I Own Nothing Twilight
Chapter 18 – Praying For a Miracle (EPOV)
I waved my hands to clear the dark smoke as I frowned down at the blackened, unrecognisable square. Apparently, making toast was harder than I had first thought, as the foiled result from my fifth attempt would show.
Carlisle thought that toast, being a more solid food substance, would be easier for the girl to keep down. It didn't as hold much nutritional value as some other foods, but it would at least get her stomach used to having food again so that way we could give her something else that would be more beneficial.
But for now, my father thought this was a good place to start. So here I was, in the kitchen, attempting and failing to produce toast by lightly cooking the slices of bread. But clearly, I was doing something wrong, though for the life of me, I couldn't tell what.
I sighed. Someone else would be better suited to working in the kitchen than me. As if my thoughts had been heard, Esme bustled into the kitchen, taking in the pile of burnt bread in the bin and the most recent disaster that I was currently staring morosely at.
"Oh, Edward," she sighed, shaking her head with her hands on her hips. I gave her a sheepish look, feeling very much like a child caught making a mess in his mother's pristine kitchen.
Esme only smiled fondly and motioned me out of the way. "Alice called," she said wryly as she pulled a fresh piece of bread from the bag, "She told me I should rescue you from the kitchen before the whole loaf suffered the same fate." She laughed lightly, telling me she found the situation highly amusing.
"I didn't expect it to be so hard," I admitted, running a hand through my hair in embarrassment. "I don't have any experience of cooking that I can remember well enough. There are a few hazy things I can remember, but none of them that give instructions on how to make toast without burning it," I let out a dry laugh, and quickly made a mental note, to learn how to cook, for my angel. Part of me became giddy in the fact that I would indeed be helping her more with her lengthy recovery. The other part of me battled down those giddy feelings, knowing that the girl may in fact find the family that has been looking for her. My giddiness was then wiped out completely by frustration and despair.
She smiled, not knowing my internal thoughts and self-degrading issues. Her thoughts on the other hand were pleased to hear me laughing for once, but she didn't turn from her work. "You really care for her, don't you?" She asked softly after a moment, glancing up to me with a tender expression.
I looked at her seriously for a minute before I answered, for getting all of my negative thoughts and feelings. "Yes," I relented, "I really do. I just want to be able to do something to help her, even if it means putting up with the smell of human food. It's a small price to pay for such a worthy cause."
"Edward," she chided at my failed attempt with poor humour, "You have done a lot for her. Gaining her trust like that and being there to support, encourage and comfort her is a very big thing. You're the one she trusts the most; that must tell you something. You are helping her heal, even if you don't believe it."
I grinned slightly, reassured and uplifted by the thought that I was able to do something for the angel that no one else could do, just because it was me that she trusted. I had no idea why she did, but I was grateful for that fact.
"Go on, go up and see her. I'll bring this up when it's finished," she chuckled upon seeing my mildly giddy expression. I shot her a small but bright smile and dashed up the stairs towards my room—all negative thoughts abandoned.
Pausing, I listened carefully into the room from my vantage point on the last few steps before her floor. I knew she was awake already from the small signs: her breathing and heart rate and the rustle of skin against fabric. I smiled to myself in anticipation.
Thanks to my talk with Carlisle and my siblings in the night and Esme this morning, I was feeling much lighter. There was still the worry, of course, which would undoubtedly remain until she was giving the full health sign, but now it was pushed back, no longer the main focus of my mind.
It was better just to think about the now and focus on one thing at a time and right now that was getting the girl to eat even just a little bit. With that thought, I strode up to the closed door and quietly turned the handle.
The angel looked up as I let the door drift shut behind me. A tiny smile twitched the corners of her lips when she saw me, the worry leaving her eyes as she relaxed. I guessed she had thought it was someone else, though I knew no one would enter without me, knowing how distrusting the girl was.
"Hey," I whispered in greeting, smiling as she blinked at me in a movement I was coming to recognise as her own personal greeting. Slowly, I moved over to the bed and took my usual position as her eyes followed my path across the room.
With my left hand, I carefully took hold of one of her smaller, more delicate ones and rubbed soothing circles into the smooth, pale skin on the back. My smile softened as I raised my other hand to run it through her hair, savouring the feel of the thick, brown lock flowing through my fingers.
The angel closed her eyes and smiled slightly at the motion. Her response encouraged me to continue my actions as I watched and listened attentively to her, making sure she wasn't getting stressed.
Her breathing was deep and even, perfectly relaxed as I held her hand silently. I didn't feel the need to talk, simply enjoying the peace and happiness I always felt when in her presence. Her silence as well made it easier for me to remain quiet and she didn't seem to mind, though I knew she was always interested or curious whenever I spoke.
It made me strangely pleased to know that she liked listening to me, to what I had to say, as if it was somehow important to her. Even when she had been afraid there was still that spark of interest in her chocolate eyes when I talked.
I couldn't explain the feeling I had whenever I was near her, the way even the thought of her made my heart lift with happiness. In all of my decades as a vampire I had never felt as I do now and I didn't know what to think about it.
One the one hand, I was happy and willing to enjoy the emotions evoked by her. But on the other, I was terrified of the effect this girl had on me. I had barely met her and I knew absolutely nothing about her, but she still managed to captivate me.
I looked down to her peaceful and beautiful face. Alice's words floated into my head again. You love her...I knew that I felt differently to her than to anyone else, including my family, but did that mean I loved her? No, I thought. Not yet, my mind retorted.
I cringed at myself. Even if I did fall in love with her, she wouldn't love me back. She could never love a monster like me. But if she did; what then? I shook my head, not allowing myself to entertain those thoughts. She was human and she deserved a proper life, once she was better.
For a moment I was overcome with self hatred, but then I remembered that she trusted me. For whatever reason, this angel had chosen to trust me when she had more than enough reason to never trust anyone again. Pride briefly flitted through me, warming my heart. It was me she trusted, I thought with wonder.
The hand that was absently running through her hair moved to cup her warm cheek, feeling the soft skin beneath my palm; like silk over glass. I liked the analogy, it showed how fragile yet precious she was, like a porcelain doll.
The girl opened her eyes and blinked at me with the subtle light of the life returning to her spirit glowing behind the deep brown colour. I smiled warmly at her and her eyes seemed to smile back while her lips merely twitched minutely.
Esme knocked at the door then, breaking me from the contact that had established between us. The angel immediately tensed as her eyes darted towards the door and the guard came up in her eyes, turning them flat.
"Shh," I comforted her, stroking her arm gently. She flicked her gaze back to me warily as I made soothing noises and I squeezed her hand to keep her attention on me. "You're fine," I whispered, "It's just my mother. She won't even come in if you don't want it, okay?"
She took a deep breath and released it as she nodded her head, her expression relieved. I realised that while she was trusting of me, others still made her cautious, especially those she hadn't met. Hopefully that would change with time, once she was physically better and could start healing properly.
I smiled again as I slipped off the bed, being careful not to jostle her too much, and opened the door to talk to my mother. Esme gave me a sad smile as I stepped outside. I knew she wanted to meet the girl, but she understood my reasons for not allowing her at the moment.
"I brought this up," she lifted the plate, "It's only one slice, but I cut it up into smaller pieces. Carlisle suggested that it would be easier for her to eat it that way."
"Thank you, Esme," I said gratefully. I was lucky to have someone so thoughtful in my life. She was definitely the perfect mother figure and I hoped that the angel would come to see that.
Esme handed me the plate while she glanced towards the partially opened bedroom door. "Poor thing," she murmured under her breath to herself, "She doesn't deserve to be in this condition. Whoever did this to her should pay in the fiery pits of hell."
I was shocked at her words, surprised that the usually caring woman would wish that on anyone, but I more than understood. I felt the same way and Esme was already seeing the girl as another child she was taking under her wing. She wanted to protect her and look after her.
"I know," I agreed. As I was turning to go back into the room, Carlisle called to me in his thoughts from downstairs. Edward, be careful with her. Don't try and force her to eat anything, if you can't persuade her. You're the only one she trusts and I don't want either of us to lose that connection; it's the only thing allowing us to get close to her.
"Of course," I answered for his benefit. I wouldn't force her to do anything anyway. I didn't think I could bear seeing her be forced to do something against her will, even if it was for her own good. But I knew if she didn't eat we would have to do something if we didn't want to lose her.
I ignored that last thought, not wanting to think about 'what if's' and instead said another thank you to Esme and went back to the angel.
She was lying exactly as I had left her and she looked up curiously when I entered. I saw her tentatively sniff the air and then give a wary look to the plate in my hand. Clearly, I wasn't going to be able to hide my intentions any longer, I thought as I sat on the edge of the bed, facing her.
"You need to eat to gain your strength, Angel," I explained softly, brushing her hair back with my hand. She squinted at me, looking pained as she shook her head. I was startled, not expecting her emphatic response, and then I was saddened; clearly this was not going to be easy.
"Please, Angel," I whispered, dropping my hand down to her arm so I could gently rub her shoulder. "Just a few bites," I said persuasively. If I could just get her to eat a small amount for now, it would be enough.
The girl stared at me for a moment, seeming dazed, but then she snapped out of it and shook her head again, turning to bury her head in the pillow. I recognised this as a way to avoid contact with me, to separate her from me, but I couldn't allow her to do that if I was going to try and help her.
Quickly, I put the plate down and rolled to lie beside her, stroking her hair. "Look at me, Angel," I said quietly. She trembled slightly, but after a moment she raised her head to stare at me with her desperate and miserable brown eyes. The pad of my thumb delicately traced her cheekbone and she closed her eyes.
I looked at her for a moment, evaluating her. "Why won't you eat, Angel?" I asked softly, keeping my hand running soothing motions over her skin. I suddenly thought of what had happened the last time she had eaten. Was that why? I wondered. "Is it because of last time?" I questioned hesitantly.
The angel opened her eyes and blinked once, turning to look at me fully. Slowly, she gave me a cautious nod. Happy that I knew the problem, I tried to reassure her. "It will get better," I soothed, stroking her hair again, "You just need to start eating slowly and let yourself adjust."
She didn't seem to agree as she just shook her head, letting out a defeated sigh and turning her head so the side of her face pressed into the pillow. Her eyes closed and my heart panged at how miserable and lonely she seemed.
"Please, Angel," I tried again, hoping I could persuade her gently, but she let out a small, unthreatening growl into the pillow cover as her shoulders slumped slightly. She looked so defeated, as she lay there, not even capable of defending herself or fighting me off if I decided to make her eat by any means necessary. Not that I would even dare try, my mother would rip me to pieces for even entertaining the thought.
How much had she been forced to suffer? I thought as I continued stroking my fingers through the girl's hair, trying to work out some way to make her feel better.
"I'm not going to force you to eat anything," I said finally, hooking my forefinger around her chin to gently turn her face in my direction. She peeked at me, seeing that I meant what I said, and then she gave a small smile in relief, her eyes glowing in a subtle way that made me lose my breath.
This girl did strange things to me, but I wasn't sure that I entirely disliked it. I only hoped that she could be made better. I prayed for it.
A/N: So here is the next chapter, for your reading pleasure!
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