Chapter 25 Mixed Emotions

Jasper's spoken thoughts on my angel being ordered not to speak, has me battling a vicious war inside my mind and body. Part of me wants to hunt down this unknown monster and rip him from limb from limb—slowly, painfully—I want so desperately to hear him beg me to stop and plead for his life. Knowing fully well that I would never stop or ease his horrific pain, I want to torture him to death, in the all the ways that he had tortured my angel.

Thankfully the seething rage growing inside me, matches the very inhuman, disturbing and very real possibilities in my mind, my imagination running amuck with so many painfully potential ideas.

The other parts of me want to run to her room and hold her close, trying to love...wait...what? Did I just seriously think about loving this girl? Back to health? Back to normal? Or as normal as she could, may become in the maybe not so distant future?

This new and shocking revaluation suddenly had me reeling and feeling very off kilter. It was not possible for this girl to love me back. It was even more impossible for me to love her. She had a family some place out in the world searching for her, grieving her absence, praying for her safe arrival, praying that she may still live. I had no right to love her. I had no right to keep her.

Suddenly I was no longer seething with rage, but filled with confusion, helplessness, self doubt and anger—anger directed at myself. I caught Jasper's questioning look at my new change in emotions, his thoughts trying to assess my sudden mood change. I couldn't be here right now. I couldn't face this girl again and fall even more in love with her than I already was...again with the 'L' word! I was starting to see it as a curse word, for crying out loud.

"Maybe, Edward can get the girl to talk?" Esme said suddenly, her thoughts filled with potential hope and joy that I would be the one to heal this poor creature. "She trusts Edward the most."

No! My mind screamed. I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs to never be near my angel again, to fall more in love—bloody hell! There I go again with the damn 'L' word—with her and endanger her even more than she was or could be or would even want to be in.

"Something tells me that Edward has rather suddenly, changed his mind about the girl," Jasper announces, ratting me out to everyone.

I want to deck him out, as all eyes turn to look at me, and I abruptly feel as though I have been put on display. If it were physically possible, I may very well be blushing with embarrassment. I glare at Jasper, sending a wave of disapproval and annoyance towards him. Of course he shrugs it off and grins at me.

"Edward?" Carlisle questions me, looking confused, and his thoughts in a jumble of a mess. "Is it true? Do you wish to no longer care for the girl?"

"I...am not one hundred percent certain that this course of action is the best way to proceed." I sound too formal and I know it. Rosalie snorts, shaking her head at me. "Esme and Alice can try and get the girl to speak and eat." With every word I say my mind is screaming at me to shut the hell up. Why was I doing this? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this wasn't right.

I needed her and she in turn needed me. But falling in love with her...it wasn't acceptable by any means.

"Edward's afraid of falling more in love with the girl than he already is!" Alice piped up and all eyes whipped to her. "I have had visions of Edward and the girl happy together, getting married, living out eternity together..."

"Enough!" I roar at my sister, who doesn't seem to have a shred of decency to look remotely remorseful of her actions. "It cannot be! She has a family and friends who are looking for her, hoping to bring her home!" I hiss furious with this sudden betrayal by my closest sister. "I will not be the one to take her away from that!"

A small rustling above our heads snaps me from my tyrant, and I am off and running toward the girls room before I can even ask myself, why I cared, when I had just snapped at Alice that I did not care...or at least tried not to care. Self-denial was a fickle emotion. That I soon grew to hate.

Not pausing to knock, I rush into the room to find my angel's face twisted in what looks like pain or sadness. A small whimper rises from her throat, and before I could even give myself permission to do so, I was laying by her side, on my side of the bed. Unthinkingly my fingers moved to her hair, softly brushing away the strands that had dared hide her face from me.

I sighed internally. It was a battle I knew I would never win. This tiny broken fragile girl owned my heart the minute I had looked into her eyes.

"Shh...Shh" I shushed her gently, my fingers running through her long silky locks. "It's alright angel, I'm here." I whisper softly enough to hopefully not wake her. A few seconds later my angle calms under my methodical soothing actions. I decided that instead of leaving her to her nightmares, I would stay lying next to her, and would fully explain myself when she awoke, if she turned out to be frightened or angry with my sudden presence.

I knew I was lost to this girl. Guilt and shame coursed through me, like a slow tortuous acid lingering in my dead and dried up veins, I could never leave my innocent angel to fend off the world without me. I made a solid promise you myself, never to doubt my feelings for my beautiful, fragile angel. Feeling cemented about all of my positive revelations, I began to plan on speaking with my father about getting the girl to try and feed with blood rather than human food. My plan was all for not, when I heard Alice squealing downstairs filling everyone in on my sudden but confident plans on feeding the girl.

Lost in my own musings, I hadn't realized the girl had woken and was now watching me with curious eyes. Her warm chocolate eyes boring into my fading gold eyes, I needed to hunt soon. "How are you feeling angel?" I ask her quietly, slipping my hand into her much smaller warm one. "I was so worried about you," I tell her again, letting her know my feelings are true and genuine.

The angel's cheeks tinge with pink and a small smile forms on her lips. I can't help but feel the small thrill I feel every time I get her to blush or smile at me. She blinks at me once and I know that she is letting me know that she is feeling better. My dead black heart strings give a gentle tug, knowing that it is me and only me that makes her smile so beautiful and innocently.

I think we should get her to feed sooner than later, Edward, My father's thoughts are gentle and cautious. I know he is afraid I might recoil altogether.

"Not tonight," I whisper to low for the girl to hear. "Tomorrow, after she has rested throughout the night and after I have hunted."

"Tomorrow it is," My father agrees, out loud for everyone to hear, and then adds silently, Will you hunt tonight then? Or early in the morning?

"Tonight. I will go, tonight."

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A/N: So who is so super stoked about the next chapter coming up? And how many of you wanted to slap Edward up the head for his lack of confidence issues?