Santana froze. A part of her had known and been waiting nearly with bated breath for those words, but to hear them spoken out loud…how could this be real? How did she feel about that? And why had part of her been waiting for this as though it were exactly what she wanted to hear?

No, this was wrong. WRONG. She didn't want to hear that from any girl, let alone Rachel. Especially Rachel. This was WRONG.

But even so, she couldn't quite bring herself to do anything to be harsh towards her, to hurt her, even as her brain screamed at her that she should, that the bitch Santana they had both once been so used to should come roaring back. Instead she slowly detached her hand from Rachel's, but didn't quite withdraw it back to herself, leaving the palm flat over Puck's stomach. She sucked in her breath, swallowing, and then shook her head, her voice coming out soft and shaky even to her own ears.

"You're…you're messing it all up. Stop it. Just stop it."

Flinching at the sound of her own voice, she tries to harden her tone, her expression, but it seems to be less steady than ever.

"I don't…Rachel, I don't love you. Not like that."

But she sounds like she's lying even to herself. And she knows with sudden, sickening clarity that she is.

She does love Rachel. She loves her…she's falling in love with her. AND Puck.

This isn't happening. This isn't possible, isn't happening. But then why are there suddenly tears streaking down her cheeks? Why is she suddenly sniffling back sobs that can't seem to want to be contained?

Rachel waited with bated breath, her eyes cast downward unable to look into Santana's eyes when she felt her hand leaving her arm and her heart shatter a little more. She hated that she was so confused, she had never so much as looked at another girl in the way she looked at Santana and she found herself falling for her even more with each passing day.

But then she heard what she had expected and it broke her heart even more despite the shakiness in Santana's voice.

"Okay," she murmured and slowly moved out of her bed, furiously blinking back her own tears as she heads into her bathroom for a little moment to breathe and get herself to calm down.

Puck doesn't need this and she should have known better than to have been honest with Santana. She had loved Finn and maybe she could make herself love him again if he would have her but then there was this dark cloud looming overhead, one where she was stuck in a whirlpool of emotion. She was falling for Santana and there was that little spark with Puck too and it was confusing, perhaps one of the most confusing times of her life.

Rachel left. Rachel just got up and left the room, and this to Santana is only additional fuel to her confusion and completely incomprehensible grief. Despite her pulling away, despite her words to her, she had wanted Rachel to stay, to comfort her. It made no sense…and yet lately, it was nearly always Rachel who comforted her, when she was upset. And now Rachel was walking away.

Santana turned her face into Puck's chest, trying to suppress the sobs still rising up in her throat, but he stirred, looking down at her through bleary, unfocused eyes. One hand awkwardly rested on her head, and he muttered fuzzily, "San…?"

"I'm okay," she choked, not sounding it at all. "Go to sleep."

She felt his hand in her hair, a murmured question, and then she could hear him snoring again. Rachel was still in the bathroom, and she felt this absence.

Rachel was collapsed on the bathroom floor crying, painful sobs ripped through her chest as the entirety of her heart laid in her place on the bed shattered into pieces. She didn't want Santana to say the things she had and yet she knew it was coming at the same time. Eventually she pulled herself up off the floor, washed her face and headed back into the room, unable to make eye contact as she climbed back into bed and laid down flat on her back staring up at the roof with tears in her eyes.

Santana knows this is a problem when Rachel doesn't look at her or say anything to her, and certainly doesn't reach for her hand. Her eyes flit to Rachel repeatedly, and when she sees how still she is, how she isn't even touching Puck anymore, she sucks in her breath, trying to blink back the tears still heavy in her own eyes. She presses her face into Puck's skin, hiding it from Rachel's view, but she can feel the faint quiver starting in her spine and spreading down her limbs. She tries over and over to think of something to say to her and every time the words die in her mouth before she can force them out, and she knows if she tried, she would only sob aloud. She lifts her hand, meaning to extend it for Rachel's hand, but then lets it drop again on Puck's leg.

Rachel could feel Santana's eyes on her but she couldn't look back, everything was hurting too much. While she hadn't fully believed Santana's words it was impossible not to believe them at the same time because she had heard her freak out on her before and the fact that it happened again cut so much deeper. Eventually she shifted and curled into Puck's side hoping to hide the fact that she was crying.

Both girls are silent for several minutes, but now Puck is stirring again, sensing the change in them. He mumbles to himself, then opens his eyes, shifting. He has felt tears dampening his skin through his clothes, the coldness of Santana's hand grasping his leg, and though still drunk, his head aching, he tries to wake up, distantly concerned.

"'S wrong…happened?" he asks fuzzily, trying to sit up and look at the girls. Both are practically spread across him, holding him down, and Santana tightens her grip, shaking her head. Puck's eyes open wide then, and he frowns down at her, then at Rachel. "Huh…"

Then, more clearly, "You're both crying."

Rachel didn't look at Puck as he stirred, she just closed her eyes and held onto him a little tighter. In that moment he was the only thing anchoring her to the ground even if she found herself confused with the feelings running through her.

"Nothing," she mumbled but her voice betrayed her, it was shaking and incredibly clear with just how broken her heart was.

Santana couldn't calm down. Her nails digging into Puck's thigh until he made a grunt in response to it, looking down at her in confusion, she felt tears start streaming more steadily down her cheeks. She knows she upset Rachel, she knows that she pushed her away, and what if she just messed everything up and Rachel would never be in her life again? But what did that mean that this upset her so much? She liked her and she knew it, more than that…she was starting to love her. Like THAT. And it scared her so badly she couldn't even begin to comprehend. But how could she say this…what did this mean? What did this make her now?

Soon the tears became audible sobbing, then hyperventilating, and she found herself almost choking, gasping for breath. This scared her more, not only because the physical discomfort, but because what did that mean if Rachel being upset and apart from her upset her to the point she was this hysterical? She doubled over, wheezing, as Puck, now fully awake, looked at her in alarm, trying to pull her back against his chest and rub her back.

"Santana…Santana…what? Hey…what…"

He's still drunk himself and has no idea how to comfort her or what to ask, and this only agitates her more. She wants Rachel, and she just pushed Rachel away.

When Santana started panicking and her breathing became ragged Rachel sprung into action. She knew that she couldn't let her stay like that and every instinct in her body told her to protect the girl she was falling in love with. Without giving it a single thought she climbed over Puck and pulled Santana flush against her chest not saying a word as she held her tightly and hid her face against her shoulder.

For the first ten to fifteen seconds, Rachel holding her, though this is what she wants and needs, causes Santana's panic to increase, and she continues to choke, her wheezing breaths becoming harsher and louder. But then she starts to calm down just a little as she feels Rachel's heartbeat, a steady guide, against her own. Tears still streaking down her cheeks, Santana struggles to breathe with her, her choking starting to fade into merely uneven breaths. Her chest heaving unevenly, she tightens her arms around Rachel, unaware of Puck squinting at them both, seeming very much lost.

Rachel didn't let her go the entire time, she simply continued rubbing Santana's back and making sure she was okay. Holding her tightly to her she listened to the sound of Santana's breathing settle a little as she managed to calm down somewhat. She could feel Puck's eyes on her but she didn't care, her entire focus was on Santana.

"Don't push me away," she whispered desperately.

Eventually Santana's frantic breaths become soft hiccups and sniffling, and she keeps her face buried against Rachel, her body's weight slumping as fully against her as possible. She doesn't loosen her hold, and she doesn't even think of pushing Rachel away. She grips her, closing her eyes.

As Santana's body relaxes into her own she pulls her down, practically on top of her and closes her eyes. She's still hurt but she can't leave Santana when she's in a state like the one she was in earlier and she needed to just be holding Santana and looking after her. Holding her as tightly as possible she pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, not thinking about the repercussions that could possibly come from it.

Puck is still staring at them both, but his hungover, exhausted state is getting to him. The girls don't seem to remember he's there or require him to do anything, so eventually he mumbles something and lays back down, closing his eyes, ignoring them practically sprawled over his legs. Santana doesn't react to Rachel's kiss except to give a loud sniffle, tightening her grasp even more. Eyes closed, she burrows into her, her mouth slightly open against her shoulder.

"Just breathe deeply," Rachel whispered while gently rubbing Santana's back.

It was killing her to see her like this and being the cause of such hurt broke her heart further. It wasn't fair that either of them were hurting but what else were they supposed to do? All of this was new to Rachel and she was sure it was new to Santana too.

Mostly calm now, Santana remains quiet and still against Rachel, eyes still closed. Her thoughts are slow, sluggish, and exhausted, but still focused on the other girl. She can't seem to form the words to tell her she doesn't want her to let go, that she doesn't want to lose her in any way. But maybe her body is telling Rachel what her mouth can't.

Rachel could feel that familiar connection, the one so deep that it often left her in shock at the fact that such a thing was capable of happening. But there it was, as strong as ever and Santana's hold on her brought her the greatest comfort that same comfort that she had wanted when her own heart had broken.

Santana is drifting off now from pure exhaustion, although she is half sitting up, her head growing heavier and heavier against Rachel. Her hold of the other girl loosens up, and she thinks she hears herself breathe out one word- "Sorry-" before she gives into sleep.

When Santana finally fell asleep Rachel was even more confused. She didn't have answers to her questions but she didn't have the energy to ask them either. Instead she laid for the rest of the night holding Santana with one arm while her free hand was holding onto Puck's as he slept. They were the two people who were her entire world and while it was confusing for the most part she didn't want to begin over analyzing it all.

88

Puck is the first to wake up in the morning. He is still hungover, his head throbbing dimly, his mouth parched and tasting rather disgusting, but it was bearable. His eyes scratchy and hot, he started to sit up, blinking again as he looked down at the girls. Rachel was holding Puck's hand, and Santana was curled into her chest, her face not visible to him. Rubbing his hand over his face, he blinked down at them again, muttering to himself.

"Don't know what happened…whatever."

Puck's voice was what woke Rachel from her light slumber.

"There's tylenol and water beside you," she said softly as she looked over at him with a small smile. She knew that she would have to explain everything to him and she hoped that when she did he wouldn't freak out on them.

Puck reached for them slowly, taking it as had been suggested to him. Squinting at Rachel, he squeezed her hand lightly. He barely remembers last night and isn't sure he wants to know, but he does nod down at the motionless Santana, vaguely remembering her being extremely upset.

"Where are we?"

Rachel smiled when Puck took the medication for his head.

"My house, Santana drove your car here so you don't have to worry about that."

Puck frowned, trying to remember this. He has a feeling that he did something embarrassing last night but doesn't want to press himself too hard to recall it. Shrugging one shoulder, he leaned in to kiss the top of Rachel's head.

"Your dads must be awesome. Or else you're a sneaky little Jewish princess…" looking down at Santana, he stifled a yawn. "She have a nightmare?"

When he kissed the top of her head she nestled into his side a little better with Santana wrapped up in her arms.

"The second one but they won't mind anyway," she explained before biting her lip and deciding to be honest. "I kind of told her I was falling for her and she kept saying how wrong it was, I ended up breaking down in the bathroom then came back out and she was having some full on panic attack and wouldn't relax until I held her. She wore herself out eventually..."

Puck adjusts his hold of Rachel, shifting so he's leaned back against the headboard, opening his arms so he has room to hold both Rachel and by extension Santana, who is being held by Rachel. He blinks, stifling another yawn as he tries to listen to her.

"Falling for her…you mean like…"

As he pieces together what she means, he frowns, unsure how he feels about that. Rachel knows that he himself is very much into Santana, but he sort of has some feelings for Rachel too, so he's confused about his own self, let alone what Rachel might feel. He had never thought her as anything but straight, but then, girls are fluid with that kind of thing.

"So you…you wanna date her?"

Rachel looked up at Puck and shrugged a little. "I don't really know what I wanted exactly," she admitted. "All I know is that there's so much going on in my head, it's telling me one thing but my heart is telling me two other things. It's crazy but the two of you… you both mean the world to me."

"Two other things?" Puck blinks, even more confused. He looks down at Santana, then back up at Rachel, loosening his hold of her. "We're dating. I think. Me and San. So….are you gay then?"

"I know you are," she mumbled while gently running her fingers through Santana's hair, exhaling aloud. "No, definitely not gay. I just think I like both. I've never really given it much thought...people are very fluid sexually, you know, women especially. Especially women of my artistic temperament."

Puck shrugs; he's sort of figured by this point that all girls are bisexual. "I ain't into that for me, but whatever floats your boat, I guess. San's pretty cool, so." He looks down at her, at Rachel's hand in her hair, then back at Rachel again. "She's done stuff with Brittany, so she might be too, maybe."

"We've kissed before," she blurted out before her eyes went wide and hid her face against his shoulder. "I just.. I don't know what it is, it's not even a sexual thing really. It's just an emotional thing, she's been my rock and when she holds me I feel.. kind of.. complete. Then you're here too and it feels even better because the two of you are far too amazing and you both just.. make me feel alive again."

Puck listens, still frowning slightly, but what she is saying does make sense to him to an extent.

"I kinda feel that way," he admits, his tone low, not meeting Rachel's eyes. "It sounds lame but…sorta." He shrugs, then attempts to deflect. "Santana does like sex a lot."

Rachel ignored the comment about Santana and looked up at Puck. "You do?" she asked as she nestled into his side a little better and sighed. "I have no clue what's going on with us all but I just.. need you both."

"Yeah."

Puck doesn't say it out loud, but he is still frowning, thinking. Beginning to think that maybe she has a point…maybe he needs them both too.

He holds her closer, stroking back her hair with one hand, and then bends to kiss her forehead, then her cheek, much as he normally would Santana. He hesitates, an urge coming over him to kiss Rachel's lips, but he doesn't act on it right away.

When Puck kissed her forehead and cheek she smiled softly and let herself soak up the moment as much as she could. She sensed his hesitation but she didn't bring it up, instead she just pulled the blanket over Santana a little better and kept her protective hold on her. There was so much going through her mind but she knew that in time she could figure it all out.

Rachel didn't respond negatively, and Santana doesn't seem to be in any hurry to stir or start awakening. Puck rubbed Rachel's arm idly, then let his hand drift up her shoulder, her neck, her cheek, still gently rubbing the skin beneath. He kisses her shoulder, then her cheek, and then, after several moments, very softly kisses her lips.

Every one of Puck's touches ignited something within her that had been dormant for her entire life. It was something different to what Santana's touches ignited but still the same kind of amazing feeling. When his lips eventually met with her own she kissed him back just as softly and wrapped her free arm around him, keeping him close for a little bit longer.

Puck feels a slow stirring in his chest, spreading down his torso and settling low around his gut, pressing to his heart. He doesn't know how to describe it except that it feels right, that this feels somehow similar to what he feels now when kissing Santana. It's beyond physical, it's something more, something that gets to his heart as well as his body.

He kisses Rachel again, his hand rubbing in between her shoulder blades as he pulls her closer.

As Puck pulled her in closer she happily allowed it to happen and tightened her own grip on him. This time she kissed him with a little bit more intensity, she loved Santana and she knew that she loved or was at least falling in love with Puck too. When they broke the kiss her heart was racing and she couldn't help but smile.

Puck smiled back at her, the expression soft, even slightly goofy, but when he glanced down at Santana, still being cradled by Rachel, and still asleep deeply, the smile slowly slipped. His eyes averted, and he exhaled, looking back at Rachel, before blurting out.

"I know people have sex like a threesome. Been there tried to do that. But you can't date as one…right?"

Rachel's own smile fell with Puck's and she couldn't help but feel bad for what had happened. Then she almost burst out laughing at Puck's question.

"It's more of a taboo. It happens, it's just not talked about. I mean sure the sex is the most highly talked about thing but there's people that date and all that."

"Well…you and San kissed," Puck repeats, thinking this through. "And you like her. She wigged out on you but considering how she practically crushed you like a python hugging you after, she probably likes you too. And I like you both. And you totally seemed to enjoy that," he smirked at her a little, touching the corner of her mouth with his finger. "So…we could totally do that, no problem. Right?"

Rachel laughed at Puck's explanation of everything. "Pretty odd but we probably could," she said before pulling him in for another soft kiss. "And I loved it...it is quite unlike anything I would have envisioned in my future, but then our future does seem to be not as we expected."

And Santana chose this moment to start to stir awake. Shifting in Rachel's arms, she opened her eyes, squinting up at her as she tried to process where she was. At first she was convinced that she was still dreaming, because there was no possible way she was being held by Rachel, who was being held by Puck. And what was really not at all a possibility was that Rachel was KISSING Puck. This was not happening.

But it looked like it was. And when Puck pulled back from Rachel, smiling down at her, he seemed to think this was normal.

Either he was still plastered or Santana had somehow been infected by him to get drunk too.

"Hey, 'Tana," he said easily. "We're gonna threesome date. It's decided."

And as Santana's eyes grew huge, entirely taken aback, he leaned in to kiss her lips a little sloppily, still smiling. "So yep, morning."

When she noticed Santana was awake again, Rachel bit her lip nervously and smiled down at her.

"Morning sleepy head...apparently he's made a decision for us and we have to go with it," she said as she rested her head back on his shoulder.

Santana's eyes shift between the two of them, still confused. She has pretty much decided that this is a joke. As she comes to this conclusion, her heart squeezes with hurt that she quickly covers with anger, and she tries to pull away from Rachel.

"This isn't fucking funny. You think it's funny to laugh at me? You think it's ok to make up jokes about me when I'm sleeping, gang up on me? Puck, you didn't think everything was so damn funny last night when you were pouring drinks down your throat and bawling all over us, and Rachel, you didn't think it was so damn funny when you were declaring your great unrequited love for me. I didn't laugh at you, why the hell do you think it's funny to laugh at me? Who says I want either of you?"

When Santana started getting angry Rachel slipped into protective mode.

"Santana, no. Stop," she said firmly as she looked at her. "This isn't some joke, I have no clue what the hell is going on but I know that I feel something for both you and Puck and it's probably messed up or strange or whatever but I don't care anymore. I don't care what anyone else thinks outside of the two of you," she said softly, and for the first time her voice cracked, her eyes shining with vulnerability. "I know you feel the same. You don't have to say it right now...but don't deny it either."

Santana sucks in her breath, then lets it out in a loud rush, staring at Rachel. Her eyes flit to Puck, who is now looking at her equally seriously, and she swallows hard, now confused. She looks in between them, catching her lower lip between her teeth.

"Rachel…"

She can't think of anything else to say. She doesn't know what to do, what she wants.

Rachel reached a hand out to cup her cheek, smoothing her thumb along her cheekbone.

"It's okay."

Santana lets Rachel touch her, swallowing again. Her eyes shift to Puck, who knows better than to touch her now, even hungover. Then her eyes close, and she closely reaches up, entwining her fingers with Rachel's. She doesn't speak, she simply holds her hand.