I really don't know how to thank you for all the lovely reviews I have received! Thank you so much, they really did make me happy. Here's the next chapter and I hope you're going to like it. I'm sorry for any mistakes that are still in there. Oh and happy new year! :)

As quickly as Regina had been out of the bed, she was in it again. And she knew that there was no chance that anybody would let her leave now. Frustrated she took the blanket and put it over her body.

She had been helpless many times in her life but there had always been a way for her to escape. A very long time ago she used to ride, then things changed and she started hurting people. But most of the time she just went to a place where she could think without needing to worry that someone would interrupt her. That's also what she wanted right now. A place to think. To center herself, to understand what all this meant. But she didn't have it which made her anxious and mad – a dangerous mixture. Her face reflected quite well that she wasn't content with the situation. Therefore Emma and Whale tried to talk to her as reasonable as possible.

"We're going to do a few tests to see what's wrong with you."

Whale explained and she simply nodded. It wouldn't make much sense to tell them that they wouldn't find anything. At least nothing that could be fixed. Furthermore she knew that those tests would take some time and she had never been the most patient person and right now her patience was even smaller than usually.
Besides she felt that she needed to go to the bathroom quite urgently but at the same time she was too proud to ask for it.

Whale waited for a moment expecting Regina to say something but when the Brunette didn't show any further reactions, he gave Emma a quick look and a shrug and left the room.

As soon as he was out of the room, Emma moved next to her side and eyed her suspiciously.

"So what's wrong with you?"

Regina sighed. The woman could be a real pain in the ass and she just confirmed it once again. Additionally she couldn't imagine that the Blonde was really interested in her. Why should she be? She proved it yesterday when she said that she wasn't sure whether it was a good idea that Henry would visit Regina although Emma knew very well that Regina needed him. Somehow he was literally the oxygen she needed and yet Emma took him away from her just as she had done ever since she had arrived in Storybrooke.

"Miss Swan, I didn't ask you to talk. Besides, how am I supposed to know? I'm just as surprised as you are."

She lied. But she had her reasons although Emma would probably not be able to understand them. Not to mention that the Blonde most likely didn't even want to comprehend them.

"You're lying, I can feel it."

Regina tensed for a second before she recognized that this didn't mean anything. Emma probably knew that she wasn't telling the truth but nothing more. Moreover she was convinced that the Blonde just tried to get information out of her to be able to tell them everyone else later and Regina would be damned if she supported this. So she did what she always did – she made use of her sass.

"Really? How about that one: you're not welcome here."

Regina made a point with the statement by lifting an eyebrow and rolling her eyes right after it as though Emma would be too dumb to understand anyway.

"Seriously? I spent the entire night here just because you decided to have some kind of breakdown and to scare the kid to death."

Emma snapped back and looked at her as if Regina had gone completely insane.

Regina's face instead turned slightly red as she heard Emma mentioning how scared Henry had been. She hadn't wanted to scare him and to make him worry even more in general because she knew that she already was a burden to him. If Regina had been alone, she probably would have cried by now. This was far away from her happy ending and just as she thought about this, her anger hit her hard. Who was that woman to snap at her like that?

"Do you think I did that on purpose? May I remind you that I would never intentionally hurt Henry! I've been his mother for the past ten years and I took care of him while you were gone."

It was the truth.

In a certain way what Regina had just said was true and she knew that it hurt Emma because the Blonde couldn't deny that Regina was right. So Regina always ended up in saying those words knowing that she would scare away Emma with it. She didn't want and she didn't need her here.

"You know what? Just fuck you."

With a loud slam of the door Emma left the room. Henry, who was just about to get back, was captured by Emma before he could do or say anything else. Wide eyed Regina watched as they left. A small "no" left her lips. She hadn't wanted Emma to be here but Henry was an entirely different story and now he was gone as well. She should have known it. Of course Emma wouldn't let him be with her after what she had just said to her.

She felt the tears coming up and blinked them away. Now was not the time to cry, she had to be strong. But the sorrowfulness that hit her was intense and she started digging her nails into her flesh. She felt like it didn't matter what she would do; it would always come back to her in the wrong way.

Just as Emma and Henry walked around the corner, Whale entered the room again.

"Oh, Emma's gone?"

So many possible responses went through Regina's mind in this moment however she decided for the one that would sound the least aggressive but meaningful though.

"None of your business."

Further questions of Whale were silenced with Regina's deadly glares. She didn't want to think about Emma anymore and consequently not about Henry because it hurt her too much. And exactly this kind of hurt nobody was supposed to see and Whale of all people the least.

"Very well. I've ordered some tests. A nurse is going to take you to the right places."

Regina nodded very slowly but remembered what she had meant to ask. Not ask. Say. She wouldn't ask to do anything. Particularly because she felt embarrassed about it.

"I need to go to the bathroom first."

"Well, then, I will call a nurse immediately so that she can help you."

Taken aback Regina looked at Whale. Had he just really suggested that she would go to the bathroom with a nurse? He could hardly be serious.

"What? No, no… no! I can handle myself perfectly fine."

"Regina. You can't walk." Whale insisted.

Regina's mouth opened and closed again. This was not only bold of him to say but harassing – at least to her. Surely he was right but she didn't want to confess this.

"No! I can walk at least a little bit and it will be enough for me to go to the bathroom – alone"

To make her statement clear enough, she swung her legs out of the bed and gave him a provocative glare. There was no way she would go to the bathroom with someone else.

"You made five steps the last time – to the bathroom are at least twenty and then you need to –"

Harshly Regina interrupted him.

"I know by myself what I need to do in a bathroom when I want to use the toilet! And I can take it."

She stood up and gathered her hospital gown around her. He wouldn't stop her and it was her right to go to the Bathroom. Even though Storybrooke was different from other cities, the basic rights didn't change.

"Do you feel ashamed?"

"What?!"

Regina kept wondering whether she was really taking part in this conversation or if it was a simple dream. Or better yet a nightmare.

"Do you feel ashamed? A lot of people do when they need help with such personal matters."

"What – I- no – I just think that I'm able to do this on my own."

She stuttered. Deep down she knew that he was right. Of course she was ashamed. It wasn't like she was afraid to show her body in general, god forbid, but this was more… personal and no - she shook her head slightly. Why was she even trying to explain herself?

"And what are you going to do if you –"

She interrupted him once again. This was getting more and more pointless.

"Nothing will happen in there."

"But –"

"No."

This time she almost screamed. He was getting on her nerves and more importantly he frustrated her. She had never been one of those who at least didn't try at first and even when things weren't working out kept trying on their own.

"At least take a walking frame with you. It will help if you should have problems though."

She sighed. She had always thought Miss Swan was the most stubborn person she had ever met but Whale was about to demonstrate the opposite.

"I don't need it."

"I'm not going to let you go to the bathroom without it."

The Brunette looked at him in disbelieve… he probably would represent a good clown with his jokes but right now he was just being pathetic and he was making a complete fool out of himself. Just as she was, unfortunately.

"And what? You let me… do a mess here?"

She asked and sat down again. She couldn't stand for a very long time and Whale obviously made a point in showing this to her. But it wouldn't change her mind.

"Well my dear, that's the deal, I guess. The nurses are used to fix such messes."

If she had had her magic, she would have hurt him by now.

"Are we really having this conversation?"

"Yes, so?"

Realizing that he wouldn't give in at all, she sighted a last time. Her only chance would be to give in at least a little. Besides there wouldn't be a person with her in the bathroom, it would be just her and the walking frame.

"Fine. Give it to me."

Whale looked absolutely pleased with him. He went out and brought the walking frame into the room putting it in front of her.
As if Regina hadn't been pissed before, his smiling face took it to a new level and she spit the next words out with as much hate as possible but without thinking much about it beforehand.

"Oh and Doctor? You might try to seem competent but we both know you're not. We both know what you did to me and don't you even start to believe that I forgave you."

"Regina…"

She gave him a warning glare before she stood up and headed towards the bathroom. She hadn't thought about Daniel in a while – no that was a lie – she had thought a lot about him but she had made it to a challenge to stop that. At some point she needed to forget him but the truth was that she didn't actually want to. Her legs quivered and Regina needed an incredible strength to not give in. She needed to concentrate on the present.

Just as she went by the chair with her clothes on it, she took them and walked into the bathroom but not without holding her head high and wearing a queen-like-smile.

But as soon as the bathroom door was closed, her entire appearance fell and her legs almost gave in before she had the chance to hold herself. The Doctor had been right that she didn't have the energy to do all this on her own but her pride forbad her to ask for help. The help she would have received wouldn't have been a kind but a forced one after all and that was the last thing she needed.

She blocked the door. She would do this on her own and prove them all wrong.

As she tried to make a few steps forwards, she felt like there was no way she could ever do it. Her legs were heavy and they hurt in a way, she had never felt before. It was a subliminal pain that wasn't pulsative but constantly there. Moreover it couldn't be described as a cramp but she would have gladly taken one because cramps ended at one point. However this, she apprehended, wouldn't end as long as she didn't get some rest.

A small cry of pain escaped her mouth as she tried to make another step forward. She wasn't one to admit discomfort but this situation was different and she knew that although she probably would be able to hold her face while being in company but when being alone, she wouldn't be able to do the same. Because this pain added to the pain she had already been in before was too much to bear for her over a longer period. She hated to admit it, she really did loathe it, but she was just a human being like everyone else.

Now she stood directly in front of the toilet which she opened and after ordering her clothes sat down on.

The pain that was introduced to her then, hurt just as much as the other one but she took it with relief anyway. But it only lasted for a moment and the ache she had felt previously came back. She closed her eyes for a second attempting to get used to the pain and to accept it. It can't be too hard, she told herself, she had done it multiple times.

Nonetheless all the new impressions were overwhelming.

As she was ready to stand up, she noticed that the toilet was incredibly low. Even with the grip on her right side and the walking frame in front of her, she didn't have enough space to push herself up especially as her legs weren't strong enough to hold her. She turned her body to the right side flushing the toilet and then grabbing the grip with her right hand. Her other hand reached for the walking frame. She tried to lift herself up with all the power she had but it didn't work.

Both the walking frame and the grip were too high and toilet too low. This meant that she didn't know how to lift herself up when her legs wouldn't do some of the work and help her.

If she had her magic right now, this wouldn't be a problem but she didn't have it. Because some foolish person took it away from her.

It took all her mental strength not to cry out and she took a deep breath.

But then Henry came back into her mind and the tears started coming back. She had wanted him to be here but just because … because she had been mean to Emma he wasn't here anymore. It wasn't fair. And she felt so lonely.

She suddenly regretted having snapped at Emma. She hadn't wanted the Blonde to be here but she could have told her in a nicer way. The point was: she could have but she hadn't done it. She rubbed over her face. She needed to apologize to Emma and to fix things but as long as she sat here that would be barely possible.

She tried to think about something else – for example getting up but then it occurred to her that she could put on her tights and her skirt meanwhile because she wouldn't be able to do that once she was up – and if she got up.

She removed the hospital gown being thankful that she was still wearing her underwear. Putting on the tights wasn't as easy as she thought though. Once she lifted one leg, she almost fell down because her other leg couldn't hold her. It took her about five more minutes to find the right balance to pull one leg into the tights and another five minutes for the other one. Tautologically she did this with the skirt. After that she put her blouse on, this was thankfully just as easy as always.

Just as she had somewhat ordered her clothes, she heard Whale calling for her.

"I'm all right, I just need my time."

Regina said in order to not give him the wrong expression and send someone in. She would be ready to kill if he did that.

Right in this moment she wished that she would have been more thankful before this happened. Being able to handle oneself couldn't be taken for granted at all. She made a mental note to appreciate her body and her flexibility, if it came back, more often.
However she couldn't think about this right now. It was far more important for her to finally get up.

Again she grabbed the grip and the walking frame, thank god that she had taken it but she would never admit that to Whale, and pulled herself up which ended in another - more or less fatal - situation. Her body lay over the walking frame while her legs kept quivering and doing whatever they thought would fit best.

A "you've got to be kidding me" crossed her mind before she tried to steady her legs. Regina couldn't say how much time passed but she was sweating and coughing as she was finally standing on her legs having lifted herself up with her arms somehow while feeling like she would break them. Slowly she pulled her tights and her skirt up, closed the toilet behind her and walked towards the basin.

She washed and dried her hands before she took a look in the mirror.

Whether it was her hair, her make-up or her entire appearance that scared the hell out of her, she couldn't really tell but at least she couldn't remember the last time she had looked that bad.

In the first instance she ordered her clothes until they looked alright in some degree. Secondly she went with her fingers through her hair, trying to smooth it. It didn't work out as she had imagined but better than nothing she thought.
Her make-up couldn't be saved so she just tried to remove the leftovers. The final look in the mirror didn't satisfy her but at least she looked a little bit more like herself.

Or not – crossed her mind and before she could have done anything about it, a small cry similar to the one she had experienced some moments ago, escaped her mouth. This wasn't her and certainly not someone she wanted to be.

Her entire life she had tried to be independent and now she was weak and she had no idea how she was supposed to live if this remained permanent.
Maybe it wouldn't be a constant thing, maybe something could be done about it … but the hope she had had when she woke up, had kindly said goodbye. She certainly didn't know every spell but she knew most of them and she had never heard of one that could do this. Specifically one that also took her magic was a mystery to her.

If she hadn't been one before, without her magic and not being able to walk properly, she had become a real walking target.

She felt like her head was exploding. There were too many thoughts, and most of the time she couldn't organize and process them appropriately. Henry. She – no, she told herself. She needed to be in the here and now and what had happened about half an hour ago was the past which she couldn't change right now but perhaps later.

For a second time she heard Whale calling for her, so she took another breath, put on a well-practiced smile and opened the door. She would never show Whale what she was truly feeling nor would she show most of the other citizens of Storybrooke.

"Regina, are you all right, it seemed to me…"

"Save it. Can we start the tests now?"

She snapped not being in the mood for another senseless conversation with Whale. The last one they had would fill her requirements relating to absurd talks for the next years.

Whale nodded eyeing her before he slightly shook his head.

"It wouldn't have been necessary to dress up."

She gave him another warning glare and he changed the topic.

"You need to sit down here."

He showed the wheelchair to her and her lips went into a thin line but without another comment she sat down in it. In the end she would have only looked like an idiot if she had tried to go to the tests on her own.

A nurse brought her to several tests, each one being more bothersome and when she was brought back to her room two hours later, all she wanted was a coffee and some time on her own. Luckily this didn't represent a huge problem and Regina spent the next five hours on her own thinking about everything and nothing.

From her point of view life had taken a very twisted turn for her once again and she wondered why that was. She had lost her true love twice, each time bringing more betrayal with it, she had had to marry someone she hadn't loved, she hadn't had a mother that loved her, and generally every time when she had found happiness, it had been ripped from her seconds later and now her entire self was taken away from her as well.

Who was she? A nobody? No. She was Regina Mills. The Queen. No. She was the idiot now who couldn't take care of herself anymore.

Then it hit her.

She also wouldn't be able to take care of Henry. The others would finally have a proper reason to keep him away from her. For a moment she felt like she couldn't breathe and tears started to build up again. The amount of times she had almost started to cry the past months was not acceptable anymore.

But this was about Henry and losing him. Losing her little prince. She had done everything for him and to be happy with him. All the effort had been for nothing. No – she thought, he is a smart child and she made him to the person he is right now. The person who hates her, she remembered next and the grief set in again.

No matter how she tried to see things, they always turned into the wrong direction. But maybe that was her price which she needed to pay. The price of having been evil for too long.

She had thought about simply leaving the hospital but had to realize that it wouldn't work. People would notice her if she wanted it or not.

Furthermore she had thought about her magic. She had managed to live without it over twenty-eight years, why did she need it so desperately now? She had gone to therapy to get away from it and yet here she was driving crazy because she didn't have it anymore. It was such a huge contradiction which she couldn't explain to anyone, not even herself. Of course it would be easier to handle things with magic specifically as her flexibility was limited for now but it worked for other people as well. Yes, she had always been an exception in such kind of things but perhaps this was her punishment.

Her cruel punishment.

The feelings she went through in those five hours were a pure roller coaster – from anger to sadness to disbelief to grief to carelessness again to anger.

She wished that she had someone to talk to; someone who would simply listen to her because all she wanted to do right now was to spill it all out. The keeping-it-all-secret-thing wasn't one of her favorite things anymore and if she considered it more accurately it had never been.

But why had she kept doing it? Because there was no one to trust. Really? Yes. Sure? No. Maybe if she had tried, if she… if she hadn't been so scared. But she had been and she still was, no matter what she did. Fear had been her only friend.

Oh the irony.

When the five hours were over, Whale entered the room, he didn't look all too happy but Regina hadn't expected something else.

"Regina, we've got the results of the test and what can I say…"

She rolled her eyes. He could stop with the drama, she wasn't a child. She could take things… more or less.

"You didn't find anything."

She clarified and he nodded slowly.

"Well, we know for sure that something seems to be off with your neurotransmissions. But we can't say why."

Regina nodded. It didn't surprise her that they didn't find any real causes. Magic didn't leave any visible traces most of the time.

"Thank you Doctor for your… help but I think this means that I can go home now."

She said and meant it. There was no real reason for her to stay here any longer. Besides it would be more dangerous if she was here. Or not. At home she would be alone and… no. She wanted to go home.

"Regina… you can't walk, your house does have stairs – how do you think you will come along there. And a few more tests would be necessary as well"

Another sigh. Why did people always call her decisions into question? If she said that she wanted to go home, she surely wouldn't change her mind in the next second because that wasn't who she was.

But who am I?
Startled by her own mind, it took her a moment to answer but as soon as she had recollected herself, her answer was just as Regina-like as always.

"The point isn't how I will come along but that I'm going to come along at all which is the case and as far as I know you can't keep me here."

They both knew he couldn't. It probably was unusual to let a patient whose diagnosis wasn't sure yet and who had just learnt that he couldn't walk, go but Regina wasn't a person to go along the usual things.

"This isn't a good idea."

Whale explained and she shook her head slightly.

"You don't get to decide what a good idea is and what not."

He didn't need to know more. He had to respect her wish.

"If your wish is going home…"

Wondering if Emma had infected him with dumbness, Regina only responded.

"It is."

Defeated Whale nodded.

"I will call a transporter that will take you home. You can take the wheelchair and walking frame from the hospital for now until you've received your personal produced ones."

Regina was about to say that she wouldn't need them but she stopped herself. There was no point in arguing. And she wanted to go home as soon as possible. Fighting with him would only cost her precious time.

Whale left the room again and moments later two men entered that wanted to bring her home. Although she was uncomfortable in needing help, she let herself carry out of the hospital.

The drive to her home wasn't all too long and the two men even brought her into the house helping her overcome the first few steps so that she was safely located in the first floor.

As they were gone, she turned herself a little bit and thought about what she should do next. She was hungry but this part would need to wait. First of all she had to try to find out what kind of spell had hurt her. She would need her mother's book.

Her mother was another quite complicated story. She wondered where Cora was right now and if she still tried to come to Storybrooke. Regina hoped that she would never see her mother again.

She shook her head slightly to concentrate on the more significant thing right now: the spell.

But then she remembered that the book that probably would be most useful was in her bedroom because she had taken it up there a week ago to read in it.
Regina eyed the stairs and clenched her fists.

Well, I certainly hope that you're going to leave a review again? :) I would love to know what you think about the chapter and whether you're content with the way I described Reginas struggle.
I know that to some of you my writing must seem a little crazy and chaotic but I thought since this is written in Regina's POV and she is confused like a lot, it would only fit. Tell me though if it bothers you. :)