Chapter V: Amor et melle et felle est fecundissmismus (Airport / Namimori / Current Day)
A/N: This was a painful chapter to write because I hate hurting people emotionally. No one wants to be the person set aside when their lover chooses someone else. However for things to progress while maintaining honor, this chapter had to happen. So I hope you find it as bittersweet as I did.
ADVERTISEMENT: I am seeking new beta readers as mine are no longer truly available to work on this story. So if you have a solid grasp of the English language, know your commas, know your homonyms and can retain the history of the story line so far and know when you need to fact check, I'd love to invite you on board for the rest of Ex Umbra in Solem and the several stories to follow.
FEEDBACK: Your comments lately have me all fired up to write whenever I can. So please feel free to comment and let me know how you're enjoying the story so far. I'm in a place where I could really use the emotional boost, as well.
Although it was something he'd never admit to, not even on pain of death, Reborn was feeling slightly unsteady as he left Tsuna at the airport and walked into the terminal to meet Bianchi's flight. It didn't show in his confident stride or the arrogance that shone from his eyes, but it was there inside him. Things had been changing around him in unexpected ways over the past few months. While he was proud of the way Tsuna had been growing and maturing lately, the addition of this new emotional connection between them was throwing Reborn off balance.
Reborn could acknowledge to himself that he was hopelessly attached to Tsuna, but he'd never imagined it would work itself out like this. Tsuna had been a favored student, maybe even a beloved pet in some ways. Certainly he was someone to torture and entertain himself with as he trained him up to be a proper boss. He had planned to keep an eye on him for quite a while to come, in much the same way he'd watched over Timoteo and Iemitsu when they were young.
His entire perspective had changed when he'd watched that bullet rip through Tsuna's body, tearing him open in a spray of blood. It had stunned him, how dark the world had gone around him as he'd watched Tsuna falter for a long moment and then fall from the sky in front of him. The mix of rage and helplessness that had swamped him at that moment was something he never wanted to experience again.
To this day Reborn didn't remember calling on the power inside himself that had changed his form so quickly, something that normally would have caused him extreme amounts of pain. His world had narrowed down to the sight of Tsuna struggling to get up and come to him, only to slip on his own blood and fall back down again. Then it had become a blur of his own power flowing out of him and into Tsuna.
If Reborn was honest with himself, he'd also admit that he didn't remember healing Tsuna at all. What he remembered was fear, overwhelming panic and a desperate need to make the blood stop. Reborn had never been squeamish and he'd never been afraid of taking a wound himself if it meant getting the job done. That alone would have made it clear to him on later reflection that his emotional attachment to Tsuna was more than just a normal teacher and student relationship. The kiss between them however had made any need to reflect on those emotions unnecessary. By the time his energy had faded and he'd collapsed with Tsuna, Reborn had been very well aware of just how firmly ensnared he was.
It drove him insane in some ways, as he worked his way through understanding and accepting these feelings. Reborn was by his very nature territorial and possessive, often in a dangerous manner. His bonds with Timoteo and Iemitsu had helped him focus that part of his nature by protecting the Vongola and their allies, allowing him a sense of guardianship over their Family. In that time, however, he'd never had to share anything he chose to properly mark as his. This attachment to Tsuna was straining every emotional resource Reborn had, because while he was smart enough to assess and understand the level of Tsuna's love for him, Tsuna would never really be entirely Reborn's. He would always have to share him with the other dangerous, violent men that Tsuna drew to his side so effortlessly and unintentionally.
While it was petty of him, Reborn was glad that Tsuna was leaving home. There would be a place where, at least at night, Tsuna's attention would be his and his alone. He wouldn't have to share those nights with the younger children as he often did now, and he'd already made plans to discourage the older boys from sleeping over too often. Cursed body or not, there was no way in hell that he would sleep in another room while one of these impudent brats claimed time with his Tsuna in what would also be his home.
Reborn understood that it was unlikely that Tsuna's growing intimacy with the others would ever truly fade. He'd been Vongola through a few generations now, after all, and the pattern had held true with each of the bosses he'd watched. He knew how tightly those bonds formed between a boss and their Guardians. That didn't mean he had to be agreeable to the idea of letting them sleep over in a bed Reborn claimed as his, and he wasn't going to be. If they wanted to be close to Tsuna, they'd find a way to work around his restrictions and Reborn could handle that. It wasn't like he was well-known for monogamy either, after all.
No matter how lost in these thoughts he was at the moment, however, Reborn wasn't foolish enough to let his guard down. So he was prepared when Bianchi strolled casually out of the gate and caught sight of him waiting for her by a window. As young as Bianchi was, she was a talented killer and he'd trained her well and aggressively from the time she'd begun showering him with gifts while still a young child. With what he'd come to talk to her about, he'd need to keep his eyes open and make no mistakes.
"Reborn," Bianchi almost seemed to flinch slightly at the sight of him, which he hadn't been expecting. He watched as she gathered her thoughts and emotions and then made her way over to him. "I wasn't expecting to see you here. You must have missed me, after all."
He realized with her words how careless he'd been about allowing her infatuation to grow. It had started out as something small and innocent, a game to entertain himself with while offering comfort to a child. She'd been a hurt and lonely little girl with a father who was infatuated with someone new and had no idea how to communicate with this small female child his late wife had left him. Reborn had spotted her at a Vongola gathering, hiding in a corner and playing alone with a doll, ignored by the adults around her.
It was rare of Reborn to offer anyone comfort, but there had been something about that little girl that had tugged at his own memories of being so different from the other children around him. If anyone understood the difference in social standing that power created, it was Reborn. So he'd joined her and struck up a casual conversation, asking about her family, school and other things a child her age would understand and know how to share.
She had been so obviously grateful for the attention that he'd made a small effort every now and then to drop in on her family and visit while conducting business for Timoteo. The growing talent in her was obvious and he'd found nothing wrong with helping her learn how to use her skills. He had to admit some part of him had enjoyed the attention she'd showered him with as a child, making gifts for him and always looking so happy to see him. It was a rare human connection for Reborn, and one that didn't involve the business of the Family.
Reborn had been there for her when Hayato had first appeared in her life, and he knew for a fact just how much Bianchi truly adored her little brother. He knew about every photo album and video she'd made, documenting Hayato's childhood over the years. He'd been proud because he felt in some way that by being there for her when she was young, he'd given her the strength to love this new addition to her family.
When she'd fallen in love for the first time with that ridiculous idiot of a boy, Reborn had pulled back slightly. No matter how young the boy was, Reborn's reputation in the mafia world was in every way overwhelming. He'd wanted Bianchi to have the chance to blossom into romance and love without tainting the experience by making the boy fear him. His temper had exploded when he'd heard the boy had been cheating on her, but she'd taken care of it before Reborn had even managed to make it into town to deal with the boy appropriately.
That was when he'd made his first real mistake, Reborn realized. She'd become infatuated with the idea of his coming to her rescue. Reborn had been frustrated with dealing with the curse and flattered by the attention, happy for the distraction. It had seemed harmless to let her indulge herself in the crush and it had been soothing to his ego.
Now, however, he realized how cruel he'd been by indulging her for so long. As he glanced at her standing in front of him, he saw uncertainty and nervousness. It was obvious that Tsuna's plan to distract Bianchi had been somewhat successful, because there were shadows of guilt and pain in her eyes. Looking her over thoughtfully, he decided that Tsuna may have been more successful than he'd planned because there was a new sense of maturity to Bianchi that gave him some idea of just how far Lancia had gotten in getting to know her.
"I thought we should talk," Reborn said, hopping down from the windowsill to walk beside her, leading her towards the exit.
It was almost as though she flinched at the words, although Bianchi was too much of a professional to show her nervousness so obviously. It was the way her hand moved up to her neck to cover a mark that only the most discerning eyes would have ever spotted that clued him in fully. Tsuna had been fully successful in baiting Bianchi and now she was struggling with the emotional impact of that. It made him want to smack Tsuna soundly and he promised himself he'd put the boy through a round of training he'd never forget for causing Bianchi pain. No matter how jealous Tsuna was, Bianchi was a good and gentle person at heart and didn't deserve the pain her current confusion was causing her.
"I was going to head straight home," she said, smiling down at him through her nerves. "Did you miss me so much that you couldn't wait?" He could see the hope and fear glimmering in her eyes as she spoke.
"I was going to tell you the truth, Bianchi," Reborn said, gesturing for her to follow him as they left the airport and he flagged down the driver he'd arranged for the ride home. "I thought it was best to do it before you got to the house."
She waited until they were settled in the back of the limousine and the privacy partition was up before replying, "The truth about what, Reborn?"
"It's time for me to let you go, Bianchi," Reborn told her, looking at her directly. No matter how much he wanted to avoid causing her pain, he would not be a coward about this or do her the dishonor of refusing to look her in the eyes while he did. "I've indulged both you and myself with this, but it's not right. Even if I wasn't trapped by this curse Bianchi, I could never be the person you need me to be."
"That's not true, Reborn!" Bianchi leaned closer to him, sliding her arms around him almost desperately and pulling him close, using her size and his to manipulate him into her lap so that she could hold him tightly against her body. "I've always understood the limitations you're under with your curse, my love. It would never change the way I feel about you."
"But a handsome young man would," Reborn replied, patting her cheek gently. "And there's no reason to tear yourself up inside for wanting to spend time with one." He gave her a knowing look. "I can see the end of my physical limitations coming in the reasonable future, Bianchi. As much as I care about you and I'll always be here for you, you won't be the person I turn to when that happens. I have someone else I'll turn to when I have my full body back." With a graceful movement, he slipped from her lap and back to his position on the car seat.
Bianchi flushed and pulled away from him fully, and he could see her moods flickering between shame, rage and pain. He was proud when she didn't react explosively and he watched as she thought her way through what he'd said and her own feelings. There was a slightly frosty edge in her eyes as she looked at him when she spoke again.
"It's him, isn't it?" she asked, her voice trembling. "It's always been him, ever since you came to Japan. The minute you set eyes on him I lost any chance I'd ever had." Her breath caught on a repressed sob. "I wish you'd never been sent here to teach him! I should have killed him then."
"I wouldn't have allowed you to, Bianchi," Reborn said softly, his chest clenching slightly at the sight of her pain. "Tsuna was my responsibility. It was my job to guide and teach him."
"If he wasn't in the way, we wouldn't be having this conversation," she snapped at him. "Everything would be okay!"
"This isn't Tsuna's fault." Reborn straightened slightly, giving her a sharp look of warning. "And before you get any funny ideas in that pretty head of yours, you'd do well to remember all that he's done for you and Hayato both over the past few years. Tsuna would never want to bring you pain, Bianchi. He loves you like a sister. Be angry with me if you have to, but if you do anything to upset Tsuna I'll intervene and I promise that it won't be pretty."
"Why are you constantly protecting him?" Bianchi's eyes were full of tears now, and he could see the temper blossoming behind the pain. "Why is he so much more important to you than I ever have been? What can he give you that I can't? Why is it okay to hurt me, and not him?" She was shaking and it tore at him to see her like this.
Watching her, Reborn debated on how to answer her questions. There was the surface answer that revolved around passion, need and love, but that was the kind of attachment in many ways that Bianchi had formed for him. It was a shallow commitment that he knew she'd heal from before long. So out of respect for the child who'd been so sweet and the woman who'd helped him in so many ways, he gave her the absolute truth.
"He is the only one who can leash the monster inside me," Reborn told her bluntly, meeting her eyes again. "There are all kinds of killers in the mafia world and there are many sorts of warriors, Bianchi. Then there are the monsters that are so dangerous and so destructive that the only way to control them is to chain them down in some way. To cripple them in some manner that limits them somehow. The monster in me wants to obey him in every way, no matter how much it pisses me off sometimes." It was dark and nauseating to acknowledge, but also painfully true. "And my leash isn't the only one Tsuna holds. It's just the most dangerous. You're a smart girl. You can see the others he's bending to his will without even realizing it."
"You're not a monster," Bianchi protested, but he could see the knowledge in her eyes as her clever mind rolled what he'd said around over and over again. Bianchi slumped back against the car seat as her mind came up with the facts. "You mean Mukuro, don't you? You're not like him, Reborn. He's insane."
"I'm exactly like him," Reborn told her, slightly amused now. "Mukuro isn't the only one who has attacked the Vongola in the past. Just because I haven't done it lately doesn't mean I wouldn't for the right reasons. But it's not just Mukuro either."
"You mean Xanxus, right? There was no good reason for him to come here while Tsuna was hurt, or for him to stay so long." Bianchi's tears welled up again. "But you know that Tsuna was with him, then, right? It's all over the main house in Italy now. Even the maids are talking about it, that they had sex. That Xanxus had the honor of teaching the Tenth Vongola the pleasures of the bed. How can you love him like that, if he can't even be loyal to you? He wasn't even willing to wait for you, Reborn! He whored himself out to Xanxus to lose his virginity, and he's practically sleeping with all of them!"
"I do mean Xanxus," Reborn nodded, ignoring the clear attempt to provoke him, "and Kyoya as well. Slowly but surely, one by one, Tsuna's enemies find themselves serving him, whether they meant to or not. I'm not even sure they understand why yet."
"So because Tsuna's strong, you're all right with him whoring himself out to draw them in?" Bianchi was practically glowing with jealousy.
That was sheer temper on her part and while Reborn understood her anger, his patience had limits and before he realized it he was taking aim at her, Leon a hard, metallic and dangerous weight in his hand. Reborn could feel the moment she realized exactly what he was willing to do to her and it broke something inside him to watch her crumble emotionally in front of him. He let Leon return to the brim of his fedora as Bianchi curled up on the seat, arms wrapping around her knees as she trembled.
"Tsuna is the boss I'll serve for the rest of his life and quite possibly my own," Reborn said calmly, not caring at the moment how dangerous his aura may seem to her. "And I will serve him in every way that he needs me to. I may not like having to share him, Bianchi, but at least Tsuna is honest and open with me about it." He nodded towards the mark on her neck, indicating his awareness of what she'd been doing while still in Italy. "He respects me enough to give me a choice. My need for him is more important than locking him away from the other people who need him just as much."
The car pulled to a stop in front of the Sawada house and Reborn decided to end this now before it devolved into a brutal cycle of accusations and hurt. "Bianchi, I enjoyed the time we spent together and it means a lot to me. But it's time for this to end. It's time for you to look for someone else to give you what you really need. You deserve to be happy, and I would never make you truly happy."
Leaving her in the car, Reborn hopped out and made his way towards the house. He was about to open the door when Nana opened it for him, looking down at him in surprise. Normally he would have some suave greeting for her or a bit of flattery, but at the moment he was too raw and unbalanced. Reborn had a moment of deep insight into the source of Tsuna's gentle nature when Nana's expression softened quickly. He watched her look over to the car and notice Bianchi before she crouched down to meet his eyes properly.
"I'll take care of this, Reborn," she said, reaching out to touch his cheek gently. "A woman's tears are something that you share with another woman. Why don't you go inside? Tsuna's in his room, finishing his packing. You can make sure he hasn't forgotten anything important. You know how he can be."
Nodding in relief, Reborn pulled himself together and made his way inside, leaving Bianchi to Nana. Making his way upstairs, he was relieved to find Tsuna alone and sprawled out on the bed. Everything was packed but what they'd need for the night and that helped to soothe Reborn. Setting his hat and jacket on the desk chair, Reborn hopped up onto the bed to join him, sitting on the pillow next to his head.
If Bianchi had managed to make him doubt his choice in any way, the smile Tsuna gave him would have blown those doubts away in an instant. Not having any doubts anyway, it warmed Reborn just the same and he couldn't help but return the smile with a small one of his own. He watched Tsuna give him the same gentle look that Nana had given him and saw the understanding in his eyes.
"Welcome back," Tsuna said, rolling onto his side to fully face Reborn. "I was hoping you'd be home soon."
Reborn appreciated the way that Tsuna didn't ask about how things had gone, or what had happened. There was concern in Tsuna's eyes but it was counterbalanced by an inherent trust in Reborn to tell him if there was something wrong, and an understanding that some things were too painful to talk about right away. Because of that, Reborn allowed himself to relax further.
"I'm supposed to make sure you haven't forgotten to pack anything important," he informed Tsuna as he leaned back to lounge properly on the pillow. "Mama thinks I should check up on you." It was his way of telling Tsuna that Nana was handling things with Bianchi now and that they'd be undisturbed for a while. He could see that Tsuna understood what he was saying without words.
"I haven't forgotten anything. Anything that's left now, I'm leaving for the kids," Tsuna informed him, yawning slightly, "so that they don't have to go through my boxes and steal what they want to keep."
"Well, if you're sure." Reborn reached out to pat Tsuna on the top of his head in quiet approval. "I had most of my things moved yesterday, so we'll just have your boxes to handle in the morning. I'll arrange for transportation tonight."
"Thank you, Reborn." Tsuna snuggled a bit deeper into the mattress. "I'll miss being at home, but it's for the best."
Watching him thoughtfully, Reborn let himself pet Tsuna slowly, his small hand running through Tsuna's hair over and over again. When Tsuna smiled again, eyes slipping closed as he practically purred at the petting, Reborn couldn't help but melt a little inside. As much as today had hurt, it had been worth it. Tsuna was his, after all, and he needed to start looking to the future and leaving the past where it belonged.
"We have time for a nap before dinner," Tsuna mumbled sleepily, yawning again.
"A nap is a good idea," Reborn replied, shifting a little to get comfortable on the pillow.
Tsuna didn't answer him verbally, but a sleepy arm came up and curled around him gently. He considered whacking Tsuna for getting clingy, but then gentle fingers slid into his hair and now he was the one being petted. Deciding that he could handle clingy if there was petting involved, Reborn echoed Tsuna's next yawn and drifted slowly towards sleep as Tsuna snuggled him closer. The world could wait a little longer while they slept.
*Title translates to "love is rich with both honey and venom".