He had parked the plane in the small stretch of land, hidden from all prying eyes. Part of him still amazed at what Couison had agreed to. Not only letting him go for a 3 day vacation, but also the use of a jet.

He walked through the Wyoming woods, and in his backpack was the remains of John Garret. What little was left. He had broken into Shields base and collected the remains. Without a doubt one of the most foolish risks he taken in his life. And that was saying something

When he had looked at the remains he had wanted to throw up, he had wanted to cry. And knowing that these remains were in his backpack, made him walk faster

Suddenly he was there. The place it had all began

Ward started climbing the rugged mountain, and the weather changed. Suddenly there was a thundercloud followed by hale and lightning. As if God himself was telling him to stop.

God or Garret. There was not even a choice. There had never been a choice

With bloody hands he slowly climbed the ragged rocks. For a moment he almost fell, it was only by luck that he held onto a protruding branch. As he looked at the darkness at the bottom. He realised how easy it would be to let go

A voice whispered "All human wisdom is contained in these two words - Wait and Hope' and he had no hope. But he climbed anyway. At the top of the mountain the weather relented as if to give in to his incessant need.

He then started digging with the foldable shovel he had carried and with trembling hands he grabbed Johns remains and placed them on the ground. Ward placed the dirt back on the remains. Breath heavy. From exhaustion or something else he could not tell

He spoke softly

'I never told them about you. Everything else sure. But never about you. They still think we met in the Shield Academy'

Then he sat down and opened the scotch bottle. Garrets favourite and started drinking.

'You were right about Coulson, the mans a soft touch. He still thinks i can be redeemed. But of course we both know that will never happen… and we both know why, don't we'

He was a fool speaking to a dead man. But who else could he talk to

'People who are redeemed all regret what they have done, and they would change the past if they could… I… I regret'

He drank

'I wouldn't change anything.' Ward spoke the terrifying secret he carried with him, whispering forbidden truths.

'Even if I knew the outcome. Even if i knew what my action would cost me. What they would cost others. I would still follow through'

He drank one more sip. Speaking words that he carried with him always

'I'm not a fool John, i know. I've always known you would kill me if it suited your purpose. And i know you never truly cared. Hell you left me in these woods for 5 goddamned years'

He drank. His bitter rage overcoming everything

'It was hard you know. I almost died from starvation before I became proficient in hunting. Ive forgotten the number of times I almost died from hyperthermia until I figured which trees were best to sleep on, where the caves were.

Another drink, and another. And another

'It was hard looking in the dark and imagining the predators staring back.'

Wards head was buzzing, unused to the strong alcohol

'I think the loneliness was the hardest… its funny how we come to prefer things that we once hated'

Ward sat in silence as minutes passed by and the sun almost set

'I am not a fool' Ward whispered

'You left me here, coming a few times in as many years, my only human contact. i did my research on Stockholm syndrome. On abuse. On cults. I know what you did John'

Another drink

'But it doesn't change anything. Does it'

'I will always owe you for what you did. For me. For my brother. For my sister'

Ward kept drinking the bottle until it was over

'Thats my greatest regret you know. Not that no matter how much I want to be redeemed, i will never be able to. Not that i destroyed Fitz mind, not that I took away Skye's innocence. Not even the fact that i pray for the day when HYDRA is defeated and I can end my life. My greatest regret John is that I never had the chance to repay you. You died John. And you took away my chance to pay you back. and I will always regret that.'

Ward slowly climbed down the mountain top, but before he did, he looked at the grave and whispered 'Thank you John'

Ward found a small cavern at the bottom of the mountain and slept

The next day Ward spent hunting. As he was cutting the animal for food he wondered what Skye would say. Which one he thought? The skye he first met would make some quip about him killing Bambi. The Skye of today, he had no idea.

A lifetime ago these woods had saved him. Through pain, hardship, hunger, loneliness. He had come back a stronger man. But maybe he was wrong in that thought like he was wrong in so many others. Maybe the old Grant Ward had died in these woods.

He went to the tree he placed his back on a lifetime ago, and just like then despite everything he learnt about survival Ward hugged his legs and tried to sleep. Just as it had on his first day in the woods so long ago it started raining. Full circle Grant thought

Grant stared at the puddle next to him,and spoke 'You know Ward, for someone who is claustrophobic, you should be enjoying this experience a lot more.'

And then he smiled a broken smile. What Skye had referred to his creepy smile. Well it was either smile or cry, and he didn't cry.

Yes he was claustrophobic. He had always been able to get through the emotions though, sometimes on the plane he could even forget. He could not forget in prison.

As minutes turned to hours and exhaustion overrode him he whispered to himself 'Keep your act together Ward. Soon HYDRA will be defeated. Soon you can finally be free.' Ward looked at his arms. And repeated 'Soon'

Unknown to him there had been chips placed on his clothes. Everything he had said and done from breaking into Shield and stealing John Garrets remains to his secrets had been recorded. Coulson looked at the laptop, with a broken expression on his face