Here comes the next round! Hope you'll like it. Time to pour some hearts out. It took me a bit to write this chapter, as it's quite an important one. Think it turned out quite good. Let me know what you think.
It was late in the afternoon when Nate exited his office to grab another coffee. He had spent most of the day trying to find a new story and fix the numbers. But neither one of his tasks had worked out the way he wanted.
When he got into the hallway of the Spectator, he immediately recognized the beautiful blonde standing next to one of his employees.
What the hell is she doing here? If Chuck sent her here, he is fucking dead.
„Carol, why is Miss Humphrey here?", he ended up asking his assistant.
Carol looked up from her PC screen, and gazed over to her co-worker and the young blonde. „Oh, I think Shannon is taking an interview for our fashion blog. Miss Humphrey had a stunning launch of her first line last night. Wasn't that the event that the driver took you too, Nate?"
„Yeah, it was", Nate brought out. „I didn't know that we made an interview appointment with her."
„I think the interview was already set up before. But I could be wrong."
Nate decided to walk over and welcome her to the Spectator. But mostly asking Shannon who brought up the interview.
„It was unbelievable sexy", he heard Shannon say to Jenny. „I saw pictures of you in that dress. Outstanding. My husband nearly choked his coffee this morning, when I told him I would meet you for an interview today."
Both women started laughing. „Well, I take that as a compliment – both. Your kind words and your husband's reaction", Jenny smiled back at her.
Nate was looking at the beautiful frame in front of him. Jenny had dressed up all business like. She was wearing a dark-blue blazer, combined with a plain white blouse and a matching dark-blue, knee long skirt. There with she was wearing black half-boots. She stood with the back to him, why his employee spotted him first.
„Oh, hi, Mr. Archibald. May I introduce you to the new star at the fashion sky. This is Miss Jennifer Humphrey. Miss Humphrey, this is our boss and owner of the magazine, Mr. Nathaniel Archibald", Shannon introduced the two of them.
Jenny turned around to face Nate, and gave him a bright smile.
„Hi Nate. Good to see you again", she said nervously, not knowing whether he was happy to see her or not.
Nate took in her sight. Simple make-up, waist long golden blonde hair, clearly the Jenny he got to know so many years back when she was only a freshman at school.
„Hello, welcome to the Spectator. Uhm, Shannon, could you excuse us shortly. Jenny and I know each other from school. We haven't seen each other for over two years now", he explained shortly to his employee, while pointing his arm out in the direction of his office.
„No problem, sir. If you like to take the interview yourself, I can give you my research and help Emma instead", Shannon offered kindly.
„No, it's fine. I'd only like to talk to Jenny for a moment. You can continue the interview afterwards", Nate replied. „Would you mind?", he asked towards Jenny.
Jenny felt pretty uncomfortable as she was quite sure what this conversation would be about. But she had to bring it behind her, better now than later.
She walked over to his office room and entered it. Nate followed her and closed the door straight after. He remained standing in front of the door.
„What are you doing here?", he asked coldly.
Jenny flinched by his tone. Ok, he is angry. „Your employee contacted my agent last night. She asked for an interview and we agreed. I came in to talk to her."
„You could talk to any magazine in entire New York, and you decided to talk to mine? I don't need your interview. Neither do I want you in my life at all", he replied even colder than before.
Jenny swallowed hard. But she wouldn't back down, not now – not again. „Look, non that it is any of your business, but I do talk to other magazines as well as news papers too. After last night the phone of my agent doesn't stop ringing. As I said – it was YOUR employee calling US! Not the other way around. I honestly don't know why you're so mad, but don't worry – I'm only here for the interview. After that you don't have to see me ever again."
Jenny looked him straight in the eyes. In earlier times it would have killed her. Let her melt, forget about what she was thinking. But now – his eyes were cold, angry … there was nothing of the care, concern, kindness to be seen, that normally filled his eyes.
He snorted shortly. „You don't know why I'm mad? Seriously?", he said harsh. „Of course you don't. Why should you even care? You've been selfish back then, and it hasn't changed til today."
Jenny's eyes widened. „EXCUSE ME? What is your problem? I only came in for an interview, and now your attacking me. Fine, you think I don't care – well then tell me what I've done that you're so angry with me."
Nate let out a frustrated sigh. Why did he even get her in here? It was a stupid idea. „You know what. Never mind. Do that interview, and then leave my offices please."
With that he turned around and opened the door. Jenny couldn't believe him. She clearly wouldn't leave before she knew what was going on. She walked over to the door, and slammed it shut again.
„NO. I won't leave this office unless you tell me what's wrong, Nate. Obviously you have a problem with me, and I want to know why. You can't treat me this way! NOT AGAIN! Looks like, you are obviously also not the person I thought you were!"
Nate was taken aback by those words. He remembered that he had said them long ago to her. Never did he think she would use them against him. But he had to admit that he wasn't acting rational, so no wonder that she got pissed now too.
"Fine, why did you do it?", he asked cold.
"Why did I do what? Slam the door shut? Yell at you? Come back here? You have to be a bit more concrete here", she answered annoyed.
Nate shot her a look. "Why did you sleep with him? Chuck … I assume you remember, or?", he replied harsh.
Jenny's face went pale, and she felt like the entire room had just started to spin while the ground below her opened up more and more. She had known that this conversation would come up between them eventually, but she had hoped she could avoid it a little longer. She wasn't sure what to answer him at all.
Jenny walked over to Nate's desk and seated herself on one of the chairs in front of it. "What do you want to hear, Nate? What do you want me to say?", she sighed.
"How about the truth", he only stated, even colder than before.
"I was … I was in a very miserable state that night. It's no excuse, I know, but well … truth is: Blair came to our place in Brooklyn that night. She literally slammed in my face that you wouldn't love me, that no one would love me, including my own family. Her words were like poison to me. They hurt so bad. I needed to prove them wrong. So I went over to your place, but you weren't there, Chuck was… it wasn't planned. It just happened. I never wanted…"
She stopped mid-sentenced, not knowing how to explain best what had happened that night. Although she was quite sure that he already knew everything about it. Nate had stayed silent, just listening to her words. He knew the entire story, but to hear it now from her – it pained him even more. He couldn't exactly tell why. It was over two years ago, and they never really dated. It wasn't like she had cheated on him. So why does it still hurt me so much? Why do I still bother about it?
Jenny continued. "As I said, I was in a miserable state. So was Chuck. We were both hurt, lost, alone … he thought that he had lost Blair, and I – well, I thought I really had no one left. I kept him company. We comforted each other. We started to drink, and then we started to kiss. You know how it went on. To clear things, he didn't force me to anything. He told me I could leave – it was my decision to stay. If that was your concern. I wanted it too."
Nate let out a frustrated sigh. "I just don't get it. Why? I mean it was your first time, Jenny. It should have been…"
"Special? Or with you?", she interrupted him. "Yeah, tell me about it. But sometimes we don't get what we want. Come on, it's not like your first time was anything better than mine, or? As far as I know you may have spent it with the girl you loved back then, but she wasn't in love with you. And she left straight after, as you were dating her best friend at that time. So looks like we both didn't had the fairytale first time we wanted."
Nate flinched slightly at her words, and looked at her in astonishment. When did she become so cold and out of feelings? It seems like she lost her believe in love, and it looks like it's all my fault.
"You can't be serious about this. Jenny, you can't…", he started, only to be interrupted by her again.
"It was only sex, Nate. It meant nothing. Chuck and I knew it all the time. We were both lonely and needed someone's company. Blair wasn't there, neither were you. So we comforted each other the best way we could."
"Are you fucking kidding me?", Nate exclaimed. "You could have comforted each other in so many different ways. There was no need to…"
"Fuck each other?", Jenny replied sharp. "It was my decision to lose my virginity to him. Not yours. Why do you even bother about it? It's not like you cared about me back then. You had the chance, you didn't take it. I mean, I couldn't wait for you forever."
His hands clenched to fists. She must be fucking kidding me. How can she even think that I didn't care? He had to breathe a couple of times to steady himself and calm down. Even though her words 'I couldn't wait for you forever' resounded in his head. She truly had fought for me a long time. And what about me? I haven't even tried. I gave up the second I thought she wasn't into me.
"Is that what you're truly thinking? That I didn't care? Jenny, I always cared for you. Who was there for you all the times when you stumbled? Who came to your help whenever you called? And sometimes even without you calling me. How can you say that I never cared for you? I always did. Even way more than I should have."
Nate looked her straight in the eyes. Trying to see if she understood how much she always had meant to him. But all he could see right now was doubt and disbelief.
"You have a very weird way of showing that", she retorted dryly. "Do you always push the people you care about aside? I wanted to be with you, more than you can even imagine. Due to the fact that I loved you. But all you ever did was to reject and hurt me."
Jenny sighed, and got up from her chair. Walking over to the window, gazing out to the street below her, where the traffic was rushing by.
She loved me. I always knew it, but she never said it out loud, til now. I was such an idiot. I always searched for a girl that would truly love me – for myself. The person I am, and not what I stand for. She always did, excepted the real me. And I … I let her slip away and hurt her in the most horrible way that's possible.
He took two steps towards her. "I don't know what to say", he started to defend himself. Trying to find the right words to explain her his actions back then.
"Then don't say anything at all. It doesn't matter any more", Jenny said sad. "It's ages ago. We all grew up, moved on. We shouldn't dig in old wounds."
"No, Jenny. I need to explain you why", Nate found his courage to come clean with her. "I already said that I always cared for you. But it's not all. Jenny, you were always a very special person to me. And my feelings towards you … I don't know, they overwhelmed me in a way that I couldn't handle. I was so confused back then. With everything that went on in my life. It's no excuse though how I treated you. You deserved better, way better than that."
He sighed heavily before continuing. "When we met, when I kissed you by accident. It was sweet and pure. I should have known that it wasn't Serena. And yes, I still felt strong for her, I tried to patch things up with Blair. But also – I couldn't forget that kiss. Our talk on Blair's birthday … you have no clue how much it meant to me. I don't think that I was ever able to talk to anyone of my friends that open at that time, like I did with you that night. You became a very good friend to me."
Jenny flinched slightly when he marked her as a good friend again. She had started long ago to hate that word when it came to define Nate's and her's relationship to each other. Nate noticed her reaction and immediately went on.
"As I wanted the truth from you, here is my truth: the more I got to know you – the more you amazed me. The time when I was staying at your place, I was able to see the real Jenny Humphrey. Not that I didn't see you before, but living with you showed me pretty much everything that I needed to know about you. And I liked what I saw, I liked it a lot. I tried to fight those feelings, as they were so wrong. You were the little sister of my best friend, two years younger than me, but that night at Max's apartment … when you kissed me. I couldn't resist any longer, and I didn't want to. I meant every word I said to you on the night of your guerilla fashion show – I wanted to be with you and be there for you. But it all got so complicated with Dan, and Vanessa … you were only fifteen. I wrote that letter, told you how I feel and left town for awhile. I hoped that after my return, things might have settled a bit and we could try to fix everything. But it all came differently, which was mainly my fault … I took the easy way out. Although I always knew it was wrong. I was afraid and scared of my feelings for you, which were way stronger than anything I ever felt before", Nate finally admitted.
Jenny still faced the window. She had listened to every of his words, remembering the time he was talking about all to clear. A few tears had started to escape her eyes when hearing him say how strong he felt about her back then. Why did he never say it to me in person?
"I should have never chosen Vanessa over you. I'm so sorry. And Serena … she was a question that I needed to be answered. But we were never meant to be. I can't take those things back, make my decisions undone. But you have to believe me when I say that it was never ever my intention to hurt you on purpose. Or hurt you at all. Jenny, I always cared about you."
More tears had strolled down her face. She raised her right arm, and wiped them away with her palm. Trying hard to steady herself inside, so she could face him with all confidence again.
"I appreciate your explanation and apology, but it doesn't change anything, Nate. You rejected me more than once, I got hurt more than once, and I ended up sleeping with Chuck", she summed up while turning to Nate again during the last words. "The only thing I do regret is that I used him then. I mean, I knew that if my dad would find out, he would send me away. So Chuck was my ticket out of town. I just didn't expect it would hurt so many people."
Nate was a little confused by her latest statement. He thought that his confession about his true feelings for her back then would cause a bigger reaction of her, not that she would change the topic back to Chuck. And especially not to her leaving New York. "What do you mean with your ticket out of town?", he asked right away. "Why would you want to leave?"
"I hated who I had become", she retorted simply. "Since freshman year I tried everything to become friends with Blair and everyone of the elite. To make myself a name, become a part of Constance and the UES. But I failed, and the more I tried – the more I changed. Especially after dad and Lily got married and we moved into her apartment. It wasn't me any more, Nate. And you know it. Anyways, I hated who I had become, but I also knew that if I would remain in the UES, nothing would change. I was hoping if dad and I would move back to Brooklyn, that things would become as they used to be. Foolish and selfish me. Dad would have never given up on Lily, or let me live with Dan all alone in Brooklyn."
She took two steps towards Nate, who still stood in the middle of the room.
"I messed up when I tried to break them, but also when I tried to break Serena and you. I'm sorry for that. I was so crazy in love with you, that I didn't even think straight. It took me quite a while to realise how bad this infatuation was for me. But the longer I was away from here, the more I got back to myself and started to heal. Leaving New York was the best thing I ever did. I know now who I am and what I want. But mostly, I know now that we never would have worked. So it was good that you friend zoned me. It made it way easier for me to leave", Jenny explained to a very stunned Nate.
He was trying to comprehend her words, but failed by doing so. "I don't understand, Jenny. If you hated the UES and what it turned you into, then why did you still try to become a part of it? Why didn't you just turn your back on it?"
Jenny started laughing. "Are you serious now?", she asked, still giggling. "Nate, I was at Constance – I was the Queen, my dad was married to Lily Bass, van der Woodsen – whatever. Dan had this urge to be excepted, and somehow I had it too. Even if I wanted to turn my back, how could I have done it? I lived in the UES at that time. I was a part of it, somehow. And I didn't want to turn my back on you. I still had hope."
The last sentence caught Nate off-guard again. She never gave up on me, not once. And I let her fall the second it got to complicated and she disappointed me. I'm such a douche.
"Well, whatever…", Jenny said. "It's ages ago, ancient history. We all made our mistakes while growing up. Guess that's why they call it to grow up. It's past, and I don't want to live in it. I should go to Shannon, give her that interview that she is waiting for. It was good to see you again, Nate."
She walked past him and straight for the door. "So that's it? You just walk out of my office and it's done?", Nate asked confused and somehow angry. Although he couldn't really place why her behaviour upset him that much.
"Nate, yes it's done. We can't change anything that has happened back in the days. And talking about it, trying to analyse everything won't make it undone either. It won't get us anywhere. All we can do is to move forward. Live our lives the way we think it's the best for us. Goodbye Nate."
Jenny turned around again, opened the door and excited his office room. Leaving a very stunned and confused Nate Archibald behind her. If he had thought the day couldn't get any more worse, he was wrong about it.
Jenny had talked to Shannon for nearly two hours. About her designs, the feeling of having an own fashion line in the age of only nineteen, her time in London as well as her triumphal return to New York.
When they were done, Jenny only wanted to get out of the offices and head to her new loft in Tribeka. She had tried to forget the entire conversation with Nate earlier, but especially the part about his feelings for her back in school times resounded in her head on heavy rotation.
She exited the room that Shannon and she had talked in. There was still a huge buzz going on in the bureau. Nate's assistant was nowhere to be seen, his door was a little open. Jenny thought about saying goodbye. You already did that earlier today, remember silly girl? You promised yourself not to walk down that road again. So go home – right now.
Jenny walked forward, but instead of turning to the exit, she went further in direction of Nate's office. Of course you'd stay the masochist you've always been. Not a good idea, girl. When she stood in front of the door, ready to open it, she heard voices inside. And to her surprise one she didn't expect to hear here.
"Nathaniel, it is very noble that you try to run this company all by yourself, but we both know that you can't do it without help any longer", stated Bart Bass very dryly. "There are quite a lot of rumours that you're in financial trouble. You know that I can help."
Nate snorted. "As you said Mr. Bass, there are rumours. And that's what they are – only rumours. I clearly don't need your help to run the Spectator. We're doing just fine."
"Who are you trying to fool here? Me or yourself? Nathaniel, you shouldn't forget who I am. There is pretty much nothing I don't know", Bart retorted matter of factly.
"I do know way to well who you are. As you may remember I'm the best friend of your son for ages. I was able to witness your actions first hand over years. So don't think I would underestimate you. I don't. Nevertheless, I don't need help. Especially not yours. This conversation is over now. If you don't mind, I have business to attend to", Nate said sharp and strict.
Jenny had remained in her spot, overhearing this short conversation. Wondering which interest Bart Bass could have in the Spectator. As far as she knew, he never had any interest in the publishing sector. This was weird.
She took a few steps back, when she heard a chair being pushed over the floor.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Nathaniel. My offer will stand for awhile, if you change your mind. You know where to find me", Bart offered his help once more, knowing exactly that Nate stood with his back to the wall.
"No need too, as I said, we're doing just fine. Whatever you heard, it was a misinformation", Nate repeated once more. Holding his hand out to the door of his office.
Bart Bass left his office, only to stop two steps later. Nate nearly ran into him. Damn it! What is his fucking problem? I thought I made myself clear.
"Jennifer Humphrey! Now that is a surprise. Didn't expect to see you here. It's been awhile. Congratulations on your line. I heard it was a huge success. Lily was stunned by your designs", Bart greeted Jenny kindly.
Jenny is still here? Did their interview took so long? Or was she waiting to talk to me once more? Nate couldn't help to hope for the last. Somehow he felt that their conversation wasn't over earlier.
Jenny turned half around to face Bart Bass and Nate, who now stood in front of her.
"Bart, you look pretty good for a dead person. Looks like death treated you well", she couldn't hold back the remark. Jenny was still pissed that Lily left Rufus pretty much the second Bart popped up again. Nate smiled over her remark. This was definitely the Jenny he used to know.
"Not that it is any of your business, but I was giving an interview to the fashion blogger of Nate's magazine. After last night getting some press is not the worse. It's a bigger surprise to see you here. Didn't know you're in publishing, or did I miss out on something while you were dead?"
"Well, I see. Same attitude as always. Some things obviously never change", Bart retorted colder.
Nate felt like punching his lights out. How dare him to say that she hasn't change. This ass whole never knew her at all.
Jenny let out a laugh. "Yeah, true to that. Some things really never change. Like you going straight after Lily, or her running right back into the arms of a rich dick. I really wished dad and her would have never gotten involved with each other. It would have been way better for all of us. Especially as Lily never really loved my father at all. If she would have, she wouldn't have turned him into her little puppy. But whatever … you two truly deserve each other. Both shallow, only into money and status. Guess neither one of you even knows what true love really is."
"Not the nicest way to talk about a woman that always supported you, Jennifer."
"Neither was it nice how she treated my father. Nor how she treated Ivy, who was hired by her own sister. As far as I know, she didn't go after her. But when CeCe left everything to Ivy, she immediately tried to ruin her. Yeah, Lily is a very classy lady. How dare I to question it", Jenny stated. "My regards to the new Mrs. Bass again. Hope she finally found, whatever she was looking for."
Bart shook his head slightly. "Jennifer, good luck on your line. Sure you'll need it. Nathaniel, you know where to find me." With those words he left the office rooms.
Jenny starred after him, still wondering why he was interested in the Spectator. Sure, she could ask Nate, but that would mean that she had to admit that she had listened to their conversation.
Nate stood only two steps away from Jenny, his gaze fixed on her. He always admired her way to deal with powerful people, today was no difference. She may not have won that battle against Bart, but she also didn't lose it.
"I'm gonna go. It was nice to see you again, Nate. And whatever Bart was talking about, you'll do just fine without him", her words snapped him out of his thoughts.
"Sure, there is no way I'm going to work with him. It was good seeing you too. Jenny, do you think…"
"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Archibald", said his assistant Carol, "but there is an urgent phone call."
Nate gazed over to her. "I'll take it in a bit." He turned to Jenny again, who had made her way over to the exit.
"Go to work, Nate. Guess you have a lot to do to run this place. I have to go anyways. A few more interviews are waiting, and a business dinner later. Take care of yourself", with those words she turned around and left.
This was the second time within a few hours that she left him standing behind. Not even giving him the slightest chance to ask if there was a chance to rekindle their friendship. Are you sure that you only want to be friends with her? Let's face it, you never felt like that about her in the past. Why do you think it could be like that in the future? She was always special to you – and be honest, she always will be.