeping was something she couldn't achieve peacefully now, it was marred with images of the day that changed her life and effectively changed the lives of the entire community.

Santana continues to rub Rachel's back, even giving her a soft kiss on her cheek- a first for her. As often as Rachel has kissed her head, this is the first time she's returned it. After a few minutes she detached gently from Puck, lying down with Rachel, wrapping her arms around her and snuggling close. She jerked her chin at Puck, who looked confused at first, but then lay down slowly on the other side of Rachel, wrapping his arms around her as well, overlapping a little with Santana. In this way they've made a "sandwich" of Rachel.

Rachel had sworn to herself that she would stop the nightmares and that she would be fine, yet there she was shaking and trying so hard not to cry in front of them both. When Santana kissed her cheek a lone tear spilled over and she hugged her even tighter, letting her lay them down as she finally regained her ability to breathe normally. Then with Puck laying on the other side of her she relaxed back into him, feeling tiny between the two of them but strangely safe and content. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"'S cool," Puck murmured back. His hand lightly rubs over Rachel's forearm, similarly to how he had rubbed Santana's earlier, only slower.

Santana nods too, also whispering her reply as she tightens her arms around Rachel. "Not allowed here. Just rest. You don't have to sleep. Just rest with us."

Rachel's body relaxed beneath Puck's touch, soaking up the simple moments where nothing else mattered.

"You two are amazing," She mumbled as she allowed herself to rest with them and hid her face against Santana's chest, listening to her heart beating beneath her ear and reminding herself that they were all safe and sound.

Santana's lips curved into a brief smile, and she rested her cheek against the top of Rachel's head. Twining their legs together, she pressed her arms lightly against Puck's where they overlapped in their hold of Rachel, sort of liking how large and muscled his arms felt against her own slim ones.

Puck smiled at her over Rachel's head, even as he responded to Rachel. "We are pretty cool."

Rachel was pressed tightly between Santana and Puck and for her that was quickly becoming her new favorite spot to be. "Mmhm." she hummed and closed her eyes but as she did that she saw the same images again and quickly opened them, gripping onto Santana a little tighter.

Noticing this, Santana reached to tap her forehead, dropping her voice. "Get out of there. Stop thinking. What helps you…singing? Being sung to? Reading…what do you need to think about, to make that go away?"

Looking back at Santana she bit her lip and thought about it for a moment.

"Music, any kind of music."

Her dads had taken to singing to her whenever she had a nightmare and now it seemed to be the only thing that helped when she didn't have Santana.

Santana can't think of any songs at the moment, so she looks at Puck, asking him without words to help her out. Picking this up, Puck cleared his throat, rubbing his hand over Rachel's arm as he starts to sing softly.

"'Cause you see the shelter as the storm, holding wind to keep you warm, you were everything I need, this is why I have to leave, so sleep well my angel…"

It's nothing Santana's heard before, but it's a soft song, almost a lullaby, and comforting. She smiles at him, resting her head against the side of his arm, and feels a strong wave of affection for him. It's weird how when she had tried to hard to like Puck, to feel towards him, she had felt nothing, but now it seems to be slowly coming in without any effort on her part.

Listening to Puck sing she smiled softly and reached back to touch him, her hand coming into contact with his thigh and resting there. She wasn't sure what the song was but it felt familiar and it was beautiful. Her body visibly relaxed as he sang and she knew that both of them would be able to feel the change in her, going from rigid to relaxed and her breathing settled entirely.

It's a mark of his concern for the girls that Puck isn't getting turned on by the situation. Much. Normally having two girls so close to him, pressed up where he can feel their hips and waists and breasts, would be extremely excitign and he could barely resist trying to touch and make out with them. But this situation is in a different context, and he manages to keep himself controlled as he continues to sing softly. He can feel Santana relaxing more against him too and finds himself rocking very slightly back and forth, the motion and his voice continuing to lull.

Rachel's breathing evened out and she knew it wouldn't be too long before Puck's voice lulled her to sleep. Nestled in against Santana she allowed herself to drift off for a second time that day, holding her close and soaking up the toned body that belonged to Puck wrapped around her much smaller frame.

Santana can feel Rachel fall asleep again and is silent for several minutes, relaxed. When she speaks her voice is fuzzy, drowsy. "Puck…do you have dreams too?"

Puck doesn't answer for a while, but she notices his grip on her tighten. "Sometimes."

Santana digests this. Is it possible that their emotions transmit to him? He wasn't there, didn't see anything, but maybe he did see something on the news. Or maybe his imagination was better than she had always thought.

She lays her cheek against his chest, as much for him as for herself in comfort.

This time Rachel actually sleeps, curled up in the warmth of two bodies pressed against her keeping her safe. For the first time in weeks she sleeps for a solid two hours in one go and doesn't move an inch the entire time. Her sleep is peaceful, restful and comfortable, it's not disturbed or interrupted by visions of the day that changed her life. Instead it was filled with dreams of Santana and Puck holding her close and watching the sun set over a body of water which causes her to sigh in her sleep, a true sign of a relaxed version of herself.

It takes Santana longer, but eventually she drifts off too. She settles down, even snoring faintly after twenty minutes or so, her mouth open, one hand splayed against Puck's neck, the other twined in Rachel's hair. Puck remains awake, watchful, and tries not to move, not wanting to wake either of them. He himself is tired but doesn't let himself close his eyes. Somehow he feels that if he doesn't sleep, if he keeps watch the whole time the girls do, he can keep them from bad dreams. His mind drifts as he sits up, holding them, and he finds himself smiling slightly down at them both. He never would have thought he could do this for a chick, let alone two, but somehow these two are different to him now than they used to be, and he doesn't think a second thought about it.