Monster Party Book 1: I hunt there for I am!
Chapter Elven: There's a devil in the church, got a bullet in the chamber, and this is gonna hurt!
"Alex we have problems!" James Firecat called out as he came practically skidding into the room, just barely having the presence of mind to revert to human form before reentering Father Milhouse's sight.
"I know James, the Table of Life is proving every bit as hard to destroy as Doctor Fran predicted." His commander admitted.
"No we've got a lot bigger problems than that! You know how Father Milhouse's friends at dinner looked a little undead? Well I just ran into some of them who looked a lot undead!" He warned the group.
Almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth it was possible to hear the sound of moaning and approaching footsteps. A handful of figures dressed in blue robes struggled forward toward the Table of Life.
As the somewhat scarce light fell upon them, even with their hoods up it was possible to see that these monks no longer had faces, only glistening skulls with a few strips of ragged skin stretched across them.
"Why don't they look happy to see us?" Cal demanded bitterly as he brought up Phoenix wondering if it was better to risk Father Milhouse's wrath by firing, or those of his 'followers' by letting them getting closer.
Father Milhouse for his part seemed equally torn as he gazed upon his fellow monks.
"I can't even... I can't even tell who you used to be." He admitted, as the monks had clearly decayed to the point that it was impossible for a man who must have spent year after year alongside them to recognize them in their current state.
"Why didn't you warn us that there were members of your order that you hadn't seen in a while?" Devi demanded bitterly as she began to flex her fingers.
"Well some of them stopped showing up at meals, by then none of us needed to eat, so I simply assumed that they decided to seek the solitude of their cells or prayer..." The undead monk sighed.
"Do we have your permission, to defend ourselves?" Florence requested in a shockingly polite tone of voice for their situation.
Before their guide could answer, three of the skinless monks charged him and he was buried under a tide of blue cloaks.
The adventurers were momentarily stunned by the sudden burst of speed the decayed monks had proved capable of and were in no position to offer him assistance.
"I won't let it end this way!" One moment the portly monk had been pinned in place by some of his mindless followers, the next he was rising to his feet tossing them aside.
"Well damn, who knew he had it in him..." Cal admitted in shock.
"The Table of Life... it's warped their minds!" Father Milhouse cried out as the other two still standing monks began to try to tear him limb for limb.
There was almost delicate swishing sound, and then a severed arm flew through the air. Alexander was now at the holy man's side Wolf Claw gripped tightly in his hands.
"Cal, Devi grab the Table of Life! We need to fight a tactical retreat back to the surface!" He commanded as he managed to separate one mummified monk's head from his body.
That particular monk ceased to move, but unfortunately the trio who had been tossed aside were starting to regain their footing, and he could see more of them approaching.
"Why do I always have to carry this shit I'm not even that strong..." Cal muttered in anger as he wrapped his arms around the mystical artifact.
"Would you like a turn on the front lines instead?" Alexander offered as James and Florence joined him.
"Boss raises a good point Devi, remember lift with your legs not with your back!" Cal reflected as he seized the Table of Life.
Meanwhile James drew forth a dagger with either hand, and Florence held out her hands only to have a firm branch of quarterstaff like proportions rise up out of the rocky floor for her to arm herself with.
"I wish I knew exactly what the Table had done to them..." Father Milhouse muttered to himself as he studied the transformed faces of his former friends.
"Mummies tend to want to keep doing the same thing they did in life, they just forget the bigger picture. I think they want to protect the Table of Life... and don't remember that they should be trying to protect other people from it instead. So when I tried to cut it apart..." Alexander let his explanation trail off when he felt further words were unnecessary.
"By the way father Milhouse if you can still do that repelling undead thing priests are so famous for, now might be a real good time for it." Devi advised.
Father Milhouse reached into his robes and pulled forth an emblem of a figure clad in a blue robe with his hands clasped tightly around a small box.
"Brothers, sisters, remember your true calling!" He demanded an as he raised the symbol high.
The growing crowd of mindless undead monks went still, for the moment.
"Wow, can't believe it actually worked..." Devi muttered as she and Cal brought the relic to the somewhat more intact (if still deceased) monk's side.
Father Milhouse took a step forward, the horde of undead gathered around them took a step back.
"I can keep them at bay.. for now..." He groaned through gritted teeth.
The look of intense concentration on his face suggested that if he was still alive sweat would have been dripping down his face. Slowly but surely with an ever growing gathering of undead pressing close (but not too close) the group edged their way back towards the surface.
"I think... I think in retrospect... considering the circumstances... it might be better... if you took the Table of Life." Father Milhouse admitted as he gazed out at a see of faces whose eyes had long ago turn to dust.
"We'll be happy to relieve you of it, assuming we mange to survive this..." Alexander offered, clearly expecting the monks to resume their attack at any moment.
The group managed to just barely get back above ground before his arms began to slump and the holy symbol start to lower. Seconds before the undead mob that was following them could rush forward Alexander swung the heavy wooden double door shut in their faces.
"Florence!" He commanded.
The dryad placed her hands against the door, it began to warp and twist, altering itself so that it sat poorly in its frame, changed into a shape that would make it impossible to open. Then she let loose with another quick blessing to strengthen the wood and have it stand firm as long as it could.
"That will hold them for a bit, but even an ironwood door won't last long against that many undead, especially if..." As she explained there were a few resounding WHUMPS as the mindless monks beat on the door, but the door was only so wide and the ones who couldn't reach it still wanted a turn.
WHAM WHAM!
The others began to pound away way on the masonry which being made of carved stone Florence could not magically reinforce.
"Less talking more running?" Cal suggested eagerly.
"Less talking more running." Alexander agreed.
The six of them took off running following Father Milhouse who was proving much faster on his feet than one would have expected.
"Why aren't we going to the lift-house?" Cal demanded as soon as he realized that they were heading west rather than north.
"There are too many of them. Me and my brothers who remain true to our cause will not be able to hold it long enough for you to complete the journey down. You will need to exit the temple by another way." He explained.
"What about Mirri, we have to warn her!" James demanded.
Cal kept right on running.
"Yeah, I'm sure she's in so much danger from near mindless undead. I bet they'll pose a real threat to someone who can turn into a miniature fog-bank on command. It's those of us who are corporeal and want desperately to remain that way who I'm more worried about." The alchemist pointed acerbically.
Father Milhouse lead the group to a small section of the rocky mountain which had been cut away to make room for a stout wooden door with heavy bars laid across it.
"Make your way through here while I gather the rest of the order." He instructed them.
James began to raise the bars at once but he as he began to fiddle with the bolts he found it harder going.
"Oh come on, you once claimed you could pick locks while blindfolded, now you can't even get a door bared door open from the side its supposed to be opened from?" Cal demanded in exasperation.
Ignoring his jibes James continued to fiddle with the door.
"That's manipulation of tiny intricate tumblers, I'm good at that. This stupid door hasn't been used for so long, it's rusted shut! It's not a matter of delicate finger work, but main force!" James explained.
"Then stand back." Alexander insisted.
James did.
Wolf Claw slashed again.
The wooden door not being made of mystical indestructabilitium or whatever the Table of Life had been forged from was promptly reduced to kindling.
With the door out of the way the group streamed through the opening, and none too soon either as Father Milhouse was returning the room he had come from followed by all of the monks who had joined the adventures in the dinning hall.
"Just as well, we'll hold them for longer on the other side of where they'll get bottled up." He commanded observing the ruins of the door.
On the other side there was a very narrow winding trail and some very steep cliffs leading downward, though at least slightly less so than the ones near the lift.
"We'll buy you as much time as we can. You must make sure my fallen charges do not reclaim the Table of Life. You must find a way to what we never could, destroy it!" He demanded.
"Father..." Florence began but before the dryad could go any further he cut her off.
"My first death took me so subtly that I did not even realize it had come upon me. I intend for my second one to be far more befitting a man of my station. There is no end more fitting for a Guardian then giving his life to keep an evil artifact safe from those who would abuse it." He declared proudly.
"Great. He'll give us a head start, then all we have to do is run down a mountain trail without slipping to our deaths while being chased by bad guys who never get tired. We're really home free now!" Cal cackled seeming to define some perverse delight in his pessimism.
"We're not running..." His leader insisted.
"Oh great, so we're going to throw our lot in with the monks and get slaughtered by mummies? Didn't you hear the part about how he wants us to get away with the Table of Life? It's like a blessed quest at this point!" The blond haired man reminded Alexander.
"We're getting away, but we're not going to run. Devi, I've got a plan..." Alexander Diamondclaw ordered.
XXX XXX XXX
"Rope, never go on adventure with out it." Devi reflected as she bound herself tightly to the Table.
The roar of the decrepit monks and the sounds of their footfalls grew closer.
"I'll praise your brilliance once we get to the bottom of the cliff, I promise." Cal swore before he bucked his hips forward and the others began to do so in time with him.
The Table of Life began to skid down the face of the cliff like the world's roughest sled ride, and without the cushioning factor of snow either.
Bumps were many and despite the discomfort they brought with them almost cherished for the fact that they at least did something to slow the table's progress. They were about halfway down the mountainside when Alexander spotted that escape might not be so easy as he first imagined.
"The lift!" He pointed in shock.
Clearly the withered monks were not quite so mindless as one might expect, as they must have remained enough of their wits to still operate the device which was now granting so of them a much less brutal journey down from the top of the mountain.
"We're never gonna be able to outrun them back to Doctor Fran's place lugging this huge table all the way!" James lamented.
"We won't have to." Cal assured him.
Shifting awkwardly given the somewhat confining nature of the situation Cal managed to free Phoenix from its strap.
"Devi take my reading glasses." He instructed the elf.
She awkwardly reached around and undid the straps lifting the lenses from Cal's face as he raised the weapon to his shoulder's and then looked down the sights.
He watched and waited for the better part of twenty seconds, eager for the next major bump to occur, and in its wake he reacquired his target and fired.
Phoenix's roar sounded louder than ever, but the table's swift progress carried them away from the sound's wake in mere moments.
"Did you actually hit anything?" Alexander insisted, being in the front of the table he had focus on doing what little anyone could to steer the mystical artifact on its wild journey down the mountainside.
"Just wait for it Boss!" Cal predicted keeping his eyes tightly focused on the lift that was still descending downwards, if anything it was starting to pick up speed.
The lift accelerated more and more as the chord that supported it left horribly frayed by Cal's shot began to unravel more and more. Being little more than skin and bones the undead monks were not that heavy, but there were heavy enough.
The "snap" sound was too soft for any of the adventurers to hear, but it didn't matter.
All of them could see (even Alexander out of the corner of his eye) that those monks on board the lift were suddenly in for an even rougher ride than those they were chasing. The lift was no longer being lowered to the ground instead it was in free fall accelerating with every passing second until it reached one of two possible fates, terminal velocity, or the ground.
It was hard to say which came first, but the latter certainly had a more lasting impact upon the lift and its occupants.
Having cut off from the most obvious source of pursuit there was no further signs of the the undead monks giving chase and the group managed to ride the table to the bottom of the cliff in relative peace from that point on.
Once the table finally slid to a stop James promptly began to start undoing his restraints right before Mirri (who sure enough had floated down in her vaporous form then returned to a more solid one) tackled him and pressed him firmly back against the table.
"Oh no you don't. Remember what Father Milhouse said, it's the Table of Life not the table of invulnerability." She reminded the werecat.
The alchemist nodded in agreement as he began to rummage at his remaining potions, glad to see that the special containers he'd had made for them had managed to withstand the rigors of the recent trip.
"That's right. I highly suggest each of you take at least one of these..." He removed a pair of bottles from his belt each one filled to the brim with strange translucent liquid which smelled like over distilled liquor.
"When it comes to mending skin, knitting broken bones and otherwise healing wounds this stuff is as good as it gets. For example right now I do believe I have three... make that four broken ribs..." Cal popped the cap off and drank deeply from the bottle.
"Not anymore though, I highly suggest anyone who doesn't want to fall over dead the moment they step off of this table chug a lug." He handed out potions and everyone drank.
"So did you have fun?" Mirri asked, clearly already knowing the answer.
"Tons. In fact, I'm going to start riding mystical artifacts down the sides of mountains for the sheer joy of it all the time once we get back to civilization!" Cal boasted, refusing to let Mirri be the only one to stretch their sarcasm muscles at the moment.
XXX XXX XXX
With the lift shattered, Father Milhouse and his companions holding the narrow pass leading down from the monastery the mindless monks would not be catching up to the Table of Life any time soon. None the less, swapping who was carried relic between them the group beat a double time march back to Doctor Fran's estate. He was overjoyed to see them again so soon and had Felix and Orson whip up a second dinner just for them.
XXX XXX XXX
"My master needs to see you." Felix poked his head up at the edge of the small sanctuary Florence had made and spoke just as Alexander was starting to remove the outer layer of his clothing.
"Of course he does." The silver haired man reflected.
"I don't suppose he told you why?" Alexander ruminated feeling certain that he already knew the answer.
"No, it was most unusual. One moment he was examining the Table of Life, the next he was practically dancing around the lab and told me that I needed to bring you to him with all possible haste." The man in dark red explained.
"No rest for the wicked, and no pleasure for the virtuous." Alexander muttered, planting a soft kiss on his dryad companion's lips before slowly rising to his feet and following Felix back toward the estate.
XXX XXX XXX
"So what did you consider so important that it could not wait until a more reasonable hour to discuss?" Alexander asked a touch irritated by having his private time with Florence interrupted.
"Well it's quite simple Mr. Diamondraw, does this rag smell like ether to you?" No sooner had Francis Vaster misremembered Alexander's name once again then Felix struck from behind slamming the chemical coated rag across the adventurer's face.
Almost instantly his vision went blurry and his knees went weak. As Alexander fell to the floor having been taken by completely by surprise by this treachery he resisted with the only show of defiance he could still manage, extending the middle digit of each hand upwards, objecting to both Doctor Fran's betrayal and his sense of humor.
Chapter Eleven Author Notes: CLIFFHANGER!
I'll have some things to Father Milhouse and his monks, but I'm going to save that for "reflections on the adventure" notes I'm going to throw up when all is said and done. For now, the good news is I have the next chapter almost completely written so won't be left in suspense for that long.